HS Reunion- with the Bullies

[Cherry]

Don't care what others think I wouldn't even RSVP. Reunions r highly ovr rated imo.

 

[SwampMama]

Meh, I never wanted to be a part of the "in crowd" and hated HS and all the BS of it. The "jocks" ran the school and were allowed to cheat, were disgustingly disrespectful to girls and such. The teachers and principal openly favored the jocks.

I took correspondence courses and attended summer school to get the hell out of there asap and at age 16 I was done! I finished all by coursework by December and didn't have to atten HS from January to May (when graduation was). I was long gone by then and refused to attend the ceremony, take senior pics or any of that BS.

They contacted me many years ago about a reunion and i politely told them that they wanted nothing to do with me back then and I wasn't interested in paying $50 a ticket to see them now.

I had gone to a different school my freshman years and i still keep in touch with all of those friends.

 

[Donamena]

God, that's great. I was the poor girl from Tremé in an all-girls' Catholic high school. Because we had no money, no one would come to visit. We moved to Mid-City, then I married in under-grad school. I received an invitation to the reunion in October. My ex was a lawyer previously in the Foreign Service. I asked him 'how do I say f---- you, you ostracized me then. Why the hell would I see you now?' He said to reply on my elegant gold embossed stationery with both of our initials & say 'Im so sorry, but I have plans for May.' Nice, lady-like, the Southern velvet hammer.

 

[dr dona]

I actually did go to my tenth HS reunion--cause they combined ours with my brothers class. I had finished college, med school and was a Pediatric resident. I let my credentials do the talking. I actually enjoyed seeing one of my classmates that wasn't allowed to graduate because she was pregnant. She married her HS boyfriend and had 3-4 kids. They were extremely happy. I said--you go girl !!! I also ran into the guy who tried to jump me after HS graduation--I gave him a hard kick to the nuts that night. He came up to me and said he still had the bruises !! Ha Ha.

 

[JeannaT]

I saw an Oprah show ages ago where she asked adults who had been bullied to come to her show and she invited those who had bullied them to come to the conversation. Interestingly, as damaged as the victims were, the bullies mostly genuinely didn't remember them. All those years the victims were thinking this was totally personal, and the bullies would surely remember - and almost all of the bullies were humble and apologetic and said I'm so sorry but I actually don't remember you.

So go to the reunion if you want to, and see the classmates who will remember you fondly. ;D

 

[Donamena]

Steely is in absentia...I can't do the you tube thingy like he does:
Steely Dan's 'My Old School', the ultimate in I won't go back..

 

[LinasK]

I saw an Oprah show ages ago where she asked adults who had been bullied to come to her show and she invited those who had bullied them to come to the conversation. Interestingly, as damaged as the victims were, the bullies mostly genuinely didn't remember them. All those years the victims were thinking this was totally personal, and the bullies would surely remember - and almost all of the bullies were humble and apologetic and said I'm so sorry but I actually don't remember you.

So go to the reunion if you want to, and see the classmates who will remember you fondly. ;D

I can definitely state it was personal at the time. The two bullies I encountered- my chief tormentors did remember me- the first who started everything initiated conversation. The other- when I told him of the lasting damage he'd done, was seemingly unaware and did offer an apology. I chose not to stay in touch with him in spite of the apology, I can't be so forgiving and it pains me to see that he's become a successful producer.

 

[JeannaT]

I can definitely state it was personal at the time. The two bullies I encountered- my chief tormentors did remember me- the first who started everything initiated conversation. The other- when I told him of the lasting damage he'd done, was seemingly unaware and did offer an apology. I chose not to stay in touch with him in spite of the apology, I can't be so forgiving and it pains me to see that he's become a successful producer.

Linas - that's my point. Although one did remember doing this, the second tormenter - that you remember VERY well, apparently didn't remember tormenting you. That's how it worked on the Oprah show - they simply were unaware of their affect on the victim. I find that odd, as I find people who have unclear long-term memories to be odd.

 

[LinasK]

Linas - that's my point. Although one did remember doing this, the second tormenter - that you remember VERY well, apparently didn't remember tormenting you. That's how it worked on the Oprah show - they simply were unaware of their affect on the victim. I find that odd, as I find people who have unclear long-term memories to be odd.

No, he was drunk the night of the reunion. He knew he tormented me- he just couldn't see what it would do.
I don't find it completely odd because some people are selfish, and short-sighted. They either don't want to empathize with a victim, don't care, want to be in with the popular crowd, or were victims themselves. In my case, it started with the first boy, spread to the other two, and then the whole rest of my class. The girls got mean too because they wanted the boys to think highly of them, and even my friends wouldn't openly associate with me for fear of getting picked on.

 

[Snick1946]

The bullying I suffered was mostly focused on my allegedly being 'queer'. I am not gay, never was, but because I was an overweight geeky kid these morons just assumed this. I would find stuff scrawled on my locker, and sometimes would come home from school with bruises all over my arms- it was great fun to punch me in the hallway during class change period. My dad finally went to talk to the principal- he was told it was MY fault. I 'provoked' them. Probably by standing up for myself. Of course the worst ones were the football jocks.

It was so bad that I just put it away in my head all these years. They guy who's been contacting me was one of the few who was decent to me so I don't want to go off on him. I frankly wonder if anyone else remembers all this- at least not like I do. I am NOT going- my only decision now is whether to tell this guy why- or just make up some measly excuse.

 

[Jacie Estes]

The bullying I suffered was mostly focused on my allegedly being 'queer'. I am not gay, never was, but because I was an overweight geeky kid these morons just assumed this. I would find stuff scrawled on my locker, and sometimes would come home from school with bruises all over my arms- it was great fun to punch me in the hallway during class change period. My dad finally went to talk to the principal- he was told it was MY fault. I 'provoked' them. Probably by standing up for myself. Of course the worst ones were the football jocks.

It was so bad that I just put it away in my head all these years. They guy who's been contacting me was one of the few who was decent to me so I don't want to go off on him. I frankly wonder if anyone else remembers all this- at least not like I do. I am NOT going- my only decision now is whether to tell this guy why- or just make up some measly excuse.

I'm sorry that you were bullied because of others' ignorant perceptions. Sadly, there is still bullying because of people's lifestyles or perceived lifestyles.

That's nice that you don't want to offend someone you liked and got along with. You could just say that you have other plans for that date and then go out and do something really fun. If the guy who has contacted you is interested, you can make plans to get together another time. However it turns out have a great time doing what you want to do.

 

[LinasK]

The bullying I suffered was mostly focused on my allegedly being 'queer'. I am not gay, never was, but because I was an overweight geeky kid these morons just assumed this. I would find stuff scrawled on my locker, and sometimes would come home from school with bruises all over my arms- it was great fun to punch me in the hallway during class change period. My dad finally went to talk to the principal- he was told it was MY fault. I 'provoked' them. Probably by standing up for myself. Of course the worst ones were the football jocks.

It was so bad that I just put it away in my head all these years. They guy who's been contacting me was one of the few who was decent to me so I don't want to go off on him. I frankly wonder if anyone else remembers all this- at least not like I do. I am NOT going- my only decision now is whether to tell this guy why- or just make up some measly excuse.

I have done that before and said I had other plans for something I really didn't want to go to when in reality my only plans were to take a long walk around the block with my husband, but in this case you might want to stand up for yourself and explain why you aren't going I'm sorry you feel you can't go.

 

[Snick1946]

Well the pressure is building. I got emails from the organizer and a personal one from the guy who'd contacted me earlier stressing he really wants me to come. The announcement stated that it was being held at the home of the very guy I do not want to see again. I Goggled him and found he is now a board member of some big mega-church where he lives. Maybe he got religion and is a changed person, but I still don't care to see him again, let alone go to his home. I think I will notify the guy who's emailing me that I have personal reasons for not going and leave it at that- then if he wants to know I will tell him why. I doubt he will. I plan to send the organizer a brief resume of my life and some pics of me and my family jut so they know I didn't turn out to be the failure some of them thought I would....

 

[hopingicanhelp]

Just my two cents...

If you can't or don't want to go, then don't go. And DO send an "update" about yourself along with your regards and express a desire to learn what everyone else has been up to...

Do NOT tell anyone "why" you're not coming -- just say you can't make it.

Why? Because the likelihood is after all these years that people HAVE changed. Now, just because this guy runs a mega-church doesn't mean he's kind or the type you'd want to be friends with. However, there's still a good chance that 1) he doesn't remember, or 2) he does and feels badly.

You said you were a social services caseworker, right? So you're educated and have witnessed changes and maturity in people -- yourself included. I would bet that until this reunion thing came up, you haven't carried around those negative feelings for quite a while -- the reunion just made it all come flooding back.

What would I do? Now, I haven't gone to any of my reunions because of a variety of reasons (finding out at the last min due to poor planning, lack of funds to travel, and I didn't go to the first one for the same reasons you're hesitating) -- but I have promised myself I'm going to the next. When I do, I will probably be pretty quiet still because it's just who I am, but I will be friendly and warm.

So I encourage you to go, compliment the bully's "lovely home," and thank him for hosting; work the room, and if you wish to leave no one is keeping you there. Set a specific time, say 8:30, and promise you'll make it until then before you decide if you're staying or leaving.

This way, you won't always wonder what you missed; you can enjoy conversation with people who DO want to see you -- and you just might be able to move on from this hurt & anger.

JMO... either way, good luck and YOU know who you are - you don't need to convince anybody of anything!!

HUGS!

 

[huckleberryhound]

So, they are trying to bully you into going! I would guess they want to apologize to you after all these years, but still, you owe them nothing.

 

[Karmady]

So, they are trying to bully you into going! I would guess they want to apologize to you after all these years, but still, you owe them nothing.

I don't get it. This seems ridiculous to me. Inviting someone to a reunion and encouraging them when they decline is "bullying?" In that case, no wonder everyone feels like a victim :facepalm:

 

[human]

On a different note, I was fighting a huge issue where I live. I would be ridiculed in big public meetings in front of lots of people.

I was right and the issue was very intense.

I started looking at things like I was watching a movie. I could comment to myself how ridiculous the people were that were attacking me. It was very interesting. In the end, the community understood what was at stake and it all worked out.

That experience lasted over a year with monthly and more meetings.

I learned to deal with things in many circumstances. People can call me names and try to shame me, but I am now really strong.

Dealing with fears and adversity is really a freeing experience. Life will continue to hassle you until you can free yourself from your own chains.

 

[LinasK]

On a different note, I was fighting a huge issue where I live. I would be ridiculed in big public meetings in front of lots of people.

I was right and the issue was very intense.

I started looking at things like I was watching a movie. I could comment to myself how ridiculous the people were that were attacking me. It was very interesting. In the end, the community understood what was at stake and it all worked out.

That experience lasted over a year with monthly and more meetings.

I learned to deal with things in many circumstances. People can call me names and try to shame me, but I am now really strong.

Dealing with fears and adversity is really a freeing experience. Life will continue to hassle you until you can free yourself from your own chains.

Yeah, but it could be a set up so that they can pick on her/him again.

 

[human]

Yeah, but it could be a set up so that they can pick on her/him again.

Yup. It could.

Truly, confronting your fears is the most wonderful thing.

Month after month I would be attacked by men. Verbally, of course.

Look at how some people attack Desiree, the mother of Kyron. But she just keeps moving along. How painful is that on top of the missing child?

It won't ever go away. The fear. You can only learn to deal with it and conquer it to set yourself free. It will free you in every situation.

 

[Linda7NJ]

I'm holding classes in PM.
How to be a 100% pure *#{}£^<,


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