Sometimes I feel after this long that hating the As has become a favorite pastime. I try not to get caught up in that but it is hard sometimes.
I try to look at the deeper issues and why things may be the way they are.
We talk about them being dysfunctional (some say the most dysfunctional family they have ever seen) but I believe there is always a root cause for that dysfunctional behavior.
I have read countless articles about what family members have to endure when living with a family member who is a cold unfeeling narcissistic psychopath and that alone makes the family dysfunctional and the ones who aren't narcissists become targets and are in survival mode everyday of their lives. I wanted to see if other families go through what I went through in my childhood growing up while living with one.
I realize now how lucky I was that I did not bring all that dysfunction into my own adult life but it sure left my mom with many issues having to deal with him for 41 years. To be quite honest she too become a 'yes' woman who never stood up for herself just like GA. Even though he was extremely abusive to me... in the end it made me a better person. I realize now if I had been the chosen child where he wanted me to be just like him then I could have turned out just like him (shudder) and I am the polar opposite. Cindy saw Casey and she saw herself all over again and she groomed and polished Casey to become just like her.
Now in this family, IMOO, the dysfunction is compounded by having not just one........but two narcissists living in the home to contend with on a daily basis. I cant even begin to imagine how hard that must be.
Wouldn't we be more shocked if they weren't dysfunctional?:waitasec:
We have a family here where the powerful narcissist rules the roost. Allowing only her daughter to have power because the daughter is just like the mother. Cindy knew it would then be all consuming and always about them.......and no one else.
Now Lee......well Lee knew early on that he was valued very little but he did realize the best way to survive his ordeal was to be for his mother and sister and against the main one they pushed off the back burner.
George had no purpose except to make Cindy appear to be a good wife to others who may see her outside of her home. He was to make sure the cars were shiny and clean and the lawn immaculate so that the As home seemed like the idyllic place to be from the outside. He was to be there if Cindy and Casey needed a gopher or a ready made babysitter for Caylee when Cindy and Casey had plans. And he was there only to be in agreement on everything Cindy said.
Just like abusers pick their victims imo narcissist marry those they know they can dominate and rule with an iron fist. After awhile like the abused spouse or child they begin to think their lives are normal. One only looks to control and the other one thinks the micro-managing every step they take is done out of love.
Narcissist are masters at manipulations especially when it comes to their own families. They blame you for their own wrongdoings and convince you that you are the one that is unworthy and it is a cruel mind game that often works. It is like years of brainwashing and they are excellent at it.
IMO
BBM
Your post is excellent..You have just described my ex-husband to a tee. That's exactly how I felt in my marriage, years of "brainwashing"...the abuser wanting to convince you that everything in his life that's wrong is your fault. What saved me was I knew, deep down inside I was a good person, that there was something wrong with what he was trying to convince me of, that and a very good counselor. He was incapable of making decisions, I would make them, then he could blame me when they didn't turn out the way he wanted.
We have to consider the relationship between mother and daughter also. Our daughters, at some point challenge us. Some more than others, they gauge themselves by how much they can "match up" to the moms. I believe CA & the felon were in a battle to see who could dominate the household and Caylee.
Everyone in a family unit are assigned roles. Lee could have taken on the protector role for both CA and the felon. CA did say he always looked after his little sister. He was the one called by GA to go to the house when the felon was found that day. I could see how he had no respect for GA as his father and might have tried to take on the role of the "man of the house" but of course the women wouldn't allow it. He "took charge" of the situation when the felon was arrested, guiding his parents and investigating until, of course he realized he was "being taken for a ride".
I agree with your assessment of GA. I've found that women who dominate their husbands, often treat them like a child. The men feel emasulated but stay in the marriage sometimes for financial reasons, the women are usually the money makers and the women enjoy dominating their man but at the same time have no respect for them. Sometimes secrectly wishing they had a man that would take care of them but at the same time not wanting to release that control. No one knows better then themselves whats right.
My mother, as a co-dependent, has spent her whole life with abusers. When I divorced her answer was..you made your bed, lie in it. She never offered any support, only criticism, even going so far to tell my children that I couldn't take care of them. She never went beyond that point in her life, never knew that what was on the other side of co-dependency was a whole other world of independence....Great post..Thanks!
