This is just a silly story to pass the time waiting for the verdict. I sometimes write silly stuff to pass the time. It's kind of long
The Talking Head Conundrum
Trash Talking
Haroldo Riviera gathers all the talking heads from various news sources for a meeting at Al Capone's tomb, the real one, not the one that silly Geraldo took everyone to. Fancy Nancy Disgrace, Just Very Monotonous (also known as JVM), Vinnie Pollutant, Greta Von Sideburns, Little Billie Shaver, Kathi Bellyache, and the oldest of all th's Jenkasauras all were there.
For months these talking heads had been, well talking, about what we would find inside this tomb. Haroldo was certain it would be Big Al's treasure. Fancy Nancy claimed it would be a bombshell. JVM as always copied Fancy Nancy and claimed it would be a bombshell, only it would be an embellished bombshell. Vinnie Pollutant had been tweeting to both people who read his tweets that the tomb was actually an entrance to the batcave (which is why only two people read his tweets). Greta begrudgingly reported (she actually wanted nothing to do with this nonsense), that nothing would be found. Junkasaurus took Haroldo's story, gave it a slight makeover and stated it would be Big Al's stash of stolen loot instead of treasure. Bill Shaver as he likes to be called and his girlfriend Kathi Bellyache both report together that the tomb had been discovered by their tv station (WHIFF was its name because it usually took a swing at a story and missed the truth), aaaaand 56 years ago it was reported to law enforcement.
The moment had finally arrived for the grand opening. Haroldo was in his moment of glory. Greta purposely missed her plane and wasn't there. Vinnie Pollutant had Fancy Nancy on his left, and miss Monotonous on his right. Kathi Bellyache was walking arm in arm with the little shaver, and Junkasaurus was trailing along behind looking for crumbs to make comments about.
Haroldo was just about to open the door to the tomb when Dr. Loss showed up. Wait, Dr. Loss said, it might be vewy, vewy, smelly in there, let me use my sniffer machine before you open the door. Dr. Loss took his untested drill and made a tiny hole through the door of the tomb. He slid a hose attached to his magnificent sniffer machine through the hole. The machine lit up, whirred, hummed and burped out a graph. Dr. Loss exclaimed, "my sniffer machine says there is a vewy, vewy high level of bullship inside this tomb." Ironically, the hose slipped out of the hole, and the machine lit up again, whirred, hummed and burped out a new graph. The air around Dr. Loss, and the talking heads showed a new reading. Dr. Loss exclaimed," Oh my goodness, there is an even higher level of bullship in the air now, it's shockingly high."
Fearlessly Haroldo jerked open the door to the tomb. Fancy Nancy knocked everyone over trying to be the first one inside. The rest of the smells like bs turd herd quickly followed her inside. The notorious meter reader Roy Flunk appeared out of nowhere, and threw in a chloroform blanket, that he had made from chloroform he made himself and a blanket he stole from Haroldo (Haroldo personally helped knit this blanket when he went to an old folks home to expose granny's of knitting sweaters for the KKK, and a granny hit him with a chair and gave him black eye). The chloroform blanket knocked out all the talking heads. Roy Flunk had a duct tape fetish, and a strong dislike for talking heads, so he wrapped duct tape around the heads of, well, the talking heads. He left the tomb, closed the door, and placed a big white board over the door, then painted TALKING HEADS IN HERE, to remind himself of where they were.
The media was strangely silent. After 31 of silence, one of the old networks made a 911 call. The network said "I've haven't seen my talking heads for 31 days, something STINKS." Master investigator Yirky Smellich and his side kick Sappy Wells immediately responded to the 911 call. On the way to the network, they stopped off and had a late snack and a few jello shots at Fusions. Once they reached the network about 4 hours after they had been called, they were a little tipsy from the jello shots and told the old network they would start investigating in the morning. Before they left, Yirky asked the old network why they had waited 31 days to report the talking heads were missing. The old network replied sheepishly, well, quite frankly we hadn't noticed, and we were enjoying the peace and quiet.
The story was out now. The talking heads were missing, and a tipline was established. Roy Flunk waited until a reward was posted before he called the tipline. Texas Equisearchforheads founder Tim Smellier posted a $250,000 reward. Roy Flunk waited a few more weeks to see if the reward would go up. When it didn't he called the tip line.
Hello, this is Roy Flunk, I'm a meter reader with a bad bladder, and I hadda take a pee, and when I did I saw something that looked like a talking head, I'm not saying it's the talking heads, I mean its just well, I can give you the longitude and the latitude if I use my super duper GPS thingymabob. Call this other tipline Mr. Flunk. He did, and they said they would check it out. Next day, Mr. Flunk called again, and nada happened. The third time Roy Flunk called, the master investigator Yirky Smellich and his sidekick Sappy showed up at the scene. Yirky was actually there to investigate a call made from Whiff tv some 56 years ago, but the police were a little slow in following up on that report. Roy Flunk pointed to the door of the tomb. Yirky started walking towards the door, when he stepped in a cowpie. "ship," he exclaimed, and then started screaming obscenities at Roy Flunk. Roy got upset because he had been berated. Yirky said he couldn't see the talking heads Roy was seeing.
Four months pass. Roy Flunk needs to eat too, so this time he called his boss at the meter reader joint where he worked. His boss called the cops and met him at the site of the tomb. Before anyone got there, Roy had removed the white board and opened the door to the vault. When Yirky Smellich arrived he glared at Roy Flunk. Roy said, I hadda pee and I walked over here to relieve myself, and I thought I saw a talking head.
Yirky called the Medical Examiner and Dr. Gspot quickly arrived on the scene. The tomb still smelled like bs even after all these months. The Dr. gave a press conference, but the only one there was Greta. The dr. said "the only way there could be that much bs in one place would be if these were the missing talking heads."
The prosecuting team of Jeffiery Asheston and Linduh Mundane brrrdick tried to prosecute the old network. The old network hired Juannie Cochran to defend them. Judge Beveled Scary presided. The trial lasted for years. Finally however, the jurors were in the deliberation room, and wait, hold on here they come.
Judge Scary says to the Jury foreperson, what say the jury. The foreperson said, "We find the old network not guilty of disposing of the talking heads. The whole case the prosecution put forth smelled like bs."
