Deceased/Not Found IL - Yingying Zhang, 26, Urbana, 9 June 2017 #11 *GUILTY*
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trunkizback
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Bulger was at Coleman..but was transferred to Hazelton West Va and killed there on his first night.
Wow, on the first night? Is it possible word got out Bulger was arriving at Hazleton and someone had it in for him?
dm92
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UI again files to dismiss the family's lawsuit against the university social workers....
UI again files motion to have lawsuit from slain scholar's family dismissed
The article also confirms that he has been transferred to Coleman II. BOP declined to comment as to why he was moved.
In other news: At the CourtListener page , it has been recorded that the Court has given notice that official transcripts have been filed for the pre-trial hearings that took place in October 2018 to January 2019. After a review period where redactions can be requested, the transcripts from the hearings should be made available to the public online 90 days after the initial filing. For most of them, that would be around June 4th, 2020.
UI again files motion to have lawsuit from slain scholar's family dismissed
The article also confirms that he has been transferred to Coleman II. BOP declined to comment as to why he was moved.
In other news: At the CourtListener page , it has been recorded that the Court has given notice that official transcripts have been filed for the pre-trial hearings that took place in October 2018 to January 2019. After a review period where redactions can be requested, the transcripts from the hearings should be made available to the public online 90 days after the initial filing. For most of them, that would be around June 4th, 2020.
Interesting that the official transcripts have been filed for the pre-trial hearings from October 2018 to January 2019. I don't think I'll be one of the readers.
I want to leave him behind now, my prayers still go to family and the other unsuspecting people that he dragged into this heinous crime. The hurt and devastation he caused them is unforgivable but time and love, support and prayers will hopefully ease the pain.
trunkizback
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Raptors001
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With covid-19 in those crowded prisons anything is possible .
CousinYeti
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Tragic does not begin to describe this case. The first time I heard the recording of Christensen describing what he did to Yingying, which was late in the evening the night of the Memorial Walk, was one of the worst moments of my life. All I could think about was Mr. Zhang—and my own children. To this day, I still cannot fathom the depth of their pain. I experienced a small portion of it during the investigation and trial (and continued investigation), and that small portion was enough to haunt me forever. I wanted so badly to help find their daughter for them—we all did—and so did you.
For years now I have appreciated the passion, concern, empathy, and motivation each of you has expressed through hundreds (thousands?) of posts in this thread. I have never been a Websleuths member, but someone (I forget who) else in the investigation team found this thread early on, and I followed it throughout. For years now I have wanted to answer questions, address concerns, or help guide the passion here to the best of my ability. Your frustration was, and still is, palpable (so is mine). Unfortunately, I was unable to do so during any relevant time period. With the trial finished now, nothing is stopping any of us from answering questions anymore, and I think all of you deserve to have some questions answered, or at least addressed (since I’m afraid many questions have no answers still). As I noted, I am a member of the investigation team. I’d prefer not to go into any more detail than that. I was involved in the case from the beginning, through the trial, and beyond. I will try to answer any questions to the best of my ability.
For years now I have appreciated the passion, concern, empathy, and motivation each of you has expressed through hundreds (thousands?) of posts in this thread. I have never been a Websleuths member, but someone (I forget who) else in the investigation team found this thread early on, and I followed it throughout. For years now I have wanted to answer questions, address concerns, or help guide the passion here to the best of my ability. Your frustration was, and still is, palpable (so is mine). Unfortunately, I was unable to do so during any relevant time period. With the trial finished now, nothing is stopping any of us from answering questions anymore, and I think all of you deserve to have some questions answered, or at least addressed (since I’m afraid many questions have no answers still). As I noted, I am a member of the investigation team. I’d prefer not to go into any more detail than that. I was involved in the case from the beginning, through the trial, and beyond. I will try to answer any questions to the best of my ability.
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Can you tell us your role in the case, even vaguely?
And, thanks for stopping by -- we were certainly intense for a long time, and still feel for Ms. Zhang's family!
@dm92 @trunkizback @kittythehare @altojack
And, thanks for stopping by -- we were certainly intense for a long time, and still feel for Ms. Zhang's family!
@dm92 @trunkizback @kittythehare @altojack
Last edited:
CousinYeti
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Sure. I was sitting at counsel table for the United States during the trial. There were six of us: two FBI agents, three prosecutors, and a paralegal.
dm92
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lots of questions. too many to think of off the top of my head.
First off, the whereabouts of her remains are probably the biggest question that people have now: How confident are investigators that Christensen told the truth as to what he did with her remains? Will that landfill ever be excavated? Is there any new information regarding her remains?
another one: we understand the theory is that Christensen got her into the duffel bag to take her into the apartment without being seen. Do investigators have any idea how he incapacitated her/got her under control in order to get her into the bag, and any idea *where* he did this? I believe the last his car is seen on video is on Goodwin passing MLK school headed north. it doesnt take long to get to Bradley from there, and presumably he didnt turn toward Lincoln, so it probably wouldnt have taken her long to realize he wasnt taking her where she needed to go -and thus start panicking and maybe trying to get out. Any idea where he got her into the bag, and how he managed to avoid anyone seeing what he was doing?
I'm sure i will think of more..
PS
one more quick one: any idea why he was transferred to the facility in Florida, when he had only been at the Kentucky facility for a few months?
CousinYeti
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Hi dm92, thanks for messaging. Let me try to answer these as best I can.
Regarding Yingying’s whereabouts, I do still believe her remains are in one of the local landfills, though my confidence in that has been shaken some. I believed her remains were in a landfill from the beginning. Before Christensen ostensibly “disclosed” what he did, my thought was based on his characteristics. Christensen is highly intelligent, but extremely lazy, unmotivated, and the kind of person to put in the minimal amount of effort to accomplish his goals. When you combine his general lack of effort with someone brazen enough to bring a victim back to his apartment, I saw two things: (1) he really, really wanted to rape and murder someone, but was uncomfortable working outside his comfort zone, and (2) the most efficient disposal with the minimal amount of effort was the dumpster outside his apartment. That wasn’t a universal assessment at the outset, and still isn’t today. The FBI searched every tip or lead. They have continued searching even since the trial, including a pond in northwest Champaign in September 2019 (after the trial) when they got a tip from an individual who claimed to see someone who fit Christensen’s description exit a car similar to the Astra on a dirt road that led back to this pond in between farm fields back in 2017. Even though it was a tip about something that happened over 2 years earlier, they still followed up and sent divers into the pond. They searched mines, lakes, fields—any tip, from anywhere, led to at least one agent following up to search.
We never found any evidence of him buying tools to bury someone, nor that he ever possessed any such tools. In farm country, buried bodies are routinely recovered during planting or harvest. I could see Christensen dumping a body, but not putting in the effort to bury someone. There is still some interest within investigative circles surrounding Allerton Park in Monticello. It’s big, and there are some things in the investigation that suggest it is a possibility. It’s been searched multiple times though with no luck.
One of the big complicating factors, particularly in efforts to search the landfill, is Christensen’s chronic lying. I am pretty confident at this point that his statement about what he did to Yingying, save for her being in the landfill, is almost all bunk. He and his attorneys played fast and loose with the truth throughout the case. What they told us, just before trial, was that he placed her in three garbage bags with some fruit and milk to mask the smell. The problem with the statement is that the FBI never found the color of garbage bags he claimed to use—and in fact, he purchased a different color of bags in the days before the murder. He also conveniently told us he put the fruit and vegetables in there because it matched up with some receipts FBI recovered during the investigation, and would have been sent to him in discovery. In other words, he took what we knew, by virtue of what he saw in the discovery file, and crafted a story to fit that evidence. Law enforcement has continued to investigate, however, and his statement looks more and more suspect by the day. All of that said, the predominant theory amongst the entire investigative team is that Yingying’s remains are in a landfill. Without certainty on his story, however, we can’t be certain which landfill it would be.
Regarding a landfill search—-that has been the source of much frustration. The FBI declined to do so. I didn’t want to take “no” for an answer though, and asked (begged) various other agencies to do it. The Illinois State Police and the University of Illinois were the most interested, and they went through an extremely thorough and painstaking effort to make it happen. I sat in on many of the meetings with the law enforcement agencies, the Illinois EPA and the landfill management, and found every single meeting infuriating. Every time the ISP/UI investigators sought a solution, more roadblocks appeared. The bottom line, is that between human costs (the Danville landfill is filled with medical waste and asbestos), environmental costs (the landfill abuts the Vermilion River, and is near a neighborhood), engineering costs (for example, the amount of trash that would need to be dug out to reach the particular cell to allow heavy equipment to safely maneuver to the location was astronomical, or securing the scene so nothing leaked into the River, or preventing smells from being a danger to the neighborhood), red tape (as you can imagine, there are tons of procedures in place to protect people and the environment for the dangers associated with waste treatment and storage), and the landfill wanting paid for everything (including not letting authorities re-dump on site—they wanted us to haul everything we dug up to another facility, and pay to re-dump all of it), the costs were well into the tens of millions of dollars. All of that for maybe a 1-2% chance of finding her, and all based on the word of an individual we knew was a liar, and has lied about some of the information related to her remains. While extremely disappointing, I know UI and ISP wanted to do this for the family, and I know they explored every option trying to do so. It just was not realistic based on these circumstances.
Regarding Christensen’s relocation in BOP, such changes are common. The facility he was at originally is filled with gang-bangers and violent criminals. Christensen is, to put it bluntly, a pansy in comparison (anyone who picks on women is a coward). I have little doubt it was not a pleasant experience for him. The facility he is in now is known as a “safe haven” for sex offenders and persons who have been exploited in other facilities. I can’t be certain why he was moved, but my guess is that he was in danger at McCreary. He did lie about being suicidal to get out of the Macon County Jail before trial though, so I have little reason the believe anything he says about his incarceration experience. I’m sure he was hoping BOP would be like his experience in the Livingston County Jail before trial. He was separated there, had an iPad, and it was pretty comfy for him. He even had the audacity to complain about the wireless reception to the jail authorities. The guy is the height of selfish privilege.
Finally, how he got her in the apartment. The working theory is that after he got her in the car, he took her to a cemetery in north Urbana—a staging ground, where he incapacitated her and got her in the duffel bag. There was some evidence throughout that he liked graveyards, and may have used them as a place to exploit women. Nothing is certain there though. Ultimately, we don’t know what happened between the time she got in the car and the time he had her in his apartment.
Thanks for the questions.
Regarding Yingying’s whereabouts, I do still believe her remains are in one of the local landfills, though my confidence in that has been shaken some. I believed her remains were in a landfill from the beginning. Before Christensen ostensibly “disclosed” what he did, my thought was based on his characteristics. Christensen is highly intelligent, but extremely lazy, unmotivated, and the kind of person to put in the minimal amount of effort to accomplish his goals. When you combine his general lack of effort with someone brazen enough to bring a victim back to his apartment, I saw two things: (1) he really, really wanted to rape and murder someone, but was uncomfortable working outside his comfort zone, and (2) the most efficient disposal with the minimal amount of effort was the dumpster outside his apartment. That wasn’t a universal assessment at the outset, and still isn’t today. The FBI searched every tip or lead. They have continued searching even since the trial, including a pond in northwest Champaign in September 2019 (after the trial) when they got a tip from an individual who claimed to see someone who fit Christensen’s description exit a car similar to the Astra on a dirt road that led back to this pond in between farm fields back in 2017. Even though it was a tip about something that happened over 2 years earlier, they still followed up and sent divers into the pond. They searched mines, lakes, fields—any tip, from anywhere, led to at least one agent following up to search.
We never found any evidence of him buying tools to bury someone, nor that he ever possessed any such tools. In farm country, buried bodies are routinely recovered during planting or harvest. I could see Christensen dumping a body, but not putting in the effort to bury someone. There is still some interest within investigative circles surrounding Allerton Park in Monticello. It’s big, and there are some things in the investigation that suggest it is a possibility. It’s been searched multiple times though with no luck.
One of the big complicating factors, particularly in efforts to search the landfill, is Christensen’s chronic lying. I am pretty confident at this point that his statement about what he did to Yingying, save for her being in the landfill, is almost all bunk. He and his attorneys played fast and loose with the truth throughout the case. What they told us, just before trial, was that he placed her in three garbage bags with some fruit and milk to mask the smell. The problem with the statement is that the FBI never found the color of garbage bags he claimed to use—and in fact, he purchased a different color of bags in the days before the murder. He also conveniently told us he put the fruit and vegetables in there because it matched up with some receipts FBI recovered during the investigation, and would have been sent to him in discovery. In other words, he took what we knew, by virtue of what he saw in the discovery file, and crafted a story to fit that evidence. Law enforcement has continued to investigate, however, and his statement looks more and more suspect by the day. All of that said, the predominant theory amongst the entire investigative team is that Yingying’s remains are in a landfill. Without certainty on his story, however, we can’t be certain which landfill it would be.
Regarding a landfill search—-that has been the source of much frustration. The FBI declined to do so. I didn’t want to take “no” for an answer though, and asked (begged) various other agencies to do it. The Illinois State Police and the University of Illinois were the most interested, and they went through an extremely thorough and painstaking effort to make it happen. I sat in on many of the meetings with the law enforcement agencies, the Illinois EPA and the landfill management, and found every single meeting infuriating. Every time the ISP/UI investigators sought a solution, more roadblocks appeared. The bottom line, is that between human costs (the Danville landfill is filled with medical waste and asbestos), environmental costs (the landfill abuts the Vermilion River, and is near a neighborhood), engineering costs (for example, the amount of trash that would need to be dug out to reach the particular cell to allow heavy equipment to safely maneuver to the location was astronomical, or securing the scene so nothing leaked into the River, or preventing smells from being a danger to the neighborhood), red tape (as you can imagine, there are tons of procedures in place to protect people and the environment for the dangers associated with waste treatment and storage), and the landfill wanting paid for everything (including not letting authorities re-dump on site—they wanted us to haul everything we dug up to another facility, and pay to re-dump all of it), the costs were well into the tens of millions of dollars. All of that for maybe a 1-2% chance of finding her, and all based on the word of an individual we knew was a liar, and has lied about some of the information related to her remains. While extremely disappointing, I know UI and ISP wanted to do this for the family, and I know they explored every option trying to do so. It just was not realistic based on these circumstances.
Regarding Christensen’s relocation in BOP, such changes are common. The facility he was at originally is filled with gang-bangers and violent criminals. Christensen is, to put it bluntly, a pansy in comparison (anyone who picks on women is a coward). I have little doubt it was not a pleasant experience for him. The facility he is in now is known as a “safe haven” for sex offenders and persons who have been exploited in other facilities. I can’t be certain why he was moved, but my guess is that he was in danger at McCreary. He did lie about being suicidal to get out of the Macon County Jail before trial though, so I have little reason the believe anything he says about his incarceration experience. I’m sure he was hoping BOP would be like his experience in the Livingston County Jail before trial. He was separated there, had an iPad, and it was pretty comfy for him. He even had the audacity to complain about the wireless reception to the jail authorities. The guy is the height of selfish privilege.
Finally, how he got her in the apartment. The working theory is that after he got her in the car, he took her to a cemetery in north Urbana—a staging ground, where he incapacitated her and got her in the duffel bag. There was some evidence throughout that he liked graveyards, and may have used them as a place to exploit women. Nothing is certain there though. Ultimately, we don’t know what happened between the time she got in the car and the time he had her in his apartment.
Thanks for the questions.
dm92
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And thanks for the answers. I am sure I will have many, many more over the coming days, but here are a couple of quick follow-up ones.
Regarding searching. The Johnson-Ross plant that is shuttered and right next to his complex has been a topic of discussion here, as some think that he may have concealed her remains somewhere on the grounds. I have always thought that place was too close to his apartment for comfort for him to stash them there, and too obvious of a place to put them; but, nevertheless, he was noted for his laziness and it is just right next door. Was that facility and the surrounding grounds ever searched by authorities?
I assume that because the investigation is ongoing, you can't go too deep into detail, but if it is possible, what kind of things have investigators focused on that suggest Allerton Park? Cell phone ping location? interviews with people that have disclosed Christensen has visited there before and is familiar with it? I know from a News-Gazette article that the pictures of Yingying published initially by the police showing her in the black t-shirt were taken at Allerton Park when she visited there, but certainly he would not have seen those pics or known anything about her visiting there, so I can't imagine he would have been influenced by them in any way -even if he had spent time browsing through her phone
CousinYeti
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I’m sorry for the delayed response, a bit preoccupied with some personal issues.
I don’t have the exact date readily available at the moment, but the Johnson-Ross plant was thoroughly searched early on. Very little of the searching ever made the news. I know that was a big source of frustration here, with many thinking it had never been searched. It had.
The Allerton Park location is of interest to some in the investigative team. I can’t really expand on that right now. I would say it’s more an effort to be thorough than anything else—trying to develop any other possible explanations. The belief is still that her remains are in a landfill.
The location evidence was all over the map. Christensen was careful to turn off his phone or leave it home, and the Astra’s OnStar was never used or activated when he owned it. Christensen had some Google locations stored on his computer. One tracked to a field north of Thomasboro. That was throughly searched as well, and nothing was found. The agents followed every lead.
I don’t have the exact date readily available at the moment, but the Johnson-Ross plant was thoroughly searched early on. Very little of the searching ever made the news. I know that was a big source of frustration here, with many thinking it had never been searched. It had.
The Allerton Park location is of interest to some in the investigative team. I can’t really expand on that right now. I would say it’s more an effort to be thorough than anything else—trying to develop any other possible explanations. The belief is still that her remains are in a landfill.
The location evidence was all over the map. Christensen was careful to turn off his phone or leave it home, and the Astra’s OnStar was never used or activated when he owned it. Christensen had some Google locations stored on his computer. One tracked to a field north of Thomasboro. That was throughly searched as well, and nothing was found. The agents followed every lead.
dm92
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Thanks again. A few more....
Going back to this. Investigators combed through huge amounts of surveillance camera footage from all sorts of different locations around June 9th. A cemetery would certainly make sense, and there is one right across from One North. IT would certainly be feasible that he could feign making a wrong turn and go into a cemetery to turn around, and then attack and incapacitate her before she might try to get out of the car. To get to one of those cemeteries (there are two right there near One North: Lincoln and Woodlawn) he would have to get on Lincoln Avenue -whether he turned right on Bradley at the end of Goodwin, or if he went east on Eads -and go past the Circle K at the intersection of Lincoln and Bradley. From what I understand, police reviewed the security camera footage from this Circle K on the afternoon of June 9th and did not see his car. How reliable was the footage? Did the footage provide good views of Lincoln/Bradley and they never saw his car, or was the footage poor and his car *may* have been on the tape, but they just couldn't definitively identify him? Also, am I correct to assume that those cemeteries were searched by investigators and the searches turned up nothing?
There is an alternative route to the cemetery that would have him cross Lincoln off of Eads, go down Sunset, and then go north on Coler to the cemetery. I assume there were no security cameras along that route that could provide footage.
Another about the time between when Christensen got her in the car, and got her into the apartment:
The last ping from Yingying's cellphone was about ~30 minutes after she got into Christensen's car, and was located near the railroad tracks in the vicinity of S. Chestnut and Marshall St. I am unclear if security camera footage shows his car there around that time. When police were able to track down the guys driving the white van that was there around the same time, did they remember seeing a vehicle there that matched the description of the Astra? I also recall from a report that Christensen's cellphone pinged at that same location sometime during the day on June 12th. Do investigators have any idea why he went to that location on the 9th before taking her to his apartment, and if he did, why did he go back there on the 12?
Finally, one about information at the trial: I haven't read all the trial transcripts yet (at some point I may try), but I am confused about one thing. In some media reports, they mention that in addition to Christensen beating, sexually assaulting her and choking in the bedroom, some say that the prosecution claim she was stabbed in the bedroom as well. Other reports only mention her being stabbed in the neck in the bathtub -which is what I think he says on the tape. Was there any indication he was stabbing her in the bedroom, or are press reports that mention this just poorly worded or incorrect?
thanks again for your information.
Just read some of the recent discourse.
While I obviously was not privy to much detail about the investigation to ensure the validity of my testimony, I stress what was mentioned about the words of the criminal being focused on a great deal. The recordings cannot stand on their own. I feel like, if anyone can say as much and had the right to say as much without being offensive, the recordings mostly provide character context and grounds to propel the investigation forward. I did what I did to the best of my ability to provide the most I could offer by subjecting myself to hours of recordings, but I stand by my words: take everything that man said with a grain of salt. The recordings served their purpose, but the proof of the crime is in the physical evidence, not in my conversations with the criminal, who had a grandiose ego as well as an inferiority complex. The people on the US team were all absolutely outstanding despite my potential awkwardness and a generally cheerful veneer to overcompensate for the intense personal emotions that continue to impact me to this day. I have nothing but gratitude for everyone who spent time in the case. One does not assist with an investigation or trial like this without internalizing the lack of humanity and the absolute tragedy of it all. So, my deepest regards to the team. I think of all of you often but know you are all busy.
please stay safe everyone.
TEB
While I obviously was not privy to much detail about the investigation to ensure the validity of my testimony, I stress what was mentioned about the words of the criminal being focused on a great deal. The recordings cannot stand on their own. I feel like, if anyone can say as much and had the right to say as much without being offensive, the recordings mostly provide character context and grounds to propel the investigation forward. I did what I did to the best of my ability to provide the most I could offer by subjecting myself to hours of recordings, but I stand by my words: take everything that man said with a grain of salt. The recordings served their purpose, but the proof of the crime is in the physical evidence, not in my conversations with the criminal, who had a grandiose ego as well as an inferiority complex. The people on the US team were all absolutely outstanding despite my potential awkwardness and a generally cheerful veneer to overcompensate for the intense personal emotions that continue to impact me to this day. I have nothing but gratitude for everyone who spent time in the case. One does not assist with an investigation or trial like this without internalizing the lack of humanity and the absolute tragedy of it all. So, my deepest regards to the team. I think of all of you often but know you are all busy.
please stay safe everyone.
TEB
To be honest, I’m still not used to being called ‘brave.’ I did not feel brave then and I don’t feel brave now. I’m not sure I could have lived a life knowing that I didn’t give it my all when there was a chance to make a difference. The case would have gone forward without me. I’m not sure what the time frames would have been and precisely what grounds would be found for a deeper search of the crime scene, but I would hope that cases like this where there isn’t a random girlfriend on hand willing to take one for the team can still be prosecuted by other means.
For me, the most important part of my involvement was not making the (9?) recordings but making sure I was able to take the stand and speak honestly.
I was afraid I had experienced enough trauma in my lifetime that maybe I would fail somehow on the stand. I am a deeply sensitive person, and though I have been described by the media as stoic, it is only because I worked very hard to keep my emotions in check for the sake of YingYing’s family and the case itself. It was the very most I could offer, to give up the rest of my privacy and anonymity, and to let the sharp, overreaching words of the defense team hit me without flinching. If I could do that despite being outed as polyamorous, pansexual, and kinky in court (and online) then I had a chance to redirect attention away from social minorities being scapegoated for the horrific personal decisions one man made. By showing that people are just people at the end of the day, I hoped to show that labels and social minorities don’t cause crime, people cause crime.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t make for a good news segment, so companies like ABC decided to use court discovery and my voice from the recordings without my consent, so that they could make a terrible two hour special that does not match the descriptions they pitched to me before I declined to be part of their sensationalism. Those of you who appreciated the 20/20 special, I hope you will have the chance to see ‘Finding YingYing’ one day so you can compare the two accounts. Then, you will see the difference between sensationalized media and the beauty of journalism that takes time. I’m not against journalism, I just choose to support ethical journalism rather than the type of content major news networks tend to create.
I hope to get the transcripts from court one day. The time I spent on the stand was far more terrifying than the last recordings. I will never forget how the defense attempted to put words in my mouth. I requested over and over to clarify what they were asserting by correcting their loaded word choices. I at least feel safe enough now to say I never wanted to be walking with that man, and I never wanted to hear what he said to me. I never wanted to testify and allow so much of my personal life be on public record, but it was a price paid forward among the many other prices few will ever need to know about. No price is too high to prevent the further loss of life.
When asked why I was on the stand despite being horrified and terrified I said “Because it’s necessary.”
Still, no matter how much I or anyone else does, the loss remains. And the loss is immeasurable. The least I can do after having been outed is not be afraid to let people know that every victim has a family, and every person involved in a case is a person too.
I’m still working on a book about marginalization as an attempt to empower those who find themselves in situations where there is no system or support structure to account for their experiences or identities. People like YingYing’s family, searching for their daughter despite a foreign culture. People like me, having had a taste of social distancing long before the pandemic. People like all of those who have lost their jobs or their loved ones without access to emotional support. I want people to know that ‘brave’ is continuing on instead of giving up. ‘Brave’ is doing what you can as well as you can, with whatever is available even when it seems impossible. ‘Brave’ is being the one to share when you don’t have much, someone on a bus giving away some of their groceries to a homeless person, standing up for those who don’t have a voice that people are paying attention to. ‘Brave’ is not some magical, rare attribute, it’s the choice to endure personal discomfort in order to ‘do what is necessary.’ And I hope everyone can find ways to be brave now. I think the world is depending upon it.
For me, the most important part of my involvement was not making the (9?) recordings but making sure I was able to take the stand and speak honestly.
I was afraid I had experienced enough trauma in my lifetime that maybe I would fail somehow on the stand. I am a deeply sensitive person, and though I have been described by the media as stoic, it is only because I worked very hard to keep my emotions in check for the sake of YingYing’s family and the case itself. It was the very most I could offer, to give up the rest of my privacy and anonymity, and to let the sharp, overreaching words of the defense team hit me without flinching. If I could do that despite being outed as polyamorous, pansexual, and kinky in court (and online) then I had a chance to redirect attention away from social minorities being scapegoated for the horrific personal decisions one man made. By showing that people are just people at the end of the day, I hoped to show that labels and social minorities don’t cause crime, people cause crime.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t make for a good news segment, so companies like ABC decided to use court discovery and my voice from the recordings without my consent, so that they could make a terrible two hour special that does not match the descriptions they pitched to me before I declined to be part of their sensationalism. Those of you who appreciated the 20/20 special, I hope you will have the chance to see ‘Finding YingYing’ one day so you can compare the two accounts. Then, you will see the difference between sensationalized media and the beauty of journalism that takes time. I’m not against journalism, I just choose to support ethical journalism rather than the type of content major news networks tend to create.
I hope to get the transcripts from court one day. The time I spent on the stand was far more terrifying than the last recordings. I will never forget how the defense attempted to put words in my mouth. I requested over and over to clarify what they were asserting by correcting their loaded word choices. I at least feel safe enough now to say I never wanted to be walking with that man, and I never wanted to hear what he said to me. I never wanted to testify and allow so much of my personal life be on public record, but it was a price paid forward among the many other prices few will ever need to know about. No price is too high to prevent the further loss of life.
When asked why I was on the stand despite being horrified and terrified I said “Because it’s necessary.”
Still, no matter how much I or anyone else does, the loss remains. And the loss is immeasurable. The least I can do after having been outed is not be afraid to let people know that every victim has a family, and every person involved in a case is a person too.
I’m still working on a book about marginalization as an attempt to empower those who find themselves in situations where there is no system or support structure to account for their experiences or identities. People like YingYing’s family, searching for their daughter despite a foreign culture. People like me, having had a taste of social distancing long before the pandemic. People like all of those who have lost their jobs or their loved ones without access to emotional support. I want people to know that ‘brave’ is continuing on instead of giving up. ‘Brave’ is doing what you can as well as you can, with whatever is available even when it seems impossible. ‘Brave’ is being the one to share when you don’t have much, someone on a bus giving away some of their groceries to a homeless person, standing up for those who don’t have a voice that people are paying attention to. ‘Brave’ is not some magical, rare attribute, it’s the choice to endure personal discomfort in order to ‘do what is necessary.’ And I hope everyone can find ways to be brave now. I think the world is depending upon it.
CousinYeti
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2020
- Messages
- 27
- Reaction score
- 269
TEB - Please don’t mistake my comments above about believing his after-arrest statement was bunk as being directed at you, or some fault of yours. I believe every word of what he told you he did to Yingying, and your testimony was absolutely critical in this case. Some of the other stuff he said on the recording is fair to debate (13 victims, for example), but that’s not what the trial was about, it was about what he did to Yingying. The evidence overwhelmingly supports that what he told you he did, he actually did. My comment about his statements being bunk SOLELY referred to what his attorneys told us that he told them about how he disposed of the remains.
And yes, you are and were incredibly brave. Your live testimony is still some of the best I’ve ever seen from a witness. I hope you are well.
I will attempt to answer some of the follow-up questions soon.
And yes, you are and were incredibly brave. Your live testimony is still some of the best I’ve ever seen from a witness. I hope you are well.
I will attempt to answer some of the follow-up questions soon.
CousinYeti - Thank you for your affirming words. I take no personal offense and do not read into words. I have thicker skin than most people realize. I just am disturbed by the idea that people would take statements made by the criminal without careful consideration. I just wanted to stress that the true evidence is physical in nature, but that I did what I did to play a supporting role, not for attention, and not because a confession in and of itself is meant to stand as fact. There was irrefutable physical evidence, but I could not allow my mind to lean on it. All I could do was speak for my own experience interacting with that person and not back off of my integrity, not for the defense, not for the criminal, and not even for the prosecution. That’s what I saw my job as. No more, no less.
Though many people make assumptions about true crime, I feel like it is important for me to not draw attention for attentions sake, but to use what attention people grant me towards promoting a better understanding of those who find themselves in positions like mine or those who judge people like me. I have and will be judged in many ways by many people, but I was well aware that much was likely the day I accepted the role I played. Some people aren’t, and not many people claim their voice after such experiences for reasons that are understandable. But there was a point for me where I felt I had lost enough and committed so deeply that the course of my life was dramatically altered. It was when I chose to accept the reality of the situation and process the pain and prove that pain need not lead to destructive behavior. And right now, the most I can do is select a few words to share publicly so that if someone who has been through some difficult things sees them, they know that it doesn’t have to destroy them and it’s not an acceptable excuse to be outwardly destructive.
Until I have processed my own trauma to a point I am satisfied with, my book will not become what it needs to be. I want to write the resource I never had. I’m well on my way, having been writing since the day before the final arrest was made. But for now, I can at least not hide behind a character people have tried to turn me into and I can speak towards what I did and admit it was difficult. People need to hear that much.
Thank you for answering a few questions from people in this forum. I know what it feels like to be in the dark about things. Within the bounds of the scope of professional boundaries, I think what you are doing here humanizes those in professions that people make assumptions about. And all of you deserve a collective voice too, no matter what chair you happened to have occupied during the trial. Thank you for whatever role you played. I know you all worked hard. That work is appreciated.
Stay safe.
Though many people make assumptions about true crime, I feel like it is important for me to not draw attention for attentions sake, but to use what attention people grant me towards promoting a better understanding of those who find themselves in positions like mine or those who judge people like me. I have and will be judged in many ways by many people, but I was well aware that much was likely the day I accepted the role I played. Some people aren’t, and not many people claim their voice after such experiences for reasons that are understandable. But there was a point for me where I felt I had lost enough and committed so deeply that the course of my life was dramatically altered. It was when I chose to accept the reality of the situation and process the pain and prove that pain need not lead to destructive behavior. And right now, the most I can do is select a few words to share publicly so that if someone who has been through some difficult things sees them, they know that it doesn’t have to destroy them and it’s not an acceptable excuse to be outwardly destructive.
Until I have processed my own trauma to a point I am satisfied with, my book will not become what it needs to be. I want to write the resource I never had. I’m well on my way, having been writing since the day before the final arrest was made. But for now, I can at least not hide behind a character people have tried to turn me into and I can speak towards what I did and admit it was difficult. People need to hear that much.
Thank you for answering a few questions from people in this forum. I know what it feels like to be in the dark about things. Within the bounds of the scope of professional boundaries, I think what you are doing here humanizes those in professions that people make assumptions about. And all of you deserve a collective voice too, no matter what chair you happened to have occupied during the trial. Thank you for whatever role you played. I know you all worked hard. That work is appreciated.
Stay safe.