I was not sure where to put this ... but since I couldn't find a "general theory" thread ... I decided to place it here ... I was burdened by this last night and took a lot of time to write it out.
I venture to a very dark place to get where I need to go here. I shudder to think that I may actually put myself in KC's place by the time I am finished, even though it is of course, only an opinion! … please bear with me.
http://www.wesh.com/download/2008/1126/18155354.pdf
First of all … I share Casey’s birthday, March 19th … I can’t tell you how many times, in my youth (especially in my late teens and early twenties!!! ) that my birthday was used as an excuse for a “holdover” of St. Patrick’s Day celebrations for me and many of my friends. Even after I became a young mother, my friends would incessantly call and ask if I could meet them out … early morning of the 18th , they would say, … “Come meet us, It will be your birthday at midnight” or later the next day/night … “It is your birthday … you have to come out!”
In the days preceding her 22nd birthday, Casey was being asked, by her friends, what she was going to do to celebrate. Unlike her 21st birthday, (which to many people, is a “hallmark” birthday – legal drinking age) when she was allowed to celebrate like there is no tomorrow … a real “blow out,” if you will, this year, her 22nd, she was expected to be more subdued … her mother would not be so permissive, letting her party all night. Now she is TWENTY-TWO and an adult. Therefore, she was expected to stay home and celebrate, modestly, with her family and young daughter. Casey was resentful … (by some accounts) she did not ask for this … if she had had her way Caylee would belong to some deserving, infertile couple and she would be free, as Nancy Grace would say, to “party hearty”!
So I am going to try to recreate the days leading up to her birthday and the infamous Google searches and beyond …
in my cynical imagination ... this is what I believe that KC, in her supreme selfishness, might have thought
On March 17th, St Patrick’s Day … when all of her friends were out having fun … rubbing her nose in it, no doubt … I think she had begun to fantasize about getting rid of Caylee, maybe even her mom and dad too. She might have mused, “How could I get away with it?” She then Googled what was obvious to her … “neck breaking,” and then “self-defense,” and maybe at that point she remembered a funny little icon she had seen on Ricardo’s MySpace and decided to look up “Chloroform.” So intrigued by what she found, she looked up the ingredients for homemade chloroform … just for kicks, she told herself! Heck, she even misspelled it! She then thought … well, who could I blame this on and still maintain the appearance of a victim? Hmmm??
While at home, on March 18th, she watched One Tree Hill … it was the 100th episode … which had been hyped all week! In that episode, she was intrigued by the storyline of the child being kidnapped by a nanny … she immediately thought of the fact that she had been telling everyone that she had a nanny for Caylee … surely, if the fictitious nanny in this story could kidnap a child, then HER fictitious nanny could as well!! She made a mental note.
March 19th … KC’s Birthday … she was at home with “the kid” and her parents … it was her birthday but all anyone could talk about was how great Caylee was! It really pissed her off! She wanted to go out and celebrate her birthday with her friends, but instead she stayed at home, bound by her mother’s guilt … and her guilt as a "mother" … she was sick of it all. She thought, “All anyone cares about is Caylee. It’s MY birthday … and all they care about is HER … I have to get out of this somehow.” Even then, she is just venting … just thinking … and then maybe, she begins to have dark thoughts … hmmm ... ‘neck breaking’ … ‘call it self defense and they might believe me’ … ‘how do I get rid of the kid?’ … ‘Chloroform?’ … ‘blame it on the nanny?’ … 'like on One Tree Hill’ … ‘what was that?’ … 'I know it was the one hundredth episode' … 'how did it do down on that show? … I better find out … maybe that will be my way out' … 'the nanny' … 'yes, … the crazy nanny' … 'dyed the baby's hair' … 'uh huh' … 'that is right' … "the nanny took Caylee … she dyed her hair … and she is crazy … that is believable … right???"
Still, she does nothing ... she only takes note ... mentally ... she files it away ... just as she takes down her grandfather's checking account information ... the same day ... storing it for future use!