I have not gone through any kind of abuse like you have. I am so sorry to hear you had to endure that, and I can only imagine that the emotional healing would be incredibly hard.
My experience is different, yet may shed some light on SM's "behavior".
My husband and I lost our son to SIDS on September 1, 1987. He was 7 1/2 weeks old at the time. My husband and I were working on CPR when the EMT's arrived. Thankfully I was surrounded by a grief support group through my school where I was a teacher and terrific social workers. I learned that I was able to grieve any way I wanted to, and that all people do it their own unique way.
It was insinuated to me that: I was too stoic (didn't show my emotions enough), I showed pictures of my baby too much, etc. If I had not been through the grief support group, etc., this would have made me feel crazy, bad mother, etc.
However, no one saw my husband and I at home when one of us would break down and the other had to pull the other one up.
We had just moved into a new home right when our baby was born. And this new house is where he died. I could not move back to the house for a year. My husband and I lived at my parents' house during that year after losing our baby. The sense of death was absolutely physical for me. It was like a force pushing me a way. It was brought to my attention that some people thought THIS was a wrong way to grieve, too.
I became pregnant 3 monthe after we lost our baby. This new baby is our miracle baby (she is 23 years old now (-: ) because she made it possible to look forward to life again. I would be lying if I said suicide had not crossed my mind in the months after our son's death, and before we got pregnant.
I remembered answering a best friend when she asked," How do you get through this?" I told her I knew my baby was up in heaven with God, and he was being taken care of even better than if he were on earth. I am not mentioning this to proselytize, but only to explain my OWN experience.
Again, I am only stating this experience to maybe give insight somewhat into what SM is going through. No, he may not have actually lost his son, but his son is not physically with him, and a grieving process is still progressing. If HIS religion is giving him some kind of peace, I am thankful for that.
IMO