(snipped.)
I have no insurance and no means of paying for something like that, so no. It isn't a big deal anymore, now that I'm an adult and married. I just don't care anymore. The most people I see these days is when I go grocery shopping, and I don't have to talk to them. I'll admit that I felt myself blushing just reading your post, though.
It's kind of a cycle. Seems like the more aware you are, the more you blush and fumble. The more you blush, the more embarrassed you become. People think you blush because you are shy. But maybe you are shy because you blush. And everyone else thinks its funny that you (appear) so nervous, which doesn't really help matters. You become very self aware over such a little thing. I don't think I'm shy, but everyone else always has. I'm not afraid of people. I just wish I could be as casual as everyone else when I speak.
I'd never kill myself over this, either, though. I think something more was wrong.