And as an advocate myself and one who has personally survived abuse, since which I became involved w ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services), *I* (among others here) can assure you firsthand that her behavior appears entirely consistent w women who have in fact been verbally, emotionally, (financially etc) and/or physically abused. Because a woman does not still wear visible bruises, or can not be seen cowering years later w now added reinforcements of LE, the media, the public, and her own family gathered around does not mean that even one of us knows the h#[[ this mother could conceivably have endured, but *I* for one will not diminish the possibility because *I* at least can imagine since *I* have been there--where no other outsider was permitted, to witness what nobody else was privy to witness. She didn't have a "man at her side" then nor was LE there to subdue this man's temper, nor the media inside the home to capture on video, nor a social worker to document or record what really went on behind those four walls, nor the public to witness every vengeful statement, every explosive act or angry threat, nor was anyone else on hand to defend or protect her during the years she spent living w this man. We were not living w him nor have we observed him when he knows no one else is watching. Maybe at the time she lost custody battle, up until recent allegations and reports by others surfaced, she'd still believed his abuse was reserved for her alone. And for all we know she may very well have reached out for help--and like me, no one believed her. My ex had everybody in the whole church and in the entire community convinced nothing was out of the ordinary, just all marital "discord," that he never lost his temper nor did his actions ever rise to the level of abuse. Some men, after being charged and going to jail for physically assaulting a woman may like my ex in turn simply dedicate themselves to learning to batter and control in other ways that will avoid leaving marks. Causing economic hardship and even homelessness eg, are common, as long as they maintain the upper hand. If I hadn't put 3,000 miles between us exactly when I did; if I had not secured other resources; if I had not by the grace of God received pro bono legal assistance in another state through organization I mentioned; and were I not a strong woman of faith, I guarantee you I could never have left w my family intact, nor could I honestly tell you whether my family and I would have survived the war that this treacherous man would surely have waged, nor the legal battle that would have ensued--while still being intimidated, at an economic disadvantage, and w/out additional resources. It is dangerous to attempt to minimize, or dismiss entirely w a cursory glance the kind of damage this woman like so many others may have endured nor should we from the outside looking in ever seek to diminish the signs that others here can recognize only too well. Some of us will just have to agree to disagree. JMO
*Does your partner often seem irritated or angry with you, although you never meant to upset them? You feel confused each time?
*Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by their responses because you can't get them to understand your intentions?
*Does your partner act jealous or possessive of you? Do they accuse you of having affairs or paying too much attention to others?
*Does your partner make you feel like you are mostly wrong and they are always right?
*Does your partner seem angry and has "no idea of what you are talking about" when you try to discuss an issue?
*Do you feel like you are always walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you have to be especially careful to avoid conflicts?
*Does your partner
call you bad names and put you down?
*Does your partner look at you or act in a way that scares you?
*Does your partner control what you do, who you see or talk to, where you go?
*Does your partner deter you from relationships with your friends or family?
*Does your partner
control the money, withhold financial information, take your money, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
*Does your partner define your feelings, opinions, needs, or wants?
*Does your partner tell you you're a bad parent and/or
threaten to take away or hurt your children?
*Does your partner act like the abuse is no big deal, or it's all your fault, or even deny doing it?
*Has your partner followed you, shown up uninvited or wouldn't leave when asked? Have they gone through your things, mail, or checked voice or e-mail messages?
*Has your partner destroyed property? (hit, kicked doors, walls, furniture, thrown items, destroyed the phone or pulled the phone cord from the wall, etc.)
*Has your partner threatened to harm, harmed or killed family pets?
*Does you partner intimidate, threaten or harm you with guns, knives, or any other weapons?
*Does your partner shove, slap, pinch, kick, and/or hit you?
*Has your partner convinced or manipulated you to drop a restraining order and/or charges?
*Has your partner
threatened to kill you?
Domestic abuse is a generational cycle, often passed down, condoned and excused within a family. It is a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship. And if she or anyone at any time experiences a pattern of these behaviors, they are or were in an abusive relationship. JMO
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