An anesthesiologist could afford a live-in nanny. I'm actually surprised they didn't have one anyway.
You know, I was trying to understand what was happening inside the family and asked some questions.
- they have been together since 2012. Did he, how they sometimes say, "put his wife through school"?
- she was somewhat upset at him in the message, but is he typically "the angry one" in the family?
- they have many expences; perhaps her school loans still are being paid, plus, the house, three kids, travels. Is one more person, a live-in nanny, too much of a burden?
- look how many scandals from the celebrity world (e.g., Ben Affleck, Schwarzenegger, Jude Law, Robin Williams, Rossdale, the list is huge) and not only that (WS au pair threads) involve live-in help. Real-world women can take notes...
- His tone of messages "babe, our family..." is manipulative, but false and sugary. Surely an adult male's social language should be more developed? Both of parents tend to use cliches and platitudes, for that matter, but mother's professional and training languages are formalized, at least.
- In a good neighborhood, image is a lot. Hence, dad invested a lot of time playing the "pillar of the community" role. He coached two older girls, or posted pictures with "nice" comments. In hindsight, they appear "make-believe" and typical for image-driven, immature personalities. If he has ADD, however, this job is exhausting.
The statistics of forgotten baby syndrome doesn't change since 1998; the only years when the numbers went down were 2020-2021. Common perpetrators are men, and IMHO the context is "ADHD and being overwhelmed." This father's situation is peculiar only because he tried to organize some "respite" with a newer car function but didn't have the brains to do it right.
About the mother. Maybe she is the epitome of a modern achiever who also wants to have a normal family life. She has to settle with the best option she can find for a husband, and i think she thought she could rely on him. What she is left with are two other kids to raise and the life that's rapidly going down the drain. I wouldn't judge her: she may be a good doctor whose plate is too full. She can ill afford to grieve, as she still needs to steer her small ship and also, keep this loser out of prison.
I hope that eventually, she finds a good therapist and works through this incredible trauma. She didn't give birth to her third child to lose the girl in 140 degrees inside a car. Let's show some compassion to her.
