Dolores Aguilar Obituary.

[Kat]

Some things are just better left unsaid.

Bury her, walk away and never look back. Ever.

 

[Kat]

Sorry, going for romp and getting pregnant does not garner respect from me.

Beating me in the head with my steel toed boots, nah, that does not do it either.

Taking my sisters for regular dental checkups, and leaving my pre-teen butt at home unless I came up with the money for my portion...does not do it either.

Mom, you almost had me when as a still too young to be employeed teen, you would take my money from my full time job and split it into envelopes to teach me about budgeting. That was until my savings account that you also had your name on all but disappeared.

Even Casey Anthony would get an hour out of her cell everyday, why did I only get 20 minutes?

OK, now I understand the posts which say the obit should not have been written. Some mothers do not deserve the recognition...PERIOD!

I will have to save this to copy and use when my bio mother dies. Wretched woman.

I refuse to print this out and send it to my siblings. I thought about it, but they would really do this whenever our mother goes. Thank goodness I don't live near all of them, in that small town, where everyone knows anyway. I hope that the author and/or family found this to help them with their healing process, I don't know if it helped or not.

I wish I could give you all a hug and tell you that you deserved better. I know I did.

:hug: I'm so sorry for the pain you all suffered. Some of us can move past it and forget it, some of us can't. I respect that and I respect you all.

 

[Silkprint]

Holy crap!!!
Was reading this to my son Adam and hub Tom .
Adams says 'If you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all ..its not like they are one upping her'
I can see his point .
My husband says she must have been a real son of a gun .
Cripes though

 

[Steely Dan]

I think this is perfectly ok as long as the whole family agreed to it. I don't understand why yesterday I could talk to someone about a person and call them every name in the book, but if they die today I have to be nice.

To use a very extreme example I don't know why people should be expected to say nice things about Hitler soon after his death.

Let the truth be known if it makes you feel better. JMO

 

[Donjeta]

I certainly do not subscribe to the belief that you can only say nice things about the dead but there is a place and time for everything and a public obituary might not be the best place to list all your grievances. Obituaries are for the living, they can't hurt the dead person any more but they could hurt some living ones. Not everyone likes to have their dirty laundry aired in public, their painful childhood memories printed out for everyone to read, or have themselves associated with a mean ole sloppy neglectful granny on Snopes for evermore whenever someone googles their name.

I could be wrong but my impression was that very likely it was not the case that everyone agreed. When there is a list of so many names it's not possible for everyone to be on the same page on any remotely controversial issue. Some may be small children and not yet able to even understand what's it all about. The Snopes article gave me the notion that the text was the work of one daughter only and they never mentioned that anybody else was consulted, and although the obituary seems to speak for everyone at places it looks like an assumption ("I think everyone probably feels the same") more than an assertion ("this is what everyone feels and what we agreed to say"). The obituary says explicitly that it's a torn apart family that couldn't come together for a funeral and the writer is not even sure if she remembered everyone who belongs to the family so it doesn't sound like a cooperative situation in which everyone comes together to edit and approve the text for an obituary.

 

[Steely Dan]

I certainly do not subscribe to the belief that you can only say nice things about the dead but there is a place and time for everything and a public obituary might not be the best place to list all your grievances. Obituaries are for the living, they can't hurt the dead person any more but they could hurt some living ones. Not everyone likes to have their dirty laundry aired in public, their painful childhood memories printed out for everyone to read, or have themselves associated with a mean ole sloppy neglectful granny on Snopes for evermore whenever someone googles their name.

I could be wrong but my impression was that very likely it was not the case that everyone agreed. When there is a list of so many names it's not possible for everyone to be on the same page on any remotely controversial issue. Some may be small children and not yet able to even understand what's it all about. The Snopes article gave me the notion that the text was the work of one daughter only and they never mentioned that anybody else was consulted, and although the obituary seems to speak for everyone at places it looks like an assumption ("I think everyone probably feels the same") more than an assertion ("this is what everyone feels and what we agreed to say"). The obituary says explicitly that it's a torn apart family that couldn't come together for a funeral and the writer is not even sure if she remembered everyone who belongs to the family so it doesn't sound like a cooperative situation in which everyone comes together to edit and approve the text for an obituary.

I agree, I think they should all consent first. However, if she was given the task of writing the obituary then she can write what she wants. I believe that any obituary should be run by the immediate family before publishing it. JMO

 

[pinkfly]

WOW

When I was young an old neighbor passed and we went to his funeral. His grown daughter was asked to say a few words about her father and she got up and lambasted him. She talked about him only caring about what the sons did and how her memories were of a cold and hateful man. She said he owned his children rather than loving and raising them. He had always been a very nice neighbor to us so later when I got old enough to understand I began to think there may have been some sexual abuse going on.

 

[1000Sparks]

Who's he? :waitasec:

Should of said it first. Our brother is kinda like that...he acts like he's right up there with the Pope. If you are not Catholic he will not talk to you....cause everyone else is a Pagan.

 

[Quiche]

It took some guts, I'd say-- may become a trend. Might want to be careful about who's in charge of summing up your life. jmo

 

[gitana1]

I think this is perfectly ok as long as the whole family agreed to it. I don't understand why yesterday I could talk to someone about a person and call them every name in the book, but if they die today I have to be nice.

To use a very extreme example I don't know why people should be expected to say nice things about Hitler soon after his death.

Let the truth be known if it makes you feel better. JMO

My problem isn't with talking badly about the dead who deserve it. My problem is with never talking badly about the dead to their face, when the are still alive, but only after they are no longer here to hear it.

I believe the writer. I believe her mom was probably a wreck of a human. The obit seems sincere. But she is not here to defend her reputation, so I cannot know 100%.

I mentioned Mommy Dearest before. Christina Crawford didn't write her book until she found out she was cut out of the will. She never stood up to her mother or disagreed with the glowing reports about Joan Crawford, when Crawford was alive. While I also tend to believe there may be truth in at least some of what Christina says, because there are independent corroborations of Joan's bizarre behavior toward her older two children, Christina lacked the courage to speak the truth until after her mom could not reply and after she was cut out of the will. Something about that bothers me a lot.

I will say this, though. I watched some sort of Pacific Islander funeral rite where the people come up to the coffin and speak to the dead. Often, it involves yelling, crying and a listing of how horrible the dead person was and how much the people who were alive wished he or she could have been different. For example, one man was crying and yelling at the corpse. "You were a drunk! You never worked and you let us go hungry! You beat our mother! Why couldn't you have been a good husband and father?" It was pretty intense.

I guess something like that can be very cathartic for a person who has suffered intensely at the hands of a relative and who now wants to put an end to the suffering and walk away, finally free. But I'd rather see that happen when the person is still alive and they can hear firsthand how their behavior wounded their family.

 

[Steely Dan]

My problem isn't with talking badly about the dead who deserve it. My problem is with never talking badly about the dead to their face, when the are still alive, but only after they are no longer here to hear it.

I believe the writer. I believe her mom was probably a wreck of a human. The obit seems sincere. But she is not here to defend her reputation, so I cannot know 100%.

I mentioned Mommy Dearest before. Christina Crawford didn't write her book until she found out she was cut out of the will. She never stood up to her mother or disagreed with the glowing reports about Joan Crawford, when Crawford was alive. While I also tend to believe there may be truth in at least some of what Christina says, because there are independent corroborations of Joan's bizarre behavior toward her older two children, Christina lacked the courage to speak the truth until after her mom could not reply and after she was cut out of the will. Something about that bothers me a lot.

I will say this, though. I watched some sort of Pacific Islander funeral rite where the people come up to the coffin and speak to the dead. Often, it involves yelling, crying and a listing of how horrible the dead person was and how much the people who were alive wished he or she could have been different. For example, one man was crying and yelling at the corpse. "You were a drunk! You never worked and you let us go hungry! You beat our mother! Why couldn't you have been a good husband and father?" It was pretty intense.

I guess something like that can be very cathartic for a person who has suffered intensely at the hands of a relative and who now wants to put an end to the suffering and walk away, finally free. But I'd rather see that happen when the person is still alive and they can hear firsthand how their behavior wounded their family.

Maybe a percentage of judgment is figured by what those closest to you and what those that are the farthest say about you.

 

[tfrohning]

I did not get along with my mother but I took on tash of her funeral. At that time my brother had not talk to my mom in 10 years. My sister I not sure how long it had been for her. She was still my mom and I paid to make sure she had nice funeral and that she was buried next to her parents. My brother and sister felt a lot guilt. I made peace with her. Now that I older I look back and kind understand that she was so unhappy that it flow over to us. I pray now that she has peace with herself. Hopeful that daugher will let go of her disapoinment of her mother and try to understand that something was wrong with her mother. IDK but I could never wrote that about anyone in my family leave alone my mom.

 

[pip]

I know one of her grandson's listed in the obituary. Of course I don't know anything of the history, but I would venture a guess that it may run deep in this family. Interesting fellow, beyond words.