What is considered CONTROLLING?

[justthinking2008]

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So KL might be prone to 'exaggeration' even though there hasn't been any evidence shown to warrant this belief, but you don't doubt any of Brad's statements? Why not? Why is he believable and yet none of the affiants on the plaintiff's side are given the same courtesy of belief?


And why would he be afraid that Nancy and sis would take off that day and escape? Did they have bags packed and in the car? Were bags packed for the kids? (no evidence of that). Nancy had no money and did not have the kids' passports. Where could she go? She didn't have enough gas in her car!

I did not say that I blindly believe BC's statements, but his statements are easier to back up than some of the hearsay second hand affiants. BC can produce receipts and CC statements to back up his statements.

As far as escape goes a person desperate to escape would not care if their bags were packed or not, they would just leave and maybe NC had indicated to BC that she would do just that and with KL there what a perfect time, the children would not have needed passports to get into Canada, the fact they were born here does not make them automatic US citizens, at the age of consent they will have to make a declaration of citizenship.

I agree with NCSU regarding the party favors the costs of such things can escalate at an alarming rate. Maybe he would not let her buy the balloon because it just was not in the budget, I know $3 seems a small amount, but when you are on a tight budget you have to watch every dollar. Of course KL was not happy about this and I am sure NC was not either, and yes it makes BC look like a tight wad, but I really believe he had no choice, they were headed to bankruptcy.

 

[Anderson]

It was a matter of making sure that the money was used only for fuel. She and apparently KL have expensive tastes and could not be trusted with the money during this budget crunch.

Using Restoration Hardware paint for a quick sale of a house? What a waste of money ($4/4oz sampler, $36/gal). This was not a re-decoration project. Throw some neutral-colored paint on the walls and get it over with. Walmart/Lowes/Home Depot/Target all have sufficient paint to freshen up the walls for re-sale at 1/3-1/2 the price of RH paint.

Yes, I see what you mean. Much better for BC to spend extra money on gas to make SURE that NC and KL spend the appropriate amount of money. I agree that this is much better than just giving them a set amount for the gas and birthday materials. Glad you pointed this out. I think I get it now.

 

[justthinking2008]

Anderson,

His point is NC had proven she could not handle or be trusted with money, he had a budget to work with, he could not give her $100.00 for gas and party and she spend all on party, then no money for gas. He wanted to go along, and according the the affidavits there was no room for him in car so he had to follow, it makes sense, really think about it.

 

[cygnusx1]

Anderson,

His point is NC had proven she could not handle or be trusted with money, he had a budget to work with, he could not give her $100.00 for gas and party and she spend all on party, then no money for gas. He wanted to go along, and according the the affidavits there was no room for him in car so he had to follow, it makes sense, really think about it.

Here's a question. Did KL understand the financial plight they were under at that time? I am thinking she did not and NC did not tell her, so as far as KL was concerned, he was being a mean tightwad. Perhaps by pleading KL not to push the money issues because it would make it worse, she meant he would reveal their financial situation.

 

[Anderson]

Anderson,

His point is NC had proven she could not handle or be trusted with money, he had a budget to work with, he could not give her $100.00 for gas and party and she spend all on party, then no money for gas. He wanted to go along, and according the the affidavits there was no room for him in car so he had to follow, it makes sense, really think about it.

Thanks! That makes everything much clearer. Much much better to spend extra money on gas to make sure that Nancy spends money correctly. I get it . . . really. And I am sure that KL and NC needed and wanted his company. Why wouldn't they?

 

[justthinking2008]

Here's a question. Did KL understand the financial plight they were under at that time? I am thinking she did not and NC did not tell her, so as far as KL was concerned, he was being a mean tightwad. Perhaps by pleading KL not to push the money issues because it would make it worse, she was afraid he would reveal their financial situation.

Excellent Observation:clap::clap::clap:

 

[justthinking2008]

Whether they needed or wanted his company he had a right as the children's father to be involved if he wanted to be. He said in his affidavit he wanted to go, but there was no room so he followed. Why are you beating him up for trying to stick to his budget and be involved in his children's lives, I am sorry I do not understand.

 

[Anderson]

Excellent Observation:clap::clap::clap:

What evidence is this excellent observation based on? Just curious.

 

[Anderson]

Whether they needed or wanted his company he had a right as the children's father to be involved if he wanted to be. He said in his affidavit he wanted to go, but there was no room so he followed. Why are you beating him up for trying to stick to his budget and be involved in his children's lives, I am sorry I do not understand.

I have thanked you for clarifying this for me. I didn't know that spending more money on gas for the extra vehicle would help him stick to his budget. I will think about this theory more. There may be something to it.

 

[justthinking2008]

Anderson,

Another thought regarding why KL might have thought BC was controlling NC, that's all. NC may not have told KL how bad it was, if she had it might have changed KL opinion, as I stated earlier, nice hunch and good observation. The unfortunate bottom line here is that everyone may be telling the truth as they perceived it based on who told them, again we are divided into two camps, he said, she said.

 

[momto3kids]

I've cared about paper plates and cups for our daughters birthdays. Of course, we do the whole written budget thingy...but these kids parties can get way out of control. But my wife and I actually have had conversations about paper plates/cups and which balloons were appropriate to stay within a budget.

There are always a way to curve the budget for birthdays. I have found when the kids are younger they are more interested in the cake, balloons and the presents their friends brought.

There is absolutely no reason when on a budget to not go to the Dollar Tree, get the plain plates, napkins, balloons, goodie bags to stuff and gift bags. Match them to the character cake the child wants and 1 special balloon to mix with the plain jane ones. How many young kids say...hey look at the plates? It is the cake they always peer at. What are the pictures of most of the time? The cake.

The Dollar Tree is less than 2 miles from BJ's and could have saved $$ with the birthday items.
IMO they could both have curved the spending on this one particular event, which they both appeared not to do.
Wouldn't she have blown his mind if she pulled up to the Dollar Tree door?

I am not too proud to say I go for cards, gift bags, garbage bags & name brand dog treats. I refuse to pay high dollar when these are $1 ea. Can I afford to pay premium price for these items? Yes, but I refuse to when I know how close I can get them for 75% off.

 

[Anderson]

There are always a way to curve the budget for birthdays. I have found when the kids are younger they are more interested in the cake, balloons and the presents their friends brought.

There is absolutely no reason when on a budget to not go to the Dollar Tree, get the plain plates, napkins, balloons, goodie bags to stuff and gift bags. Match them to the character cake the child wants and 1 special balloon to mix with the plain jane ones. How many young kids say...hey look at the plates? It is the cake they always peer at. What are the pictures of most of the time? The cake.

The Dollar Tree is less than 2 miles from BJ's and could have saved $$ with the birthday items.
IMO they could both have curved the spending on this one particular event, which they both appeared not to do.
Wouldn't she have blown his mind if she pulled up to the Dollar Tree door?

I am not too proud to say I go for cards, gift bags, garbage bags & name brand dog treats. I refuse to pay high dollar when these are $1 ea. Can I afford to pay premium price for these items? Yes, but I refuse to when I know how close I can get them for 75% off.

Mom, I do agree that both NC and BC had a spending problem. However, that doesn't justify the way BC handled this, IMO.

 

[fran]

He did setup the pony thing and he did the BBQing of the burgers/hotdogs at the party. Which makes me wonder, since he had responsibilities already, why he cared about which paper plates/cups got purchased? And why he cared enough to say NO to a balloon for Bella that Nancy wanted to purchase...a $3 balloon.

Wasn't this the same party that he only wanted to pay for his child's pony ride and not the other children's rides. You know, the other kids they invited to the party?

Just wonderin'

fran

 

[justthinking2008]

Mom, I do agree that both NC and BC had a spending problem. However, that doesn't justify the way BC handled this, IMO.

Just curious, how would you have handled it, would you have kept giving her money and hoped for the best, then given her more money when she blew her budget, money you did not have. Not trying to be offensive just wondering what approach you think he should have taken. I think my behavior would have been similar to his if I was trying to save my families financial future.

 

[momto3kids]

Mom, I do agree that both NC and BC had a spending problem. However, that doesn't justify the way BC handled this, IMO.

You're absolutely correct about the spending issue and both having the problem. I was just pointing out how simple for 1 occasion to save some $.
If they would have stopped for a moment as adults and looked at what was occuring and what the long term outcome was going to be. Financial drain. It was going to be less $ for both of them in the long run when ever the seperation occured.

It appears they were in a power struggle and money was one way to control the other.

 

[Anderson]

You're absolutely correct about the spending issue and both having the problem. I was just pointing out how simple for 1 occasion to save some $.
If they would have stopped for a moment as adults and looked at what was occuring and what the long term outcome was going to be. Financial drain. It was going to be less $ for both of them in the long run when ever the seperation occured.

It appears they were in a power struggle and money was one way to control the other.

I do agree with that. So many people put feel that they have to spend money on expensive birthday parties, designer goods and houses that are really too big. Brad and Nancy's story may turn out to be a cautionary tale, particularly in light of current global market developments.

 

[momto3kids]

Just curious, how would you have handled it, would you have kept giving her money and hoped for the best, then given her more money when she blew her budget, money you did not have. Not trying to be offensive just wondering what approach you think he should have taken. I think my behavior would have been similar to his if I was trying to save my families financial future.

I am by far not taking sides on their spending issues. His way of handling it in certain matters was a bit odd I must admit. They both had a hand in this spending. After hearing what I heard in court I wonder just how much NC friends knew about her financial situation. Her family did, but were her friends only aware of him giving her an allowance, cutting her off and not how much her parents gave or everything was financed to the max? IDK

Something struck me odd to hear NC went on vacation with $700 and spent it the 1st weekend only enough to put gas in the rest of the week. KL testified to this. I have to admit 1 full day in court does give you a different perspective on it.

Still, $300 was the agreement...give it to her and don't follow her around to see how she spends it.

 

[momto3kids]

Wasn't this the same party that he only wanted to pay for his child's pony ride and not the other children's rides. You know, the other kids they invited to the party?

Just wonderin'

fran

Hi you out on the west coast:genie:
Yes, you are correct about that. Isn't it a shame he hadn't been to enough parties to know you pay for all the kids who had been invited? I know I am assuming, but reading all the affidavits it appears he hadn't attended any others.

 

[shack]

Wasn't this the same party that he only wanted to pay for his child's pony ride and not the other children's rides. You know, the other kids they invited to the party?

Just wonderin'

fran

Are you sure this ever happened? You were way off on the trip to the store. Remember you said 4 AM and he bought detergent but it was 6:22 AM and he bought milk.

 

[momto3kids]

Are you sure this ever happened? You were way off on the trip to the store. Remember you said 4 AM and he bought detergent but it was 6:22 AM and he bought milk.

Fran is not off about the 4:20 trip to HT...eventually when BC goes to criminal court it will be shown he was there.