Sorry, I left to pick up kids at school. I don't know if I will address your thoughts exactly, but I will try to share what I think. Psychopaths are very unique, no matter what the original cause. They do not feel empathy. They do not feel conscience. That is really hard for a normal person to wrap their brain around. I have literally seen a child watch another family member get terribly hurt and then start laughing and dancing as if excited. I literally had to tell this child that was not appropriate. The child was doing it because she wanted attention and knew that since the other child was hurt, the attention was going the other way. She felt she had to compete so she tried to be very cute and start dancing to get the attention back. It was not planned or prepared. It just was. From a young age, she had been taught that everything HAD to be about her or she was in danger.
When normal people see that type of thing, it enrages them. It provokes hate. They literally cannot imagine what would cause someone to "dance on the grave" of another person. We cannot project rational thinking on to someone who is not rational, but we do it anyway. We image the hate and rage they must feel to the person. The fact is - unless it currently impacts them - they are probably not thinking about it at all. (Ex: Ryan Burns just hours after killing TA. Even if it had been self defense, we would expect it to rock her world and it was not even on her radar.)
The reactions you are hearing on the board are what healthy people feel when faced with someone who is capable of committing such an extreme heinous act without any remorse or conscience. It was horrible to murder TA, but to do it and THEN have no remorse or conscience about calling him a pedophile, etc. is just incomprehensible to a normal person. I would even say it was healthy for people to be outraged.
It is also compounded because healthy people can feel and see the pain of TA's family. We can feel every emotion, cry with every tear. We literally carry some of that pain in us after seeing them. JA does not. Not judging. Just stating fact. She is absolutely oblivious to their pain - unless it benefits her. If it shows her she is winning, she can literally feed off of it and get joy from it. Again, I hope that as I write this that you don't hear judgement. I have seen this again and again.
The darkness people talk about in her eyes is real. For whatever reason, it is as if these people have dead souls. They are walking shells. No empathy. No conscience. No trust. Constant lying.
That's why you see the strong reactions. Kids I work with come that way. It is horrific to see what they can do - killing animals, hurting siblings, etc. without any remorse and, sometimes, with incredible joy. When you witness it, it is easy to feel extreme anger for the victims. Especially that, once they are caught, they continue to lie and justify.
Again, I keep wanting to point - no judgement. It is horrific. I tell you that we are all suffering worse than JA right now. We have more capacity to feel pain. Her hardest moment of the trial has been the brief moments where the jury does not believe her act. That takes the fun out - that means losing. The only fears she has are abandonment and not being special. TA hit the first. The jury just mortified her with the second.
I don't mean to ramble. If JA was murdered, we would have never seen this side of her.
The challenge in dealing with this every day - and many of my families do - is that anger, extreme anger, when you live with the constant lies, violence, and manipulation only feeds the disorder. In addition, the person to whom the anger is targeted, in this case, JA, is thrilled with the attention - positive or negative. So, if you hold on to the anger, you are making her feel better and making yourself feel consumed.
Not speaking about trial watchers, but people who live with it constantly. It is nerve wracking, no matter how much sympathy you have for how a person got there. It can be maddening to watch this type of individual in action. But, trust me, JA is flattered by any attention anyone gives her. Nothing on this board would offend her. She would be so pleased we all devoted so much of our lives to her -honestly.
