NJSleuth91
Former Member
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- Aug 1, 2019
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I agree! Our mental health system needs some changes or this will keep happen unfortunately. Thank you for pointing this out I think a lot of people have a hard time looking passed what they’ve done and miss what’s been done to them (or not done) to make them do this so we can prevent others.
What they did was monstrous, and I get that a lot of people don't even want to think about them as anything other than monsters, because that's what they ended up as. But I don't think they were always pre-destined to be monsters. Maybe I'm just being overly optimistic, but after reading obsessively about this case, the two perpetrators, and general research into spree killers...I 100% believe this could have been prevented. And that just makes it even more heartbreaking.
My wife is an ex Children’s Services Social Worker and when I talk to her about these two she repeats a saying of hers: it takes a lot to ruin a kid.
That’s not to lay blame, or at least all of the blame, on parents/family. But it often feels like we as a society have a sort of “not my business-let the chips fall where they may” attitude for troubled kids.
I don't want to blame their families for this as I said earlier because I think there's always a rush to vilify parents and it's usually way more complicated than that. I don't think their families were that bad to be 100% responsible for turning them into killers. Plus these two were adults and made their own choices. But I think there's a lot of factors that have to coalesce before someone goes from being a troubled kid to doing something like this. Not even just factors from their families, which people always focus on to the exclusion of everything else, but schools, communities, peers, the overall culture and various subcultures. I think Bryer's dad really got at something our society needs to talk about (and has been talking about more recently) when he said that "His influences haven't been good, his influences have been Youtube and video games."
Ruining a kid a lot of times doesn't just come from actively harming them. A lot of it comes from just apathy. "They aren't getting into fights or doing drugs, so even though they seem kind of disturbed they're probably fine, let's just wait it out." "Some of my students creep me out so I try to avoid interacting with them unless I have to." "Sorry, our therapists don't accept your insurance, and no we won't give you a referral, just go look it up online." Sometimes small decisions like this can be the difference between someone turning out fine and something like this murder spree happening. And we see an obvious pattern of this kind of thing happening in Bryer's life for years leading up to this. He creeped people out, so they avoided him, and that just isolated him more and made him even more creepy (because social isolation almost always worsens mental health issues), and everyone just expected that someone else would deal with the problem eventually and he would turn out fine in the end. That is not how a strong community should respond to something like this. And this isn't an isolated incident -- we see this type of pattern happening over and over again in a lot of these spree killings.
Regarding Dre's post earlier thread:
"It’s becoming more clear to me that while white men are privileged in so many ways, the one thing they don’t receive is adequate mental health care or support from their loved ones or society etc to be engaged with their emotions and seek help for their issues with anger and hate. I don’t think there would have been more “answers” had they been found alive... I’m feeling the same way in these mass shootings as well- so much anger boiling over that could have been prevented.."
I very much agree about teaching and showing coping skills for anger, sadness, handling life's ups and downs, etc, for all people, especially children and teens, in their learning years. For both boys and girls. Maybe that's a great place to start.
I think that goes for all men, not just white men. In fact IIRC POC are much less likely to receive adequate mental health care. But I totally agree. A lot of times men, especially from dysfunctional backgrounds, get the implicit message that anger and hate are the only acceptable emotions for them to have. The overall culture, as it is today, only reinforces this. JMO.