What is considered CONTROLLING?

[piedmont]

I think KL would have testified to such. I cannot say what KL would do, but if I saw my sister in that situation, I would have filled up the tank, and bought the $3 ballon. I would have also offered to help pay for the paper goods if I felt as strongly about this as KL seems to feel. I would have questioned my sister as to why any of this was occurring if I had not seen it before, but maybe my sister and I have a different relationship than NC and KL I do not know.[/QUOTE

Here's one way a husband can control a wife: the wife knows that if things aren't done his way, there will be a price to pay. For example, BC gives her $300 for the week, but if she makes money painting, instead of her getting ahead, he subtracts that.

NC may have known that if her sister filled tank, bought balloon, etc., BC would not like that and she'd have to "pay" in some way.

There's always the feeling that "if he feels like I've bucked his system, what will he dream up to get revenge?" He would derive pleasure from her having the misery of always wondering what he'll do next.

These are just thots that may have partly described their dynamics. I could be totally wrong.

 

[jilly]

NC was not stupid, if she was as desperate as some claim she was, she would have found a way to go to Canada. She could have made up a story about going away for the weekend with friends or family, which she obviously did, she could have had money wired from parents to western union and been across the border before he knew she was out of the state. As I stated earlier, the lack of children's passports would not have kept her out of Canada there are other ways. Also she could have filed for a new passport for children, claiming the other had been lost.

Going by vehicle for a weekend from North Carolina to Ontario? Filing for new passports claiming they'd been lost? To do that, both signatures of parents would have been required.

This has been discussed before, however, if one parent is taking the children across the border, they need the other parent's written consent. I believe as another poster said, it has to be notarized.

She might take the risk and try to get across the border without BCs consent but it's highly unlikely that she would have been successful.

 

[Jess]

Going by vehicle for a weekend from North Carolina to Ontario? Filing for new passports claiming they'd been lost? To do that, both signatures of parents would have been required.

This has been discussed before, however, if one parent is taking the children across the border, they need the other parent's written consent. I believe as another poster said, it has to be notarized.

She might take the risk and try to get across the border without BCs consent but it's highly unlikely that she would have been successful.

You're absolutely right, Jilly. A notarized letter if one parent is driving an offspring over the border !!! We have gone over this before many times.
Even if you are flying with passports, if there is only one parent, there has to be permission from the other parent or guardian.

 

[water_dancing]

Going by vehicle for a weekend from North Carolina to Ontario? Filing for new passports claiming they'd been lost? To do that, both signatures of parents would have been required.

This has been discussed before, however, if one parent is taking the children across the border, they need the other parent's written consent. I believe as another poster said, it has to be notarized.

She might take the risk and try to get across the border without BCs consent but it's highly unlikely that she would have been successful.

Exactly. So why the focus on who had the passports? What would have been different if NC still had them locked up in her car?

WD

 

[jilly]

Exactly. So why the focus on who had the passports? What would have been different if NC still had them locked up in her car?

WD

I brought this up before and no one responded. Maybe neither of them knew about the required consent?

 

[jilly]

You're absolutely right, Jilly. A notarized letter if one parent is driving an offspring over the border !!! We have gone over this before many times.
Even if you are flying with passports, if there is only one parent, there has to be permission from the other parent or guardian.

I know! We need some more news!:crazy:

 

[momto3kids]

When someone feels controlled, how do they react? What signs do they show besides speaking about it? What actions do they display?

The $300 weekly limit, the girl's passports being taken, following her to get gas, as well as other examples of her feeling controlled. This is because she was verbal about it. What about her shopping habit? What was her shopping really about?

NC marriage had been deteriorating for the past 2.5 years. She had a choice to stay home, let the situation control her and possibly slip into depression. She chose to eliminate the mental pain she was feeling by keeping an active schedule with her friends and family or the pain would set in. They were her outlet, as well as shopping appeared to be another method she used. This is a prime example as to what happened at the airport with her family after HH….long drive home, only to know she dreaded going home to face the same old situation.

NC mannerism by continually shopping, especially for high priced items, is a subtle sign she felt controlled instead of her trying to be in control. This was a topic discussed in my Sociology class not too long ago

It is called, "elusive pursuit of happiness." When material purchases are made it gives you the feeling of elation, a sense of intense joy and euphoria. Many times it is a brief and worn off before you even get home.

This is how people get into debt. Once the feeling has passed they are impelled to go out the next day and make more purchase in the ever hopeful effort of finding the item that will give permanent joy. Therein lays the problem. What these people are attempting to do is to cover-up or escape deep feelings of depression and low self-esteem. Once the newness of the purchase wears away, they return to their painful state of unhappiness and discontent with themselves and their lives.

People who compulsively spend money get themselves into deep financial and personal trouble. The troubles usually involve getting into so much debt that bills cannot be paid. Family members become angry when the depths of the financial problems come to light and more than one marriage has ended in divorce because of this. ALLAN SCHWARTZ, PH.D.

NC needed compliments, like anyone does. She wasn't getting them at home so she had to seek them elsewhere. It came in the form of her shopping, be it a new dress, a name brand purse, vehicle or a painting. Can you imagine you get dressed up, feel really good about yourself and have nothing said or something negative is said? Or you cook (as her mom says NC loved to do) a wonderful meal, only to have BC come home hours late because he stopped to exercise first? Your balloon will burst fast.

I agree NC had expensive taste, but honestly she was seeking approval/compliments. She needed the WOW, that is beautiful/you look beautiful in that, etc. This IMHO.

 

[fran]

Here's one way a husband can control a wife: the wife knows that if things aren't done his way, there will be a price to pay. For example, BC gives her $300 for the week, but if she makes money painting, instead of her getting ahead, he subtracts that.

NC may have known that if her sister filled tank, bought balloon, etc., BC would not like that and she'd have to "pay" in some way.

There's always the feeling that "if he feels like I've bucked his system, what will he dream up to get revenge?" He would derive pleasure from her having the misery of always wondering what he'll do next.

These are just thots that may have partly described their dynamics. I could be totally wrong.

IMHO, you're totally right. It was NC's friends who said BC was always changing the rules. This is totally in line with what you said.....

IF NC worked around BC, ie earning extra $$, he made sure she ONLY had $300 and not a penny more. Of course, we know, from his own words, BC didn't always follow through on 'his' word (like that last Friday NC was alive, BC did NOT give her any $$ as scheduled).

JMHO
fran

 

[SusieClue]

"Controlling" is deciding when another human being's life should end.
This was Brad's final cowardly act of control over Nancy. Fortunately,
now he is in a place where he has no control over anything. Karma's a .

 

[momto3kids]

Now BC will get to know how it feels to be controlled and not any longer be the controller. He will finally get the opportunity to wear the other persons shoes and see how it actually feels.

 

[tarheellvr]

BC's ultimate control of Nancy ended in her death. How?....he belittled her, he lied to her, he emotionally abused her, he verbally abused her, he kept her a prisoner in her home, and he physically abused her resulting in her untimely, horrific death.

Now HE is controlled, locked up like the rat he is all alone in his cage where HE is the prisoner. I hope he is belittled, emotionally abused, verbally abused, physically abused, sexually abused, but not death. I hope he spends the rest of his life subjected to the horrors of prison.

Yes.....SusieClue.......Karma IS a !!!

 

[RKAB]

I hope he spends the rest of his life subjected to the horrors of prison.

So, um, your guys' prison system there, is it pretty bad conditions? Because in Canada federal prison time doesn't seem like such a punishment. Inmates pretty much have everything except an internet connection. They've even nicknamed some of our federal prisons "Club Fed".

I hope Brad does get a good taste of how it feels to not be the one in control.

 

[SusieClue]

So, um, your guys' prison system there, is it pretty bad conditions? Because in Canada federal prison time doesn't seem like such a punishment. Inmates pretty much have everything except an internet connection. They've even nicknamed some of our federal prisons "Club Fed".

I hope Brad does get a good taste of how it feels to not be the one in control.

I suppose, here, it depends on which prison, etc. but I am just working under the assumption that any prison where BC is stripped of his ability to control the situation would be unbearable to him - but you are in a better position to know if that would be the case.

Certainly, most of the things that appeared important to him are gone...
Serious athletic training and competitions, women to preen for, nice clothes, nice cars, computers, the ability to make money, etc. However, the sex in confined spaces is still an option ...

 

[CyberPro]

I suppose, here, it depends on which prison, etc. but I am just working under the assumption that any prison where BC is stripped of his ability to control the situation would be unbearable to him - but you are in a better position to know if that would be the case.

Certainly, most of the things that appeared important to him are gone...
Serious athletic training and competitions, women to preen for, nice clothes, nice cars, computers, the ability to make money, etc. However, the sex in confined spaces is still an option ...

{bolding is mine}

ROFLMAO!!:rolling::floorlaugh::floorlaugh:

Unfortunately, I don't think it will be very optional for BC... more of what you might call a command performance. :shocked2:

Good to see you back SusieClue.

CyberPro

 

[CyberPro]

So, um, your guys' prison system there, is it pretty bad conditions? Because in Canada federal prison time doesn't seem like such a punishment. Inmates pretty much have everything except an internet connection. They've even nicknamed some of our federal prisons "Club Fed".

I hope Brad does get a good taste of how it feels to not be the one in control.

RKAB,

I have never been a guest at one of our institutions of lower learning, but I did have to pay a visit to Central Prison to work on some equipment a few years ago. It was disconcerting having to go there at all, and I was escorted by guards the whole time I was there. From what I understand in talking with some folks I know who work as guards, the confinement is bad enough, but what would cause the most problems is the very rigid Darwin system within the prisons. There are gangs and their associations or lack thereof largely controls how your time goes. There are opportunities to lift weights and play basketball, but the games get a bit rough I think.

No doubt that BC is going to get a chance to expand his social network in unexpected directions.

CyberPro

 

[SleuthyGal]

Certainly, most of the things that appeared important to him are gone...
Serious athletic training and competitions, women to preen for, nice clothes, nice cars, computers, the ability to make money, etc. However, the sex in confined spaces is still an option ...

Lack of a computer and Internet access would have to feel like a hardship...along with all the other stuff too. Plus being surrounded by career criminals, thugs, gang members and others not part of his socioeconomic world. That said, I thought Scott Peterson would wilt in San Quentin, and by all accounts, he's doing pretty well...considering where he is...so who knows.

 

[SleuthyGal]

So, um, your guys' prison system there, is it pretty bad conditions?

Well it is, though compared to some cubicle environments at certain companies (and I'm not naming names) it might be on par or even slightly better! :wink: But no, prison is no cakewalk as I understand, and a killer would never go to a 'Club Fed' type place--they would go to a maximum security type prison.

 

[SleuthyGal]

LOLOLOL @ SusieClue and CyberPro! 'Enclosed spaces' indeed! Little did Brad realize he was actually in training for that too. May I suggest WS send him soap on a rope as a Xmas present? There's even Pope soap on a rope, so he can wash away his sins!

 

[SusieClue]

:laugh::laugh:

LOLOLOL @ SusieClue and CyberPro! 'Enclosed spaces' indeed! Little did Brad realize he was actually in training for that too. May I suggest WS send him soap on a rope as a Xmas present? There's even Pope soap on a rope, so he can wash away his sins!

 

[momto3kids]

LOLOLOL @ SusieClue and CyberPro! 'Enclosed spaces' indeed! Little did Brad realize he was actually in training for that too. May I suggest WS send him soap on a rope as a Xmas present? There's even Pope soap on a rope, so he can wash away his sins!

This is too funny!

Actually it will also serve as his security so he doesn't have to bend over if he drops a bar of soap in the community shower.

How's :behindbar prison treating you so far BC??

Pssss... this isn't what they call Fundraising with Jail & Bail. This is real.:clap: