WV - Teacher swipes mic from autistic boy set to perform in Thanksgiving play

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JeannaT said:
Well, I certainly agree with you that the prisons are full of adults who were abused as children. I know it's popular in our culture to think if you don't discipline your child he's likely to end up in jail - but the opposite is true. Children who grow up to be criminals most always had very rough home lives.

But I also really believe we are robbing our children of the ability to soldier on through adversity, and rally on to succeed. It kind of seems like everyone wants the chance to be a victim of something. Used to be kids took great pride in being strong - "I ain't a-skeered", "I'm rubber, you're glue, what you say bounces off me and sticks to you".

It is an interesting question, what would life be like if no one was EVER treated unfairly or with disrespect EVER. I really do find that an interesting question. But since due to practicality, it won't ever happen, it's best IMHO to arm children with the ability to move on after a perceived slight.

Edited to add: And so, in that light, I think the mom might have told her son that she was sorry he didn't get his third chance to speak, but the program was great and people liked his performance. And then make an appointment with the principal and teacher to view the video of the last few seconds of the performance, and ask that the teacher apologize to her son. I don't think taking this public - where his name is forever out there as the child dressed in a turkey outfit will follow him for a long time, and the whole community is left to gossip whether this was deserved or not.
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I agree. Adversity is good but we do not need to create it. We arm our children with love and problem solving skills. "You can't always get what you want, " nor should you. Teach them how to nadle their emotions in positive ways. But not on stage.
 
human said:
I agree. Adversity is good but we do not need to create it. We arm our children with love and problem solving skills. "You can't always get what you want, " nor should you. Teach them how to nadle their emotions in positive ways. But not on stage.
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Well, I agree parents usually don't need to "create" adversity. (ToughLove would disagree) But no one did purposely create adversity in this case. No one set out to harm this child. They set out to do a Thanksgiving performance. The adversity was there with a prickery teacher who was done with the performance, which was in fact over, when she pulled the mic. Teachers aren't robots, and sometimes they stress and sometimes they aren't perfect and sometimes something gets on their last nerve and they interact unkindly. (Not saying that's a good thing, but it's human).

On the other hand, it certainly can be argued that a lot of educational programs DO "create" adversity - outward bound being one of them and it's been fabulously successful. Boy Scouts USA has a step on the way to Eagle called an "ordeal". They have a very tough time of something - being dropped with no food or shelter into a park, with only an axe and matches and water for a weekend for example.

IMHO, overall, children should be in an environment where they are treasured and welcome and are very comfortable, so they can thrive. But sometimes experiencing a negative encounter will help them develop coping skills that will make them proud of themselves. This experience will NOT be the worst thing this child has to endure, CERTAINLY, and he can practice his coping skills now.
 
Woodland said:
Unable to figure out how this relates to the subject at hand - maybe O/T should have been used?
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Respectfully, it is precisely on topic :) katydid23 shared a perfect example where seeing a snippet of something and judging it incorrectly without having all the information. I admit, if I saw someone snatch food away from a kidlet, my first instinct might be "that's so mean, sadistic", but then I'd investigate a little and learn the "why" behind it. It's easy for most of us to misunderstand something and make our judgments colored by our own life experiences. Sometimes we're right, sometimes we're wrong.

I'm amazed at the number of times I discover I was wrong about something. Most times, it makes me laugh at myself when I realize that I was so judgmental and certain and stubborn in my decision because anything else never occurred to me. I love learning things, especially about myself (argh, even when it's a not-so-nice revelation, it still makes me laugh and learn). One of the perks of aging, is I hope to mature a little bit and not make snap judgments without knowing facts.

:peace:
 
JeannaT said:
I'm not quite sure what you're saying. "Stick a fork in it", is shortened from "stick a fork in me, I'm done", kind of a slang way for saying I'm out of here. Refers to food being "done".

I think sometimes, kids have humiliating experiences and it makes them stronger. The more appropriate response, IMHO, for the mother would be to tell her child well, sweetie, you were a great turkey and you did have two turns at the microphone. Did you notice the other kids only had one? So really, you got something extra.

When we treat our children like delicate little cupcakes and try to avenge every slight they might experience, we sell them way, way short, IMHO. I'm not quite sure why he was allowed to continue to go back on stage, but I think it was probably because the teachers didn't want to embarrass him by going up there and retrieving him. And then, thankfully that whole awful production was over and it was time to shut it down.

I don't know who wrote that "play". Maybe it's one they do every year - and I can see that it would have some educational value. But holy cow what a boring, long drawn out production that no one could understand and the natives were clearly becoming restless.

If that line he was about to ad lib was his only line in the production, and he was purposely denied that, I would feel absolutely completely differently and would feel he was truly wronged. As it is, some kids are kind of stage hogs and you can't always accommodate that.
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Bless your heart, you're taking one for the team - again, and after sitting through the entire play for us! :D I agree with you. We don't know anything but the few seconds the rest of us saw (you, the entire 12 minutes - yikes) I don't see how the the teacher taking the mic was in any way punishing or bullying the child. Maybe she could have handled it differently, we can armchair quarterback all we want and it doesn't mean anything because we don't have all the facts. Maybe she was told to grab the mic and shut down the show. Maybe she's the only one who had the guts to do it. Maybe (no maybe about it) it's pretty difficult to try to be wrangling a bunch of wriggly, giggly kidlets on show night.
 
The teacher is very likely getting shamed. I have seen her name on social media. I have seen that happen to people like her. Just look at Lori Drew, Justine Sacco, Adam Mark Smith, Steve Bartman, and Cherise Bonanano. They are ruined.
 
Teaching is very complicated these days with the trend toward complete mainstreaming of students with both physical and cognitive disabilities. It is difficult for regular education teachers to balance the needs of their regular ed students with those of special needs students. Hopefully they have the support of administration and special education teachers, but I am not sure this is always the case.

In my son's case, he was anxious that his classmate with autism would blurt out curse words during the Christmas program, since the teachers were unable to keep him from doing it in rehearsals. My son was a sensitive boy at the time and was actually assigned to be a recess and lunchroom "buddy" for this student. He was excited about the program but embarrassed that his grandparents might hear these words when they came to see him perform. This created anxiety for him and decreased his interest in participating in the play, but I am a realist and I know that since my son does not have a disability, his feelings and needs take a backseat to those who do. However, there were other children with autism and learning disabilities who were also distressed by the child who blurted out obscenities. My son told me that another little girl with special needs would cry and cover her ears at hearing these words. So the teacher had a very difficult situation with different needs to balance, even without considering the feelings of regular ed students like my son. I didn't go to the program since my son was ill that day, but I could hardly second-guess the teacher after hearing about the horrors of rehearsal. I don't fault the teacher for putting a special needs student ahead of my non-special needs student, but she was definitely in a bind with how to balance the feelings of a special needs student who blurts out curse words with another special needs student who melts down at hearing those words! God bless teachers, they have a tough job even without the public shaming that has become so common these days.

Please understand that I am not saying the boy in the video was prone to blurting obscenities -- I am just sharing an anecdote from a similar experience my son and I have had! :)
 
Apparently many in the community are standing with Ms. Linsey. Many of the signers are people familiar with the school and the teacher, and the circumstances of the play. And apparently, Caleb was not a part of the actual play but was allowed to participate when he arrived dressed as a turkey.

As always, there are two sides to every story and a person's life shouldn't be ruined over a 10 second video clip. The play was over.

At some point, the parents need to accept some responsibility for taking their first grader to school, when he didn't opt to have a part in the play, dressed in a turkey costume with no lines to deliver and allow him to wander around ad libbing. Who sets their child up like that, as a parent?

edited to add: Reading through the parent's statements in the petition, apparently it was Ms. Lindsey herself who bent the rules and allowed Caleb to participate when he showed up at the extracurricular performance, although he didn't have a part in the play and hadn't attended the 3 weeks worth of practices.

She deserves a heartfelt apology. And now, sadly, the community appears to have banded together against the Squires family and that will impact Caleb. Negatively.


http://www.standunited.org/petition/peace-support-and-love-for-mrs-lindsey
 
I wonder who was in charge of this child. Was there no one supervising? If he had already said his lines how was he allowed to get back on the stage?
 
JeannaT said:
Apparently many in the community are standing with Ms. Linsey. Many of the signers are people familiar with the school and the teacher, and the circumstances of the play. And apparently, Caleb was not a part of the actual play but was allowed to participate when he arrived dressed as a turkey.

As always, there are two sides to every story and a person's life shouldn't be ruined over a 10 second video clip. The play was over.

At some point, the parents need to accept some responsibility for taking their first grader to school, when he didn't opt to have a part in the play, dressed in a turkey costume with no lines to deliver and allow him to wander around ad libbing. Who sets their child up like that, as a parent?

edited to add: Reading through the parent's statements in the petition, apparently it was Ms. Lindsey herself who bent the rules and allowed Caleb to participate when he showed up at the extracurricular performance, although he didn't have a part in the play and hadn't attended the 3 weeks worth of practices.

She deserves a heartfelt apology. And now, sadly, the community appears to have banded together against the Squires family and that will impact Caleb. Negatively.


http://www.standunited.org/petition/peace-support-and-love-for-mrs-lindsey
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Thank you for this information and additional perspective. Those signing in support of the teacher are very brave indeed in this age of public vilification! I would not be surprised if they in turn are tracked down and shamed. I do not feel comfortable expressing my opinions online even anonymously.
 
I still cannot get over the big deal made about a little kid with special needs saying something in a school play.

Who cares what he says and how many times? I feel very sad that people cannot have some empathy.

Kids have been mainstreamed now for years. Anyone of us might have a stroke or an illness that makes us special needs. Some understanding goes a long ways towards happiness.
 
human said:
I still cannot get over the big deal made about a little kid with special needs saying something in a school play.

Who cares what he says and how many times? I feel very sad that people cannot have some empathy.

Kids have been mainstreamed now for years. Anyone of us might have a stroke or an illness that makes us special needs. Some understanding goes a long ways towards happiness.
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I think they had a great deal of understanding - would a child without special needs have been allowed to come to an event that had been practiced for 3 weeks with the other participants, and adopt a role that wasn't written into the play, and ad lib their part? I really don't think so. I think at this point, it will probably be very difficult for this family to remain at the school with the negative national attention they've brought to the school - when the teacher who was vilified was the one who in fact made it possible for their son to enter himself into a play and make up lines as he went along. No one blames the child - no one. But if these were parents at my children's school, I'd be enraged.
 
JeannaT said:
I think they had a great deal of understanding - would a child without special needs have been allowed to come to an event that had been practiced for 3 weeks with the other participants, and adopt a role that wasn't written into the play, and ad lib their part? I really don't think so. I think at this point, it will probably be very difficult for this family to remain at the school with the negative national attention they've brought to the school - when the teacher who was vilified was the one who in fact made it possible for their son to enter himself into a play and make up lines as he went along. No one blames the child - no one. But if these were parents at my children's school, I'd be enraged.
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RSBM

Glad for the input from WS on this small situation. The parents of that boy should be ashamed of themselves.
One action they need to take in the future would be to hire a trained person to "shadow" or follow the boy everywhere while he's at school -- in order to prevent the school from having to basically babysit him.
How are those without special needs supposed to learn if all of the teachers' time is taken up with dealing with children who require extra care ?
And then are some schools who do not know how to deal with certain types of disabilities.

My friend's daughter has a job where she follows an autistic girl at school and helps her to keep up with the other students -- this autistic girl will have calm days, and other more trying days where she screams for long periods ; this girl is also non-verbal, so it's difficult for her to explain what's wrong.
The school has 'safe closets' to place the children in who are having trouble coping.
The assistant's job also helps prevent any mistreatment or bullying.

In Caleb's case... a hired helper to go after him at all times and tell him what to do and when...would have been the right solution.
Very irresponsible of his parents to not get him professional help while he was at school ; not to mention how upset Caleb was ! :(

I feel badly for him -- but reading more about this situation here at WS has made this much clearer.
MOO
 
CCmakes3 said:
Thank you for this information and additional perspective. Those signing in support of the teacher are very brave indeed in this age of public vilification! I would not be surprised if they in turn are tracked down and shamed. I do not feel comfortable expressing my opinions online even anonymously.
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I have seen people expressing different opinions getting slammed and ripped to shreds by ugly insults. They can get shamed, like the person being shamed. Case in point, Leslie Rasmussen.
 
LietKynes said:
RSBM

Glad for the input from WS on this small situation. The parents of that boy should be ashamed of themselves.
One action they need to take in the future would be to hire a trained person to "shadow" or follow the boy everywhere while he's at school -- in order to prevent the school from having to basically babysit him.
How are those without special needs supposed to learn if all of the teachers' time is taken up with dealing with children who require extra care ?
And then are some schools who do not know how to deal with certain types of disabilities.

My friend's daughter has a job where she follows an autistic girl at school and helps her to keep up with the other students -- this autistic girl will have calm days, and other more trying days where she screams for long periods ; this girl is also non-verbal, so it's difficult for her to explain what's wrong.
The school has 'safe closets' to place the children in who are having trouble coping.
The assistant's job also helps prevent any mistreatment or bullying.

In Caleb's case... a hired helper to go after him at all times and tell him what to do and when...would have been the right solution.
Very irresponsible of his parents to not get him professional help while he was at school ; not to mention how upset Caleb was ! :(

I feel badly for him -- but reading more about this situation here at WS has made this much clearer.
MOO
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SMH

RBBM

What if the parents can't afford to hire someone? Most people wouldn't be able to, at least in my experience.
 
Jax49 said:
SMH

RBBM

What if the parents can't afford to hire someone? Most people wouldn't be able to, at least in my experience.
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That's a school district/principal decision and expense. Most schools are reluctant to hire a one on one aid for a child because it's extremely costly.
 
JeannaT said:
That's a school district/principal decision and expense. Most schools are reluctant to hire a one on one aid for a child because it's extremely costly.
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Understood, but the post I responded to castigated the parents for not hiring one at their own expense.
 
JeannaT said:
That's a school district/principal decision and expense. Most schools are reluctant to hire a one on one aid for a child because it's extremely costly.
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It is actually not permissable by law unless it is demonstrated through FBA/BIP that a child needs a more restrictive environment. In the old days, principals and building leaders had much more say in paraprofessionals. Now students must be placed in the least restrictive environment and it is very hard to get a one-to-one. Most kids who are higher functioning are placed in a 12:1:1 --12 students, 1 teacher and 1 paraprofessional or a 15:1:1.

The students I have who have a 1:1 paraprofessional have physical disabilities and need a person who can take care of all needs or kids with emotional disturbances or Autism who are unable to curtail specific behaviors-- requiring ABA or other behavior modifications. The goal is never to have a 1:1 for a long period of time. The para, teacher, special education teacher set bite-size goals and the 1:1 is phased out over time.

Just My Experience Though.....
 
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