TX - Bullying resulted in Alamo Heights sophomore's suicide, family says

[wfgodot]

San Antonio Express-News:

Student was a victim of bullying before committing suicide, family says

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According to an SAPD report obtained by mySA.com, David Molak was found dead in his backyard Monday. The Bexar County Medical Examiner's Office ruled the death a suicide.
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Another statement given to police at the time indicated he was being bullied on social media over his physical appearance, the report said.
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the rest, with pictures, at link above

 

[JeannaT]

I'm very confused by this story. It sounds like the bullying basically was one kid with mental health issues? I've read several articles and statements by the family.

And it sounds like he tried to commit suicide twice before. The bullying, according to the brother, centered on David's appearance, which is bizarre because he's model-gorgeous. And he was dating the 'queen bee' of the school, so the most popular girl.

Is this bullying or males jockeying for top position?

What a truly sad case. When I think of bullying, I think of an odd-duck child who has no friends and everyone kind of kicks sand at them. I don't sense - at all - that was the dynamic in this case.

 

[Tawny]

Pain is relative. A model-gorgeous boy would never know the pain an odd-duck feels but does that lessen the pain he himself feels at being ridiculed for his looks (even or especially if those bullying him are doing to with the sole intention of knocking him down a peg or two for their own gain)?

If he's self conscious about something, say, his nose or his teeth or something, and those who are vying for his position in the pecking order zero in on that, I would imagine it hurts. The bullying that happens in the upper echelons of high school hierarchy is different than in the lower echelons. The "beautiful people" have very subtle and cruel ways of asserting their dominance over each other, and when it comes down to it, that's what bullying is: asserting dominance over someone else. Popular, pretty kids do it with covert, sly, underhanded comments and "jokes", while the odd-ducks experience overt hostility. It's a more obvious enemy when you're the odd-duck. For the popular kids, it's your friends.

Combine that with mental health problems and it's a perfect storm. I don't think bullying matters less just because the recipient is a popular boy dating the perfect girl. JMO

 

[JeannaT]

I'm just thinking in big terms, Tawny because I don't know this boy's individual circumstances.

Recently I've read several nonfiction "coming of age" books - "Angela's Ashes", "A Painted House", "Gratitude for Shoes", "The Boys in the Boat", among others and am amazed at the endurance and fortitude that was expected of children in past generations. They were pushed to the point of injury and sometimes even death, but suicide among teens was so much rarer in past generations. I think that's what the premise of "Outward Bound" type programs is - push kids to the limits of their physical endurance toward a goal, and it will give them the energy and positivity and vigor to succeed at future endeavors. It blows the cobwebs out of the mind.

There are so many kids who never have to endure to reach a goal. They've never been alone, never biked more than a block and that was with a helmet on, never had to do any kind of real work except maybe a Saturday afternoon leaf raking session.

And I think in doing this to our kids, we've protected them from physical harm but have left them prey to depression, suicide, hopelessness, and anxiety.

So sad about David. I think if you never have to fight to stay alive, maybe life isn't all that valuable to you.

 

[wfgodot]

To paraphrase Fitzgerald:

Let me tell you about the '09ers. They are different from you and me.

(San Antonians will understand.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rich_Boy

 

[Tawny]

I'm just thinking in big terms, Tawny because I don't know this boy's individual circumstances.

Recently I've read several nonfiction "coming of age" books - "Angela's Ashes", "A Painted House", "Gratitude for Shoes", "The Boys in the Boat", among others and am amazed at the endurance and fortitude that was expected of children in past generations. They were pushed to the point of injury and sometimes even death, but suicide among teens was so much rarer in past generations. I think that's what the premise of "Outward Bound" type programs is - push kids to the limits of their physical endurance toward a goal, and it will give them the energy and positivity and vigor to succeed at future endeavors. It blows the cobwebs out of the mind.

There are so many kids who never have to endure to reach a goal. They've never been alone, never biked more than a block and that was with a helmet on, never had to do any kind of real work except maybe a Saturday afternoon leaf raking session.

And I think in doing this to our kids, we've protected them from physical harm but have left them prey to depression, suicide, hopelessness, and anxiety.

So sad about David. I think if you never have to fight to stay alive, maybe life isn't all that valuable to you.

I agree that kids don't seem to have coping mechanisms anymore for the simplest perceived slights.

 

[kaen]

I agree that kids don't seem to have coping mechanisms anymore for the simplest perceived slights.

I think the big difference is that your home was a refuge years ago. SM bullying is insidious. IT reaches you wherever you are. There is no boundary. Also, things gets passed around and around so much that you can't get a new start because everyone is so connected.

This is so sad to me. He may have had image and other issues but he also could not get away from the bully.

Wearing neon clothing to school is definitely a defiant statement by the bully, if that happened. If his death doesn't cause this person to reflect, it shows how dug in his is in his ways. Scary to think about.

 

[wfgodot]

SA Express-News:

Fellow students threatened violence, insulted David Molak online before his suicide Screenshots from private social media that provide a look into the prolonged cyberbullying an
Alamo Heights family says led 16-year-old David Molak to commit suicide early Monday morning.

SAPD investigating harassment claims in David Molak's suicide in Alamo Heights

 

[JeannaT]

Well frankly I have no idea what any of those posts are about. Square up? Henny? What?

Guess I'm old.

 

[Tawny]

Well frankly I have no idea what any of those posts are about. Square up? Henny? What?

Guess I'm old.

Square up means to fight. They were calling him a monkey and telling the other kid to put him 6 feet under. Henny appears to be a nickname.

 

[JeannaT]

I think the big difference is that your home was a refuge years ago. SM bullying is insidious. IT reaches you wherever you are. There is no boundary. Also, things gets passed around and around so much that you can't get a new start because everyone is so connected.

This is so sad to me. He may have had image and other issues but he also could not get away from the bully.

Wearing neon clothing to school is definitely a defiant statement by the bully, if that happened. If his death doesn't cause this person to reflect, it shows how dug in his is in his ways. Scary to think about.

SM bullying is only insidious if you log into it. I think that's what this generation doesn't understand. You don't have to check in. You don't. They think you do, you don't, though. I have 3 young adult sons, and I realize this generation thinks they HAVE to log in, but they don't. All 3 of my sons were bullied to some extent, as ALL kids are tested, and if you aren't depressed to begin with, you can weather it. It appears to me that this boy was popular, had the most popular girlfriend, and some of the guys were jealous and threatening him. His girlfriend was actively sticking up for him in social media. He had other friends who were also sticking up for him.

This boy tried to commit suicide twice before. It seems in general, he was a depressed teen despite the appearance of accomplishment and happiness.

I don't know about everyone else here, but I was bullied horribly in 7th grade when I moved from the north to the south. I made friends with a group of girls who turned on me. For 6 months I had no friends and they would bump me in the hallway and call me awful names. I never once pondered suicide. I was very surprised, on the other hand, when the ringleader asked me to be her freshman college roommate. Imagine her surprise when on the freshman form I wrote "decline ____ as a roommate" and she was stuck with pot luck by the housing office for a roommate choice. REALLY? Did she really think I'd want to room with her?

I'm not saying this to disparrage him, AT ALL. I'm saying this in the spirit of wondering what we can do to help our current generation of kids weather these storms.

 

[Goose22]

Henny is another way of saying honey.

 

[JeannaT]

Henny is another way of saying honey.

And according to the Urban Dictionary, it's slang for Hennessey (a liquor).

 

[wfgodot]

Daily Mail:

Heartbroken brother of high school student, 16, who committed suicide after being
tormented online for months writes moving message calling for end to cyber bullying

 

[wfgodot]

SA Express-News:

Alamo Heights student suspended after 'bullying'
incidents in October involving teen who killed self

 

[HMSHood]

Who’s to blame in David Molak’s death?
http://www.websleuths.com/forums/newreply.php?do=postreply&t=298128

In the days following the suicide of David Molak, the 16-year-old former Alamo Heights High School student who killed himself Jan. 4 after being cyberbullied, a slew of students and parents went online to vent their anger and affix blame in his death.

Some point fingers at what they say is an insular, privileged culture of Alamo Heights itself, where youths are sorted into cliques not just by how much money they have, but how connected their families are to the blue-blooded elite that helped settle San Antonio.

This one caught my attention.
Commenters on websites such as Reddit.com and ExpressNews.com accused him of pushing another boy down a water slide before he was ready to go. The boy landed in the water and struck the boy who died, 12-year-old Reed Kelley. Kelley didn’t resurface and drowned.

But interviews and public records show the allegations of bullying in that incident were never proven.

A police report released last week by the Guadalupe County Sheriff’s Office concluded that Kelley’s death on Sept. 21, 2013, was an accident, and it was unclear whether any pushing occurred.

“At this time there is no physical evidence, eyewitness statement or further indication that Reed Kelley came to his death through any means other than an accidental drowning,” sheriff’s investigator Zachary McBride wrote.

 

[wfgodot]

San Antonio Express-News:

Some say privileged culture in Alamo Heights to blame for bullying, David Molak's suicide

 

[wendybtn]

Wow. As a homeowner and parent, it is perfectly legal to cut off phones and internet if they are adversely affecting your family. He could have gone to the private school and not been bothered at home by former classmates. I am not blaming anybody. I just don't understand why even the young man not using the number blocking feature on his phone. Why keep the door open for evil, bullying, whatever you choose to call it. Like physical self-defense, we need to teach our kids psychological self-defense.