Question about letting 13 year old go for a walk, what's your opinion?

[AC's Grandma]

Hi,
(Admin, if this needs to go somewhere else, please move it).

I'm looking for peoples' opinions and knew this is the best place to get the answers. If you lived in safe neighborhood and your 13 year old wanted to go for a walk and meet up with a friend to play and hang out at a school field would you let them? The child is responsible and independent and has stayed alone at home for the past 3 years when mom (single parent) had to leave to go to work, a doctor appointment, quick run to the grocery store. Mom has an app on his phone to know where he is at all times. They live in a 3 story apartment and there is no yard for him to play in.
The dad says he should not be going anywhere, even with a friend without an adult supervising. He spends 8 hours a week with his son and has nothing else to do with him. When he does have him, he takes him to visit his grandparents. During the past 13 years he has not been involved or concerned when he's been injured, hospitalized or ill. He also refused to take time off work to care for his son when he was ill and mom had mandatory meetings.
What's your opinion on a 13 year old going for a walk around the neighborhood to get fresh air and some space outside of his apartment?
Thanks for any input you give.

 

[Sheila Terranova]

If it is REALLY a safe neighborhood, and that is worth researching, and he is with a friend, I see no harm in thirteen year olds going to,play sports etc during daylight hours. I suggest giving him a phone . Also, join every sports team or club, scouts, church groups, tennis, etc so he can get out without dad objecting.

 

[killarney rose]

It would depend on his size. My youngest was chafing for some independence at this age but he was small for his age. I said no, because he was small enough that a predator could have easily grabbed him and been gone. It was at 13-14 he did get that growth spurt and shot up tall as the other kids. Then I gave him more freedom. This was about the age I started loosening up on my youngest. I had two older boys and they weren’t as small as their brother so I was a bit more lax with them. That said, I was the mom that usually said no and was more protective than their friends moms.

 

[annpats]

Yes, I'd say it's fine.
13 is old enough to be wise. He's not 8. A teenager needs to add to his social and independence skills. Have fun and be safe. Enjoy.

 

[MimosaMornings]

How far is the school field?
Within the neighborhood with sidewalks?
Has Mom met this friend or know what he looks like?

Our school field is closed off during the summer months when they are out of school due to vandalism that always occurred year after year.

My daughter at 13 - yes, not a problem.
My sons at 13 - whew, they required a handler lol

 

[AC's Grandma]

If it is REALLY a safe neighborhood, and that is worth researching, and he is with a friend, I see no harm in thirteen year olds going to,play sports etc during daylight hours. I suggest giving him a phone . Also, join every sports team or club, scouts, church groups, tennis, etc so he can get out without dad objecting.

Thanks Sheila. He does belong to every group, sports team there is- football, softball, baseball, wrestling and swimming along with band. He does have a phone and mom can track him with the Live360 app on it.

 

[AC's Grandma]

It would depend on his size. My youngest was chafing for some independence at this age but he was small for his age. I said no, because he was small enough that a predator could have easily grabbed him and been gone. It was at 13-14 he did get that growth spurt and shot up tall as the other kids. Then I gave him more freedom. This was about the age I started loosening up on my youngest. I had two older boys and they weren’t as small as their brother so I was a bit more lax with them. That said, I was the mom that usually said no and was more protective than their friends moms.

Thanks, he's not small enough to be easy to grab that's for sure. I totally believe that it depends on the kid what the freedom and decisions are that should be made accordingly.

 

[AC's Grandma]

How far is the school field?
Within the neighborhood with sidewalks?
Have you met this friend or know what he looks like?

Our school field is closed off during the summer months when they are out of school due to vandalism that always occurred year after year.

School is still in session where they live. The field is less than 1/2 mile away and there's no main roads he needs to cross, all back/side roads with sidewalks. Mom knows anyone he would be with. He has many friends and she's friends with all their parents and knows their kids well.

 

[MimosaMornings]

School is still in session where they live. The field is less than 1/2 mile away and there's no main roads he needs to cross, all back/side roads with sidewalks. Mom knows anyone he would be with. He has many friends and she's friends with all their parents and knows their kids well.

That’s awesome, sounds like mom has it well covered and he’s ready.

 

[Shamrock1]

I have no clue but following here. We live in an extremely safe, small town where everyone walks to school - no school buses. Kids in grade 3 are expected to walk home; K-2nd grade are dismissed to a caregiver/sibling.

I think the average 13yr old would be fine during daylight hours. I wouldn’t let him wear headphones - he needs to be aware of his surroundings. Can someone role-model how to walk confidently?

My nephew (11) is quite immature emotionally but has been fine waking his dog in the afternoons in a busy suburban area. I was more concerned about him being in la-la land and walking into traffic than anything else.

 

[SBops]

I think as long as there is a destination for a purpose and not just walking around, it would be fine. With instructions to be home at a certain time.

 

[AC's Grandma]

I have no clue but following here. We live in an extremely safe, small town where everyone walks to school - no school buses. Kids in grade 3 are expected to walk home; K-2nd grade are dismissed to a caregiver/sibling.

I think the average 13yr old would be fine during daylight hours. I wouldn’t let him wear headphones - he needs to be aware of his surroundings. Can someone role-model how to walk confidently?

My nephew (11) is quite immature emotionally but has been fine waking his dog in the afternoons in a busy suburban area. I was more concerned about him being in la-la land and walking into traffic than anything else.

His mom doesn't let him wear headphones when he's walking and he keeps his phone in his pocket so he's not distracted from what's around him. He isn't allowed to walk alone in the dark.

 

[Andreee]

Hi,
(Admin, if this needs to go somewhere else, please move it).

I'm looking for peoples' opinions and knew this is the best place to get the answers. If you lived in safe neighborhood and your 13 year old wanted to go for a walk and meet up with a friend to play and hang out at a school field would you let them? The child is responsible and independent and has stayed alone at home for the past 3 years when mom (single parent) had to leave to go to work, a doctor appointment, quick run to the grocery store. Mom has an app on his phone to know where he is at all times. They live in a 3 story apartment and there is no yard for him to play in.
The dad says he should not be going anywhere, even with a friend without an adult supervising. He spends 8 hours a week with his son and has nothing else to do with him. When he does have him, he takes him to visit his grandparents. During the past 13 years he has not been involved or concerned when he's been injured, hospitalized or ill. He also refused to take time off work to care for his son when he was ill and mom had mandatory meetings.
What's your opinion on a 13 year old going for a walk around the neighborhood to get fresh air and some space outside of his apartment?
Thanks for any input you give.

I'm going to have to say no, in theory anyways. There is no such thing as a 'safe' neighbourhood. Especially if you read any of the tragic cases on WS. Your question sounds in favour of this new teen being able to walk alone, and I get that the dad isn't around much at all to voice an opinion, but I'm kinda agreeing with his viewpoint on this regardless. However, this is just my opinion. Not always doable

 

[LeeAnnB]

I wouldn’t think twice if he was my child.

 

[AC's Grandma]

I'm going to have to say no, in theory anyways. There is no such thing as a 'safe' neighbourhood. Especially if you read any of the tragic cases on WS. Your question sounds completely slanted in favour of this new teen being able to walk alone, and I get that the dad isn't around much at all to voice an opinion, but I'm kinda agreeing with his viewpoint on this regardless. However, this is just my opinion. Not always doable

I completely understand your point. I have to agree that there is no such thing as a "safe" neighborhood but it's not dangerous and they are the 3rd safest town in their state so that's important for me to know and his mom to make her decisions.

 

[Andreee]

I completely understand your point. I have to agree that there is no such thing as a "safe" neighborhood but it's not dangerous and they are the 3rd safest town in their state so that's important for me to know and his mom to make her decisions.

Ok, well its up to your family anyways!

 

[Eloise]

Yes, this is fine. Just have a concrete, definite, unbreakable 'be home by x'.
Honestly my main problem has always been traffic. Stranger abductions are incredibly rare. Kids (including young teens) being hit by cars is not rare at all. But it's also hard for kids to get smart about things like that without practice!

 

[Laughing]

And, maybe a code word with Mom set up in case he wants out of a situation?

 

[Lilibet]

What is the custody arrangement? Does Dad have a legal right to veto activities when he isn’t with him? His lack of involvement doesn’t negate whatever is set out in the custody/visitation agreement. I’d hate for the Mom to have to deal with a disgruntled Dad in court.

Otherwise, I think a lot depends on the boy’s personality. Does he tend to follow the crowd or stick up for his own convictions? There might be other kids at the playground who would consider it “sport” to challenge him to do something wrong or stupid. If they call him a “chicken” or worse, will he cave to save face? It might be wise for Mom to do some role-playing with him to practice his reactions to situations that could come up. A group of kids can get ugly really fast. Make it fun, but it could make a big difference in the outcome if he’s better prepared.
JMO

 

[TristanP]

I don’t see a problem with it. As for Dad, he can do what he wants during his 8 hours a week, and the parent who is actually raising him can make decisions the rest of the time.