My son is being bullied

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KrazyKatLadi

KrazyKatLadi

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My oldest kiddo just turned 12 and is in 6th grade. In this district there's one school for 6/7th grades so its a new school and he has to ride the bus. This is where the biggest problem is. There seems to be little control on the bus and the same three kids that bullied him in 4th and 5th grade unfortunately ride his bus. We've had a few problems with them this year already, so much so that my son has a reserved seat directly behind the driver. I thought this would solve the problem.

So yesterday he gets off the bus and I'm sitting maybe one driveway away in my car and I see a girl walk up and talk to him. I think yay he's making friends. Nope. He gets in the car looking mad and says she handed him a note from the three boys. It said "get this c-sucker off our bus". Classy. My son wouldn't even say the word, I had to go get the note he'd thrown on the ground.

So I come home, call the school, and report it. I switched his bus and demanded they do something. These kids have been getting away with this for years. Last year my son ended up eating his lunch in the office and spending recesses in the library because these boys couldn't be controlled. Its ridiculous! Im so frustrated and mad. He doesn't even want to go to school because he's worried they'll be mad because he told on them.

How long should I wait for action to be taken? Will I even be told? Anyone else with experience with this horrible situation?
 
PMLsmom said:
Action should have been taken immediately IMO. Follow up every day, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Do you know these kids? Can you talk to their parents? I would also make a police report. This stuff is ZERO-tolerated here in CT:

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local/northern_suburbs&id=9271516
Click to expand...

I know who the kids are by looking up their last names in the yearbook but have never had any contact with their parents. I've thought about following them from the bus stop then going back when I think adults will be home, but it makes me feel stalkerish and who knows what kinda nutcases I might run into.

I just don't want this to be another case of just moving my son but the bullies going unpunished. Two of them play football and I'm going to push for then to be suspended from the team. See how they like that!

Here in Oklahoma its supposed to be no tolerance on bullying but it doesn't seem to get taken seriously. Very frustrating.
 
Wow, go to the coach, he isn't gonna like that. What does the bus driver do/say? Anything? Aren't they considered reporters of abuse? You still have the note? Show everyone that, but don't give it to anyone but the police. This is what I have always told my DS (who is 15), just make it through - life begins AFTER high school.

Here is a great on-line, free, public school...see if it is available in your town. I had my DS in it in CA, but it isn't available here in CT. I was working, my DH was across the country, so DS stayed home alone and did his work (with surrogate grandma living next door). They have teacher liaisons that meet with you, group outings, on-line discussions with other students, you get all the curriculum needed (free), and they will send you a computer and printer if needed (free)...GREAT program...

http://www.k12.com

Hugs, prayers, and wish you luck!
 
Since it happened outside the bus, I don't know if the driver even knew what was going on. That driver doesn't seem to enforce rules. I'm much happier with the new one.

I'd love to do online school with him but my husband it dead set against it. I don't think he relates to our son since he was Mr popular football guy with lots of friends. He's of the "just suck it up" train of thought.

I emailed the principal to see if anything was found on video and what they're doing next. I hope they don't drop the ball again.
 
Tell your DH it isn't about HIM, it's about the welfare (mental and physical) of your DS. I didn't even ask my DH, I TOLD him what I was going to do, to ensure the safety of my son (otherwise I was gonna get arrested for protecting him, lol).

Also, the local Christian jr. and senior high schools in my old area let homeschoolers participate on all of the sports teams...
 
I really hope they do something about it. I feel bad for your son, and I would likely have removed my child from the situation too. It seems to me it will be equally as bad now, if not worse, because in his leaving the bus he was on before, the bullies have now won. They have had their bullying ways reinforced, because what they were trying to achieve in bullying him, they got done.

I truly hope the school will do something to punish them and make them stop bullying.
 
Sending you positive thoughts, prayers that this will now end, and your DS will be okay...Let us know how it went...
 
Pinki -
I hope that this gets resolved quickly. :please:
I also wanted to make sure you realized that this thread is in the public forum and can be read by quests. :seeya:
(I'm sure the mods let you know when they moved it, but I just wanted to make sure!)
 
No suggestions, but force the school to deal with it. Your son shouldn't have to be the one to leave. I was bullied in 4th-6th grade and my life was a living hell. Fortunately it ended in 7th grade when I got to Jr. High, new school with kids from 3 other elementary schools and the bullies lost all the power they had, nobody knew them and new people gave me a chance!!!
 
I'm so sorry, PG. Middle School is really Lord of the Flies. And honestly - especially in a large public school - I don't know how it can be stopped. If we could solve the problem of bullying, we could solve the problem of war, murder, all the other terrible things humans do to each other.

I have a 5th grader and a 7th grader. General bullying seemed to start around 4th grade and most kids this age learn pretty quickly that adults talk a lot about it, but we can't really do anything about it. We can't make people be kind to each other.

My sons are extra large (my 7th grader is 6'1" and 200+ pounds) and naturally confident for their age....you'd think they wouldn't get picked on, but they do from time to time - often by tiny, angry kids who they could squash like bugs....go figure. As always, we just try to keep the lines of communication open - they talk to us when things happen and we discuss ways for them to address it and they both know that if it's "too much" for them, we will find other educational options. So far that has worked.

I will keep you and your son in my heart!
 
.....just a quick thought while you're working the situation out, Pinkie...

maybe enroll your son in karate school? It may strenthen his confidence, and he'll get to make new friends. It's important that he learns how to defend himself in life anyway and to learn the tools to build up his self-esteem.

Good luck with the situation at school.

:seeya:
 
If the hubby isn't sympathetic, can he afford private school? If there is a better school in your town, there may be a state law that says you can get an immediate transfer. The bullying already going on for years is very troubling. If it were me, I'd try to get him into another district or really start raising he$$ with some parents, cops, school board. The threat of an older sister worked when one of my daughters got temporarily bullied, but probably wouldn't work with boys.
 
PinkiGreen said:
My oldest kiddo just turned 12 and is in 6th grade. In this district there's one school for 6/7th grades so its a new school and he has to ride the bus. This is where the biggest problem is. There seems to be little control on the bus and the same three kids that bullied him in 4th and 5th grade unfortunately ride his bus. We've had a few problems with them this year already, so much so that my son has a reserved seat directly behind the driver. I thought this would solve the problem.

So yesterday he gets off the bus and I'm sitting maybe one driveway away in my car and I see a girl walk up and talk to him. I think yay he's making friends. Nope. He gets in the car looking mad and says she handed him a note from the three boys. It said "get this c-sucker off our bus". Classy. My son wouldn't even say the word, I had to go get the note he'd thrown on the ground.

So I come home, call the school, and report it. I switched his bus and demanded they do something. These kids have been getting away with this for years. Last year my son ended up eating his lunch in the office and spending recesses in the library because these boys couldn't be controlled. Its ridiculous! Im so frustrated and mad. He doesn't even want to go to school because he's worried they'll be mad because he told on them.

How long should I wait for action to be taken? Will I even be told? Anyone else with experience with this horrible situation?
Click to expand...

Oh Pink, I feel for you! Two weeks ago I had a chance to chat for 30 minutes with a bus driver. My daughter was bullied on the bus she drove. She didn't open up until I said my daughter is all grown up and is an A- student. She said honestly that her first responsibility is to drive safely. She said she can't drive a large vehicle and control the kids misbehaving. She said, as much as I complain, the children have more rights than me. Apparently, if a kid gets recommended to get kicked off a bus service, the parents complain that they work and can't drive their child to school.

The girl delivering the note is as much a victim as your child.

My experience is that it never was resolved until we moved her to a different school in which no one knew these bullies.

All the best. Flinders
 
Nothing was resolved yesterday. I think they just wanted to talk to me in person to make sure I wasn't some crazy mom making up stuff. I don't really feel like there will be much done except talking to them. Ugh. I want to move.
 
I felt so sad when I read that your son had his lunch in the offices. That's awful. A child should sit and relax and eat with friends, being goofy and laughing during lunch.

I've never been in this situation, so I don't have any specific advice.

I feel that this is the schools responsibility and that they are the ones that must take actions. Contacting the parents of the bullies might make everything worse, the parents might feel their child is being attacked and you will most likely be met with the "not-my-child"-attitude.

Best of luck to you and your son. You must feel awful sending him away to school every day. Good thing is that he's not ashamed to tell you and not carrying everything himself.
 
PinkiGreen said:
Nothing was resolved yesterday. I think they just wanted to talk to me in person to make sure I wasn't some crazy mom making up stuff. I don't really feel like there will be much done except talking to them. Ugh. I want to move.
Click to expand...
Are you there when the kids get off the bus? Maybe if they saw he had a tough mama bear who cares about him, the bullies would back off. I think I'd do that before I'd contact the parents, because the other poster may be right, the parents may be bullies themselves, not care, or have a not my kid attitude.
 
PinkiGreen said:
I know who the kids are by looking up their last names in the yearbook but have never had any contact with their parents. I've thought about following them from the bus stop then going back when I think adults will be home, but it makes me feel stalkerish and who knows what kinda nutcases I might run into.

I just don't want this to be another case of just moving my son but the bullies going unpunished. Two of them play football and I'm going to push for then to be suspended from the team. See how they like that!

Here in Oklahoma its supposed to be no tolerance on bullying but it doesn't seem to get taken seriously. Very frustrating.
Click to expand...

Maybe you should contact the parents. Years ago one of the neighborhood boys bullied my son. There was no witness and no proof, so I couldn't do anything until ... one day, the bully took my son's coat on a cold day. I contacted the boy's parents and demanded that they produce the coat. They did and they dealt with their son. The note was written by one of the bullies and the parents will know if it was their son. I would take a chance that the parents care and that they don't want their son to continue bullying other children. I would suggest contacting the parents, one at a time, and ask them to have a look at the note and determine whether they need to discipline their son.
 
I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home. :banghead:
 
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