GUILTY PA - Matthew Whitehead, 11, found deceased in mom’s bedroom, her SUV found in NJ ocean, Horsham Twp, 11 Apr 2023 *arrest*

[imstilla.grandma]

If I am to take mom’s words as truth, and I don’t, but if I did then I would have to suspect emotional and financial enmeshment for a better term:

Brad Klontz, who is both a psychologist and certified financial planner, coined the term “financial incest” as a type of money disorder. But because the term is so “ew”-inducing, he ultimately decided to rename it “financial enmeshment.” No matter what you call it, there’s no question the behavior can cause chaos and lasting damage within families.

In the findings of a study Klontz and his team published in a 2012 issue of the Journal of Financial Therapy, financial enmeshment was described as “the inappropriate involvement of minor children in parental financial matters, including conversing with one’s minor children about one’s financial stress and using children as messengers to pass along financial messages between adults.”

In other words, it’s when there’s a violation of boundaries between a parent and a child, in which the parent uses the child to meet the parent’s needs in the area of finances, Klontz explained.

One common situation in which it arises, Klontz said, is during a contentious divorce. For example, a child’s mother might say that he can’t get braces because his father hasn’t paid child support. In this case, the parent is sharing inappropriate information with her son regarding her relationship with his father and its effect on the household finances. “What’s an 8-year-old supposed to do with that information?” Klontz said.

How 'Financial Incest' Creates A Lifetime Of Money Problems For Kids

Men with higher incomes are most likely to exhibit these "financial enmeshment" behaviors.

www.huffpost.com

 

[Tower]

<snipped for focus on this part>

Looking at Cape May County Property site I see that they also owned a house in Wildwood Crest (Mom was arrested in Wildwood Crest) - wonder if Dad was staying at that house? Just my speculation, maybe they couldn't afford to keep both homes and the son was upset they had to sell the "beach" house/or vice versa?

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Public Records Electronic Search System

This is not really in response to your post because I think your speculation is as valid as any other reasons for a child to be upset over finances. But that is if we believe a mother who murdered her child.

My opinion is this is all excuses. No 11-year-old kid cries all day because of financial concerns. He is described as sweet and wonderful and I think most 11-year-olds would be supportive: “It’s okay, mom, I’ll be okay in public school. And we can still go visit the beach without our beach house.” This is all about her and how she feels about pulling her kid from expensive private school and selling her precious beach house.

She is is making excuses to justify her narcissistic, homicidal behavior. She refuses to admit that she killed her child over her own stress over finances. Or to hurt his father. Or whatever she decided was reason enough to murder her innocent child. It had nothing to do with the boy being concerned about their finances. Eleven-year-olds are more likely to reassure and support their parents. And even if he whined and cried all day, that’s obviously an odd and poor excuse for murder. But I don’t believe he did. I think it was a normal day for the boy, while his mother was all the while planning this tragic act.
Moo

 

[Occam's Zebra]

This is not really in response to your post because I think your speculation is as valid as any other reasons for a child to be upset over finances. But that is if we believe a mother who murdered her child.

My opinion is this is all excuses. No 11-year-old kid cries all day because of financial concerns. He is described as sweet and wonderful and I think most 11-year-olds would be supportive: “It’s okay, mom, I’ll be okay in public school. And we can still go visit the beach without our beach house.” This is all about her and how she feels about pulling her kid from expensive private school and selling her precious beach house.

She is is making excuses to justify her narcissistic, homicidal behavior. She refuses to admit that she killed her child over her own stress over finances. Or to hurt his father. Or whatever she decided was reason enough to murder her innocent child. It had nothing to do with the boy being concerned about their finances. Eleven-year-olds are more likely to reassure and support their parents. And even if he whined and cried all day, that’s obviously an odd and poor excuse for murder. But I don’t believe he did. I think it was a normal day for the boy, while his mother was all the while planning this tragic act.
Moo

Telling a middle school kid that he has to go to public school could be gut wrenching for him. The quotes you're making up for an 11-year-old boy are not realistic. He certainly could have been upset all day because he was told he'd have to switch schools. Not every kid is adaptable.

That said, I don't know why we'd argue about whether he was or wasn't upset - you don't murder your child to save them the stress of switching schools.

IMHO she was enmeshed with him and catastrophized whatever financial issues they were having. They own a second home in NJ that's worth nearly $500K - so whatever "financial issues" she had concocted in her head were skewed for sure. Sell that house, take out a second mortgage, get an older car, get a second job (some have said she was no longer a realtor, but she has an FB review from someone who used her as a listing agent recently - granted, that could have been last year) - plenty of options, but people get used to what they have and can't imagine having less.

If she really thought she was doing him a favor by murdering him, is that not insane? Maybe not from a legal standpoint, but no mentally stable parent would ever do that.

 

[Tower]

Telling a middle school kid that he has to go to public school could be gut wrenching for him. The quotes you're making up for an 11-year-old boy are not realistic. He certainly could have been upset all day because he was told he'd have to switch schools. Not every kid is adaptable.

That said, I don't know why we'd argue about whether he was or wasn't upset - you don't murder your child to save them the stress of switching schools.

IMHO she was enmeshed with him and catastrophized whatever financial issues they were having. They own a second home in NJ that's worth nearly $500K - so whatever "financial issues" she had concocted in her head were skewed for sure. Sell that house, take out a second mortgage, get an older car, get a second job (or a first job? I have heard she was no longer a realtor, but she was posting on FB as if she were) - plenty of options, but people get used to what they have and can't imagine having less.

If she really thought she was doing him a favor by murdering him, is that not insane? Maybe not from a legal standpoint, but no mentally stable parent would ever do that.

The quotes I’m speculating about would be very realistic for a child accustomed to parenting his own parent. A child who sleeps in his mother’s room and is put in inappropriate roles as a confidant for an adult. Certainly a child could be very upset by changing schools. I guess most of the 11-year-olds I know are quite mature and not that whiny. It would depend on the child. But I don’t believe a word from this mother as she tries to justify a murder. Perhaps you are correct, but there’s certainly no reason to say my perspective could not be true. We will never know for sure. Moo

 

[Gemmie]

Interesting, now it's 1st and 3rd degree murder charges, along with possession of instrument.

Odd how she left in her PJ's AND took the belt with her (which was apparently left in the car she tried to sink). Was she thinking she needed to get rid of the murder weapon? Lot of good that'll do in a case like this. smh

At least it's MOO that's what she was doing when she tried driving the car into the ocean. She just didn't get it very far. Likely thought it wouldn't have stalled out. I can't imagine what she did between leaving the house in very likely UNtattered PJs, and where she was found. I would think it would take a long time (weeks? Months?) and hiking through really rough terrain to make your clothing appear tattered. What in the world was she doing in those handful of hours to make her PJs tattered?

A police officer said that DiRienzo-Whitehead was dressed in black tattered pajamas, had messy hair and a confused expression

Woman accused of strangling son to death with belt

Ruth DiRienzo-Whitehead is awaiting extradition after she was arrested in Wildwood Crest, New Jersey.

www.kiro7.com

 

[neesaki]

@BSheehanTV


#BREAKING: Montgomery Co. prosecutors have charged Ruth DiRienzo-Whitehead with two counts of murder in connection to the death of her 11-year-old son. Investigators allege she blamed financial problems for the killing & admitted strangling him with a belt as he slept.

Pennsylvania Mom Accused of Strangling Son With Belt, Fleeing State

A Montgomery County mother said she strangled her 11-year-old son with her husband’s belt because she didn’t want him to grow up dealing with their family’s financial difficulties, according to investigators.

www.nbcphiladelphia.com

Just when I think there can’t be anything worse. Dear God… That poor child. :cry:

 

[neesaki]

Matthew went to Germantown Academy. He was in sixth grade. Tuition for a sixth grader is $37,525. Ugh.
RIP Matthew. You deserved so much better.

Tuition and Fees - Germantown Academy

I would pretty much bet, that she blamed this innocent child for her “financial problems”. This evil woman has a much bigger problem than financial. She is seriously spiritually bankrupt, IMO.

 

[insearchoflight]

I would pretty much bet, that she blamed this innocent child for her “financial problems”. This evil woman has a much bigger problem than financial. She is seriously spiritually bankrupt, IMO.

I don’t know if she blamed the child for the financial problems but she wanted to spare him the agony of their financial problems. I agree that is spiritually bankrupt because what mom in the world feels the most important thing in life and only reason to go on living is wealth??? She should have just taken herself out imo

 

[neesaki]

This is not really in response to your post because I think your speculation is as valid as any other reasons for a child to be upset over finances. But that is if we believe a mother who murdered her child.

My opinion is this is all excuses. No 11-year-old kid cries all day because of financial concerns. He is described as sweet and wonderful and I think most 11-year-olds would be supportive: “It’s okay, mom, I’ll be okay in public school. And we can still go visit the beach without our beach house.” This is all about her and how she feels about pulling her kid from expensive private school and selling her precious beach house.

She is is making excuses to justify her narcissistic, homicidal behavior. She refuses to admit that she killed her child over her own stress over finances. Or to hurt his father. Or whatever she decided was reason enough to murder her innocent child. It had nothing to do with the boy being concerned about their finances. Eleven-year-olds are more likely to reassure and support their parents. And even if he whined and cried all day, that’s obviously an odd and poor excuse for murder. But I don’t believe he did. I think it was a normal day for the boy, while his mother was all the while planning this tragic act.
Moo

Wasn’t Monday a school day? How could she know he “cried all day” if he was at school the biggest part of the day. Not to mention, was she no longer working most of the day? Ya know, Miss high and mighty realtor! This woman is a damn liar.
ETA: Yes, this really upsets me.

 

[Observant-ADHD-ENFP-BSc]

“described that Matthew had been upset and crying off and on all day over the family’s financial difficulties,” according to the criminal complaint filed by Montgomery County Detective Heather Long and Horsham Township Detective Michael Peter.

RSBM
I read this as a cryptic way of saying he had been asking for things all day and crying when she said no.
JMO

 

[neesaki]

RSBM
I read this as a cryptic way of saying he had been asking for things all day and crying when she said no.
JMO

Excellent point.

 

[Stunned]

RSBM
I read this as a cryptic way of saying he had been asking for things all day and crying when she said no.
JMO

My 11 year olds wouldn’t have cried or whined to get at me. They thought their silence and glares did the job.

 

[realanastasia]

RSBM
I read this as a cryptic way of saying he had been asking for things all day and crying when she said no.
JMO

Respectfully, this seems unfair to the young victim and is not IMO really supported by any facts we know so far.

Honestly, we don’t know if this claim has any basis in reality at all, let alone whether we’re talking about a kid being anxious/fretful about becoming homeless, having to move, or switch to a public school OR a kid who’s frustrated and sad that he can’t have a new iphone or xbox or go on a fancy vacation like many of his GA classmates.

Also, to the question earlier about whether he’d have been in school all day anyway, it looks like GA had spring break earlier, so yes, he probably would’ve been back in school on the 11th. https://www.germantownacademy.net/uploaded/PDFs/2022-23_Calendar.pdf

 

[Observant-ADHD-ENFP-BSc]

My 11 year olds wouldn’t have cried or whined to get at me. They thought their silence and glares did the job.

I have five and they have all been different in that respect. I've had glarers, whiners and I actually had one that would say 'ok' and not ask again!

 

[Observant-ADHD-ENFP-BSc]

Respectfully, this seems unfair to the young victim and is not IMO really supported by any facts we know so far.

Honestly, we don’t know if this claim has any basis in reality at all, let alone whether we’re talking about a kid being anxious/fretful about becoming homeless, having to move, or switch to a public school OR a kid who’s frustrated and sad that he can’t have a new iphone or xbox or go on a fancy vacation like many of his GA classmates.

Also, to the question earlier about whether he’d have been in school all day anyway, it looks like GA had spring break earlier, so yes, he probably would’ve been back in school on the 11th. https://www.germantownacademy.net/uploaded/PDFs/2022-23_Calendar.pdf

To be fair, I did say that I read it as... and I also added Just My Opinion. I was not saying this was what happened in anyway.
It was just my first thought (as a mother of five) that came to me.
Edit: Bolded my me to highlight

 

[Observant-ADHD-ENFP-BSc]

Monday was a school holiday here in Canada for Easter Monday. I am not sure how it works in the U.S., do certain states observe Easter Monday as a holiday and some not? or is it a federal thing?

 

[blooboyy77]

When I was around Matthew's age (late 1980s), financial hardship was usually a transitional period between my parents' jobs. My brother and I knew it meant that we couldn't have K-Swiss or British Knights sometimes but we knew there would always be shoes. The disappointment we expressed was usually along the lines of "gee whiz, are we having brussels sprouts for dinner again?" We were lower middle-class, but comfortable.

The Whiteheads appear from my POV to be upper middle-class. As was mentioned upthread, we don't know the nature of Matthew's "whining", if it was a fear of homelessness or simply fear of going without a trendy new phone. I most certainly could understand the fear of having to go from private to public school. But I think despite the likely possibility of having to downgrade, if the financial scenario is in fact the root cause of this tragedy, they would have still been comfortable to some degree.

That being said, I don't think the finances were the problem unless she felt no son of hers was going to a darned ol' public school. IMHO the problem lies in what appears to be at the very least a dysfunctional family relationship, if not downright unorthodox. But in any case, Matthew did not deserve to die and I wish him all the love and peace in the world.

 

[kkdj]

I simply don't believe the excuse mom gave for murdering her son. I think she is lying. It's something else imo.
moo

 

[Woodberry]

So she strangles her son, locks the bedroom door, and still carrying the belt she used, she leaves the house in tattered PJs, drives her vehicle onto the beach and into the ocean, and then is found wondering in a NJ neighborhood nearby? Her realtor photo and the photo of her in what I assume are the tattered PJs she was found in are drastically different. She doesn't even look present in the police photo, her eyes are just vacant. With the police mentioning that she appeared confused, her hair was a mess and she was obviously not dressed appropriately I wonder if their are other issues going on.
MOO

 

[Really?]

She walked from the ocean 6 miles to her beach house. Records show the house purchased for 100,000. from family in 2015. Renovations $$$$ neighbors complain about view…..other neighbor build even bigger blocking their view…..