Every Mother's Worst Nightmare!
How I found out my daughter Aundria "Alexis" Bowman was missing
Born on June 23, 1974 as Alexis Badger; 7lbs at Charity Hospital New Orleans; LA. She was very much wanted and very much LOVED. I was married for a few years before I had her. When she was 5 months old; I found myself single and homeless. I traveled back to my mothers house with Alexis. I had planned to spend the holidays there. When Alexis and I arrived; I found out that my mother had cancer and her prognosis was poor. My world fell apart within days. There was no way Alexis and I could stay at my mothers; she was barely putting food on the table for my 5 siblings that were under 17.
At some point; adoption was mentioned by my mother. I was in no shape to even process what was happening due to my marriage ending the way it did then finding my mother at death's door. I was promised she would have a better life in a 2 parent household with parents that could provide what they said I could not. They all told me I would fail before I even tried. Back then, we didn't have public assistance like there is now. My ex barely worked; the support usually fell on me. I knew nothing about child support and if I would be able to get it; how do you get it from someone who doesn't work?
She was adopted from Catholic Charities in Virginia in 1975 during the lowest point of my life. I went through my adult life feeling like a piece of me had been ripped out. It has taken me years to process the events that happened back then. You never forget the child you didn't raise; especially since adoption was NEVER an option for me. Her birthday and holiday's like Mother's Day were especially painful; I don't know how I survived with a huge piece of me missing. I hoped to one day find her but there were no replies on any of my entries on adoption reunion sites. I never expected what happened next.
On April 1, 2010 Virginia Human Services (not the actual adoption agency) sent me this letter
" Dear Ms. _____, I am writing this letter to get in touch with you regarding a very important matter. I tried to reach you at *advertiser censored*-*advertiser censored*-XXXX. Please contact me at your earliest convenience at *advertiser censored*-*advertiser censored*-XXXX. or
Name@norfolk.gov I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely, Name MSW Supervisor, Norfolk Dept Human Services.
I was over joyed... For a few minutes, I remember feeling very aware of everything... I remember the colors of the room and my reflection in the mirror as I went from happy to shock I guess. I went numb. Totally numb. I had just gotten back from the gym and I was feeling so great. I had moved from Gloucester Mass to get away from the cold because I was in a car accident that caused me so much injury to my back and neck... So I was finally almost "OK" for the first time in my life and then the letter came. It took me awhile to accept that anything like this could happen to anyone much less to my little baby girl. I think once I got over the numb it was immediate anger.
I called the number given in the letter and was told by the Director of the above agency that an officer had come with the news of Alexis vanishing and the details surrounding it. Virginia law would not allow him to get in touch with me. She would have to do it. The law restricted her from telling me who the detective was and what my daughters adopted name was.
How do I describe any feelings that I had? How does one process information like this? Horrified. Devastated. It felt like someone stabbed me in my heart; then ripped it out. Repeat for what has now been 3 very long and extremely painful years. NIGHTMARE. I've been in a 3 year long NIGHTMARE that I can't wake up from.
I was in such a state of shock and panic that I could not do anything. My husband put it upon himself to find the information we needed. He found her missing person information listed on the Allegan Co. web site. I called the detective from Holland PD; he wouldn't really tell me anything except that they needed my DNA and that the investigation stalled due to lack of money. I was horrified that they needed my DNA in case they found her BONES!! The detective didn't say bones but he implied it!
My DNA was collected in Gloucester, Mass on July 4, 2010. They mailed it to the University of Texas to be processed. In August 2010 while using Google to see what I could find, I ran into a YouTube video of Aundria's photo superimposed with a Racine Wisconsin Jane Doe's morgue photo. I saw a very strong resemblance and I called Michigan, trying to get them compared. To say I was freaking out is an understatement!
Not knowing what to do next, I made a Classmates.com profile for Aundria hoping to get in touch with someone who knew her. I ended up meeting Carl, the man that made the video of Aundria and Racine Doe. He told me Racine Doe's story via email; how she had been brutally tortured before dying from her injuries. He put me in touch with the detective in charge of her case. It seemed like everything took forever & I was getting nowhere!
How do I come to terms with this? Where is the self help book on this one? Who can I share this story with in hopes to ease my pain? How could I want for company?! It would mean wishing this on another human being. I could NOT do that. Ever.
May 11, 2011 I drove to Michigan for the March For The Missing. I met a lady from the NCMEC that took care of Racine Jane Doe being compared to Aundria but since Aundria resembles Racine Doe so much; it has not eased my mind. To this day; it haunts me so much that I am NOT 100% sure she is NOT Aundria. Aundria is NOT officially listed as a rule out on Racine Jane Doe's NamUs profile; which is a constant reminder that their DNA is NOT in the system. So I am left wondering if everyone did what they told me they did. All one has to do is google and you will see what I mean!
I then move on to other Jane Doe's; one in California who told people her name was Andrea, she was adopted and in California looking for her biological mother. I call to get them compared, from what I know, it has been done by finger prints that supposedly came off of a flute that Aundria played. I managed to find one person that went to school with her who told me Aundria did not play the flute. Thankfully I've seen the morgue photo and know she is not my daughter. She belongs to another mother who has no clue where their child is.
She was compared to a Jane Doe in Deptford NJ. I do not remember how she was ruled out but she is not my daughter either. She was recently compared to a Jane Doe in Louisiana but after a comparison, Aundria is now on her NamUs rule out list. One of the hardest parts of not knowing my daughter after she was 6 months old is that I have no idea how green her eyes were and if they were totally green or if they were more hazel.
I made this page December 20, 2012. It took forever to get people to like the page. I forgot to mention that I'm learning computer skills. Navigating the internet, trying to find any tiny bit of information that I can find on her. Where has my daughter gone and why does anyone not know her?
So I now spend my time searching. Looking for every clue I can find. Trying to find a paper trail that doesn't exist. Sharing Find Aundria M Bowman; hoping that someone, somewhere recognizes her from the age progression with the sliver of hope that she managed to stay under the radar. Until then, my DNA has been entered, I pray there will not be a match.
My search for my now DISAPPEARED daughter continues only now there is urgency of the worse kind and there are questions that I never imagined I have to ask. In my original search for her I saw the adoptive parents as the loving caring parents that Catholic Charities has promised my daughter. Now I have to rethink everything.... My questions have turned to WHO are these ADOPTIVE PARENTS who were suppose to be so much better than me, WHERE DID SHE GO and WHY DIDN'T THEY LOOK FOR HER?! WHY DIDN'T THEY LOOK FOR ME?! Why won't anyone HELP me by giving me the info I need to find my daughter????? How can I find her with the limited information I've managed to find?
This is every mother's worst nightmare!
Find Aundria M Bowman
https://www.facebook.com/notes/find-aundria-m-bowman/find-aundria-m-bowman/341650469294321
