If This Happened to You?

[my_tee_mouse]

I'm with ya'll with regard to the 31 days. If I didn't hear from my son at least once a week (he's grown, has his own family and lives six hours away), I'd be calling and calling until I got hold of them. If after a day of calling I still didn't hear, I'd contact my daughter-in-law's parents (who live two doors down from the kids). I'd make sure everything was okay, and I would not settle for half-baked explanations if things sounded hokey.

Happily, my son is prone to calling every day or two. We have a good relationship (despite the fact that I held his feet to the fire a time or two during his growing-up years). (Or then again, maybe that is WHY we have a good relationship).

And I always talk to my grandson (I talk, he babbles). If he were suddenly unavailable for days on end, I'd be finding out why, however I had to. My son would find me, LE or both standing on his doorstep lickety-split.

 

[RJOINNH]

The hardest thing to understand is how this family's inner dynamics got to where they were.....only they really know that.
But it is obvious that this family was moving toward a breaking point.
That the whole situation in that house was blowing up.
Thus the fight on the 15th.
If my life had gotten to this point I surely know the one thing that I would have done, that I can not understand for one minute why this entire family ignored it.......

I WOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE FROM THE TOW YARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[tiredofthis]

If this whole situation happened to you...what would you do?

I don't want to give further specifics, because I'd like to see what people say they'd do at each step of the way. Suffice it to say that you are the parents of this girl and the grandparents of this child, and based on what you know...what would you do?

I don't know what I would do if it happened to me. I would like to think I would tell the truth, but until I'm put in that situation I just don't know.

It is easy to stand on the outside and say I would or wouldn't do that. I hope and pray I never have to find out what I would do.

 

[blupencl]

(respectfully snipped)
I WOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE FROM THE TOW YARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely. This is the thing I just do not understand. That stench was reportedly absolutely terrible - their baby granddaughter was missing. Was Casey still missing? This case has just seeped through my skull and sometimes I cant remember details - but if I had a wild child for a daughter and a missing grandbaby, I think I would have had to have the police out there.

Again, though, like somebody else said - this is Monday-morning quarterbacking at its finest. Who knows what you will really do till you do it?

 

[nomoresorrow]

I realize that alot of posters have stated that know one really knows what they would do in any situation unless or until they've been in the identical situation themself but I respectfully disagree with that. The most frequent explanation that I have heard in this case with the A's has been "grief and denial" for being the basis of their actions and yet from everything that we know, their behavior hasn't been anywhere near "out of the norm" for them. Their character wasn't any different on June 15, 2008 then it was on July 15th - it hasn't changed, its been consistant throughout their lifes.You would think that in light of this being a new and unfamiliar situation to them combined with a "state of grief" that their behavior and the decisions that they make in the wake of this would be "unlike them", "not typical of their natural behavior" , "not in their right/same minds", etc,...so go ahead and give the A's a pass for lie after lie after lie and call it "grief" hoping that if the day comes when you lie for your adult child in order to cover or conceal their crime, you'll be extended the same leniency that you've afforded them. And as for me, having known myself long enough to know my own morals and my character which aren't interchangable depending upon whether I am related to someone, etc,...I can confidently say that I would have asked to meet the "nanny" along time ago and if I kept getting put off I would have taken a day (or as many as it took) off from work without her knowing, leave as if I was leaving for work, park somewhere inconspicuously and wait for her to leave the hose and follow her a$$ and I'd keep doing it until I had some answers. If I wasn't getting anywhere fast enough with that tactic, I'd have had "handyman G" install a gps tracking device on the car. For those who doubt me, ask my sons! Although I never had to deploy these sort of tactics with them I did with my niece who was a hardcore junkie with two beautiful babies and I never knew what state or guy she'd end up in or with next (or what jail) but if anyone could find her I could and I did. If it meant a road trip at 3 in the morning to Pennsylvannia, Ohio, Florida,....didn't matter, I went. Her friends hated me, not only did I contact them when I was looking for her, I'd show up at their doorsteps with LE beside me - and don't you know it, drug dealers and druggies do not like the cops at their doors, but they learnt to give her up otherwise I'd just keep coming back. So when it comes to the welfare of a child I do know what I would do because I have done it.

MOO

 

[Kat]

Wow this is a hard question. I will try to answer without critiquing the A's behavoir and just put what it is I would do if this happened to me and my Husband. Because we have a total of 7 children (aged 29 to 12).

So I would have to go with either the oldest daughter or the next to the oldest daughter. You know my Husband and I have talked about this a bit, not much though, he does watch NG with me.

First, based on my experience with our children. If my adult daughter (either one) was living with me, and said that she wanted to leave and go stay with someone in order to bond more with her child, I am not sure that I would be that concerned. Yes I would be frustrated that I couldn't see my grandchild but I would respect that the child is hers and I would call or text (I don't really know how to text) and if my daughter called back or texted back all was okay, I would go with that more than likely. Whether I liked the situation or not. It's hard to imagine what I or my Husband would do because, knock on wood, none of our children have stolen from us or lied to us in such fashion. I can only state what we would do if one of our children did this.

Then if I were informed by one of my daughters that my grandchild had been abducted, I would contact LE and make a report. If my daughter told me that is what happened, I would believe her, and I would be frantic...completely frantic, I probably wouldn't be able to sleep or eat or even function until my grandbaby was found.

If LE interviewed my daughter and arrested her the within 24 hours and they only had the proof that they had in July that they had in this case, I would be frustrated. There is no way in 24 hours that I could reconcile that my child had done something to my grandchild. I would believe my daughter.

If I percieved that they were building a case against my daughter and not actively looking for my grandchild. I would be so angry that I can't imagine what my actions would be....but I do know that if media contacted me, I would plead, beg and make a complete fool of myself asking for her safe return. Every chance I got and my Husband too.

I can only speculate (we do not have grandchildren yet) but I'm not sure that I would allow myself to believe that one of our daughters had harmed one of our grandchildren until that grandchild was found. If the hypothetical scenario that we are talking about happened to us and our grandchild was found as Caylee was found, then I would be the one in the mental hospital. I know that I would blame myself to such an extent that I don't know if I would ever be able to function. I can't predict how long it would take me to completely accept that my child did something like that. I would probably go back and forth with it for a bit, trying to talk myself out of acceptance.

I was just being as honest as I could in answering this question. So it's just my two cents. But, I really can't put myself in this situation because my children are very different from KC and I am very very different from CA.

 

[BetsyB]

I'd like to say that I would continue to love my daughter, but refuse to support her. But I know how denial and dysfunctional, isolative family dynamics can do a number on you---so I don't really know.

If it were my daughter--the one I actually have, in the context of the family I have--I hope I would get the ball rolling much earlier by notifying child welfare authorities that my grandchild is in danger within a day or two after she left home in anger. It would be too late to change the ultimate outcome, but it would give authorities much more evidence to work with.

I hope I would tell my daughter, "I love you, but I hate what you've done," and I would cooperate with authorities--not only answering their questions but offering information to help them convict my grandchild's murderer.

I would not believe that, because I'd lost my granddaughter, I MUST keep my daughter. It's not a game to be won. There is no winning. It's a matter of right and wrong, plain and simple.

 

[mydailyopinions]

for those of you indicating some sort of inability to decide, i presume you do not feel you know whether you would turn the cild/parent in or lie for him/her, presumably to ty and help them.

how would lying help them?

if you were successful and they GOT AWAY WITH IT, explain how that helps them.

if they actually killed thE child, their only hope, imo, would be to bear the responsibility....anything else COULD ONLY HARM THEM

their only hope would be to deal with the reality of what they did and put it behind them in that manner (as much as possible)

the a's are punishing that girl by taking her side against her responsibility, she has no hope if she manages to evade her reality

none

imo

I am one who said that I do not know what I would do. And it isn't because I would be contemplating doing all the wrong things..It is just because I have never ever been in any kind of situation like this, and to be honest, I don't even know if my heart would withstand any of it. I can't say what I would do, because I just don't know. I wear my heart on my sleeves and am very easily hurt by the smallest of things. I can't speak for the others who don't know what they would do, but you certainly are presuming wrong about me. I don't know if I could come out from under my cover on my bed to deal with any of it. I just don't know.
There is a difference in not being in these shoes and knowing what you would do, then being in these shoes and doing exactly what you thought you would.. Its easy for me to say that I wouldn't do anything wrong, but in the moment when it counts, I don't know if my mind will even function to do what I think I would do.
I don't know if I make any sense, and god knows I hope I never have to experience this.

ETA: The one thing I know for sure is that I would need help. I would need someone to speak on my behalf, because of my own emotions, I couldn't hold it together for not one camera..

 

[floridamom]

you can only help your child by having him understand he must accept responsibility for what occurred,

anything else would harm him in the long run. imo

Yes you are right and I agree. I'm just saying I now know the "feeling" of needing to protect and defend. The mama bear instinct comes out strong when things happen to our child. The wanting to believe with all our might that it's not the child's fault, etc. I'm not saying that if he's at fault I would still defend but the instinct to do so is still there. I just get it now.

 

[CharlestonGal]

1. My daughter would have been either in school, or working. If working, she would have been contributing money to the household.

2. I'd have been alarmed and looking for my child and grandchild long before 31 days had passed.

3. The police would have been called from the tow yard when I smelled death in the car.

4. I would have touched nothing in the car, in the house, or Casey's belongings at TL's apartment.

5. I would have told the police absolutely everything I knew, everything that went on in my house, everything about my daughter's history.

6. I would not have visited my daughter or bailed her out until she sat down and told me the whole truth.

7. I would have used the press only to get the word out about my missing grandchild. No interviews, no tours of my house, no media circus, no arguing with protesters.

8. I'd have gone into seclusion when my granddaughter's remains were found. Through my spokesperson, I'd have released a statement thanking LE, the press, and the public for their help in locating my grandchild. In that statement, I would also encourage my child to tell the truth about exactly what happened the day Caylee died. I would let her know she has to take responsibility for what happened to Caylee, and that I'll always love her despite what she has done.

9. At that point, I'd probably have to check into a psychiatric facility. I'm not kidding.

 

[Tichad3]

told LE the truth about EVERYTHING

not let my child manipulate me

love my child without standing by them

beaten the answers out of my child when they were out on bail instead of letting them be on the computer all the time

never let 31 days go by without hearing from granddaughter

called the police when I got to the tow yard


Let's just say that I would do everything that the A's did not.

 

[stellasmommyphd]

well, i only have a daughter, no grandkids, as my daughter is not quite 2 years old

i don't know what one feels for one's grandkids, and i don't know how that feeling compares with the love one has for one's child. i would like to think that if i thought my DD might be responsible for her own child's disappearance/death, that i would pursue the truth about that and put justice for my grandchild ahead of my protectiveness for my child.

but it's hard for me to imagine ever throwing my own kid under a bus for anything she did, even if she was a sociopath and even if she killed someone. the love you have for your child, remembering holding them the day they were born and everything after that...that has a hold on parents that is hard to get out from under, i think. and if my DD did turn out to be a psycho, i'm sure on some level i'd feel some responsibility for that (rightly or wrongly) and it would be hard for me to have her face the full consequences of her actions when i felt partly to blame.

so probably what i'd do, in all likelihood, is try to find out the truth and pursue justice for my grandkid and SAFETY for the rest of the world (from my psycho child) while at the same time trying to keep my daughter from facing the death penalty. i might try to sway her to plead insanity and get her treated. i don't know.

it's easy to say the anthonys are being horrible, but really, how hard would it be to hang your daughter out to dry, no matter what she had done??

 

[Clock's Tickin]

Well, let's see...we've confronted daughter about stealing and had a fight so bad that we nearly choked the life out of her, prompting her to take aff with the grandbaby. I probably (like CA & GA) would've given it a cool down. This first step probably would've resulted in the same outcomve for the grandchild, since I believe she was gone very shortly after. Since they had both been living in my home from "day one", the cool down would last no more than a few days. With no communication with my grandchild, I would have put my life on hold immediately to track them down. Not knowing where they were sleeping or how they were surviving would have driven me to extremes (I come from one of those families that would never hear of letting you move furniture on your own). Since the grandchild is most likely gone at this time, the lies are sure to be plenty and I'd be relentless. Police involved immediately. Searches of every possible location. I'd move out of my home so the FBI could build a lab in it and test every fiber and molecule. I'd be on TV every night begging anyone and everyone that may have caught a fleeting glimpse of KC or Caylee to come forward, knowing that every credible sighting would aid the timeline. I would support my daughter, but supporting her wuld mean making her take responsibility for any part she played in the disappearance of Caylee-be it neglect or worse-as it is my duty as a parent to see that my daughter does the right thing from this point forward-to the best of my ability. I would not care what gets taped or released, I would visit my daughter in jail every single day and I would try to get her the best attorney and work with the judicial system to make sure she is getting the psychological health care that she so desperately needs. I would grieve forever for the loss of my grandchild and the circumstances surrounding her death. I would work tirelessly to promote awareness for child abuse/neglect as I (like so many others) had not seen the need for intervention early enough in my own family. It is easy for me...on the oustside looking in...to say anything, but quite honestly I feel certain that GA and CA felt that by caring for Caylee so well that there was no opportunity for this circumstance to occur. Many on this very board are quick to judge...after the fact. I believe that had we known the A family in May 2008--we would have all been in shock by July--I don't believe any one of us would have had even one iota of doubt in KC's love for her child or the ability of this family to prevent any harm from coming to her. I don't believe they could have done anything differently to prevent this outcome. It is what it is and one can only hope that the A family will one day be able to mourn without all of us typing about them on crime blogs.

 

[TxLady2]

Interesting posts. It is difficult to say what anyone would do, because we are all different from the Anthonys and our children are different than Casey, (I hope!) I can't imagine it, because I don't have a daughter, only sons.
First of all, I'm sure most of us who have kids, know they have not raised a psychopath or sociopath. Beating the truth out of either one would be next to impossible... they don't care, and they would likely turn on you. Secondly, most of us would tend to believe our child, and we would not immediately realize he/she was lying. Sociopaths can lie very convincingly. Thirdly, everyone says they KNOW what they would do, but in reality, YOU DON'T know... when a situation hits you, you just react.... and you can't predict what you will do until you do it. Lastly, no two situations are alike and no one family is identical to another. You are responding based on what your son or daughter is like, and on what you are like.... not considering that all of you are different than the Anthonys, and so the results cannot be the same.
Casey is an adult, though... she was not an errant teenager and her parents had no more control over her, legally. It is pointless to say that Cindy and George could have prevented this, if they had done this or that. They could not prevent it... no one could have except the one person who is responsible for it to start with.

 

[Kat]

Interesting posts. It is difficult to say what anyone would do, because we are all different from the Anthonys and our children are different than Casey, (I hope!) I can't imagine it, because I don't have a daughter, only sons.
First of all, I'm sure most of us who have kids, know they have not raised a psychopath or sociopath. Beating the truth out of either one would be next to impossible... they don't care, and they would likely turn on you. Secondly, most of us would tend to believe our child, and we would not immediately realize he/she was lying. Sociopaths can lie very convincingly. Thirdly, everyone says they KNOW what they would do, but in reality, YOU DON'T know... when a situation hits you, you just react.... and you can't predict what you will do until you do it. Lastly, no two situations are alike and no one family is identical to another. You are responding based on what your son or daughter is like, and on what you are like.... not considering that all of you are different than the Anthonys, and so the results cannot be the same.
Casey is an adult, though... she was not an errant teenager and her parents had no more control over her, legally. It is pointless to say that Cindy and George could have prevented this, if they had done this or that. They could not prevent it... no one could have except the one person who is responsible for it to start with.

Bolded by me respectfully.

A thoughtful post with which I agree. There was a time not so long ago, that I wanted to blame the A's for what happened to Caylee. I have now had time to sit down and reflect and there really isn't anything they could have said or done to prevent this from happening. If LE is correct about their estimation of the date of the death of Caylee and if our own WS'ers who have a thread on that exact thing are correct. Caylee was dead before enough time would have passed for the A's to call the LE and request a welfare check. She was only gone for a very short time before she was killed.

I know that a lot of posters here believe that the A's lied, or Obstructed Justice, but the fact remains that OCSO hasn't said they will be pressing charges and I trust their judgement. I respect those posters right to have those opinions and express them.

I, myself, have no clue how I would respond to this if it were to happen to me. I don't have any children like KC. But after much thought, I realized that my anger towards the A's was misplaced. My focus is now on KC, and the evidence against her, which I believe shows she did do this and there is no way she will walk on these charges.

 

[RevCrim]

In my father's house, and in mine- our first rule is and always will be-

Do right and tell the truth, and I will support and defend you all the way-
Do wrong and lie, and you won't have to worry about LE, because I will kick your fanny to Halifax and back-

It worked with my father's 7 and my 4, and we're working on 7 gkids now.
Just an old fashion way- so there's something to be said for old fashion parenting-

By the way- My Dad never laid a hand on any of 7 and I never laid a hand on my 4.

 

[Tichad3]

In my father's house, and in mine- our first rule is and always will be-

Do right and tell the truth, and I will support and defend you all the way-
Do wrong and lie, and you won't have to worry about LE, because I will kick your fanny to Halifax and back-

It worked with my father's 7 and my 4, and we're working on 7 gkids now.
Just an old fashion way- so there's something to be said for old fashion parenting-

By the way- My Dad never laid a hand on any of 7 and I never laid a hand on my 4.

If there ever were a "perfect" family motto, this would be it. I applaud you and your daddy.:clap:

 

[SeriouslySearching]

Is this some psychological game we are playing on this thread? I would like to know the purpose behind the question to begin with and why we are being asked now. I would say most of us have stated our opinions freely on what we would do (or have done) throughout this case given the circumstances surrounding it. Maybe I am missing something here?

My Tee...can you now fill us in on the purpose of asking the question in the way you did? I am interested in your answer. (I am also interested in how you would answer the same question as I have not seen it yet.)

 

[txanmom]

Honestly, when the theft from ggrandma occurred i would have probably reported my daughter to the police for theft. but since that isn't what happened in the exact same situation i would still love her and want to see her in jail but i wouldn't go on tv for any reason, i would allow LE to do whatever i could to help their investigation while still trying to maintain privacy. i would probably find a family member somewhere i could stay that camera trucks weren't parked outside my house. i would do my very best to get my granddaughter out of a cardboard box and lay her to rest as soon as i could. i would help my daughter as much as i could emotionally and i would do my best to make sure she received adequate council and her just punishment but i could never allow her to be put to death, sorry. and i could never abandon her in prison if she received a life sentence i would definetely visit her. it would ruin me emotionally for the rest of my life. and i am sure it would ruin our family in every way possible for the rest of our lives.