With regard to CH and a possible future conviction/sentancing, the following addresses OP's disability. Not sure though whether the same applies to premeditation.
It is worth noting that our law is only prepared to take account of the immediate external circumstances of an accused and to hypothetically place the reasonable person in these circumstances. Our law has steadfastly refused to take account of any subjective factors peculiar to an accused, including any disability that the accused suffers with. This has been controversial, but it has been a line from which our courts have not wavered. If the reasonable person would not have made the mistake Pistorius claims to have made, even if the court accepts that Pistorius made this mistake, he may be convicted of culpable homicide.
http://criminallawza.net/2014/03/03/the-pistorius-defence/
It is notable that the word REASONABLE crops up all over the legal aspects of this case. Applying the word to OP's testimony indicates he is digging himself a big hole.