She gives that talk to professionals in the field, not to lay people. And, she has a message to them--do not get frustrated when what you are doing with your client takes ten times longer than you expected because she is conditioned by society to perform within the parameters of a certain gender role from childhood and now you are asking her to change quickly. It can't be done quickly.
And, the same is true for men. She works directly with men, helping them to get in touch with feelings that are too difficult for them to handle easily, in an effort to increase their empathy for their partner, and to help them not turn every feeling of fear and powerlessness into anger. Because men are also taught by society--do not be weak, and these emotions are signs of weakness.
It's a way of putting the group in the shoes of the batterer and the battered, and showing the group what it looks like through their eyes.
DV is still dangerous to women 85 percent of the time.
IMO
I've read several of your posts, and I probably missed the one that supported your feelings as a survivor. For that I apologize, and have such compassion for you and your personal hell you are going thru, or have gone thru.
I'd like to say that, albeit an excellent practice by ALV to benevolently sit down with these "men who need to get in touch with their feelings" and who are trained by the societal "norm" of not revealing their weaknesses, it becomes total and utter BULL CACA and worthless in THIS situation!!
Of course, always IMO.
ALV is self serving in thinking she can sit down and TRY to "evaluate" this particular man. Again, just in JA's case...ALV learned things from the PROVEN liar AND murderers perspective.
Unfortunately, ALV is unable to "sit down" with Travis and REALLY have a PROPER session with HIM, as she says she does with the other men...BUT, he's unavailable to speak for himself - oh, and he can't REPLY to ANY questions, either....because he was slaughtered. So, just as she skillfully dodges those nagging questions by JM that can't be answered with a "yes" or "no", she's taking a PROVEN liar's version and a journal. Kinda like there's no "yes" and "no" responses for Travis, he's not here to answer "those"
type of questions. So, ALV has taken it upon HERSELF to answer for HIM!!!
Her credentials are basically what she "believes" are the actual training and experience of a LICENSED practicing professional in this field.
A recent tweet by someone reads "some people are so sadly wrong when they project their beliefs to be right".
ALV spent a sum total of approx 40 some hours with JA. By READING a man's journal and listening to the tales of a PROVEN liar, ALV made her conclusion that JA was a "battered" woman, and Travis was a "predator".
This infuriates me!! The whole notion of JA and her response to murdering Travis in "self defense". This ALV is trying to bolster the claims of a PROVEN liar so as to prove what JA did was, in fact, "self defense".
I spent the greater part of 10 years in a living hell. I can't even begin to explain all the different ways I was beaten, degraded and defiled.
To this day, I am STILL in agressive therapy, by a LICENSED EXPERT PSYCHIATRIST in the field of woman who were/are in my position.
You see, most of this occured in the bedroom. My ex kept a loaded gun in the top drawer in the night stand on "his" side of the bed....closest to the door...as many can guess why "his" side was closest to the ONLY exit.
Not less than 5 feet away. Each and EVERY time I was about to undergo an "event", I didn't have to go into a closet, stand on a shelf and reach for a gun - which, BTW, how did JA know that Travis didn't put it somewhere else between the time she found it and when she ran into the closet because she KNEW it was there???
Well, at any rate. That gun of my ex's was right in that top drawer each and every time.
Now....REMEMBERING where that gun is???
I couldn't even remember how to run sometimes, much less remember where the gun is.
JA got a "body slam" on a tile floor??? I prayed I could even EVER get up off a CARPETED floor and not end up in a wheelchair for life.
How can ALV even THINK to introduce JA as a "battered" woman??? After 40some hours with a PROVEN liar and JUDGE and ACCUSE a man who was slaughtered, who can't sit with her and talk for even 10 MINUTES???
Forgive me for ranting, BUT, when ALV is sitting on that stand, talking about JA's hootchie pictures, a tee shirt, a pair of "spidies", no candy for Valentines Day, or we've heard about pop rocks and tootsie pops and Toblerone bars and how Travis called her a "*advertiser censored*" or a "three holed wonder" or he was a flirt and was cheating.....ah, hell, I'd give a MILLION dollars for even one of those so called "abusive" behaviors.
ETA: I am neither looking for sympathy or trying to be snarky with you, Molly333. It is just such, excuse the term, a slap in the face to REAL survivors and women/men who have endured FAR worse and have NEVER slaughtered their abusers.
