Baseball coach falsely accused of harming a child

[TheDuchess]

I wasn't sure where else to put this, but wanted to go to all of you amazing sleuthers to help me out with this one. We know a coach in our baseball organization that coaches a couple of different teams that my son is on. He coaches or assistant coaches several other teams as well, as he has a 10 year old son and an 8 year old son.

This past weekend, there was an incident at a tournament in which the players were to stand together to take a picture. The coach was trying to get the kids all into the picture and grabbed the kids one by one by the shoulders to line them up properly. When he grabbed one of the boys, the boy yelled out a loud scream and said "OW!! You're hurting me!!!" The boy's father immediately jumped in and started screaming at the coach in front of all of the parents and the children.

No one there said they saw anything out of the ordinary in anything the coach did, and they were all there standing right in front of the group getting ready to take the picture. Well, all heck ensued with the father getting louder and louder and demanding an apology. But the coach kept saying he didn't do anything wrong. All he did was grab the boy from the shoulders to move him into the proper position and he "apologized" but refused to admit he did anything wrong.

Well, the coach turned in his jersey to the coach and sat out the rest of the tournament. The father told him if he didn't get an proper apology by Wednesday, he would call the cops. The coach did call him and again reiterated that he was sorry for the incident, but still refused to admit he did anything wrong. I don't blame him, as he knew where this was headed.

Well, the father called the police who went to the team manager's home to interview him and will be visiting the coach's home tomorrow. it is an absolute mess.

I spoke with both of my boys who know the coach well, as do I know him and his wife. We all agreed we have never seen him be harmful to children. Sure, he can get a little bit heated once in a while, like any coach does, but to actually harm a child? And in front of a crowd of people, no less? It just does not fit the description of the man we know. We were not there, but the manager did have his back and said he saw nothing that would justify police action and that the coach was a good man and doesn't deserve this.

This family is so nice and sweet. Both of their boys have developmental issues and they home school them. They are both such loving and patient people, and I have gone on trips with them and have never seen either of them behave even close to what is being accused of here. I wish I was there to witness it, but I wasn't. But the bottom line is that no one saw anything.

So now this man is facing having his good name destroyed, for in my opinion, is an overzealous father bent on revenge for some reason against this man. He is now claiming the child had bruises (yet he played all 3 games that day) and that the coach also said-stop it or I'll do it again. No one else heard him say it, but now 2 of the boy's classmates are now saying that they heard him say it as well. Honestly, I don't believe it one bit.

I feel so horrible and helpless watching this unfold and really want to help this man before this whole thing spirals out of control. But I wasn't there, so really can't do anything. I just told him that we had his back and I would be more than happy to vouch for his good name. He can't sleep. He started crying when speaking to my husband about it. He is afraid he is going to lose his ability to coach now. And I am sure that this will bring DCFS into it as well as a really good hard look at their home schooling situation.

It really angers me to see how easy it is to destroy a man's good name with no proof, just because you feel like it. Any advice for what I can do to help this poor man?

 

[katydid23]

I wish I had advice for you/ I worked in the public schools for years and saw similar things happen. Sometimes a parent gets heated and thinks they see something that never happened and it is so frustrating. One of my fave teachers ever QUIT his job after a parent made a similar false accusation over something. Nothing came of it but he was so upset by the situation that he decided not to pursue teaching. It was such a waste of true talent and passion. :frown:

All you can do is be there as a character witness in case it is needed and to support him as best you can.

 

[TheDuchess]

I wish I had advice for you/ I worked in the public schools for years and saw similar things happen. Sometimes a parent gets heated and thinks they see something that never happened and it is so frustrating. One of my fave teachers ever QUIT his job after a parent made a similar false accusation over something. Nothing came of it but he was so upset by the situation that he decided not to pursue teaching. It was such a waste of true talent and passion. :frown:

All you can do is be there as a character witness in case it is needed and to support him as best you can.

Thanks Katydid-that's awful to hear about that teacher-but it is scary how things can spiral out of control. And the crazy thing is that the story just keeps growing and growing.

But even a "report" or an "investigation" stays on your record forever and can hurt you from getting coaching positions, jobs, etc...

And this same loser dad said he wouldn't call the cops if he got a "proper apology." So it didn't rise to the level of calling the cops before, but it has now that he didn't get the man to admit wrongdoing. Basically, if the coach had done that he would never be able to coach again. And that is what this "bully" in my opinion is doing. Scum.

 

[katydid23]

It sounds like this parent is a bully. And he probably had a different grudge or issue with the coach---like wanting his kid to play more or a different position or something. My DH stopped coaching little league because none of the parents were ever satisfied or pleased no matter what he did, and he felt it was thankless position.

I don't think the cops are going to be concerned about a coach pulling a player into the team picture by his shoulder. JMO Hopefully the story will not mushroom into a HYdra's head before that though.

 

[TheDuchess]

Thanks...a couple of years ago, my brother's neighbor came over to his house where he was watching his grandson and the neighbor's daughter. The grandson was in kindergarten and the girl was in 1st grade. My brother had stepped away to go to the bathroom while the kids were watching tv. Well, apparently, he walked in on the kids playing a little game of "doctor" if you know what I mean. He went ballistic on my brother for not "watching" the children properly and then accused him of molesting his grandson. He said the little girl told him that the boy forced her to do it (trust me-I know these 2 kids and the girl is a total bully and the boy is a totally the opposite and actually afraid of her.) This man called the cops and demanded they arrest my brother's 5 year old grandson as well as my brother. It opened up a DCFS investigation and they came to the home to interview my brother, the boy and the boy's father. It was a horrible 2 weeks time that they went through this and the school got involved as well, but he wanted the school to kick out the boy.

At the end of it all, my brother and his son-in-law and the boy were all completely cleared. But I know darn well that the neighbor is a lunatic who once threatened my 12 year old son that he was going to "kick his a$$" once in the yard and calls the cops on anyone and anything. I honestly think the guy is a lunatic-certifiable. But to think that my brother and his son-in-law-two of the most upstanding people I have ever met could so easily be accused and investigated like this by some crazy neighbor is just so scary.

Luckily, it all ended well, but they still live 2 doors down from the guy and he threatens my nephew every time the kid goes anywhere near his home and he tells everyone he can that my nephew is a little "pervert" and a "rapist."

By the way, I have no doubt how the conversation with the little girl went:

Dad-why did you do that?
Girl-Boy made me
Dad-why didn't you tell him no or scream for help?
Girl-uh...he held his hands over my mouth

It makes me laugh because this particular girl would have kicked the living snot out of my nephew if he had tried to force her into anything. I've seen her with him several times and trust me, she is one tough little girl and he is one weak little boy.

 

[katydid23]

Ohhh, I hear ya about the little girl. That sounds very much like my teacher friend's situation. He was a first grade teacher, and it was only his second year, but he was really good at it. The kids loved him, and he was really fun and creative but strict.

Anyway he came into the classroom during the lunch break, and found a little girl and boy in the coat closet. He thought they were probably 'playing doctor' but he did not see anything other than them huddled in there hiding from him.

He did not make a big deal but he did sternly tell them not to come into the classroom when there are no teachers present and said if he caught them again he would take them to the office. He said they did not seem upset at all and they ran out to the playground.

Luckily for him he had already reported to the principal about the odd behaviors of the girl student. He said she was 'touching herself' during class time and also said a few inappropriate things. It was good he had that on record, because the whole incident blew
up later that week. Apparently the little boy told his parents that the girl pulled him into the closet and the teacher found them and he was worried about being in trouble. So his parents called the girl's parents and she told them all that the TEACHER TOLD THEM TO GO INTO THE CLOSET AND PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN.

My teacher friend was mortified because it was such a big fat lie. And obviously CPS and the cops had to come and talk to all of them. And he was SOOO LUCKY that he had made a quick report a week earlier about her behavior, because otherwise it could have all been blamed on him. But other adults had also seen her acting out sexually at recess and after school so he was not blamed. But it was very scary for him. She looked right into the investigators eyes and lied straight out.

So even though he walked away from that one, he decided it was too stressful because he is a gay man and he worried that some day someone would believe it if some kid or parent lied again. He finished out the year and went into real estate. A lot of students missed out because he was a great teacher, imo.

 

[TheDuchess]

Ohhh, I hear ya about the little girl. That sounds very much like my teacher friend's situation. He was a first grade teacher, and it was only his second year, but he was really good at it. The kids loved him, and he was really fun and creative but strict.

Anyway he came into the classroom during the lunch break, and found a little girl and boy in the coat closet. He thought they were probably 'playing doctor' but he did not see anything other than them huddled in there hiding from him.

He did not make a big deal but he did sternly tell them not to come into the classroom when there are no teachers present and said if he caught them again he would take them to the office. He said they did not seem upset at all and they ran out to the playground.

Luckily for him he had already reported to the principal about the odd behaviors of the girl student. He said she was 'touching herself' during class time and also said a few inappropriate things. It was good he had that on record, because the whole incident blew
up later that week. Apparently the little boy told his parents that the girl pulled him into the closet and the teacher found them and he was worried about being in trouble. So his parents called the girl's parents and she told them all that the TEACHER TOLD THEM TO GO INTO THE CLOSET AND PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN.

My teacher friend was mortified because it was such a big fat lie. And obviously CPS and the cops had to come and talk to all of them. And he was SOOO LUCKY that he had made a quick report a week earlier about her behavior, because otherwise it could have all been blamed on him. But other adults had also seen her acting out sexually at recess and after school so he was not blamed. But it was very scary for him. She looked right into the investigators eyes and lied straight out.

So even though he walked away from that one, he decided it was too stressful because he is a gay man and he worried that some day someone would believe it if some kid or parent lied again. He finished out the year and went into real estate. A lot of students missed out because he was a great teacher, imo.

Oh...that is so sad for that poor man....really makes me want to cry. I also feel for that little girl. She sounds like a classic case of a child who is being sexually abused. I hope they investigated the home. I'm sorry to hear that he left teaching because of this. Our kids could use more teachers like him.

 

[katydid23]

Oh...that is so sad for that poor man....really makes me want to cry. I also feel for that little girl. She sounds like a classic case of a child who is being sexually abused. I hope they investigated the home. I'm sorry to hear that he left teaching because of this. Our kids could use more teachers like him.

Yes, they did open a home investigation but her family moved out of our district so I don't know what happened. I hope they followed up.

Yes, he would have been a wonderful teacher. He really listened to the kids and he was great at explaining math. I felt so bad when he decided to leave. But I understood his decision because it is so horrible to be falsely accused of something. I think that is one reason we don't have enough male teachers anymore.

 

[vjlaw]

When my kids were in high school they did cadet teaching for elementary school as a community service program they were in. They were told by the sponsor of the program not to touch the kids. He said so many will want to hug you, but you should avoid it it possible. At most he said to touch them on the head. I have a friend whose daughter taught elementary school. She was told not to catch kids if they fall on the playground so they don't accidentally touch them in the wrong place. It's not just in schools either. It is pathetic that people can make accusations like this and destroy a person's life. I think if the father does call the police, then the other parents who were there should get together and make a statement to police. If I was one of the other parents I sure want to be anywhere around this guy or his child. jmo

 

[TheDuchess]

When my kids were in high school they did cadet teaching for elementary school as a community service program they were in. They were told by the sponsor of the program not to touch the kids. He said so many will want to hug you, but you should avoid it it possible. At most he said to touch them on the head. I have a friend whose daughter taught elementary school. She was told not to catch kids if they fall on the playground so they don't accidentally touch them in the wrong place. It's not just in schools either. It is pathetic that people can make accusations like this and destroy a person's life. I think if the father does call the police, then the other parents who were there should get together and make a statement to police. If I was one of the other parents I sure want to be anywhere around this guy or his child. jmo

Yes! I wish I was there, I would totally step forward and tell them what I did or didn't witness. I really don't know much about it, as I was kind of told not to talk about it to anyone, as they don't want it to get around to everyone, which I can't blame them. This incident was just so strange, as all he did was grab the kid by the shoulders to move him into place. This is a baseball player we are talking about!!! How in the world do you teach kids sports without touching them??? I can only imagine how this father might react if his kid ever played football or wrestled!!! I mean, those coaches manhandle my boys so much and it is what it is. That's how they learn. And don't get me started about the indignities my little cheerleader goes through...lol...when they fly, they are held up by the butts! LOL!!! If I ran around screaming every time someone touched one of my children, I'd just be forever screaming.

 

[TheDuchess]

Just found out that the father who accusing the coach has a record of 4 battery charges against him in Georgia!!!!

 

[HMSHood]

Sounds like a person with grudge issues.

 

[TheDuchess]

I've been trying to google the guy and can only find one mug shot from like 20 years ago, but it was for simple battery. Apparently, the head of our baseball organization paid to do an official background check on the guy and found a total of 4. I wish I could find more info out on this guy. The strangest thing is that he has a different last name from his son, yet we never see the mother. He is not married, but seems to have custody of the boy. Wonder what the story is on that!

At our last tournament he got pulled over twice on the his from the ball field back to hotel-a 20 minute drive-that he was laughing about and telling everyone. Apparently, he offered my husband a beer out of his car at the tournament as well, so was drinking at the field during the game. Not a big deal on that. But apparently, this guy has had it out for the coach ever since his kid didn't make the older team last year and seems to have blamed the coach for this. He has called their home several times yelling about it and wouldn't believe the coach that the coach actually recommended his son to play up, but the league turned him down due a policy and liability issue.

Anyone know of some good places to do a free search for case information on someone? I'd just love to find some hidden dirt on this guy and use my websleuthing powers for good!

:jail:

 

[paperdog]

I'm sorry, posted twice.

 

[paperdog]

My first thought was that maybe he is hurting the kid. I don't really understand why a boy would cry out over a hand on his shoulder. I'd think, firstly, that he wouldn't want to display weakness, cry, etc in front of others, and second that a hand on his shoulder wouldn't hurt. Unless it was previously injured. I also wouldn't think the dad would be so up in arms about it, unless he had something to hide - people might wonder why the kid is so sensitive, so he turned it around on the coach before they could. The whole thing just seems kind of strange to me.

I guess there are people out there who will pick a fight over anything, though.

 

[TheDuchess]

My first thought was that maybe he is hurting the kid. I don't really understand why a boy would cry out over a hand on his shoulder. I'd think, firstly, that he wouldn't want to display weakness, cry, etc in front of others, and second that a hand on his shoulder wouldn't hurt. Unless it was previously injured. I also wouldn't think the dad would be so up in arms about it, unless he had something to hide - people might wonder why the kid is so sensitive, so he turned it around on the coach before they could. The whole thing just seems kind of strange to me.

I guess there are people out there who will pick a fight over anything, though.

Thanks. I have spoken to numerous witnesses that were there and they categorically say he did nothing to harm the child. However, the father took the child into the bathroom into a stall together where they were in there for quite a bit of time. (Yes-in the stall together.) When he came out he showed everyon e the "red finger marks" on his son's arm. The coach never touched his arm-he touched his shoulder.

I've now learned the father has had 7 arrests for battery in the past. No one knows where the kids mother is and he and his son mysteriously have different last names. At the father's insistence, the boy was placed on my son's 10U team for a short while (the kid is 8.) He had no business being on that team. While the kid is a good player, his father is constantly pushing for his son to be on older teams, even when league rules don't allow for it. He is your typical loud mouth parent that I wouldn't put past deliberately putting marks on his own son in that bathroom stall.

It makes me so sad for the kid. If you could just see what an adorable little guy he is, it would break your heart.

 

[paperdog]

Thanks. I have spoken to numerous witnesses that were there and they categorically say he did nothing to harm the child. However, the father took the child into the bathroom into a stall together where they were in there for quite a bit of time. (Yes-in the stall together.) When he came out he showed everyon e the "red finger marks" on his son's arm. The coach never touched his arm-he touched his shoulder.

Oh I apologize, I think my wording came off wrong - I meant my first thought was he (the father) had been hurting the boy, so when the boy cried out after the coach touched him, I thought the dad might have jumped on the coach really quick to cover his own rear.

 

[TheDuchess]

Oh I apologize, I think my wording came off wrong - I meant my first thought was he (the father) had been hurting the boy, so when the boy cried out after the coach touched him, I thought the dad might have jumped on the coach really quick to cover his own rear.

I knew what you meant. No worries!

 

[TheDuchess]

YAY!!! My baseball coach friend just got the all clear!!! I guess the state's attorney saw right through the entire story and refused to press any charges. The investigating officer actually called my friend and apologized for even having to investigate it. JUSTICE PREVAILS!!!

Finally-this man can sleep at night! I sure don't know how the other man possibly can.

 

[TheDuchess]

:rollercoaster:OK-so the plot thickens. Apparently, when the police refused to press charges against the coach, this wasn't enough for the father. He called my son's head coach (were the other coach is an assistant) and demanded that the assistant coach not be on the field for our game tonight because we are playing his son's team. When the head coach refused, the father became enraged and left a blistering voice mail on the head coach's voice mail threatening to "beat the shitake mushrooms" out of the assistant coach if he is at the game tonight.

Head coach brought the issue to the board who advised him to bring it to the police, which he did. The police heard the voice mail and plan to have an officer present at our game tonight.

Should be interesting....