In his short-lived " blog", you know, the one where he most memorably wrote the " If I was a bird- wait, I am" post, he also wrote some posts which probably no longer exist..... "
..was re-reading the "if i was a bird" post: ---long, but interesting:
SouthEastSleuth
09-29-2005, 08:26 AM
In light of Raven's felony conviction, I found it interesting to look back over his writings from April 25, the day before Janet was murdered (from his blog)... And added a few questions and observations -
Monday, April 25, 2005
If I were a bird... Wait, I am!
The way in which I was raised is a direct reflection of the person I am today.
(Wow, so does that mean your Mom instilled the values in you that would lead you to steal from your employer? Cheat on your wife? Live beyond your means?)
In my early childhood I began to develop strengths that would help me in both my personal and professional life. I learned how to adapt to change, become outgoing and personable, and become aggressive in all my endeavors. The same experiences which made me strong also created weakness. As I was forced to grow up quickly I began to overlook my education, second guess myself, and loose focus easily. The strengths and weaknesses I developed in my childhood have played a role in my personal and professional life. As I grow in wisdom I am making efforts to improve upon my weaknesses while developing my strengths
(Wait. Ok, this was written the day before Janet was murdered. You talk about making efforts to improve upon weaknesses and developing strengths. What was the plan actually? Was it finally dawning on you that life was just spinning out of control? Stealing. Cheating. Losing jobs constantly. Financial disaster. Lots on that plate to deal with and "improve" Id say!)
.
While under the age of five years old I saw my parents go through a very difficult divorce. My mother was left to care for 4 children under the age of six. As young as 7 years old I remember having the desire to help ease her pains. I decided that if I could grow up fast then my mom would have less to worry about and I could help her accomplish what she needed to have an orderly house. I began by being comfortable with change. During all my childhood I was constantly challenged with change. Our routine regularly changed with our financial situation, our home, and our surroundings.As a child I often didnt know what the next meal would bring. It seemed one month we were dining out every night and the next month we were receiving food assistance from our church. I remember being able to buy $400 worth of clothes for the beginning of my school year from Mervyns during my 3rd grade year. However, in the 6th grade I learned to maximize my budget of $100 by shopping at TJ Maxx. This uncertainly could have caused me to have insecurities or embarrassments about my situation. Instead, I became accustomed to change and comfortable adapting to my surroundings. As I have grown up I have found that my ability to adapt to change has become a valuable strength in my life. By adapting to change in my personal life I have been able to not stress about change in atmosphere. When times have been good Ive dined in the finest of restaurants and when times have been tough Ive been able to utilize coupons and eating in to stay within my budget.
(Now come on. All this talk of adapting to change is all well and good. Granted, youve seemingly been hired for lots of new jobs, most of which seem to have ended with you being fired, but, nonetheless, adapting to change with new jobs, ok, sure, I can see that I guess. But this last bit about change, budgets, etc., is just almost hilarious! Adapting to change and staying within a budget by embezzling? Now I suppose a sociopathic mind might say , "well, I do what I have to do for money, and if that means something illegal, so be it." But come on, a committing a felony is NOT the answer to staying "within my budget!")
The same can be said in my professional life. During 2001 my company budget was downsized from a $3k monthly spending budget to $750. Most of my team members had built their sales around spending the $3k with golf outings, dinner parties and other activities to secure business. While I did some of the same activities I found it very easy to limit my spending and during our next quarterly sales meeting I was the only team member to stay within budget.
(Ok, if true, this is a good thing! Lets see, this was 2001. So what did you learn by this little exercise in managing corporate funds? )
In addition to financial challenges in my childhood, I was challenged with making new friends more often than most children. Having lived in 10 different houses and attending 10 different schools by the time I was seventeen I had no choice but to adapt or be lost in the shuffle. The constant change in schools made me quite the extravert. Because time was precious and I didnt know what was around the corner I didnt have time to be shy. I had to be energetic and outgoing to attract friends and relationships. I have used this strength to benefit my personal life as well as my professional life. In my personal life I have never been afraid to make new acquaintances and in turn have many friends. At work I have been successful at sales because I am very personable and can relate to others very well.
(I have to say, I find it astonishing in this paragraph that no where, when talking about your personal life, making friends, acquaintances, relationships, etc., no where do you mention what would presumably be THE most important relationship in your life your wife! But, perhaps thats just me.
Having many friends can be a good thing. BEING a good friend is just as important. I cant help wondering what your good friends at Eurosport think of you these days.)
One of the strengths my mother possessed was aggressiveness and the unwillingness to accept circumstances as final. Although times were hard, my mother always instilled in us the desire to aggressively seek after our dreams. If we wanted something bad enough, all we had to do was work hard for it.
(This just seems so obvious, but, Ill say it anyway "WORK hard for it" not STEAL!)
When I was 15 years old I wanted to be viewed as the #1 goalie in the state. At the regional ODP (Olympic Development Program) camp the national coach of our age group evaluated my skills and said I struggled at communicating with my team and distributing the ball. Over the next year I woke up every morning before school and practiced 100 punts and 100 goal kicks. In the afternoon I threw the ball up against a wall 100 times. At practice I spent more time listening to how my coach communicated to the team so I could do the same from the field. In only one year I was the top goalie in Utah (Starting for our ODP team, of course, my buddy Darius wasn't playing ODP this year and he was my only competition I think) and went on to achieve success as an ODP player and a college athlete.
(You know, it strikes me when I look around on the net
as JG posted days ago, there are pages and pages siting Janets soccer accomplishments. Her skills. Her awards. Yet not one place have I ever read anything about YOUR soccer accomplishments. Not one. Now granted, many of the articles mentioning Janet are when she was playing in college. And since we know you dropped out of college, perhaps that explains no mention of your soccer skills, etc., at least in a collegiate setting? Oh wait, you just wrote that you were a "college athlete." Hmmm. But regardless, it would seem that someone with such amazing soccer skills as yourself would be mentioned at least somewhere, in some context, etc., online. But, then again, maybe not.)
The same aggressiveness to reach perfection in my youth has strengthened me in my professional endeavors. I recall my first time interviewing with companies in DC. I was offered positions at 6 of the 7 places I interviewed. Most of the managers directly commented on how they admired my aggressiveness to get in the door and that is what attracted them to me. This aggressiveness also allows me to not give up when others might throw in the towel!
(Hold on hard to that towel!! Those days of being "offered positions at 6 of the 7 places I interviewed" might well be in the past! As you may already be aware, the life of a convicted felon is not as easy, especially in the job market!)
The same circumstances which strengthened my personality also gave way to weakness in my life. While I was adapting to change I felt like I was reinventing the wheel too often. The constant change of surroundings leads me to loose focus easily and this has proven to be a weakness in my life. Early in my career I found myself changing goals every few months which lead to changing jobs often and consequently I was often moving. While I changed schools a lot in my youth I never had a real foundation in education. Additionally, my mom was successful and undereducated, which strengthened my belief that education was not important. However, I now find that my lack of education leaves me narrow minded and can limit my interaction with co-workers and friends. Finally, because I was moving so much as a child I did have some insecurity. One insecurity was second guessing myself. Without constant friendships I was always afraid to ask for help and in that frame of thought I often wondered if what I was doing was right. In my personal and professional life my biggest weakness is uncertainty because through second-guessing myself I do not take a lot of risk and to be successful in my line of work you must be willing to take risks.
(Well, lets see: you risked your marriage by cheating. You risked your job, and lost, by stealing. You risked financial stability by stealing and overindulgence. I dont know, seems that you might be a huge risk taker, when it suits you anyway
.)
A strength which is evident in this writing is my ability to recognize weakness. Through this recognition of weakness I am able to focus on changing behaviors to better prepare myself for a successful future. I do not like to spend time reflecting on weakness, but as I acknowledge what my weaknesses are I also identify ways to improve on them. To help me keep focused I use Franklin Covey software to organize my projects, goals, tasks, and calendar down to the simplest of steps.
(Dang, if that laptop was/is indeed missing, how on earth are you even able to function without ol Franklin Covey around? Well, ok, that was months ago. By now surely youve gotten computer functionality again, somehow, and are now back to organizing each and every day, "down to the simplest of steps." Something like, oh, I dont know, maybe: 11:15am- apply for job. 11:30am- apply for another job. 11:45am- pick up public assistance check. Noon- buy new soccer gear. 1:00pm- pick up Utah childcare check. 1:30pm- nap. 2:00pm- go for bike ride. I guess thats how it works, more or less?)
I have also committed to continued learning. I have read many management and leadership books and started participating in group discussions at work and at home to broaden my knowledge and strengthen my decision making. These two things will allow me to not second guess myself and feel adequately educated. While my childhood brought on these weaknesses, I feel like my ability to adapt to change will allow me to overcome my weaknesses as I grow and mature in my personal and professional life.
(Im REALLY curious about these "management and leadership books" youve read. Do they include chapters on business ethics? Business law?
Group discussions at work? Now wait. As you write this, arent you unemployed, again? You know, learning from mistakes, etc., is always a good thing, truly. But I have to say, it seems like its just been one bad decision after another for you
)
In summary, I feel my strengths and weaknesses have been molded from the way I was raised. Through the events of my childhood I was able to develop strengths that not only helped me survive my adolescence, but have proven to be a great attribute to the development of my personal and professional life. I also understand that I am able to change my weaknesses through my ability to adapt and that by doing so I will achieve success.
(I dont know
.doesnt seem like your personal and professional lives have been so stellar. Now granted, you found a smart, athletic, beautiful girl
the two of you get married
.you ultimately have a beautiful baby together. You both were working at what seem almost perfect jobs jobs you both love, an industry you both love, and
Oh wait, this narrative about your life, goals, hopes, and dreams doesnt mention any of that. I forgot. Its solely about one thing, you! My bad!)
