Dad Refuses to Give Up Newborn Son With Down Syndrome

[Sonya610]

That really seems like a long shot to me.

Well someone had a hand in making this story "worldwide".

And no, I seriously don't think it is a long shot. The story suddenly goes worldwide and this angelic father/husband opens a page for donations, despite the fact he is a citizen of NZ which has very generous government programs.

Some folks might think men in his situation shouldn't run to the press for photo ops, but apparently he is very comfortable with that.

 

[jjenny]

Because some people don't believe in Abortion no matter what the circumstance.
They give them up for adoption. It could be she never wanted children at all and just went through with it and planned of just handing it over.

If you are talking about this particular case, it certainly sounds that her issue was the child having Down syndrome. She wasn't planning to hand over a child until it was discovered that the child had Down syndrome. Handing over children with disabilities seems to be an accepted practice in Armenia (and a bunch of other countries).

 

[jjenny]

Well someone had a hand in making this story "worldwide".

And no, I seriously don't think it is a long shot. The story suddenly goes worldwide and this angelic father/husband opens a page for donations, despite the fact he is a citizen of NZ which has very generous government programs.

He had to get to NZ first. He was soliciting for money for plane tickets (among other things). I think this guy is to be praised for wanting to keep the child out of the orphanage in Armenia and wanting to provide a child with better opportunities. I very much doubt the kid would have had a great life in Armenian orphanage.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

He had to get to NZ first. He was soliciting for money for plane tickets (among other things). I think this guy is to be praised for wanting to keep the child out of the orphanage in Armenia and wanting to provide a child with better opportunities. I very much doubt the kid would have had a great life in Armenian orphanage.

Why is he to be praised? He kept his son. Why does he have no money? What was his job? He was having a baby what was the plan?
IT raises many questions..

 

[Sonya610]

He had to get to NZ first. He was soliciting for money for plane tickets (among other things). I think this guy is to be praised for wanting to keep the child out of the orphanage in Armenia and wanting to provide a child with better opportunities. I very much doubt the kid would have had a great life in Armenian orphanage.

Yes, among "other things"

He is a citizen of NZ, he went to a foreign country to marry and have a child, and now he doesn't even have enough money to buy plane tickets to go home? Okay then.

 

[jjenny]

Why is he to be praised? He kept his son. Why does he have no money? What was his job? He was having a baby what was the plan?
IT raises many questions..

Lots of people in US have babies with no money and no plans.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

Lots of people in US have babies with no money and no plans.

But they don't go broadcasting it and asking people to send them money. That is called panhandling.

They make a way. He has a baby to support.. So he needs to get on with it.

 

[K_Z]

She not only abandoned the child, she divorced her husband. Imo the only one she loved in that marriage was herself. Yes bio moms are held to a much higher standard as it should be. In the animal kingdom, newborns are totally dependant on the bio mom to feed, nurture and love them.

BBM.

Well, I don't think this is a particularly good or accurate comparison. In the "animal kingdom", there are very few "Finding Nemo" stories, and the norm is more "Circle of Life." Overwhelmingly, mammals kill or abandon weak, sick, deformed, and "disabled" offspring. Survival of the fittest, and all that.

"Finding Nemo" is anthropomorphism-- most animals in the wild don't have the capacity for responsibility and compassion. They operate on instinct.

 

[jjenny]

But they don't go broadcasting it and asking people to send them money. That is called panhandling.

They make a way. He has a baby to support.. So he needs to get on with it.

He figured out how to support the baby yet it seem to really bug you.

 

[Brightbird]

??? I was responding to a post regarding a hypothetical situation where wife never wanted children and divorced her husband after she had the healthy child. In that case wife would know she never wanted children, so why produce one?

No worries. I didn't realise your post was responding to another one. My bad. In any case, wanting kids and having them don't necessarily go together.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

He figured out how to support the baby yet it seem to really bug you.

That is not supporting a child. That is asking for someone to fund your life. That is not supporting.

 

[K_Z]

Let's be clear on Down Syndrome-- it is a very serious genetic condition with a lot of issues and potential issues across the life span, even with excellent care, and a lot of support and love. On average, people with DS have an IQ of 50, and are almost never able to care for themselves as adults.

Does that mean they are not loving people for the most part? No, of course not. But the realities of severe mental disability coupled with physical disabilities in a poor country are vastly different than in rich countries. These kids in poor countries do not grow up and have a life like that portrayed in "Monica and David". Their lives are bleak, even when their bio-parents are committed to raising and caring for them for their whole lives.

 

[Brightbird]

Well someone had a hand in making this story "worldwide".

And no, I seriously don't think it is a long shot. The story suddenly goes worldwide and this angelic father/husband opens a page for donations, despite the fact he is a citizen of NZ which has very generous government programs.

Some folks might think men in his situation shouldn't run to the press for photo ops, but apparently he is very comfortable with that.

I could see the father thinking about $ after it went worldwide. I just think the odds of the story getting up to become worldwide is unlikely (it's not a very remarkable story), so I don't believe it was all planned.

 

[K_Z]

Maybe he should have done the same as his wife and left the kid with the government. Would that be better?

Abandonment is never something to celebrate, but if the realistic options of the bio-parent are filicide, neglect, or abandonment in a trash heap (or worse), I'll take abandonment to an orphanage/ social welfare situation any day over that.

Not everyone everywhere in the world is economically, emotionally, culturally, and psychologically equipped to raise a disabled child that will never be able to care for themselves. Abandonment is often the most "responsible" option they have. That's reality. Hard for most people in westernized cultures to accept that, I understand.

I don't celebrate this woman abandoning her child. But I do understand it. And I'm okay with it. And as I said before, this little boy is incredibly lucky his bio-dad wants him, and wants to raise him.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

Let's be clear on Down Syndrome-- it is a very serious genetic condition with a lot of issues and potential issues across the life span, even with excellent care, and a lot of support and love. On average, people with DS have an IQ of 50, and are almost never able to care for themselves as adults.

Does that mean they are not loving people for the most part? No, of course not. But the realities of severe mental disability coupled with physical disabilities in a poor country are vastly different than in rich countries. These kids in poor countries do not grow up and have a life like that portrayed in "Monica and David". Their lives are bleak, even when their bio-parents are committed to raising and caring for them for their whole lives.

Down syndrome has many different variables. So there is no blanket guide for sure but in this case, He has no idea of his childs outlook or capabilities. A baby with Downs syndrome is not a medical emergency. IT is a baby that deserves love and a parent that will provide and look after him as any other parent would.

 

[Sonya610]

Their lives are bleak, even when their bio-parents are committed to raising and caring for them for their whole lives.

And it is NOT just about the bio-parents. The bio parents won't live forever which means their children may end up being responsible and having to take care of a severely disabled, forever dependent sibling.

My veterinarian, who is likely in his early fifties, has 4 or 5 very healthy kids and then he and his wife had another baby with downs. Not sure why, he is a very intelligent well educated man, he surely knew the risk. Anyway, now they have a few very smart, well adjusted children and a very disabled youngest downs syndrome child.

It is not just about the parents, if the youngest outlives him and his wife then his children will be responsible for caring for a severely disabled adult, and they can provide 24/7 care or feel bad for NOT providing it.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

Let's be clear on Down Syndrome-- it is a very serious genetic condition with a lot of issues and potential issues across the life span, even with excellent care, and a lot of support and love. On average, people with DS have an IQ of 50, and are almost never able to care for themselves as adults.

Does that mean they are not loving people for the most part? No, of course not. But the realities of severe mental disability coupled with physical disabilities in a poor country are vastly different than in rich countries. These kids in poor countries do not grow up and have a life like that portrayed in "Monica and David". Their lives are bleak, even when their bio-parents are committed to raising and caring for them for their whole lives.

Their lives are not bleak. They are not sub human. Yes they need more care but they are your child. And if your child had diabetes would you care for them less? If they had a deformity would you care for them less?
Knowing Children with Downs and seeing their lives they are not bleak in the slightest. They live to their abilities and sometimes beyond.
Maybe this kind of thinking is the reason that people are acting like it is some humanitarian effort to have a child with downs and raise them.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

And it is NOT just about the bio-parents. The bio parents won't live forever which means their children may end up being responsible and having to take care of a severely disabled, forever dependent sibling.

My veterinarian, who is likely in his early fifties, has 4 or 5 very healthy kids and then he and his wife had another baby with downs. Not sure why, he is a very intelligent well educated man, he surely knew the risk. Anyway, now they have a few very smart, well adjusted children and a very disabled youngest downs syndrome child.

It is not just about the parents, if the youngest outlives him and his wife then his children will be responsible for caring for a severely disabled adult, and they can provide 24/7 care or feel bad for NOT providing it.

I am not sure what you are saying here. That he should have aborted the child with downs? Stopped having children? I don't understand. He sounds like a good man with a lovely family.

 

[Sonya610]

I am not sure what you are saying here. That he should have aborted the child with downs? Stopped having children? I don't understand. He sounds like a good man with a lovely family.

My point is he is knew the risks when women over 40 get pregnant.

On the upside he is a good vet and he wanted to retire a couple of years ago, but I haven't heard anything more about him retiring (likely because he cannot afford to now that they have huge medical bills due to the youngest).

 

[jjenny]

My point is he is knew the risks when women over 40 get pregnant.

On the upside he is a good vet and he wanted to retire a couple of years ago, but I haven't heard anything more about him retiring (likely because he cannot afford to now that they have huge medical bills due to the youngest).

So given that, what exactly is the problem with the father in the story soliciting funds to raise his child?
Doesn't seem like the guy even had a steady job. He was in a foreign country with no source of income and his wife wanted to give the child to the government.
I frankly don't see any other solution to his problem other than trying to get donations.
Now, an argument can be made that he shouldn't have had children if he wasn't prepared financially, but that is neither here nor there. Also, perhaps his wife was the breadwinner so without her, he didn't have any finances to raise the child.