A practicing surgeon does not have the time to do an onsite surveillance on an Ex several states away. It would have to be online unless he spent the Christmas week in the area. But I wonder if he and Monique who were both OSU grads did not still have mutual friends in the area. Did they keep him updated about her life?. Was he visiting one of them?
I read somewhere that they had dated for a long time prior to the short marriage. If true.he must have seemed like a pretty normal guy. They broke up right as he started his residency in VA. It took her 3 years to remarry so it’s not like she left him for the current husband. And he may have broken HER heart.
He went on to do very well…in an intensive setting…where there isn’t much time to even sleep. You have rounds, you have Call,and all the pressures of mastering the program under supervision. You have to also study for Boards to get yr license and then look for a job.
Finally, you are the vascular surgeon you wanted to be. You are making real money. And you decide to go to Ohio and murder your Ex from 8 years ago.
This is so weird to me.
Disclaimer: None of this is offered as any sort of defense of him, and none of it is in any way criticism of her. And this is all speculation.
I can easily see a move to Virginia for residency being a catalyst for their relationship turning more abusive. You have the fact she’s his wife now, which could make him more possessive or controlling. You have him going through a very stressful and exhausting stage of his career. And you have her living in a new city, which would be difficult for anyone. She’d be even more lonely with him working resident hours, and it would be reasonable for her to go out to try and meet new friends. For a jealous, controlling, and abusive partner, I can easily see how those circumstances would create the perfect storm to bring out his worst.
Then she leaves, and you have the anger and resentment. He has all of his hopes and dreams for the future tied to her. Some men can take their role of provider very seriously, to the point that it’s their reason for working. So he might have thought he was doing all of this for her and their future family. Overnight he loses the person he loves (or highly values as a possession), he loses his companion, he loses the children he thought they would have (even if he gets another partner, *their* children are gone), and he loses his motivation for dealing with the grueling demands of being a resident. That’s a lot to lose. And he likely blames her for not only leaving, but also for everything she did that caused him to be angry during their short marriage. And it affects his pride and reputation among his friends, family, and colleagues. It’s embarrassing. That can certainly be the source for anger and resentment.
8 years later, you have a career, but you’ve had struggles over those 8 years, both professional it sounds like, and personal to the extent we know he wanted to be married and isn’t. He doesn’t have the wife and kids that he thought he was doing this for.
And as someone who herself is successful professionally but single, it’s not lost on me how often people express that finding love and having a family is the most important thing. That those who have found love and have a family are richer than anyone who hasn’t.
Meanwhile, the person who you feel ruined your life is now living “your” life with someone else. And you get to see this play out in front of your eyes, through social media posts. You now have all the jealousy from seeing “your” woman with another man. You have all the sadness from missing her. And you have all the anger from blaming her for ruining the life you should have had.
So while the initial emotions will be expected to have faded and gotten easier to live with over 8 years, for some they never go away. And in the meantime, your underlying circumstances are changing resulting in an unraveling of your prior ability to cope with those emotions (if the posts about him selling a condo for a 6 figure loss is true, that’s quite noteworthy). And over those years, you’ve lost some of the things you told yourself that helped you in those early years. “She’ll never find a man like me” or “She’ll be nothing without me” turned out to not be true, as you see her living a picture-perfect life with another doctor. And now you’ve lost the hope you’ve had for what your own post-divorce life would look like. A young, attractive doctor on the brink of a lucrative career could reasonably be quite optimistic.
Then while you’re already struggling with all that, you receive a notification from the court about a hearing in your divorce case. It brings you back to all the anger you had while going through it at the time. The filing turns out to be a mistake, but the damage has been done. That 8-year-old anger has been brought back to the surface.
So, the emotions are not inexplicable to me. But of course, the decision to murder is inexplicable.
Source: 1) Many conversations in my past with an abusive partner that gave me insight into how their mind works, and 2) my own challenges processing emotions from a breakup (with a different partner) that was over 4 years ago.