@oceancalling, I appreciate your input and wonder if you can elaborate, just your opinion of course. About FD's involuntary body language. I'm not sure someone who exhibits such clear pathological and malignant narcissism is capable of guilt. I don't think HE thinks what he did was wrong. Classic domestic violence logic: I had to hit her. That being said, the body might still have a physiological response to FACT. Is this what you mean? That FD was bodily, albeit involuntarily, responding to the TRUTH of what he'd done?
I know there are studies out there, but I wish someone could tell me TO MY SATISFACTION what these wife killers have in common. Not so much the shared profile -- narcissistic, controlling, etc -- but The Thing. There are plenty of narcissists who don't kill anyone. What is it that sets these beasts apart? "Pathological" is really a good word..... "logical" we got that part. "Path" -- diseased. Diseased logic. Boy do we see that in spades. FD, PF, SP, DP, all of them. These murderers really seem to think murder will bring them freedom, even when time after time, LWOP is the outcome. They "love" their children but kill their children's mothers. No. If you love ANYONE, you kill NO ONE.
Somewhere out there RIGHT NOW is a woman, trying futily to make a relationship with a malignant narcissist work, and he's plotting her murder....
If only there were a way to recognize unbridled evil before it's too late....
Can we learn anything useful from FD's telling body language?
JMO
Guilt manifests itself physically in many ways. Now, FD doesn't actually feel guilt. What he feels is ANGER at the way he has been "treated". He has a very, very strong sense of being wronged, which he uses to justify all of his conduct, like removing a very innocuous memorial to his murdered wife. In fact, he nurtures and feeds on those grudges. He is going to respond to any perceived wrong to him. Still, he cannot control the physical manifestations of his guilt/anger, which show readily on his face.
Not all narcissists commit murder; there is a sub-category of narcissist who are labeled malignant narcissists, whose narcissism is such that they can commit criminal acts with no remorse. The classic example is Ted Bundy, who nursed an extreme feeling that he had been wronged; even at the end he blamed his use of *advertiser censored* and True Crime magazines for his murdering rages!
I am no defender of such materials, but they did not "cause" Bundy to murder, any more than FB comments caused Dulos to destroy that memorial to his wife. That one, very public act tells us how much he still hates her and wants to "obliterate" her. He simply will never accept responsibility for his own conduct, or the consequences of it.
How to prevent entanglement with such monsters? These people often are able to mask their true personalities for significant periods of time. They also are very good at hiding their true character from public view, so that when their victims complain, they are made out to be the "crazy" one-just like Dulos tried to label Jennifer during the divorce.(Don't get me started on his claims that she was a heroin addict-more victim blaming).
One thing such people hate is time. Time to get to know them, and their backgrounds, families, personality. Time to see their true character. Time to investigate whether they are the success they claim to be. These people are every, very good at "love bombing", sweeping unsuspecting victims off their feet, rushing the relationship. Dulos certainly did that here, perhaps even dumping Wife#1 when something "better" came along.
George Simon has written a couple of books on this subject, including the book, In Sheep's Clothing, which is a great start to understanding the way these people operate. In my experience, the kinder the person, the more susceptible they are to MN, because they simply are unable to understand such people exist.
Bundy lured more than one victim to their death by wearing fake casts and appealing for help. Like Dulos, he was quite charming on the surface and, hey, he just needed a little help, right? Who helped him? Kind women, that's who.
Beware the smooth, glib, "successful" (but how successful, really?) person, who falls madly in love at first sight. It was meant to be! It was written in the stars! We are soulmates, and our love is a love that only we can understand! Any friends or family who question the relationship are quickly banished, and there is a rush to convince the victim that all who question are themselves jealous or controlling.
I believe one reason Mr. Farber lent Dulos money, but made him pay the loan off in person, was to keep tabs on him. He knew what was up. Behind the scenes though, Dulos had already begun the discard of his wife. People like him love their secrets, so if a person excludes their partner from a significant portion of their life-which Dulos clearly did-that is another warning sign.
The problem is the charm, the initial devotion, the rush to the altar, the fear that Mr. Wonderful is going to look elsewhere if their attention is not returned. Poor Jennifer, I am not sure she ever had a chance. That unexpected and "spontaneous"meeting at the airport that recommenced their relationship? I would not be surprised to learn that he planned the entire encounter! It was all a bit too convenient.
Jennifer wanted a loving husband and family; Dulos wanted to use her and her family's wealth. IMO he never loved her, because he is incapable of loving anyone except himself. In the initial courting period, though, I am certain he made he feel like the most loved woman on the planet. Once the mask slipped, it was too late, and she fought to the end of her life to extricate herself from his manipulations.
Sorry to bust everyone's bubble, but beware of Prince Charming. He may, in fact, be a poisonous toad!
