Alicia Ross mom coping in an impossible situation
September 21, 2005
ByPAUL LUNGEN
Staff Reporter
In the month since her daughter Alicia Ross has been missing, Sharon Fortis has taken comfort in the good wishes of friends, the support of family, the outpourings of generosity from neighbours and strangers and from the biblical book of Tehilim (Psalms).
Every day like clockwork, Fortis picks up a copy of Tehilim and recites two psalms, one for herself and one for her daughter. She chose Psalm 57 because it corresponds to her age; she chose Psalm 26 because Alicia is 25 going into her 26th year.
Psalm 26:9-12: Gather not my soul with sinners, nor my life with men of blood; in whose hands is craftiness, and their right hand is full of bribes. But as for me, I will walk in mine integrity; redeem me, and be gracious unto me. My foot standeth in an even place; in the congregations will I bless HaShem.
Psalm 57:2: Be gracious unto me, O God, be gracious unto me, for in Thee hath my soul taken refuge; yea, in the shadow of Thy wings will I take refuge, until calamities be overpast.
The unexplained disappearance of her daughter from the family home on Aug. 16 has, she acknowledged, sorely tested her faith. I ask, why did God do this to me? A friend of mine said, God doesnt punish. God is just there to help you get through the bad.
I thought it so many times. Why? I dont know why.
Despite her doubts, Fortis has found consolation in her faith and in the support of her community. On the second day of her disappearance, Rabbi [Avraham] Plotkins wife [Goldie] from Chabad Lubavitch Markham came across the street. They put up a kosher mezuzah with me on my front door. We did it together
and we put a new mezuzah in Alicias bedroom. When things settled down, I found my late mothers mezuzahs and put them in Alicias room.
The rebbitzins support hasnt wavered. Every Friday something [for the Sabbath table] comes from her. Shes a sweet, sweet woman.
Plotkin said she visited the Fortis home soon after the disappearance. We brought a little bit of Jewishness into the picture and it helped.
She suggested the mezuzahs as the prayer they contain asks for Gods protection at home, during sleep, when you arise and when you are away.
She also presented Fortis with a book, The Power of Hope, which she said outlined the Jewish view on coping in difficult situations.
Plotkin is not alone in supporting the Fortis family. In the days immediately after Alicias disappearance, food packages began pouring in to their Thornhill home. Everything was homemade, Fortis said. Everything had a note saying what family it came from, with their thoughts and prayers.
I have a huge basket filled with notes, cards and prayers.
Just a couple of weeks ago, a massive homemade challah arrived from a family whose son went to school with Alicia. The sandwich shop in the building where Alicia worked sent a platter of food. When theyre not sending food, many families across the city have sent their best wishes. TV reporters have told her the stations continue to receive e-mails about Alicia. A prayer on a card was placed for her daughter in the Western Wall in Jerusalem.
Its very comforting that Jews all over the world [are sending their] prayers, she said.
I take consolation in the fact that so many people care and are good people. I feel badly for people because they feel as helpless as me, and there is nothing to do but to wait for the phone call and hope.
In the midst of her anguish, Fortis has tried to restore some sense of normalcy. Although she retired from her 20-year career at Gowlings, a Canada-wide law firm, she continues to do contract work and a few weeks ago she completed a report on the regulatory aspects of environmental law, an area she specializes in. She found the experience therapeutic.
Initially, she said, she couldnt leave the house for more than an hour. I got edgy, she said.
More recently, she played a round of golf and found that at least for the four hours on the course, life was normal. But I know life will never be the same.
Fortis has drawn support from people who have also suffered tremendous loss. Coincidentally, she became friendly earlier this year with Linda Kimelman, whose daughter, Marnie, was killed by a terrorist bomb on a beach in Israel in July 1990. Shes been extremely supportive, Fortis said.
Shes also been contacted by Priscilla de Villiers, whose daughter, Nina, was murdered in 1991 while jogging near Lake Ontario, and who founded a lobby group against violence.
In the early days of Alicias disappearance, the Fortis family were assisted by crisis counsellor Larry Nusbaum.
He takes you to to place within yourself to find a feeling that for that time it takes away the bad and forces the good feelings within you to evolve and take over, Fortis said.
Although police have been investigating Alicias disappearance for more than a month, they have not announced any breakthroughs in the case. Its a slow, methodical process, Fortis said.
At this point, after so many difficult days, she is hoping for some sort of resolution.
You need closure, she said. Finding her is closure. God willing, shes alive, but even if shes not, its not right that shes just out there. For me, closure means an end to this limbo existence. Its horrible.
Closure doesnt mean shes given up hope that Alicia will be found alive.
A member of the Gowlings firm in Calgary called Fortis to offer encouragement. She said, Theres no proof shes alive, but theres no proof shes not alive. So you must not give up, Fortis recalled.
This Rosh Hashanah, Fortis will attend services at Temple Har Zion, as she always does. And, as she always does, she will host a holiday dinner, but the thought of it without Alicia is difficult to imagine.
Usually we have a house of close to 40 people for Rosh Hashanah, she said, wiping away tears. Im not doing it this year. Just our family.
http://www.cjnews.com/viewarticle.asp?id=7356