Just splurging some thoughts, sorry if I’m jumping from one tangent to another, I’m just fascinated by this case and over the months of testimony we’ve endured so far there’s so much on my mind right now in regards to LL.
I don’t necessarily think it’s unusual if she hasn’t done any traceable research on AE because imo it should be something a trained nurse would know the dangers of. However, at one point she claimed in a police interview (if I recall correctly) that she didn’t know what an AE was. Yet we’ve heard LL told a colleague early on that she watched a documentary that discussed AE, which sort of conflicts with her having no idea what it was.
If you’re a nurse preparing IV lines, or any kind of injections in any setting I would imagine that you’d be trained on the importance of priming the needle to make sure no air is administered to the patient. I’d imagine (although I don’t know for sure) that you’d also be taught the dangers of AE too. When you deal with patients who have all kinds of NG/NJ tubes and lines, especially if you are going to be administering feeds and medications using a method other than orally then you’d have it drilled into you at multiple points during your training that administering air can kill.
If guilty, then it wouldn’t be surprising if LL had researched the consequences of AE and insulin poisoning, the likelihood of death for example, the amount of air/ insulin required to kill a baby who weighs X amount. Although you’d be told that insulin overdose can kill, if you wanted to be sure the ‘job’ was done, you’d want to know a rough idea of how much to administer. Then again, it does seem most likely she didn’t research this as if guilty, it appears she was conducting ‘experiments’, some babies died, others lived but with lasting damage, others had no permanent effects. If guilty, I wonder if one of the reasons she kept certain hospital notes was part of her ‘research’, keeping a record of how babies deteriorated after receiving X amount of air/insulin, the medications and how they reacted to the life saving treatment. I could see that, if guilty, by the time she got to baby O & P she had almost ‘perfected’ her method. Knew that if she wanted to kill rather than seriously harm then she had to do X Y Z to ensure babies wouldn’t respond to CPR.
However, if guilty, I also see a possible conscious decision to make sure she didn’t actually kill every child, maybe she just wanted to seriously harm a few, purposely to avoid immediate suspicion. I think that if every baby she allegedly harmed had died then she’d have been suspected a lot sooner. By ‘only’ seriously harming certain babies it’s made it a lot more difficult, if guilty, to identify who the alleged victims were and which collapses/deaths were genuinely nothing to do with LL.
On the other hand, if innocent, I wouldn’t be surprised if she researched the symptoms of babies who’d collapsed. It’s obvious from the evidence that she was aware of each collapse/death and that she spoke to colleagues about possible causes or reasons for each event. So if there were internet searches about possible reasons for unexpected collapse in neonates for example it wouldn’t really point towards guilt. If the term air embolism was searched though I’d find that highly suspicious, especially when at no point had she suggested ae as a possible cause of symptoms seen in the babies who collapsed.
If guilty, the level of calculation and deception involved in pulling this off over a year long period (as far as we are aware) is very troubling and indicative imo of a covert narcissist. Unlike the more often seen overt narcissist, a covert narcissist can fool more people for longer without ever raising red flags based on their personality and interactions with others. A covert narcissist does have a sense of grandiose and self importance like the better known narcissist, but it manifests as anxiety about one’s self worth, and what others think of them. IMO this would tie in, if guilty with alot of the messages we’ve seen aswell as the now infamous note. Instead of openly acting like they are above everyone and deserve better treatment, a covert narcissist will fish for compliments in a more subtle way. Usually by putting themself down, displaying a kind and caring demeanour but with slight oddities that aren’t your typical red flags, just things that appear a ‘bit strange’ at the time. Which IMO, if guilty, reflects slightly in some of her comments and actions towards grieving parents in this case, aswell as how, on reflection some of her messages seem a bit odd. But of course hindsight is everything.
All MOO and sorry for the rambling trail of thought!
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