So if a woman got raped and she was wearing a dress like that, it would be her fault? Or if a woman wore a dress like that, and her daughter was kidnapped and killed, it would be her fault? I think any woman today has the right to dress attractive, and even sexy, if they choose. I prefer jeans and t-shirts. My best friend won't go anywear unless she has on a dress and heels. I don't feel women should wear scarves. cover up and dress like the olden days because they may get raped. I feel a woman should dress how she is comfortable, and no man has a right to touch in way she doesn't want, no matter what she is wearing. That type of thinking really places the blame on women who have been raped, because they wore clothes that were somewhat revealing. I don't think DT's dress revealed all that much cleavage, and she certainly did not need a scarf. It was well cut and stylish, deeply cut, but nothing was hanging out. (I also think she probably has no idea of what she is even putting on, and probably could care less about it). She dressed for a special day to say goodbye to her daughter. For all we know it was Somer's favorite dress, and she honored her by wearing it. As far as the other days, early days-your child is missing, your home is full of cops and media is camped outside your door. You are frantic, worried, excitable and scared. Once the child is found, your grief is profound. No matter how you show it, or how DT showed it, her heart was broken. No tears? Xanax. (Or something similar). When my son died I put on whatever I could reach. I am lucky if my clothing even matched, and my daughter brushed my hair. waist-long hair and I never gave it a thought. If I did, I didn't care. My heart and mind were focused on my child. I am sure DT is in the same place. I was raised not to cry-to keep my tears for private. I was raised in new England, and public displays of emotion were not encouraged in the culture of my home. We don't know how DT was raised. We know very little about her. I don't think a few risque pictures on MySpace truly tell us anything about this woman. She may have thought they were funny. She may have put them up and forgotten about them. This is 2009-those pictures really don't mean much. She may have had friends who were of a lifestyle many look down on. She may have unwittingly out her child at risk. She may also have had friends or relatives who put an undesirable or risky person in her life, and not even known if one of them was an RSO or criminal record. I have had undesireable people in my life through other people. And if you don't run a background check on every friend you have, you may never know!
We don't know whoever did this is someone in Somer's life through her mom. He could be a neighbor, a neighbors son (or daughter). He could be someone who hangs around schools, even if he doesn't live there, but hangs around enough the kids now feel that they know him. He could hang in the park and chat to kids. After six weeks to a child, that person is a friend. He could have been a stranger looking for a dog, or carrying a crying kitten..or searching for one. He could have been a person who told Somer HIS child was missing-ran off in the woods-can you help me find him? My point is, every child is at risk-regardless of the parents life style. They are all a target of someone who can get near them. It simply could have been a crime of opportunity, or a crime of someone scouting. I do feel Somer knew or trusted her killer-but she may have known him form her OWN association with a kind stranger who she has spoken to every day for weeks or months. To my other son, someone he has said hello to a few times, seen regularly for a few weeks, was a friend. I have to watch him very carefully, because he trusts too easily. That has nothing to do with my Faceboook, MySpace or clothing. It has to do with his trust in people being good, and a predator who may take advantage of that. I think with Somer walking home with her sister, and possibly other groups of children, DT probably felt she was safe.. Many kids do walk home with siblings, and they ARE safe. But Somer took off alone, and became unsafe. She became a victim to someone who saw opportunity. He may also have been someone who told her "Your mom is at the hospital, I came to bring you to her". That still works with children. Families need a code word-but not all families have them, and not all children remember to ask in their fear for Mommy.
As far as marijuana, I know a young man who smokes it for pain. He is waiting for his state to allow it for medical purposes. But he is a wonderful father to three children, and they are almost grown. He was there for them from the day they came home from the hospital. He changes diapers, he cleans, cooks and does laundry. He can cook a decent dinner. He does not drive if he has used. He stays under the radar, he is careful But in no way did it ever effect his parenting. I do not use, never have, nor ever plan to. But I have seen the benefits of his use on his pain-from a man who cannot walk or move, to a man who can who can play baseball, swim with his children, and focus. He is self-employed, but has no medical, to get "legal" prescriptions from a doctor. He also feels why stop what he has, which works, to take a pill, which will also work (with maybe more or negative side-effects).. What he has, works. This young man would probably join the online pot group-he views it as an herb, with medicinal purposes. That doesn't make him a bad, or risky person.
Sorry this is so long, but I felt I had to say it. This is JMO.
