In my reply to you asking "ok, where do we start now?", I've just been realising that it may convey the undertone of being angry against whom disagrees with me.
Au contraire ! as we say in French.
Actually, by reading your disagreements with me, I came to realise that I'm stuck.
"Back to square #1" I was saying in my own thoughts.
So, since by disagreeing with me, I realised that I am back to square #1 at finding her identity, I answer by asking "So, where do we start?" as I'd drink some water when I am thirsty.
When I don't understand a disagreement, I ask a "how" question.
Because you can spend all day at preaching a converted person, which means in French trying to convince someone already agreeing with you, about the why.
However, being convinced about the why doesn't equal "problem solved".
Exactly similar as you want to motivate a child at behaving well, but no matter how motivated, he still doesn't behave. You want to motivate him? Congratulations, you have already motivated him. Seriously. Now, being motivated doesn't mean that he knows what to do for solving a problem.
You give boundaries, but if reward and punishment don't work = something else anything but motivation is going on.
Would you punish a blind child by asking him to find where's Waldo? Humm, doesn't work.
When I ask "Ok so how... ?" means that I hear what you say, and I am not angry at you. Not at all.
When you tell me that "there are options for good dental care in poverty", I ask "how?" because the Northern American and European healthcare systems are two different animals.
Instead of trying to guess by speculating, I'd rather ask a question even if it's a stupid question for other people.
When you disagree with me, it leads to understand that I have gaps in my knowledge. Therefore, I prefer asking "how" questions, no matter how obvious and stupid they are.
Because the answers are obvious for you, not for me.
I prefer asking stupid questions than staying stupid by acting like US president
, pretending to be an expert when I'm not.
When I ask "how?", I am not angry.
I ask because I want to improve my knowledge about something.
I prefer looking like a stupid sleuther than persisting in my mistake by not asking "how" questions.
Writing this message to clear up any bad communication on my part. Want to right my wrongs the sooner the better.
Hope the way I have written doesn't offend anyone.
If it does and I don't understand, please explain to me how I was wrong because I may not understand right away.
So, I don't repeat the same wrongs over and over.