PTSD sufferers - please post here

[Justiceforever]

Wow, what an interesting and comforting thread this has turned out to be! We all have our own unique traumas, yet we all survive. We cope. Somehow.

I am really grateful to be living in this computer age. (For those of us who have the tendency to isolate, it is really such a blessing.)

I am so glad that I got early counseling for the PTSD. And I found it to be quite interesting that some posters began counseling after a long delay and are the counseling is benefitting them. That is so good to hear.

Two things I would like to share:

1.) I totally, totally changed my life when in my 40's, after the breakup of a long-term marriage, I chose to stop working and go back to school full time. I had to go into poverty to do it, but it did end up to be worth it. So I say it's never too late.

2.) After my second husband became ill and then died from a fast-acting cancer, I knew I needed to get grief counseling. But I was isolating so badly that I could not even bring myself to go out for counseling.

I was able to find an extremely good self-help online group with a moderator credentialed as a grief counselor. This was quite effective for me and it helped me get through that first 6 months or so. After that I moved on, but I know there were people on there who originally came for help and then stayed around to help others - and probably stayed for friendship/support reasons also.

So, for those who cannot get out or cannot afford therapy, I don't know what is available in self help groups online, but it may be something worth looking into. Just be careful and look into the background of who is sponsoring the group.

Best wishes to all.

Can you share a link for the online grief counsling? TIA

 

[AlwaysShocked]

Justice: Check your messages

 

[Gecko100]

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing really well.
Three cheers for us!!!

 

[Darkhorse]

Hello, all. I am a clinician and parent, and have extensive experience with PTSD and treatment, as well as first and secondhand exposure to trauma. I wanted to make folks aware of an excellent type of treatment that is gaining notice in successfully resolving trauma in kids specificaly, but also adults, as it has been adapted for adult populations.

Our son was 11 when he was victimized by a perpetrator and we have been struggling with him for the past 2 years. He is now 14. He became so traumatized that he became psychotic and was afraid to even leave the house. His trauma occurred at school and at one point we had to take him out of school completely. He is now at a very small private school where we can be sure he is emotionally and physically safe.

Traditional insight oriented therapies were not working and his symptoms became worse and worse even though he was removed from the trauma. We finally found a center that uses Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It has been a really effective tool to help our son, who is on the Autism spectrum, begin to stabilize and heal. The premise is to work on increasing coping skills to improve emotional regulation, correct distortions that develop through the use of a narrative of the trauma, desensitizing the traumatic incident and ultimately resolving the traumatic event(s). I am really impressed and wish I had had access to this treatment for the many children I have treated through the years. I cannot speak firsthand about the modified adult treatment but we are seeing results after 4 months and are very hopeful our child can move on from his trauma. He will probably finish this work in another 4-5 months and then will be able to stop treatment, hopefully not needing further treatment, unless he experiences more trauma down the road. I am pretty traumatized myself and this treatment helps parents cope with the fallout from their child's trauma.

Google TFCBT or Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy if you have a child stuck in their trauma and other treatments are not working. I can see that the adult version would be easily adaptable and very effective as well. I hope this helps even one family. I had to quit my job, our son was non functional and it was affecting our other two children and our entire extended family. We are finally returning to some notrmalcy after 3 years of true hell. There is light at the other side.

 

[Gecko100]

Thank you to everyone for sharing their own experiences of what works and what is less effective.
For me, (I have a therapist with PTSD) all of the help has been in relationship building, and learning to trust enough to feel believed. This is particularly important to me, because my siblings are still in the closet so to speak and would deny my experience because it might shatter their thin persona's.
So I do this alone and unbelieved except by my therapist.
That was for the trauma in the first part of my life.
The second part has been acknowledged because it happened in the workplace where I worked with abused children and families. I'm sure I have vicarious trauma from that too.
So there is a whole jumble of tangled weeds.
My own approach to it all is the same as my therapist, the trust issues must be resolved at the very basic level, and then moving through the various stages as suggested by Erickson. It's the sort of thing you might do with a child with attachment disorder.
At times I feel like a dependent child, and at others a mature intelligent adult.
Because my beliefs are based on the works of the wonderful Carl Jung, my perspective may look a little different. From this perspective, I analyse my dreams, paint, and connect with the power of the collective unconscious through the power of myth and meaning.
I recognise it might not suit everybody, but I am ok with it because it gives me a depth of meaning and a more internal connection to the world, if not a physical connection to people. I know I need to get out more but still feel unsafe around people who are not mindful of their own behaviour and boundaries with me, which I consider to be rude behaviour anyway lol, I am just very sensitive to it

 

[Darkhorse]

Gecko, the not being believed is so traumatizing and isolating. Our son was not believed by the school and the principal went so far as to lie to the police, the forensic evaluator to save her reputation. You sound like a sharp cookie! Vicarious traumatization sure is an occupational hazard in the mental health and LE fields, for sure. I studied Jungian theory in grad school and loved the whole dream analysis stuff! Glad it is helpful.

You are definitely not alone and I hope you continue your healing process. We recently found a small school for our son where other families had similar experiences and it has been very healing for me to find parents to connect with. Hang in there!

 

[Gecko100]

Gecko, the not being believed is so traumatizing and isolating. Our son was not believed by the school and the principal went so far as to lie to the police, the forensic evaluator to save her reputation. You sound like a sharp cookie! Vicarious traumatization sure is an occupational hazard in the mental health and LE fields, for sure. I studied Jungian theory in grad school and loved the whole dream analysis stuff! Glad it is helpful.

You are definitely not alone and I hope you continue your healing process. We recently found a small school for our son where other families had similar experiences and it has been very healing for me to find parents to connect with. Hang in there!

Hanging in by the teeth lol!
Yes it's not good not being believed, I had to go no contact with my family so it can get even more isolating. Their behaviour is abusive.
But I genuinely consider myself to be better off because I have something they will never have (besides ptsd) lol.
Thank you for those kind words, I did child protection work for too many years with too little support.
My daughter is now a psychologist working in the same field, although thankfully she is not a front line worker.:seeya:

 

[Cherry]

Ha I bite my cheeks too, I have ground my teeth down, and have to notice to stop myself. I sometimes come out in massive crops of blisters like shingles just appearing from nowhere.
I jiggle my feet all the time if things get too intense.
With all this movement, I see no justifiable reason to exercise lol...

Do you have restless leg syndrome? It's such a nuisance! OMG it's awful.

 

[Cherry]

I will share in a round about way how my PTSD was finally resolved after a year of suffering. I had a closed head injury and concussion from an accident which left me with some memory loss...and confusion. Trouble forming words, just blank in the head which is not me at ALL. The mind is wonderful how it attempts to protect you, it's a great machine. Finally after about 6 mos of therapy my therapist told me this: when the accident starts to replay and you see yourself in the air...stop that memory. Stop it right there. It was like; of course! And we all have the power to do that. To stop a vision that continues, of course at first that never would have worked but with time....they became less and less. I didn't have the associated smells as much; I attempted and worked HARD on stopping the violence in my head....as soon as it started. Sometimes a scene in a movie would happen so fast and there I was...my brain instantly going into auto replay of the "event". I laughed at my therapist when he said, just stop them. Stop the memory as soon as that tape starts to replay in my head. I cannot tell you how helpful that was to me; in concouring PTSD. It really helped. Of course, it didn't help short term memory or trying to learn to spell things again....but with time it got better. Not all the way, but better. Now; when an accident happens on the screen....in a movie the tape does start and I react by covering my eyes and then I stop the tape. I would suggest this cog behavior to ANYONE suffering from PTSD. As my good Dr said...Just Stop that Memory as SOON as it starts. And in the beginning that meant doing this at least twice an hour for days on end. Just stop it and make your mind go to something else. And, low and behold. It worked. :grouphug:

 

[Gecko100]

Do you have restless leg syndrome? It's such a nuisance! OMG it's awful.

No thankfully I don't, so don't even suggest it! lol
I have a friend who does though, and wondered if it could be drug related.
I have every other symptom though, and then some...
I might give the restless legs a pass though.
It sounds like you have had tough time relearning and assimilating, so well done to you! :seeya::seeya:

 

[Alexander family fan]

God bless you all. I hope that Dr. Samuels saw the VIS of Travis' siblings. The grandmother certainly died of post traumatic stress and Steven nearly died over it.

 

[Beccaboo]

God bless you all. I hope that Dr. Samuels saw the VIS of Travis' siblings. The grandmother certainly died of post traumatic stress and Steven nearly died over it.

ITA! PTSD killed Travis' s grandmother. I suspect Stephen may be suffering from PTSD due to Travis' s murder. Dr. Samuels insulted every single person with PTSD with hos ridiculous testimony!! MOO

 

[oceanblueeyes]

I have read each and everyone of the posts in this thread. I have cried for all who have suffered so. God bless everyone of you.

When reading all of the heartbreaking stories I was hesitant to post about mine. So it has taken me some time to respond to this thread.

I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my father starting at the age of 5 until I was almost 16 years old. I was a shy child, very timid, and totally introverted. I was scared of my own shadow. At that time there was no one to turn to for help. I believed him when he told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. I also believed him when he said if I did tell... no one would ever believe me. So I protected his secret even after I became a young woman with children of my own. I also believe my mother knew. She had to know. I would cry and beg her not to leave me alone with him but she told me I couldn't go with her and to stay there. That too has caused me such pain and I still ask her 'why?' and she has been deceased since 1987. The answer never comes but it still haunts me.

And like a lot of abuse victims I went on and made a poor choice in my first marriage. He also was very abusive both physically and emotionally. He was a obsessive jealous fanatic to an extreme degree. For years I was so afraid of him that I didn't have the courage or the strength to leave him. By then I was the mother of three beautiful children. But finally after over a decade I did leave him and then the hell really began. He stalked me.......he threatened to kill me and our children.......he beat me senseless and because I feared him so much I never called the police. I had been separated from him 10 months when he came to my apartment and beat me unconscious that time. The children weren't there. My best friend said she kept tying to call me and no answer. She came over and found me on the floor. She called 911 and I was in ICU for three weeks. After then for the very first time in my life a man was held accountable for the abuse I had suffered. It was the turning point in my life.

The nightmares, the flashbacks, the paralyzing fear and scared reaction right out of the blue for no reason, the panic attacks that left me helpless, jumping out of my skin if someone snuck up on me even when playing..was something I had dealt with on my own for many many years.

It wasn't until I was 38 years old that I sought out help. I would have never done so I don't believe if it had not been for the loving man I married two years after my divorce. I had never told a soul what happened to me in my childhood but I knew I could trust those secrets with the man who I trusted with my life. The day I told him he broke down and cried uncontrollably and held me close and for the first time in my life I knew with help I could have a happy life.

So I was in therapy for 8 years to deal with my severe PTSD. I had the best support anyone could be blessed to have. All those years I had thought I would always be alone forever dealing with the nightmares of my past. I wasn't and for that I am truly blessed. Now after so much time has passed, and having a wonderful peaceful, and loving life, I am no longer that child who cried out in the night or the low self esteemed young woman of yesteryears.

I do still have the startled affect. I suppose I will never be able to get past that but all the other symptoms have been put to rest.

I have come to firmly believe that it isn't the past that defines a person. It is the journey they have taken since then that makes them who they become.

God bless you all and sorry for the lengthy post.

 

[oceanblueeyes]

I never suffered memory loss. In some ways I wish I had. My problem was over-remembering in vivid detail........so much so that I could still smell the smells or remember the exact clothing that was worn.

 

[ladybug]

I never suffered memory loss. In some ways I wish I had. My problem was over-remembering in vivid detail........so much so that I could still smell the smells or remember the exact clothing that was worn.

*hugs* I had extremely vivid memory like that too, up to a point. After that is just weeks of blurry snippets of half memories. Those vivid ones are horrible... Haunting.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2

 

[SNELLA1]

Been wanting to share in this thread for a while but it can be triggering for me to think about it too much - which is kind of funny, I guess, since I do have some memory loss of the event. The incident occurred when I was abut 20 years old. I told an abusive boyfriend it was over and he said it was okay but he came back that night and raped me repeatedly while threatening to kill both of us. For a while when I tried to talk about the incident I would just freeze. People tell me I would say, "He came back that night and he was really upset." Then I would just stare off space for several minutes and then say, "Finally he just left." I don't really even remember that very well - the staring off into space. When the nightmares, panic attacks and cutting (self-injury) got to be too much I found a good therapist. With her help I was able to recover most of the details- which was very traumatic to go through but it did help. I still have symptoms sometimes, nightmares and panic attacks but not so often - usually it takes a trigger like seeing a rape on TV or smelling a certain brand of cigarettes. I'm still hyper-vigilant in public, have a very hard time being alone with any man who isn't my husband (we just had a new roof put on and I work from home so I was here alone all day while they were working - it was exhausting for me). Still, the therapy did help with the worst of it - I don't cut myself anymore and I've learned some techniques to use when things start to close in on me. Anyway, blessings for everyone with PTSD - remember, you really are okay and you're stronger than you think you are.

 

[Gecko100]

Hello all the new people, pull up a chair....

 

[Beccaboo]

I never suffered memory loss. In some ways I wish I had. My problem was over-remembering in vivid detail........so much so that I could still smell the smells or remember the exact clothing that was worn.

Exactly!! I have never understood how Jodi coukd have fog and PTSD. PTSD my its very definition is the inability to escape the memories and flashbacks. How can you experience the symptoms of PTSD without a memory of what gave it to you? I am 40 years old. I haven't seen my father in 15 years and I had extensive treatment and I still have flashbacks usually triggered by something as simple as a smell. But if I didn't remember the abuse, how could that same smell trigger me? That is why what Dr. Sammuals bugged me so much. What he said made 0 sense!

 

[Beccaboo]

I have read each and everyone of the posts in this thread. I have cried for all who have suffered so. God bless everyone of you.

When reading all of the heartbreaking stories I was hesitant to post about mine. So it has taken me some time to respond to this thread.

I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my father starting at the age of 5 until I was almost 16 years old. I was a shy child, very timid, and totally introverted. I was scared of my own shadow. At that time there was no one to turn to for help. I believed him when he told me he would kill me if I ever told anyone. I also believed him when he said if I did tell... no one would ever believe me. So I protected his secret even after I became a young woman with children of my own. I also believe my mother knew. She had to know. I would cry and beg her not to leave me alone with him but she told me I couldn't go with her and to stay there. That too has caused me such pain and I still ask her 'why?' and she has been deceased since 1987. The answer never comes but it still haunts me.

And like a lot of abuse victims I went on and made a poor choice in my first marriage. He also was very abusive both physically and emotionally. He was a obsessive jealous fanatic to an extreme degree. For years I was so afraid of him that I didn't have the courage or the strength to leave him. By then I was the mother of three beautiful children. But finally after over a decade I did leave him and then the hell really began. He stalked me.......he threatened to kill me and our children.......he beat me senseless and because I feared him so much I never called the police. I had been separated from him 10 months when he came to my apartment and beat me unconscious that time. The children weren't there. My best friend said she kept tying to call me and no answer. She came over and found me on the floor. She called 911 and I was in ICU for three weeks. After then for the very first time in my life a man was held accountable for the abuse I had suffered. It was the turning point in my life.

The nightmares, the flashbacks, the paralyzing fear and scared reaction right out of the blue for no reason, the panic attacks that left me helpless, jumping out of my skin if someone snuck up on me even when playing..was something I had dealt with on my own for many many years.

It wasn't until I was 38 years old that I sought out help. I would have never done so I don't believe if it had not been for the loving man I married two years after my divorce. I had never told a soul what happened to me in my childhood but I knew I could trust those secrets with the man who I trusted with my life. The day I told him he broke down and cried uncontrollably and held me close and for the first time in my life I knew with help I could have a happy life.

So I was in therapy for 8 years to deal with my severe PTSD. I had the best support anyone could be blessed to have. All those years I had thought I would always be alone forever dealing with the nightmares of my past. I wasn't and for that I am truly blessed. Now after so much time has passed, and having a wonderful peaceful, and loving life, I am no longer that child who cried out in the night or the low self esteemed young woman of yesteryears.

I do still have the startled affect. I suppose I will never be able to get past that but all the other symptoms have been put to rest.

I have come to firmly believe that it isn't the past that defines a person. It is the journey they have taken since then that makes them who they become.

God bless you all and sorry for the lengthy post.

Your story is very similar to mine. Thank you for sharing!!

 

[Gecko100]

Exactly!! I have never understood how Jodi coukd have fog and PTSD. PTSD my its very definition is the inability to escape the memories and flashbacks. How can you experience the symptoms of PTSD without a memory of what gave it to you? I am 40 years old. I haven't seen my father in 15 years and I had extensive treatment and I still have flashbacks usually triggered by something as simple as a smell. But if I didn't remember the abuse, how could that same smell trigger me? That is why what Dr. Sammuals bugged me so much. What he said made 0 sense!

Hello, I have C-PTSD and have loads of fog!
My childhood memories are foggy and clear at the same time. It might not be exactly the same for everyone