I've held on to this for over a year, but out of respect to people who have cared enough to read these pages and pages of updates and emotions and deaths and anguish of the past years I am going to post something that my mother emailed to me. This is a direct cut and paste- no analyzing- and I am doing this with great hesitation because I appreciate her writing this to me so much that I don't want anyone who may know us all to pass this on as something bad to her... This brought me the end peace I needed from her to me- hopefully it will be the same for you all in this private forum and hopefully the end of this story as well because I do want the best for her and what's left of my family. I am so grateful for this email (October 31, 2014) This is why I forgive her ..I don't want to get together, but I can now occasionally email her. She sent me the explanation below that spoke to me on a deep level. This is the email that brought me peace, and this is the closest to the truth I ever will hear and I thank her for this. We can never know why people do what they do or what they go through, that is for God to sort out.
"Since you have beautiful, wonderful, smart children, they may also be ordinary enough to have watched "Monsters, Inc." when it came out. You mentioned "boxes" in my head. I used to have boxes--lots and lots of them that I added to frequently--and that I locked tightly and attempted to throw away all keys. After seeing that movie, I have come to realize that my boxes have become more like closets, complete with monsters behind every door. There are no longer any keys, and usually I can keep the doors closed now in the daytime, but on only a very few nights do the doors stay closed and the monsters stay quiet--even after all this time."
"Since you have beautiful, wonderful, smart children, they may also be ordinary enough to have watched "Monsters, Inc." when it came out. You mentioned "boxes" in my head. I used to have boxes--lots and lots of them that I added to frequently--and that I locked tightly and attempted to throw away all keys. After seeing that movie, I have come to realize that my boxes have become more like closets, complete with monsters behind every door. There are no longer any keys, and usually I can keep the doors closed now in the daytime, but on only a very few nights do the doors stay closed and the monsters stay quiet--even after all this time."
She asked JF what I was going to die from, and she said it was an illness and I didn't want anyone to know about it. She told several others I was going to die behind my back as well, and not to tell me. I got very ill ... after that. I hired a private detective when I found out about all of this- anyway....... could all be coincidence yet again, but very macabre.
) i just wondered on a scale of 1-10 how unusual you think the situation with the salt is. I have a recording which i am not going to share right now because of the case, where she denies she ever had any salt shakers at all when i asked her about the 12 - 16 shakers she had in her cabinet. I reminded her she told me it was dirt in the shaker that she scooped in, and she said she recalled nothing like that. Then- later that night she called me, recorded, and she said she remembered that the lid fell off when she was peppering something, and so that's how all of the "crap" got into the salt. Then the next day she called family, and told them i was crazy. Then- she told the family i accused her of poisoning me with salt at thanksgiving (which didn't happen) and put the skull and crossbones on the salt and pepper shakers and said that they were "her poison". Then, she wrote me an email a year or two later where she said the stuff in her salt was sea salt- end of story. 
