Understanding The Anthony's Parenting Style

[claudicici]

i know quite a few people that remind me of cindy,i know people like george,i see them in relationships,like someone else said,a cindy needs a george and a george needs a cindy.....none of their kids however murdered their own child.....there s just so many things coming into play i don t think we can blame just the parenting style...and yes ca and george are extreme but kc is sooooo far gone and lee is a ticking time bomb imo...

 

[OneLostGrl]

i know quite a few people that remind me of cindy,i know people like george,i see them in relationships,like someone else said,a cindy needs a george and a george needs a cindy.....none of their kids however murdered their own child.....there s just so many things coming into play i don t think we can blame just the parenting style...and yes ca and george are extreme but kc is sooooo far gone and lee is a ticking time bomb imo...

In the discussion we have been having here we have all pretty much agreed that if it was Casey that killed Caylee, Cindy is not responsible for what she chose to do. Unless Cindy herself murdered Caylee this is not her fault.

What is being discussed is the parenting (or lack there of) that led up to the damaged woman we see before us.

 

[OneLostGrl]

Wow!!! This analogy is THE BEST analogy I could ever think of to explain MY upbringing. Consistant INCONSISTANCY!!!! It was Okay one time to be vunuarble one minute, but NOT the next...
But OT of THIS thread is my previous coments...Wondering where the "Daddy" issues come into play. "Daddy" wasn't a major force. Think I just answered my own query but still look forward to your perspective. TIA!

PS-Are you calling "gaslighting" what other's writting about verbal abuse might call "crazy-making".

No, they are different.. Here is a good site explaining the difference and also explains some other of the common behaviors .

http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/advice/6524989-ambient-covert-abuse

 

[Ripley007]

No, they are different.. Here is a good site explaining the difference and also explains some other of the common behaviors .

http://dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/advice/6524989-ambient-covert-abuse

Wow!! Thank You so very much OLG for this valuable link with info. Crazying-Making and Gaslighting are ALMOST the same thing but yet different.

Am I right that CM is perhaps MORE "insidious"?

 

[claudicici]

...yes,I do believe the parenting has A lot to do with what kc became... I do however think it's not the only REASON she turned out to be the way she is.I don't believe ca is responsible for caylee's death either but I do believe she could have prevented it.
No one has a perfect upbringing.
But most parents would have seen the signs.They wouldn't have taken delousion to THAT LEVEL.
There are so many inconsistend,controling and then overbearing parents.But I do not know anyone that would have let their daughter get away with not working for TWO years.Everything kc said was a lie.
No matter how dysfunctional,any family should have seen she needed help,especially with ca being a nurse IMO

 

[Ripley007]

...yes,I do believe the parenting has A lot to do with what kc became... I do however think it's not the only REASON she turned out to be the way she is.I don't believe ca is responsible for caylee's death either but I do believe she could have prevented it.
No one has a perfect upbringing.
But most parents would have seen the signs.They wouldn't have taken delousion to THAT LEVEL.
There are so many inconsistend,controling and then overbearing parents.But I do not know anyone that would have let their daughter get away with not working for TWO years.Everything kc said was a lie.
No matter how dysfunctional,any family should have seen she needed help,especially with ca being a nurse IMO

KC's upbringing cannot be denied in trying to figure out her makeup as a human person...Not an EXCUSE...maybe just a factor to consider in determing punishment AFTER conviction?

 

[claudicici]

...I don't think so,even though I do believe it's interesting what played a part in who she became,I think the punishment should be the same no matter what....

 

[OneLostGrl]

...I don't think so,even though I do believe it's interesting what played a part in who she became,I think the punishment should be the same no matter what....

ITA! What I think is important in discussing Casey's upbringing is what we as a society can learn from it. There is much we can gain by looking at and coming to understand the patterns of behavior in this family (and the thousands of other family's like this one).

 

[doogiesgirl]

Weak, yes, but you would have to have a steel coat of armour to retain your identity around that woman.

No truer words....

 

[Lexington]

Parenting style - what parenting style? It looks as if KC and LA were raised by a bunch of wild animals, except the animals would have done a better job.

 

[Searchfortruth]

Great point!

It is truly reprehensible that the A's are willing to sacrifice the life of their grandchild in order to prevent themselves from having to admit that they screwed up as parents.

Thank you for this post. I have long wondered if this is what it's REALLY all about with Cindy and George. When George is riding with LE, to the jail to see Casey, he feels the need to tell them how great his son is...Lee.

 

[nickster]

I really feel there's something wrong with the entire family. Listen to the way they speak it's like a word salad (talking in circles) not making much sense. GA saying I know daw gon well, not many vocabulary skills.... BUT they feel they are superior......
They just don't seem to know the appropriate responses to things, like we do. like LA laughing at the depo, and KC not caring about her daughter. I don't think G&C really have the skills to raise a child......a sad sad family...

 

[Luckybuck]

This "talking in circles" is a way of reducing their vulnerability. Others spend so much time trying to read between the lines that they lose site of the real issue or the real question. They are all good at it but GA is an expert. Listen to those interviews. He interupts himself constantly, changes direction of the conversation over and over and if he says "and as a matter of fact" one more time..... You just feel like throwing your hands up in the air and saying "forget it"....but then....that is the objective! They all learned it somewhere.

 

[nickster]

You are absolutely right. It makes me so angry just listening to them....... I want to shake them, and say stop it..... just answer the dam question. I've never seen people act like this.. their whole life is based on lies,lies and more lies. Are they all socio's????
I guess this is what's making everyone so angry with them... There is no doubt in my mind, that KC killed Caylee...she needs to stay behind bars. I think the whole family is a danger to society.

 

[Searchfortruth]

This is what I chose. However I believe the parenting style is really more totalitarian-centered around a demanding mother figure - Cindy. She manipulates the demands/situation by removing love when she is "hurt" or confronted or challenged. After that period is over she would go thru a "cool off" period in which she feels bad for the punishment starting the cycle of enabling UNTIL someone agains challenges or confronts her and the whole cycle starts again.

Psychological profiles I've put together:
Cindy:
Overpowering personality; rules the home; central figure in the home; is on a pedestal of her own. Self-righteous. Refuses publicly any wrongdoing in her children because to do so would be like accepting her own failure at being a wife or mother - re: not being controlling enough; deep inside there is this insecurity that causes her to be highly embarrased by her children's failures so no one outside her four walls should ever know what really happens at home.

George:
Low self esteem; insecure, needs Cindy for guidance in life. Would never ever step in to confront the wife EVER to do so would create chaos in his life as she punishes him by removing love from him (would stop talking to him;sleeping in separate rooms). He is easy to manipulate.

Casey:
She is the rebellious child but this is a battle for her as Cindy would not accept that - instead she wants daughter a certain 'other' way perhaps as a mini-version of Cindy (who thinks is perfect). Casey does not meet mother's expectations. A real aggressive put down by Cindy goes on thru Casey's life; wounding her along the way and the removal of love as punishment scars her forever. As a result Casey learns that by lying she is saved from Cindy's wrath. She lies to protect herself and make it look like she "act in ways that mom approves" and ends up with no personality of her own (must morf into personalities that mother accepts). Over time she loses track of herself and the ability to connect emotionally to anyone. Tension builds up and this type of person can become extremely irate in a split second. Has multiple sex partners to whom she does not connect emotionally; sex is an escape from reality. She knows how to work the circle of punishment/enabling that mom exercises to her advantage.

Lee:
To be fair I won't say much about Lee except he has shown some level of dysfunctionality and in not as great scale he lies to cover for the others. He did move out of the house a while back, so as it stands he is the only member of this family on better path where he can actually wake up and gain control of the situation for himself; saving himself from the dysfunctionality of the home.

Interaction by family members: Again, Cindy on pedestal, who must not let be down. This "show must go on at all costs" even at the emotional costs of each member. Can't let mom down; and no one can attempt to confront the sovereignty of the mother unless they can handle feeling like chopped liver. If one of the members does not go along, he/she will be accused of disgracing the unit. You must be there for one another including covering up and lying for others. Cindy first; everyone else second and third.

Excellent post !

:clap::clap::clap:

 

[Gaia713]

Cindy's style is to indulge, then use the "my way or the highway" authoritarian alternative. Neither worked.

 

[Verité]

I've been hearing the Friday NG show & replays of JG interview when he
described the adult parenting style of CA pre-KC-incarceration (back before
what he saw as the shift in KC's personality) when he felt he had to come to
KC's defense as CA browbeat her unabashedly in his presence, putting her
down for being "lazy," not finishing school, not having a job, etc. -- essentially
destroying any shred of tenuous self-esteem. Chilling to hear even as
hearsay, after the fact.

I didn't vote for any of the parenting-style choices because I suspect that on
both fronts, Mom & Dad, there was inconsistent parenting (which is the type
most often found in what is referred to as "dysfunctional families").

 

[Luckybuck]

GA - authoritarian, indifferent
CA - permissive, indulgent

As parents, they are trying to control Casey's behavior in the ways that they know how. For example: It wouldn't surprise me to find that GA, in his ineffective way of fixing the problem, may have in-oped the Pontiac gas gage. (If she doesn't listen to me and bring that car back, I'll make her have to bring the car back) This is totally fictitious on my part but this is the kind of ineffective parenting/controlling others that may have gone on. This is not to say that GA doesn't have outbursts and confrontations but I'll bet his way of dealing with rebellion is more passive-aggressive.
CA wants to give her kids everything, wants everyone to be happy, wants it to appear that way to others. Cindy needs to make up for all the bad stuff that goes on, she needs to bring home the bacon...fry...(you know the saying..) She over-mothers and fosters dependency. Casey became too Dependant, spoiled, entitled. (Not CA intention I'm sure) She probably just wants love, loyalty and obedience and when she can't get it she reverts to manipulation, shame and guilt to control Casey.
Just my 2 cents.:twocents:
Maybe what's so interesting to me here is how much of their parenting style we are seeing based on the way they are dealing with the public. For example: CA spoon feeds Casey the answers (What...Caylee's missing...what do mean she's at the nannies....you mean the nanny stole her......I'm calling the police) resembles (What do you think I meant about the dead body smell, it was the pizza). As LE stated GA knows a lot about a lot of things but .......he is passive and seems helpless to do anything about them or effect a change. He either under reacts or over reacts. We are all baffled by the way they treat society and I am asking, what can we learn about their parenting by the way they cope with the public? Anything? Correlations?

 

[easttexas]

I watched a program tonight about the narcissism and how much it has grown in our young people. The entitlement that they feel and have are absurd at 20yrs old. I work with a 24 YO who think s by now she should at least be a CEO and she has been working there for two years. And she is lazy azz.

 

[Searchfortruth]

GA - authoritarian, indifferent
CA - permissive, indulgent

As parents, they are trying to control Casey's behavior in the ways that they know how. For example: It wouldn't surprise me to find that GA, in his ineffective way of fixing the problem, may have in-oped the Pontiac gas gage. (If she doesn't listen to me and bring that car back, I'll make her have to bring the car back) This is totally fictitious on my part but this is the kind of ineffective parenting/controlling others that may have gone on. This is not to say that GA doesn't have outbursts and confrontations but I'll bet his way of dealing with rebellion is more passive-aggressive.
CA wants to give her kids everything, wants everyone to be happy, wants it to appear that way to others. Cindy needs to make up for all the bad stuff that goes on, she needs to bring home the bacon...fry...(you know the saying..) She over-mothers and fosters dependency. Casey became too Dependant, spoiled, entitled. (Not CA intention I'm sure) She probably just wants love, loyalty and obedience and when she can't get it she reverts to manipulation, shame and guilt to control Casey.
Just my 2 cents.:twocents:
Maybe what's so interesting to me here is how much of their parenting style we are seeing based on the way they are dealing with the public. For example: CA spoon feeds Casey the answers (What...Caylee's missing...what do mean she's at the nannies....you mean the nanny stole her......I'm calling the police) resembles (What do you think I meant about the dead body smell, it was the pizza). As LE stated GA knows a lot about a lot of things but .......he is passive and seems helpless to do anything about them or effect a change. He either under reacts or over reacts. We are all baffled by the way they treat society and I am asking, what can we learn about their parenting by the way they cope with the public? Anything? Correlations?

Thank you for the wonderful post. I wonder how many times in Casey's and Lee's past did Cindy feel the need to come to the rescue. I wonder how often Cindy went to their schools when they were younger. This behavior had to be going on for quite a while.