My daughter was 4 when she was molested. She was molested by a teenage female babysitter/family member. When I divorced my daughter was 15, thats when she told me. At that time I did have that talk with her, it wasn't her fault. I had to force her to hug me, once she started she wouldn't let go. She sobbed for a long time. I wanted to bring charges against the molester but my daughter didn't want me to. I feel that was my mistake, I think now I should have, my daughter needed it. I went looking for this person to beat her up but couldn't find her. I was much younger then and in alot better shape.... I can't tell you how many of her abusive boyfriends I tracked down or called and threatened through her teens. Two trips to the ER for suicide attempts. Her and I locked in the bathroon sobbing together when she admitted she was a cutter and showing me her arms & legs and what she had done to herself. She is now married to a man that abuses her and I refuse to accept her excuses for him. Shes angry at me but she knows I am the one person in her life that will always be there for her.
I am so sorry you had to go through what you did but you have to know it wasn't your fault that your mother couldn't give you what you needed, it was her problem which she never addressed. Thats what parents do sometimes, they pass their problems to their children instead of facing their own demons and getting better. Sometimes it's a mental issue they were never treated for.
It sounds to me like you are a very strong, smart woman and I would bet your going to be a fantastic mother if you choose to have kids.
I broke the cycle of my mother, I got rid of my drunken spouse. I came to terms with my drunken father and as an adult...I give myself a hug, literally, when I need one and my kids aren't around. My dogs even get hugs! I would look in the mirror every morning for a long time and tell myself, "I love you". Sounds corny I know but it really does help! I'm not a perfect mom, far from it. I made huge mistakes I wish I could go back and change. The best we can do is love our kids, teach them right from wrong, hug them when their good and kick their butt when their not..but always love them, we just first have to love ourselves, to heal our wounds so as not to pass them onto others. ...We are all survivors of our childhood.
CA hasn't learned this yet.