WA WA - Sky Metalwala, 2, Bellevue, 6 Nov 2011 - # 6

cc81 said:

I came onto this board on either Monday or Tuesday and that picture was there with the face blocked.

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I remember looking at it earlier, and it wasn't blocked. I don't know exactly when that was, though.

Janeumayer said:

When I was a teen my parents divorced. We were poor and could only afford a one bedroom rental. I slept in the only bedroom and my mom and 4 year old brother slept together on a fold out sofa bed. This is what appears to me to be the case in these pictures. Do we know if they lived in a studio or 1 bedroom apartment?

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Actually through out the marriage they lived quite well. Not only a nice home but a condo as well. As her sickness evolved and the economy changed both were lost. I still hang on to the thought that Julia had the "white picket fence syndrome" at an early age instilled by possibly immigrating and seeking a better life? I wonder if OCD is genetic? I know other mental illnesses are, but is OCD learned or both genetic and learned?

Not sure if this is relevant but in looking for the floorplans to match up with photos would the fact that according to the declaration they moved repeatedly back and forth back and forth back and forth and then some due to Julia's wants/desires in her feeling comfortable with her illness??

I've not been able to look at the hundreds of photos(still via mobile these days) so I'm not sure at all what time frame the pictures are that are being compared with floorplans.. It could be a period of time that would not be relevant to The extreme back and forth moving that was done repeatedly solely for Julia's "comfort level"..

But just wanted to put that info out there..

I wasnt kidding when I said I have OCD about safety. It doesnt interfere with my caring for my kids though, other than at times I miss out on enjoying the experience because I am doing these ridiculous "risk-assessments" in my head. When my kids do something like play on the stairs, every scenario in which they could be hurt start rolling though my mind. I find myself telling them not to do it because they will "insert whatever weird scenario I think up and die" I have to watch myself so I dont transfer my anxieties on to them. When I get into a car I think I could wreck, pass out, have a random seizure with the kids in the car. I have to catch myself and literally tell myself to chill out. Sometimes I can only laugh because I KNOW how irrational the thoughts are.

The worst part of it is just as I fall to sleep at night. I imagine my kids getting into accident. Getting hit by cars, falling out of windows...I hate that part.

The times that my kids have been hurt I nearly pass out. My son busted his head on the dresser a few years ago. We both almost went to 911. I was so embarrassed at the panic attack. It really is my worst fear, for them to be hurt.

I think I just look like a "nervous nilly" or a helicopter mom ...at least I hope. lol So, I shared my quirk. Dont judge me! (kidding) OCD comes in many forms. I would say that mine is on the lighter side because behavior therapy works for me. Coping skills and a really awesome sense of humor!

I read this book a few years back, and keep thinking of it as far as JB goes. Yes, she has documented mental illness, but does that exclude her from being a true sociopath? The two horrors may not be mutually exlusive. Any of the psych professionals/social workers on this board want to throw in their 10 cents?

The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout

Finally caught up with the threads . . . just some things I noticed in the flickr pics were:
1) It appears that many of the pics maybe were taken at a large great room available @ many of the nicer apt buildings. Pics of M****'s 4th birthday were uploaded mid Dec. 2010 and look as if this was an alternative to someone's home (JMO).

I am a little stunned at the toys available for the children . . . I see numerous girl toys but very few "boy" toys. Now doesn't really mean much except that more toys were purchased (available/affordable?) for their daughter.

OK I am a little embarrased to say that I tried vacuuming in straight lines today . . . the pictures of the layout the furniture (or lack of it) in her home makes sense to me now. There is no way I could vacuum straight lines when my coffee table is in the center without rearranging the furniture each time. Furthermore, I have to have my sofa a little squankis (not sure if that is a real word) otherwise the living room is just too boring for me. I kept wanting to go back over the vacuum lines in different directions so I knew I got all of the dirt (maybe that is my OCD) . . . .anyway dare ya to try it!

I have just read Solomon's declaration and am absolutely flabbergasted..how awful for all of them. This woman clearly needs help and from reading that you can tell he hasn't made it all up!

As a child of a mother who suffered from postnatal depression, (suspected) bi-polar disorder and VERY severe depression (including several suicide attempts) I cannot even begin to tell you how much of an important role a father can play in situations like this!

It makes me so sad for Sky and little M to know that they were denied the stability and love their father has to offer. Many people are surprised at how well adjusted me and my siblings are- despite what we have been through and I believe that is all down to the love and stability my Dad has always provided us. Even when my parents divorced we stayed in the care of my Dad and I wholeheartedly believe that the only reason we have a good relationship with our Mum now is because we always had him to fall back on as a safe place.

So so sad... you can already see the damage this situation has caused M- that is going to impact her for the rest of her life!
By the way I know not all Father's are perfect but from all I have learned about Solomon I believe him to be a more than suitable caregiver for these children!

Re: floorplans the 1 bedroom loft looks likely. The single door in the kid room matches the exterior of the lofts, because those doors open to patios. Also that thing to the right of the kitchen could be the stairway of the 1 bedroom loft.

It's not a perfect fit but it's the closest. The door with the pane above it was the tip off. Given the liberties the layouts of each floor will take, could be a possibility.

Magdalyn said:

After reading through Dad's entire declaration, I'm utterly heartbroken for this family. What a mess. I agree with what others have said. I see no deception from the father. In fact, it looked like he was doing everything he could, and the system failed him, and the children. In a way, it also failed Julia, I suppose.

A side note: I have a hard time imagining, if Julia and the children lived with her mother through some of this, that Julia's mother had no idea how sick Julia really was. Yet she went along with Julia, it seems? Cindy Anthony anyone?

Anyway, to me, it seems equally as likely that either poor Sky died as a result of being neglected (either as result of an accident during the marathon mediation, or through lack of care, possibly through some illness in the last week) OR, after the mediation went in a way Julia didn't like, she felt the complulsion to do something drastic to 'get even' with the father.

I also think that's why Dad's polygraph was inconclusive. I think deep down he 'knows' Sky is dead. Doesn't know how or where or when. He just knows.

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BBM. The first poly dad took after Sky disappeared was inconclusive. Last I recall is the results of the second poly have not been released and Dads atty stated he had a few things to iron out with LE prior to releasing the results.

I don't believe the general public knows the results of dads second poly since Sky's disappearance.

Coldpizza said:

Actually through out the marriage they lived quite well. Not only a nice home but a condo as well. As her sickness evolved and the economy changed both were lost. I still hang on to the thought that Julia had the "white picket fence syndrome" at an early age instilled by possibly immigrating and seeking a better life? I wonder if OCD is genetic? I know other mental illnesses are, but is OCD learned or both genetic and learned?

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I think what all of us on the board cannot get past is a mother not putting her children's needs first. Life is choices and the most important of all is to give your child the best start in life you possibly can. I remember Ann Rule was asked if she would do a book about Susan Smith and she said NO. Ann felt one on Diane Downs was enough. Now that's coming from Ann Rule who is one pretty tough cookie ....and even she doesn't have the stomach to do research and write another book on a mother killing her children. MOO

The laws that need changing are....if you need meds to function safely as to not harm yourself or others....and, you refuse to take those meds.....then you get locked up. Horror stories about insane asylums have caused such fear that these dangerous people are allowed to run amok among us. Makes no sense.

Rougelatete said:

I'm mostly entertaining the theory of psychotic break because I'm having trouble explaining why one child disappeared and the other didn't. If it was a true accident, she could have reported it. Other theories that do not include psychotic break are: JB neglected the children for a very long period of time (during the mediation?) and Sky met with a sad fate during that time which she would be blamed for and I also entertain the idea that she purposefully killed Sky because he's a male child (possible reasons include: SM was closer to him and she wanted to punish SM, he looked too much like SM, or that she preferred her daughter for various reasons).

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I so appreciate your insight. The longer this case continues though without either a confession or a suicide attempt I lean away from this being a psychotic filicide.

China Arnold murdered her month old infant while her 6 and 8 year old survived. The older children had different fathers to the infant. Her boyfriend expressed concern that he doubted paternity of the baby. It is theorised China Arnold murdered her child in an act of rare revenge filicide. (Much like your punishment theory.)

It is actually more common to see multiple victims in psychotic filicides than non-psychotic ironically enough. The highest risk age group to be victims of maternal filicide are between 0-4 years.

I think it obvious to many here that JB absolutely doted on M while Sky seemed an afterthought (from the outside looking in anyway). My children are 20 months apart. My daughter was so very wanted, my pregnancy was a breeze and I practically worshiped her from the moment of conception. Fast forward to her first birthday and I was in preparations to leave my abusive husband when I found out I was pregnant again. I was mortified, had a horrible, high-risk pregnancy, resented having another child and was diagnosed with PPD after his birth. I could not bond with him. I was so angry...not at him but at feeling forced to stay in a terrible situation. While I was never abusive towards him I definitely saw him as an added burden. (I hate admitting that.)

SM has stated Sky was not planned. I wonder if JB felt that same type of resentment. While the children ultimately became pawns I wonder if at some point JB believed having Sky would save a doomed marriage. When it didn't perhaps Sky became the target for her resentment. JMO - Sorry for the long post!

ETA: My little baby boy will be 10 in 2 weeks! We had a very rough start of it but I am so grateful to have him to love. He even still lets me kiss him...as long as his friends aren't within a 3 mile radius.

I am very fearful for this little girl, MM..Julia IMO for whatever reasons did not form the natural mother/child bond with either of her children, not just Sky but very much the same with MM.. Her total and complete disconnect from the child when she was even very young by her refusal to even attempt nor even be bothered with meeting ANY OF MM's EVEN MOST BASIC NEEDS SUCH AS FEEDING!!.. the small toddler then forced to sleep til 2pm so that Julia would have no responsibility of caring for her child and when she would awake in the afternoon the father was called upon (while working to earn the only income for the family) to meet his daughter basic need of being hungry.. It is this schedule and his having to establish an arrangement that would allow for him to ensure his child's well being led to his hiring an employee when the funds obviously were not there to do so.. This allowing him to leave in the afternoons and get to the home to pick up his daughter and take her to eat at a place he found to the healthiest choice for her in restaurants.. They not allowed back in the home til the midnight hours.. Julia had zero connection to MM and refused to be responsible for anything whatsoever in the child's life..

It seems at that point there was the deterioration of Julia to the point that suicide became an issue and at that point Solomon sought help thru using the authorities as well as medical treatment.. Seems as tho temporarily there was marked improvement tho, just as with many mental illness patients they soon refuse to take meds which it very much seems that thru that small window of time that there was that temporary upswing of improvement that this is when little Sky was conceived and that by the time of his birth it definitely seems as tho Julia had spiraled quickly out of control with her now not being able to meet the needs of either her toddler or her infant baby boy.. This was when the OCD was at such an extreme that dad and the children were only allowed in the home in the extremely late night hours and that once allowed inside they had to all 3 await only in the foyer until receiving the permission of Julia to each one at a time walk directly into the bathroom change out of their clothes and prepare for bed, Solomon was last to be allowed in the bathroom to change for bed to where Solomon, MM, and Sky were only allowed to go into the living room where they all had to sleep on the living room room floor due to Julia's having deemed the perfectly made beds as "the perfect place" which meant they were not allowed to be touched much less slept on.. So the 3 slept in LR floor, while Julia stayed up all night washing the separate loads of each of the 3 of theirs clothes as they were made to wear the exact clothes everyday that Julia would wash every night, separately as she had forbidden allowance into the clothing closets as she had them specially arranged and deemed as untouchable, do not open!! While they all slept on the floor at night Julia stayed up doing the loads of laundry as well as scouring the entire square inch of the bathroom she had allowed each of them one by one to change clothes and prepare for bed on the LR floor..

Julia had zero part in meeting even the most bare and basic needs of her children.. It was only when she was hospitalized and SOlomon and the children spent time away from Julia that he realized that he must protect his children from having to go back to living like that.. After her out of the hospital refusing to follow the suggested treatments Solomon then began the dissolution of marriage and was not in any way whatsoever attempting to keep custody away from Julia at all.. Seems as tho she was living with her mom and Shelby throughout these times and that's where Solomon would take the children to spend their time with their mom.. This is when mom developed the extremely abusive relationship with MM and began the use of the courts to punish and destroy Solomon.. It was only then that Julia ever even had a part in raising the children she birthed and sadly that was not due to her love of the children it was due to finding that MM was the most excellent tool at her disposal to absolutely not only strike out at Solomon inflicting severe pain but ultimately to destroy Solomon by using his very own little girl.. Complete with accusations of physical as well as sexual abuse and Julia even inflicting wounds/bruises to document Solomon's having physically abused both MM and Sky.. MM had been very well trained by mommy with elaborate "skits" of screaming amd wailing against anything related to dad and the little girl knew when to turn it on and off and was rewarded with elaborate toys such as dollhouses from Mommy as a reward for her performing so very well as mommy had taught her to..

I say to you MM has been abused by this evil monster and has scars and wounds that are so profound her mind will not even know nor comprehend for many many years into adulthood.. What has been done to her is severe and will be of great pain and create a multitude of very severe problems and issues for this little girl her whole life long.. I pray to God that her treatment has already begun while in states custody.. With what little is known about the truly atrocious abuses this little girl has suffered at mommy's hand can one even imagine what she has suffered in this past entire year of 2011 where mommy has had complete and isolated custody of this little girl and her baby brother, extremely reclusive with little if any interaction with any other human beings.. As any who have read the declaration know that there is severe dysfunction in Julia and her mothers severely ill interaction or semblance of mother/daughter relationship.. MM is in desperate need of love, stability, nurturing, and patience throughout what will be the next many years of therapy that is her future.. Thankfully I believe if there is any such parent with these skills and extreme patience and unconditional love, I believe it to be this little GIRL's daddy, Solomon Metalwala.. They will be in my prayers for many years to come..

MizStery said:

I think what all of us on the board cannot get past is a mother not putting her children's needs first. Life is choices and the most important of all is to give your child the best start in life you possibly can. I remember Ann Rule was asked if she would do a book about Susan Smith and she said NO. Ann felt one on Diane Dows was enough. Now that's coming from Ann Rule who is one pretty tough cookie ....and even she doesn't have the stomach to do research and write another book on a mother killing her children. MOO

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Yes and No. OCD tends to run in families but as I understand it, not proven genetic. I have what is referred to as Obsessive Compulsive Attention Deficit Disorder. It means I have the best of both worlds but mostly is means I hyper focus. My son and brother both have ADD. My mom and sister are bi-polar. Fun times at Christmas! OCD behaviors can absolutely be learned and I think that late onset OCD is triggered by a traumatic event.

Almost every sentence evokes a question or statement. I'm still just wow, I can't believe I'm reading this.
One statement struck me, to paraphrase we got to the point where we wore the same thing everyday.

That would explain why what S.. was wearing that day he went missing was seemingly the same as the photo from earlier. Just a little different. It's like she DID not want to mess up what she had organized so she just laundered and mixed and matched the same clothing.

Cubby said:

GMAB, she is much too devastated for her self, likely suffering from OCD regarding the repercussions she is soon to face. :boohoo:

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She may well be devastated by the loss of M*****. SM stated in the declaration that mom had an unnatural attachment to M*****, who has now been taken from mom against mom's will. That could well send her over the edge in a way the loss of Sky wouldn't. Mom was all helpful to LE at first, answering questions, driving with them along the route she took, etc. But when they took M**** and mom knew she wasn't getting her back, she suddenly became too "distraught" to do anything apparently.

So sorry Little Dude. You should have been safely with your daddy but you weren’t. I have lost hope but would love to be proven wrong.

Amster said:

I think she has some mental disorders, but, she's not mentally ill....like can't be held responsible mentally ill. I think she's just mainly mean.

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Really (no disprespect intended here) does it matter? Assuming the mental illness thing is correct, had she recieved the proper diagnosis and the mental health care she needed she might well be healthy today, her family (including her husband) together and intact, her son alive and thriving.

That did not happen.

Thanks for your thoughtful posts.. Everyone.

CharlestonGal said:

She may well be devastated by the loss of M*****. SM stated in the declaration that mom had an unnatural attachment to M*****, who has now been taken from mom against mom's will. That could well send her over the edge in a way the loss of Sky wouldn't. Mom was all helpful to LE at first, answering questions, driving with them along the route she took, etc. But when they took M**** and mom knew she wasn't getting her back, she suddenly became too "distraught" to do anything apparently.

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Will agree that if she is distraught now, it is more likely over losing her daughter than whatever happened to Sky. She obviously didn't think ahead far enough with her scenario to realize that by stating she left one child in the car, who is now missing, that she could lose the other one. At any rate, no matter even if she were to start cooperating more fully with LE at this point, would she be getting her daughter back. Enough to cause suicidal ideations again?

:waitasec:

MOO