Deceased/Not Found VA - Bethany Decker, 21, Ashburn, 29 Jan 2011 *Guilty*

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Sorry for the multiple posts but I wanted to say that I too am perplexed at Bethany not living with her child. Tons of moms work, go to school, AND care for their child(ren) - myself included. And the fact that she was out of contact with her child from at least 1/29 until she was reported missing - no one thought that was unusual?? Which would indicate to me that her being out of contact with her son for long periods of time wasn't out of character :(
 
It would be very simple to know who's baby it was if her and her husband were estranged before he deployed last October. If they were already seperated and she had the BF already then every one would know the child was BF's. Maybe during the deployment Emile was still hoping for a reconciliation and that came to pass and BF was not happy.

Possibly her place of employment is not mentioned because it is a moot point. LE has probably known all along that the boyfriend is their suspect and just needed to talk to Emile regarding the marital situation in order to find motive for the BF.
 
sonicfanaticsmommy said:
Sorry for the multiple posts but I wanted to say that I too am perplexed at Bethany not living with her child. Tons of moms work, go to school, AND care for their child(ren) - myself included. And the fact that she was out of contact with her child from at least 1/29 until she was reported missing - no one thought that was unusual?? Which would indicate to me that her being out of contact with her son for long periods of time wasn't out of character :(
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I don't find it perplexing or even unusual. While I myself worked, (full time), was in school (full time) and had 4 children, who lived with me, I had a great support system and was in my home town.

I think she chose the toddler living with her parents over daycare with strangers because she was putting in so many hours. In that kind of situation (if I had to go out of town to finish my schooling) I would have chosen to live apart from my children with them living with family, rather than put them in the hands of strangers for the largest part of the day.

I think it might have been the best situation for all concerned. However if that was not the reasoning behind it I will invoke my right to change my mind!
 
Just a thought here: if LE and the family isn't saying where she is working, should we be posting it publicly?

JMHO...
 
Jaxson said:
I don't find it perplexing or even unusual. While I myself worked, (full time), was in school (full time) and had 4 children, who lived with me, I had a great support system and was in my home town.

I think she chose the toddler living with her parents over daycare with strangers because she was putting in so many hours. In that kind of situation (if I had to go out of town to finish my schooling) I would have chosen to live apart from my children with them living with family, rather than put them in the hands of strangers for the largest part of the day.

I think it might have been the best situation for all concerned. However if that was not the reasoning behind it I will invoke my right to change my mind!
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I think for me, the red flag isn't so much that the toddler was living with her parents, but that she obviously didn't have very regular contact with him. I can see someone making that difficult decision to temporarily place their child with family for various reasons, but I would have daily phone contact with my child. I would also make a point to visit him regularly- if not several times a week, at least once a week. That it took this family 3 full weeks of no contact with Bethany to sound the alarm tells me she was not a particularly active parent.

There's no judgment in that statement, just being honest. I don't think the family is doing Bethany any favors- definitely not increasing the likelihood of finding her- by pretending their relationship with her was different than the evidence shows it to be.
 
CMac2 said:
I think for me, the red flag isn't so much that the toddler was living with her parents, but that she obviously didn't have very regular contact with him. I can see someone making that difficult decision to temporarily place their child with family for various reasons, but I would have daily phone contact with my child. I would also make a point to visit him regularly- if not several times a week, at least once a week. That it took this family 3 full weeks of no contact with Bethany to sound the alarm tells me she was not a particularly active parent.

There's no judgment in that statement, just being honest. I don't think the family is doing Bethany any favors- definitely not increasing the likelihood of finding her- by pretending their relationship with her was different than the evidence shows it to be.
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I agree CMac2, in regards to the contact with her child but I have read conflicting statements regarding that contact. She may have been in regular contact with him on a normal ongoing basis. I am not sure how much a 17 month old can converse over the phone. Some kids do, some don't. My granddaughter is almost 3 and just started talking on the phone with me but she has been a chatterbox in person for quite awhile.

I am kind of thinking maybe the family gave her space to end the relationship with the BF and get moved all while she was working and going to school and really thought she had a lot on her plate. They said she had daily contact with family previously and I tend to think the circumstances regarding her move and the BF breakup may have caused them allow more time to pass than they would have normally. I doubt they were thinking something had happened to her....we never really think it will happen in our families. (a disappearance)

I am just trying to see things from the families point of view and why they might have waited so long even and allowing that she may have been in contact with the toddler pretty regularly.

Either way I can't say she was a negligent mom. Just different than some of us. She is also pretty young to be a mom and pregnant and going to school ad working etc. Not an excuse, just some girls take longer to grow up and if that is the case then at least she didn't kill him and drive around with him in the trunk of her car. My kids have gone to opposite extremes with responsibility towards their children. My son has two kids and him and his (now ex) wife left them with grandparents all the time so they could go party.

My daughter and her husband wouldn't leave their girls with anyone but me until very recently, when they decided his mom was okay too. Just very nervous and worried while my son didn't have a worry at all.
 
Kimster said:
Oh yeah, I forgot to add that I think odds so far are that BF did it. Didn't mean to leave my theory hanging there.

I think he was pissed about the trip to Hawaii.
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I agree Kimster. That's been my feeling since I heard the rumor of a boyfriend & the trip to Hawaii with the husband. Boyfriend was pissed & did something to her.
 
Is that her and her child on the first brother's facebook :( What a nice picture. My heart is seriously breaking for this family.
 
So if Mom doesn't live with her child because she has alot on her plate and she doesn't take him on vacation with her, when does she see him?
 
Confirming existence of "boyfriend", and that boyfriend did live in the apartment with Bethany. This may have been posted upthread, but my Google Alerts say it was just updated 8 hours ago.

The Centreville man, the father of Decker's unborn child, saw Decker on Jan. 29, the court papers say. He moved out of Decker's Ashburn apartment in February, police said, and made conflicting reports to police about when he first noticed Decker's car parked outside her apartment, according to the affidavit.
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Much more at link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/03/04/AR2011030406475.html
 
Why is the BF not being named? He's part of this! I'd really like to know why they are withholding his name. I haven't seen them do this before....this plus where she worked are two things they are deliberately keeping from the public. Why?
 
sonicfanaticsmommy said:
http://www.wtop.com/?nid=159&sid=2296460

this article says (sorry c&p is a pain on my iPod) that hubby likely saw her early in the day on 1/29 and boyfriend saw her later that day - boyfriend WAS last known person to see her.
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here is the quote re: boyfriend from the article:

....deputies on Tuesday searched the Centreville home of Bethany Decker's current boyfriend - the man described in court documents as the father of Decker's unborn child. Investigators believe the boyfriend was the last person to see Decker.
 
Ah. So that friend we all thought was hinky is indeed the bf. Thank you for posting the article above - I can't thank on this app, but will when I get back to computer. I keep looking on article comments, friends lists (even though I doubt bf on ms since so outdated). Great find on the (either past or present) workplace too!!!! Awesome sleuthing! Sonic, thanks for the last article as well. Who would have reactivated her fb account to chat? If it wasnt family, I doubt it would be part of a news story.

Im going on a mission later to discover this bf's name...wonder if the moms address was given over radio or anything...do LE scanners online record past stuff?

Oooh. Thought. Since bf is also gmu student, that gives us more to go on. I wonder is she was still as "involved" as it seemed she was from that PDF...would be probable this bf is also "involved" with school stuff...maybe not, but I just keep going back to why they won't release a name. Is it a politicians kid? Wonder what in the heck is going on.
 
The BF couldn't be under 18, could he? Lives at home, LE not naming him...
 
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