OH, Baffled Man's House Egged for Whole Year

[JLSChook]

Reading this thread has truly scrambled my brain. I laughed so hard at all the eggcellent puns that I'm eggshausted and need to lay down.

In all seriousness, though....You all need to stop eggsaggerating. This poor man is in a real pickle.

 

[Paintr]

E Benedict has just announced to local media that he is now married. He says that her name is Megg. He bestowed a new car on his blushing bride as a wedding gift. She is apparently delighted with her new two door white and yellow coop. He has indicated that they may honeymoon in Chickago or Sandieggo.

 

[Snoods]

Any cameras up in the trees.
This is a mean thing to do to an old man.

I agree, he seems like a good egg. This is a crime most fowl.

In unrelated news, a finely organized army of hens (and a few pink flamingos) carrying slingshots were seen marching through Euclid town square:

(This is a mean thing to do to an old man though, I do agree with that.)

 

[TrackerSam]

E Benedict has just announced to local media that he is now married. He says that her name is Megg. He bestowed a new car on his blushing bride as a wedding gift. She is apparently delighted with her new two door white and yellow coop. He has indicated that they may honeymoon in Chickago or Sandieggo.

And she gave him a roe boat.

 

[Paintr]

:laughing:

According to the latest gossip, E Benedict is no longer *advertiser censored* of the walk. Since his marriage he has become rather hen pecked. Money seems to be part of the problem, since his income has been reduced to chicken feed. Benedict was seen scurrying away as Megg followed, squawking and pelting him with eggplants and eggcorns.

 

[TrackerSam]

:laughing:

According to the latest gossip, E Benedict is no longer *advertiser censored* of the walk. Since his marriage he has become rather hen pecked. Money seems to be part of the problem, since his income has been reduced to chicken feed. Benedict was seen scurrying away as Megg followed, squawking and pelting him with eggplants and eggcorns.

He was begging her to stop but she negglected his pleas.

 

[musicaljoke]

Any cameras up in the trees.
This is a mean thing to do to an old man.

I'd be terrifried. They otta put a camera in the y'oak tree.

 

[MermaidFairies]

I think someone wants to get him so frustrated he'll move out, perhaps it's time to put up a web cam.

 

[Tillicum]

Euclid police are working closely with Akron police and hoping to find a connection between the serial egger and serial pooper.

:floorlaugh: I'm thinking of moving out of a state :facepalm:

 

[Paintr]

Megg Benedict accidently ran her coop into a pole tree. She went into lay bour and delivered twins. The reconciled couple named the boy Aleggxander and the girl Misshell. Authorities believe the new family has relocated to New Yolk City.

 

[Paintr]

Euclid police are working closely with Akron police and hoping to find a connection between the serial egger and serial pooper.

:floorlaugh: I'm thinking of moving out of a state :facepalm:

:yesss:

 

[Indy Anna]

I'd be terrifried. They otta put a camera in the y'oak tree.

Agreed. LE should have this case cracked by now. I think they're waffling.

Om-e-let it go for now and see what happens.

 

[Indy Anna]

There are pictures of the house at this link:

http://www.cleveland.com/euclid/index.ssf/2015/03/fund_raises_cash_for_reward_mo.html

Also of note [snipped]:

"The house has been pelted with hundreds of eggs, produce, full canned goods and paintballs...."
....Family members have been struck as they walked out the front door....

The comments are also interesting.

This reminds me of a scene from Nicholas Nickleby in which an elderly neighbor had romantic designs on the widow Mrs. Nickleby. He would hurl produce over the wall at Mrs. Nickleby and her daughter whenever they went outside. Hmmm. I wonder if there might be an elderly widow or old maid living 2-3 blocks from the Clemenses who has her eye out for the older gentleman? :winkkiss::crush:

 

[Indy Anna]

And a little more information here....

http://www.thejournal.ie/yolked-out-of-it-1991057-Mar2015/

<snip>

Police traced the eggs to a local Amish farm, but fingerprinting shattered shells proved useless because egg proteins destroy DNA.

 

[zwiebel]

Isn't this a matter of math? I'd have thought a land surveyor with a laser measure could work this out.

Luckily the perp's used raw eggs that have marked perfectly where they hit. And they've all hit at the front, so the direction's there too. So a person has the height of the lowest and the highest hits and the height they are off the floor, just waiting to be measured. Unlike bullets, raw eggs aren't going to be deflecting off anything without smashing, so they've got to have arrived via an unobstructed line.

Looking at the house on google, the first and nearest obstacles to the line of 'flight' of the eggs are the houses and trees across the street. I'm guessing police are completely satisfied those nearest neighbours had nothing to do with this. So that means there's two more measurements - we know that at a certain distance from Mr Clemen's house (however far away those houses are), the eggs had to come in above however high they are.

I think there's some formula whereby following the line of the lowest and highest hits, back to the marker height of the neighbour's house where the projectiles came in above.....someone with the right skills could come up with a straight line of trajectory leading straight back to the perp's window, I think

If this was me, I'd have been driven mad by now and I'd be raising funds to hire a land surveyor for the measurements and pestering retired ballistics' experts with time on their hands to come up with some drawings and calculations for me.

ETA: If anyone (or cat, dog or other animal) was walking past the house when a tin of canned goods was fired, it could have caused very serious injury indeed, I think?

 

[zwiebel]

It's maybe someone who regularly hunts because I think they must be using night vision glasses, unless Mr Clemens always leaves a porch light on?

 

[Martha Morris]

All yolks aside (and this thread is brilliant so many thanks for the laughs) looking at the damage it's caused to that house and reading the article linked above, it must be incredibly distressing for this family having to endure this.

Although this thread has been lighthearted and very witty, I'm sure none of us would wish to make light of what the homeowners are going through. I do hope the cops are able to find the people doing this and put a stop to it.

 

[Paintr]

And she gave him a roe boat.

:bow::bow::bow: That was inspired!

Best post on this thread.

Thank you kindly, all of you, for the war of words. :biggrin: I truly enjoyed that.

 

[0101ABA]

Cops say they cracked case of who egged home 100-plus times

Police say they have finally cracked the case of who egged a Cleveland-area home more than 100 times over a year.

A former neighbor, 30-year-old Jason Kozan, has been charged with feloniously vandalizing the Euclid home starting in May 2014 and ending in June 2015, according to court records.

(...)

The lengthy investigation included undercover stakeouts, neighborhood canvassing and testing of eggshells at a crime lab. A surveillance camera was also installed on Clemens' home.

Clemens has said his home was egged several times a week. He told cleveland.com in March 2015 that whoever was responsible demonstrated "phenomenal" accuracy, launching five or six at a time and often hitting the front door (...)
Detectives haven't identified a motive for the eggings, Lt. Mike Knack said Wednesday.

http://bigstory.ap.org/4705253ee6ac4ae799c5683a7bf60520

 

[marybelle29]

The case was finally cracked. It was a negghbor.:

EUCLID, Ohio -- A Euclid man faces charges that accuse him of egging a former neighbor's house more than 100 times in a single year.

Jason E. Kozan, 30, is charged with vandalism in the incidents that happened between May 20, 2014 to June 26, 2015, according to court records.

http://www.cleveland.com/euclid/index.ssf/2016/03/euclid_police_crack_case_of_ma.html