My life-long friend and I both do something we call, 'laser scan' whenever someone new comes into our lives.
She grew up in an alcoholic home and has the ability to identify people with alcoholic problems from a mile off.
I, on the other hand have deadly radar when it comes to predators.
Neither one of us went off to a special course to learn these skills, we didn't get a degree for them, we have no card in our purses to prove we have this skill. We have decided that these are survival skills learned early in childhood and refined through the years.
I'll spare you the details of the education I received that helped me develop my special set of skills. These were honed on the stone of time over multiple events that had a profoundly cumulative effect on me. I now have a whole new set of skills due to PTSD.
In that same way that I can scan for predators, I can also smell PTSD on someone as if they wear a special cologne that they can't wash off. Chuck, as I read your post I'm getting some faint wiffs of PTSD and I'm asking you, when you can, when you are able to just sit with yourself and someone you trust and examine if this might be true. PTSD comes in an amazing and dizzying array of degrees. Symptoms for one do not fit all and the daily affects of PTSD can cloak us without even knowing it. One component of it is called hyper vigilance. I have this in spades. This is all just something to consider. I'm not diagnosing you or anything like that. Just a suggestion.
There is a better way of life, I found it through a lot of counseling and support.
"Laser Scan" Hahaha! Love it!
I think many of us are very attuned pick up on, sometimes nearly imperceptible, clues from those who trigger a deep awareness, (Conscious, or unconscious), of *something* we've dealt with in the past.
I can not tolerate being in the the presence of an active drug abuser. Doesn't matter if their high at the time, I am just jumping out of my skin, if I am around them for any length of time. ( and I have had to work with some!). I don't have to be told, or see anything. ( they do not ALL look stereotypical, some would fit right in, at a Sunday Morning church service.) I just react as if my nervous system is being strummed like a harp. I can't always name the subtle sensory input, that I am responding to; a slight scent, sound, movement ect...but I have come to respect, that I am (what I refer to as), highly allergic to these people.
But...I have been wrong. On, (however rare), occasion an individual will not trigger me, and I have been astonished to learn they abuse drugs. (Thats a problem). Or a person has triggered me, and I later learn, they do not even use drugs at all! ( also concerning).
We all view the present through the filter of our past experiences. And yes, our point of view, and reactions to things, will definitely be colored in the various shades of our personal histories. The danger is that we will sometimes try and assimilate, very small pieces, ( or even unfamiliar pieces!), of *data* to fit our existing schemas, with sometimes very dire outcomes.
There are also those who have Malignant "Perception". (probably not a thing, just made the term up, just now for use in this example!)
When my 32yr old son was four, it was 1989 and he was enamored of Scooby-Doo. They came out with some, ( Scooby) underthings for boys, called Under-Roos. So we bought him some.
He ran to try them on, and came out to show us how they fit. He was so delighted! (Still makes me smile all these many years later LOL!). While he was showing us I saw a huge lump, the size of a large egg, at the top of his pubic bone, on the right side. "Come here a minute"... "what's is that"...he says, " Oh...Thats just my bone, it pops out sometimes. I can push it back in, watch". He procceds to push said "lump" back in...
I knew then he had a hernia. Had no idea how bad that was, but I wasn't taking any chances. I took him to the ER, to have it examined. The Dr. took the briefest of looks at him and then she turned to GLARE at me, and said. "He does NOT have a hernia.
I said, Yes he does. I saw, I felt it. Can I get someone else see him please?
As she was arguing with me, another Dr. happened by the room, and he stopped in and said, what's up? So I quickly explained... he turned to Dr. All-parents-are-pedophiles, and said, "Do you mind if I take a look?", She said, "Be my guest. but he does not have a hernia!" Dr. Knows-what-he's-doing, examined my son, more thoroughly, asked him to cough and such. Like two minutes later, he comes out and says, Oh yes he DOES have a hernia. And it's a really BIG one too. He'll need a repair.
Dr. Pedo's-R-You, turns to me with her withering, accusatory gaze and said, "SO, tell me again, exactly how did YOU find this hernia?! (Oh my god my blood ran cold!), I tell her "how" and she goes, "Oh REALLY?" You expect me to believe THAT? Dr. Must-have-seen-this-from-her-before, turns to her and said, almost under his breath, "Just stop it. Right NOW".
My son had surgery the next morning, and a nurse came up to me as they were taking him, and said, "We can tell you take really good care of him'. I was so grateful for that remark, I almost cried. I often wonder if word got around, and she felt bad for us...
it's a grave injustice... a terrifying, hauntingly painful thing... to be falsely accused. (even briefly, as in my case).
We all need to use our best judgement, to be sure, but closed minded, tunnel vision can cause great harm.
