General Discussions #4

[Moxie]

ACK! We stopped thinking alike ... he didn't grow up in foster care and was thrown out at 18 years old. Somehow, even though he wasn't *into* school he made it to college. JG, you and I follow most of the same cases and stories ... no one threw him into a radiator, raped him, beat him with a belt, forced him to engage in sexual activities on the internet as a child ....

Okay Golfmom! You made a very good point. So really the only person accountable for Raven's poor decisions is ultimately Raven. That makes sense.

 

[OriginalJerseyGirl]

ACK! We stopped thinking alike ... he didn't grow up in foster care and was thrown out at 18 years old. Somehow, even though he wasn't *into* school he made it to college. JG, you and I follow most of the same cases and stories ... no one threw him into a radiator, raped him, beat him with a belt, forced him to engage in sexual activities on the internet as a child ....

Golfmom, I totally agree that those last examples did not happen to Raven. But there's something called emotional abuse or emotional neglect. If he wasn't getting love and attention, you might be surprised at what can come of that. Was the kid ever enrolled in boy scouts? summer camp? baseball? Did he ever live anywhere long enough to bond with kids his age and have sleep-overs, etc.? It doesn't sound like it. And if you've got a dad that leaves, (look at how Shiloh felt about that), and are yanked from neighborhood to neighborhood to neighborhood, you never get to form that attachment factor that we all have. I think that there were several things contributing to Raven as he is today, (and by that I mean the flashiness, etc. I make no statements about him as a murderer in this post because I don't know if he is one.) Again, if I get solid facts and proof that he is the one that killed Janet, my compassion will be all but gone.

 

[OriginalJerseyGirl]

The one on Guess Road would certainly be the one closest to Ferrand Drive, not that means all that much...

With Raven, you might want to try the one furthest from home. Would he have wanted someone that knows him to see him going in there?

 

[Moxie]

Golfmom, I totally agree that those last examples did not happen to Raven. But there's something called emotional abuse or emotional neglect. If he wasn't getting love and attention, you might be surprised at what can come of that. Was the kid ever enrolled in boy scouts? summer camp? baseball? Did he ever live anywhere long enough to bond with kids his age and have sleep-overs, etc.? It doesn't sound like it. And if you've got a dad that leaves, (look at how Shiloh felt about that), and are yanked from neighborhood to neighborhood to neighborhood, you never get to form that attachment factor that we all have. I think that there were several things contributing to Raven as he is today, (and by that I mean the flashiness, etc. I make no statements about him as a murderer in this post because I don't know if he is one.) Again, if I get solid facts and proof that he is the one that killed Janet, my compassion will be all but gone.

And rightfully so...

 

[golfmom]

Okay Golfmom! You made a very good point. So really the only person accountable for Raven's poor decisions is ultimately Raven. That makes sense.

I guess because I didn't have the opportunity to attend college, I resent Raven just tossing it away like that. He obviously figured out the importance of a college degree afterwards. But, it sounds like Eurosport not only gave him a cherry position without the degree, but I would BET they had a tuition reimbursement policy on top of that.

He fell into college and dropped out. He fell into a teriffic marriage with a wonderful woman and dropped out. He fell into a cherry job & company and managed to screw that one up too.

These were adult decisions, there was no one to blame but himself. He had complete control.

 

[golfmom]

Was the kid ever enrolled in boy scouts? summer camp? baseball? .

Speaking of which, I've got to take one of mine to golf camp. Two were supposed to go, but the "fairest one in all the land" my middle child, went out on the lake yesterday and is rock lobster red. I am soooooo pissed at her! My husband had melinoma(sp) and we take sunburns VERY seriously around here.

 

[OriginalJerseyGirl]

Speaking of which, I've got to take one of mine to golf camp. Two were supposed to go, but the "fairest one in all the land" my middle child, went out on the lake yesterday and is rock lobster red. I am soooooo pissed at her! My husband had melinoma(sp) and we take sunburns VERY seriously around here.

My older kids get punished if they get sunburn. They know how to protect themselves and are old enough to take care of themselves in that way when they are at a friend's house, etc. I have literally about 10 bottles of sunblock in the closet, and whenever they go out, they are given a bottle to take along.

BTW, please remember that I said that there is a part of me that feels badly for Raven. At the same time, there is also a part of me that suspects that he murdered his wife. But when I try to look at this from every angle, the compassion does come into it at times IF he is not the murderer.

 

[SouthEastSleuth]

You know, I really do hate to even get into this line of thinking, as far as media bias goes, but I will anyway!

You guys may have noticed in one of Mr. A's posts about another murder recently, in neighboring Orange County, in the city of Chapel Hill. There are even a few threads about it in the Current Crimes in the News section.

This 16 year old kid used a shotgun and killed both his parents. He confessed. He's in jail in Hillsborough (the County Seat of Orange County, and ironically the same place where Raven's court hearing on the embezzlement charges will be this Friday). Anyway, all sorts of sordid details have come out about this kid, who, IMO, is seriously disturbed, truly.

My point is, the media is all over that case, and has been from day one. They run stories about the kid, the family, the case, on and on and on, at least 1-2 stories each week.

Why I wonder? Well, and this truly may have NOTHING to do with it, but still... the family is a very affluent family in Chapel Hill. Basically lived in the Country Club area. Sprawling house. The kid was in a local private school. The parents made lots of money off oil and natural gas speculation (even though they are based in Chapel Hill). The father coached as a hobby the ice hockey team at UNC-Chapel Hill. On and on and on.

It just frustrates me. This kid has confessed. He's in jail. And sure, there are things to report. BUT, are they so focused on that case because of the family, their local status, the fact that is somewhat Menendez-like???

And then there is Janet. And Raven.

The press stories covered the initial activity. And then they subsequently reported only what was fed to them, ie., the release of the seach warrant, the funeral, and then most recently the Christmas video.

If you look at the reporting, there hasn't even really been in INVESTIGATIVE reporting on this case, AT ALL. Whereas with the Sapikowski case in Chapel Hill, they've dug into their pasts, inteviewed scores of people, etc. AND IN THAT CASE, THE SUSPECT IS IN CUSTODY. Yet, they dig and dig, and write and write....TO WHAT END? IT would seem now that it's cause it's an interesting human interest story.

Ok, I'm ranting, I know. But it frustrates me. WHY IS NO ONE FROM THE MEDIA DIGGING AROUND IN THIS CASE????? We've collectively unearthed TONS of information about this case, some pertinent, some not. The information is obviously out there to be found.

Would this case be warranting more media involvment if Janet were from some local affluent family? If Raven was some huge local soccer star? I dare say, OF COURSE.

And that, my friends, BURNS ME UP!

 

[golfmom]

And that, my friends, BURNS ME UP!

You forgot your little burny icon. Here, you can use mine!
:furious: :furious: :furious: :furious: :furious:

SES you so nailed it. When I first heard this story I was sure it was going to make national news. So where is everyone? Why is it being ignored?

 

[Jenifred]

Just a point---I would bet a good deal of money that Raven had some sort of scholarship at SVC. He was a soccer player and a decent one at that. SVC was shelling out scholarships to keep athletes because they believed that if athletes were there then more students would be there. He's had to have some sort of free money (maybe even all tuition) paid at that place and he left it behind.

 

[Jesstexas]

Why would a person holding a check for $1,200 pawn something for some quick cash?

Kinda makes me think the check isn't made out to either one of the Abaroas.

 

[curious1]

Finally, in April of 2004, there were four crimes within 1/2 mile of Ferrand Drive - 2 burglaries and two larcenies. Two of them were virtually on the same street as the Abaroa's house. So it seems like this might not be such a crime free area after all.

I am originally from the Raleigh area. Durham is generally regarded as a high crime area. And those from the area I am not slamming Durham, just stating what I know. I have friends who lived in Durham until Dec 2004. I also had a friend move to Durham from Chapel Hill. She was literally just over the Durham/Chapel Hill line and she thought she would be safe in that area of Durham and save a little on rent. It was in a nice part of town, but the rent was less than in Chapel Hill. She moved back to Chapel Hill after her 1 year lease was up. There were 10 cars broken into, somewhere around 6 apts broken into and at least 1 woman assaulted that she knew of. I don't know what it is about Durham.

 

[newkid]

Agreed. What makes me feel even worse for him is when I think about what he might have gone through growing up. I don't know enough but from the glimpses he gave us about his life, I don't think that his personality flaws are his fault. The one big blog entry that he chose to write about was his childhood. I think that there's a definite reason why that's what came out of his mind that day.

I feel bad for him that he didn't have a great childhood; however, life is ultimately what you make of it. Others have noted he had plenty of wonderful opportunities that he screwed up. I do not feel sorry for him especially because he professed to be an active member of the LDS church while doing the opposite of their teachings. A bad childhood is no excuse, plenty of people have grown up in worse circumstances yet made their lives and the lives of others a rewarding experience.

 

[newkid]

Ok, I'm ranting, I know. But it frustrates me. WHY IS NO ONE FROM THE MEDIA DIGGING AROUND IN THIS CASE????? We've collectively unearthed TONS of information about this case, some pertinent, some not. The information is obviously out there to be found.

Would this case be warranting more media involvment if Janet were from some local affluent family? If Raven was some huge local soccer star? I dare say, OF COURSE.

And that, my friends, BURNS ME UP!

I agree with you. There hasn't been the tiniest blurb in the news here about the case at all. I really thought there would be something, maybe not a lot, but Raven at least spent several years here.

 

[newkid]

Why would a person holding a check for $1,200 pawn something for some quick cash?

Kinda makes me think the check isn't made out to either one of the Abaroas.

Playing devil's advocate... Maybe the check had just arrived on the 26th (if it was made out to them)?

 

[golfmom]

A bad childhood is no excuse, plenty of people have grown up in worse circumstances yet made their lives and the lives of others a rewarding experience.

For some reason I keep thinking the word ENTITLEMENT. That he felt he was entitled to all these things because he felt deprived growing up.

I have friends who have grown up poor and hard and trust me shopping at TJ MAXX is not poor. Try being a boy who is so poor that your grandmother has to make all your jeans, try shopping only at resale shops because other people's cast offs are all your family can afford, try having water biscuits for dinner.

 

[curious1]

You know, I really do hate to even get into this line of thinking, as far as media bias goes, but I will anyway!

You guys may have noticed in one of Mr. A's posts about another murder recently, in neighboring Orange County, in the city of Chapel Hill. There are even a few threads about it in the Current Crimes in the News section.

I agree with you totally. But if you look at it from a news standpoint, which one is going to get the ratings. There are not nearly as many murders in Chapel Hill as there are Durham. Also, the family was prominent in Chapel Hill, gave large donations to childrens groups and did not want to take credit for it. A murder in Durham. Look at how often it happens, not in a year, but in a month.

It's still wrong, a life is a life. So :razz:to the media.

 

[SouthEastSleuth]

Playing devil's advocate... Maybe the check had just arrived on the 26th (if it was made out to them)?

I've wondered about that as well... I mean IF the check was made out to one or both of them, and considering their personal finances at the time, I cannot even imagine that that check would be sitting around that house too long, without getting into some bank account! Even if it was designated for some particular thing....my GUESS would be that that check would have been deposited the day it arrived, or shortly thereafter anyway...

 

[cappuccina]

...I also spoke of this on the thread where we were speculating about what types of assistance they may have received...

Raven, for all of his supposed deprivation, comes across as a spoiled BEEP, in my opinion...There are families at our neighborhood school, right now, who are wayyyy worse off than this...(like going to thrift stores for all clothes, for example...). I get the feeling and this is pure SPECULATION on my part, that these people did not know how to manage money, and bought the flashy stuff first, like having a VX, WAIT, NO, 2 VX'S BUT AN EMPTY PANTRY....This is not true poverty; it's STUPIDITY, VANITY, and other things...

I again go back to my example of my son's good friend...They have four kids, very little money...all clothes bought at thrift stores...Mom always cooks (they never eat out), and these parents squeeze blood out of a turnip every month to get these kids involved in music dance and sports, ebecause they don't care what type of freakin' car they drive, or what designer labels are on their clothes. These kids are clean, well-fed, and well-adjusted.

The same goes for all of my immigrant relatives who came to this country with NOTHING, lived in true poverty, whcih they worked and scraped their way out of...and NEVER ACTED LIKE THIS...Never mind whether or not he committed murder...HE IS LAZY AND SPOILED...just my opinion...Feel free to edit this if it violates TOS; I feel better for venting now!!

 

[golfmom]

...

The same goes for all of my immigrant relatives who came to this country with NOTHING, lived in true poverty, whcih they worked and scraped their way out of...and NEVER ACTED LIKE THIS...Never mind whether or not he committed murder...HE IS LAZY AND SPOILED...just my opinion...Feel free to edit this if it violates TOS; I feel better for venting now!!

{{{{{CAPPUCCINA}}}}} You know when I start feeling sorry for myself, I remember my grandmother telling me she stood in cow-*advertiser censored* as a child to keep her feet warm. Her one pair of shoes were reserved for the deepest of winter, and if there was no snow, then she obviously didn't need the shoes.