PTSD sufferers - please post here

[Gecko100]

Gecko that sounds AMAZING!

It truly was Justice, and one of those things that are pivotal in healing, and memorable forever. I would swear those rescued horses understood on a deep level of connection about abuse and recovery. If you want to know more, just ask.
I am a bit gobsmacked at how cleverly it works, and the life lessons it imparts.

 

[Gecko100]

I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to an insane court case in LA. The most noticeable thing for me has been a feeling of having no future. Also, of constant fear of impending catastrophe. I have never had one symptom where I'd stab anyone or kill anyone. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, three times, and I still can't believe I have it because I don't have flashbacks as much as I need to avoid things that remind me of the 100 traumas . Almost everything does remind me since court cases are constantly on the news. It's a huge bummer. My sister's art helps. http://open.salon.com/blog/fernsy/2...ce-ful_and_the_faces_of_malicious_prosecution

You describe it perfectly. We are all plagued with a foreshortened future and impending doom. How about painting your own 'art' just using colour to describe feeling. You don't have to be able to paint, but make a palette of colours describing your feelings. There is no pressure to make 'art', but rather like a journal you can add or take away changes that might surprise you with it's outcome. I do it left handed with my eyes shut, then look at negative spaces, to fill in, it's quite thrilling. Listen to soft meaningful music to prepare first and get to get you in mood the mood of colour.
If anyone has any good tips for management of this STPD lol pass it on we all need input about what works for people to control the triggers. I will look at your sisters creations.:seeya:
Cheers
Gecko

 

[2Hip2BSquare]

I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to an insane court case in LA. The most noticeable thing for me has been a feeling of having no future. Also, of constant fear of impending catastrophe. I have never had one symptom where I'd stab anyone or kill anyone. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, three times, and I still can't believe I have it because I don't have flashbacks as much as I need to avoid things that remind me of the 100 traumas . Almost everything does remind me since court cases are constantly on the news. It's a huge bummer. My sister's art helps. http://open.salon.com/blog/fernsy/2...ce-ful_and_the_faces_of_malicious_prosecution

I'm sorry for your trauma caused by the court case. Did this case involve murder? In this case pp like Jodi Arias could claim PTSD for dealing with her case.

I only ask because PTSD is a serious condition usually brought on by EXTREME stimuli and UNEXPECTED trauma. I'm not sure how a court case could case the PTSD that correlates to years of sexual/physical/emotional abuse?

I'm not discounting your claim of PTSD. I just feel your physician may be undercutting the seriousness of PTSD if You have anxiety solely from court. I'm sure you have great anxiety from the case, but trauma? Again this is assuming the court case was not in conjunction with abuse.

I mean, maybe I'd I had a lawyer standing next to me while being sexually abused as a kid maybe it would have helped my PTSD now? Hm. I didn't have counsel. I had no choice in what happened to me. No control. I'm not sure if you really can ascertain what true trauma is in the context of abuse and not in the context of institution.

 

[2Hip2BSquare]

Sorry but as a victim of child abuse and child of a Vietnam veteran I have a hard time connecting with some claims of PTSD that are not related abuse or warfare.

 

[IBsleuthin]

I know this is PTSD-specific thread, but I can't find a better thread for my question. (Mods- move if not approp. here)

ATasteOfHoney posted in Jodi verdict watch threads:
"...BPD is a personality disorder and is an AXIS II disorder. Only AXIS I disorders (ex. schizophrenia, multiple personality/dissociative disorder) take the death penalty off the table..."
------------------------------------------------

Can anyone offer suggestions please ....

... for links, websites and/or books re mental health, mental disorders, mental illnesses, generally? Kind of a general survey for the layperson? Not too technical, DSM-lite for dummies?

To borrow ALV's 'entire context' phrase: in college in the early 1970s, I had a few psych courses, from which I now recall little more than could be shoe-horned into a Readers Digest article.

Unlike ALV I don't want to be stuck in the 1970's.
Some psych testimony in the Arias trial was consistent w. what I remember, but much wasn't. To be expected in part w. 'dueling experts."

Maybe other links, websites and/or books explainingwhich mental illness Dx support Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity defense.

I'd like to have something to read and have handy as a reference to turn to as I read the W/S armchair psych threads or true crime books.

Thx in adv. :seeya:

BBM


If the person accused of the crime ATTEMPTED TO CLEAN UP THE SCENE or HIDE any evidence in ANY way, they will in 99.9999999% of the case NOT be able to use the insanity plea.


I'm so passionate about this detail because I read so many misunderstandings about this and people with some mental disorders who are functioning quite well think they can just say they are insane. Not the case.

 

[Linda7NJ]

You describe it perfectly. We are all plagued with a foreshortened future and impending doom. How about painting your own 'art' just using colour to describe feeling. You don't have to be able to paint, but make a palette of colours describing your feelings. There is no pressure to make 'art', but rather like a journal you can add or take away changes that might surprise you with it's outcome. I do it left handed with my eyes shut, then look at negative spaces, to fill in, it's quite thrilling. Listen to soft meaningful music to prepare first and get to get you in mood the mood of colour.
If anyone has any good tips for management of this STPD lol pass it on we all need input about what works for people to control the triggers. I will look at your sisters creations.:seeya:
Cheers
Gecko

It's been eons since I've posted on this thread. I suffered from PTSD 11 years ago. I had panic attacks on a regular basis, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, hyper vigilance, avoidance. it was horrible.

My regular doctor minimized what I was experiencing and convinced me to try a cocktail of antidepressants.... That never worked.

On my own I found a therapist and began counseling... No improvement until he attended a training and asked if I would be his Guinea pig, I said okay. It was the most whackadoo thing I ever heard. I'm an atheist and a skeptic... Sounded so hokey to me I had to bite my lip from laughing out loud.

It was EMDR therapy and after less than 3 sessions I had no more intrusive thoughts, after after 6, no more panic attacks, and I finished at 8. I have had zero symptoms in the past 11 years.

My PTSD was from a single horrific traumatic event. I do not know how long it would take someone that suffered long term chronic sexual abuse. I refered a friend about 6 months ago she is significantly better.


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[Gecko100]

I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to an insane court case in LA. The most noticeable thing for me has been a feeling of having no future. Also, of constant fear of impending catastrophe. I have never had one symptom where I'd stab anyone or kill anyone. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, three times, and I still can't believe I have it because I don't have flashbacks as much as I need to avoid things that remind me of the 100 traumas . Almost everything does remind me since court cases are constantly on the news. It's a huge bummer. My sister's art helps. http://open.salon.com/blog/fernsy/2...ce-ful_and_the_faces_of_malicious_prosecution

Avoidance of triggers is part of the issue in PTSD. If you avoid triggers you are less likely to experience flashbacks, but it can shut down your whole world. We all avoid triggers like crazy even to the point of isolation.
Can I suggest that you stop watching the news, it is triggering you into flashback. PTSD doesn't necessarily mean you will stab and kill someone, it's an emotional response to an unexpected event that you clearly have obsessive thoughts about. It can make you feel powerless and helpless and lower your self esteem etc. because of the constant nagging thoughts.

That's what feeds into the foreshortened future. You need to step away from the compulsive desire to replay it over and over again, it's not good for you.
I have to pick and choose what I want to hear and see, and stopped reading/ watching news anyway since it is so blatantly biased, I do it so I can't be ambushed by the unexpected.
I can't deal with much that makes me feel powerless and helpless, can't eat meat or see anything that might even suggest the very expression of powerlessness even in animals.
I can read about some stuff happening in other countries, just not my own. injustice and social exclusion drives me nuts.
I have seen enough to last me forever without adding to it. It doesn't mean I don't take an interest in what's happening out there, but I prefer to think and act globally rather than locally, so I can continue my activism in seeking social justice for the issues and causes that I believe in. That is part of my healing process, giving to the powerless oppressed and marginalised community.
You will find your own passion, but it might not be what you expect. Good luck:seeya:

 

[Gecko100]

Sorry to hear your story, but glad you have no more symptoms. Yes I know about EMDR, but I am not sure of it's possible effectiveness in long term abuse situations particularly if the abuse occurred in the pre-verbal stage of childhood, because we have no words to describe it, only feelings.
That's why art therapy for me was a stroke of genius. I can 'paint' a feeling, it doesn't have to mean anything, but when it is interpreted by a skilfull art therapist you can't miss the symbolism.
I think C-PTSD is quite a different animal to PTSD, the triggers are often not clear since they emanate from childhood.
I wish I could be in your position, but the symptoms you describe are ongoing for life. Management and self-care is the only solution, that and giving to the community works for me, but I could slip back in a heartbeat given a set of circumstances. I am just emerging from a protracted flashback lasting for 5 looong months, with all it's delightful companions of depression, bed wetting,
nightmares and panic attacks. I am very clear about what caused it, but getting back to what passes for 'normal' has been struggle with no end in sight. The horses taught me some great lessons though! So I am still chugging along toot toot:seeya:

It's been eons since I've posted on this thread. I suffered from PTSD 11 years ago. I had panic attacks on a regular basis, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, hyper vigilance, avoidance. it was horrible.

My regular doctor minimized what I was experiencing and convinced me to try a cocktail of antidepressants.... That never worked.

On my own I found a therapist and began counseling... No improvement until he attended a training and asked if I would be his Guinea pig, I said okay. It was the most whackadoo thing I ever heard. I'm an atheist and a skeptic... Sounded so hokey to me I had to bite my lip from laughing out loud.

It was EMDR therapy and after less than 3 sessions I had no more intrusive thoughts, after after 6, no more panic attacks, and I finished at 8. I have had zero symptoms in the past 11 years.

My PTSD was from a single horrific traumatic event. I do not know how long it would take someone that suffered long term chronic sexual abuse. I refered a friend about 6 months ago she is significantly better.


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[2Hip2BSquare]

Does anyone have any issues with picking at their skin when they experience the onset of triggers? It's something I've only developed in the last year. I have scabs all over my body now. I used to have blemishless skin. Used to even skin model/makeup.

I feel like once I conquer one symptom of PTSD, Another creeps up. I fear if I stop picking I might start drinking again. If I stop drinking, I might start isolating again. If I stop isolating, I might get into a codependent abusive relationship and be unable to leave. Etc etc etc

I feel like every single thing is a control element.

Gecko Referenced the idea that maybe we shake as PTSD survivors bc we are in a constant state of fight or flight and our adrenaline is constantly pumping. - causing us to shAke in controllable because of the central nervous system being on level 5 alert 24-7.


I feel like that same fight or flight survival mechanism follows us through everything.... We are struggling for control. I have to remind myself that life is 10% what happens and 90% how I react , but sometimes my reaction is hyper vigilant to the point of being like a nervous lap dog that pees itself everytime it hears someone at the front door.

I've heard also that memory loss in relation to past trauma is a fight or flight mechanism. In some extreme cases, people have gone blind upon seeing trauma and through therapy they slowly regain sight with time. I worry about this happening with my lost memories - that through therapy I will begin to "see" or experience those memories again.

Idk

 

[Linda7NJ]

Sorry to hear your story, but glad you have no more symptoms. Yes I know about EMDR, but I am not sure of it's possible effectiveness in long term abuse situations particularly if the abuse occurred in the pre-verbal stage of childhood, because we have no words to describe it, only feelings.
That's why art therapy for me was a stroke of genius. I can 'paint' a feeling, it doesn't have to mean anything, but when it is interpreted by a skilfull art therapist you can't miss the symbolism.
I think C-PTSD is quite a different animal to PTSD, the triggers are often not clear since they emanate from childhood.
I wish I could be in your position, but the symptoms you describe are ongoing for life. Management and self-care is the only solution, that and giving to the community works for me, but I could slip back in a heartbeat given a set of circumstances. I am just emerging from a protracted flashback lasting for 5 looong months, with all it's delightful companions of depression, bed wetting,
nightmares and panic attacks. I am very clear about what caused it, but getting back to what passes for 'normal' has been struggle with no end in sight. The horses taught me some great lessons though! So I am still chugging along toot toot:seeya:

Horses are wonderful creatures aren't they? I donated a few after my own passed away. I had 4 others that were recused or repo'd for non payment, to a therapeutic riding academy.

What you describe is ...as far as I can tell....similar to my friends background. It's been 6 months so far, of twice a week sessions...

She expresses to me the same experience I've had. Her is taking longer because there is so much more of it.

I'm just gonna to explain how it is now for me and my interpretation of how it worked.

When the memory was originally stored attached to it was all the emotions, the fear etc. EMDR allows your brain to call it up, the brain automatically does this, look at it, separate the overwhelming emotions from the event and refile the event without the attached emotions. Now I can recount the event and it feels like a news article I read about a stranger. It has zero power, control..( I cant find the exact right word) over me.

My friend's is taking longer because her brain has way more things to kick up and process. Things she didn't ever consciously recall.

Hope this helps someone. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be today without it. It was so bad, I couldn't leave my house because I was so scared of having a panic attack while I was out. Then Id get depressed from feeling so isolated. Vicious vicious cycle...


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[Linda7NJ]

Sorry to hear your story, but glad you have no more symptoms. Yes I know about EMDR, but I am not sure of it's possible effectiveness in long term abuse situations particularly if the abuse occurred in the pre-verbal stage of childhood, because we have no words to describe it, only feelings.
That's why art therapy for me was a stroke of genius. I can 'paint' a feeling, it doesn't have to mean anything, but when it is interpreted by a skilfull art therapist you can't miss the symbolism.
I think C-PTSD is quite a different animal to PTSD, the triggers are often not clear since they emanate from childhood.
I wish I could be in your position, but the symptoms you describe are ongoing for life. Management and self-care is the only solution, that and giving to the community works for me, but I could slip back in a heartbeat given a set of circumstances. I am just emerging from a protracted flashback lasting for 5 looong months, with all it's delightful companions of depression, bed wetting,
nightmares and panic attacks. I am very clear about what caused it, but getting back to what passes for 'normal' has been struggle with no end in sight. The horses taught me some great lessons though! So I am still chugging along toot toot:seeya:

I am so sorry you're dealing with all of that!


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[Linda7NJ]

Does anyone have any issues with picking at their skin when they experience the onset of triggers? It's something I've only developed in the last year. I have scabs all over my body now. I used to have blemishless skin. Used to even skin model/makeup.

I feel like once I conquer one symptom of PTSD, Another creeps up. I fear if I stop picking I might start drinking again. If I stop drinking, I might start isolating again. If I stop isolating, I might get into a codependent abusive relationship and be unable to leave. Etc etc etc

I feel like every single thing is a control element.

Gecko Referenced the idea that maybe we shake as PTSD survivors bc we are in a constant state of fight or flight and our adrenaline is constantly pumping. - causing us to shAke in controllable because of the central nervous system being on level 5 alert 24-7.


I feel like that same fight or flight survival mechanism follows us through everything.... We are struggling for control. I have to remind myself that life is 10% what happens and 90% how I react , but sometimes my reaction is hyper vigilant to the point of being like a nervous lap dog that pees itself everytime it hears someone at the front door.

I've heard also that memory loss in relation to past trauma is a fight or flight mechanism. In some extreme cases, people have gone blind upon seeing trauma and through therapy they slowly regain sight with time. I worry about this happening with my lost memories - that through therapy I will begin to "see" or experience those memories again.

Idk

I totally agree with the hyper-arousal fight or flight scenario. I instinctively knew I was running on pure adrenalin. I think adrenal depletion is a huge problem for sufferers of PTSD.

My son was 4 and some of his symptoms of PTSD mimicked ADHD. I knew it wasn't, before the incident, he had the attention span that could rival any normal adults. it was his way of avoidance. I allowed him to do the EMDR after starting & experiencing success. He did also see an art therapist, which he really enjoyed and allowed him to tell his story. It was great preparation for the EMDR. It was like a miracle for him, iirc he finally was able to sleep through the night after 3 visits. Sleep is such a wonderful, restorative healing thing. It's hard to appreciate until its impossible to get any meaningful rest.


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[pferrin]

Linda7NJ

http://www.emdrnetwork.org/description.html

Is this the therapy you are referring to? Thanks

It sounds amazing.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Linda7NJ

http://www.emdrnetwork.org/description.html

Is this the therapy you are referring to? Thanks

It sounds amazing.

Yes, that's it.
There's much research on it based on the treatment of the World Trade Center survivors and war vets.

It truly is amazing. It works on the premise that memories are cataloged and stored during REM sleep. The process mimics REM to the brain. You very simply refile them.

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[Linda7NJ]

Sorry to hear your story, but glad you have no more symptoms. Yes I know about EMDR, but I am not sure of it's possible effectiveness in long term abuse situations particularly if the abuse occurred in the pre-verbal stage of childhood, because we have no words to describe it, only feelings.
That's why art therapy for me was a stroke of genius. I can 'paint' a feeling, it doesn't have to mean anything, but when it is interpreted by a skilfull art therapist you can't miss the symbolism.
I think C-PTSD is quite a different animal to PTSD, the triggers are often not clear since they emanate from childhood.
I wish I could be in your position, but the symptoms you describe are ongoing for life. Management and self-care is the only solution, that and giving to the community works for me, but I could slip back in a heartbeat given a set of circumstances. I am just emerging from a protracted flashback lasting for 5 looong months, with all it's delightful companions of depression, bed wetting,
nightmares and panic attacks. I am very clear about what caused it, but getting back to what passes for 'normal' has been struggle with no end in sight. The horses taught me some great lessons though! So I am still chugging along toot toot:seeya:

Give EMDR a whirl. I agreed only because I felt I had nothing left to lose. I was so desperate to feel and live even somewhat normally again.


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[AlwaysShocked]

Wow, what an interesting and comforting thread this has turned out to be! We all have our own unique traumas, yet we all survive. We cope. Somehow.

I am really grateful to be living in this computer age. (For those of us who have the tendency to isolate, it is really such a blessing.)

I am so glad that I got early counseling for the PTSD. And I found it to be quite interesting that some posters began counseling after a long delay and are the counseling is benefitting them. That is so good to hear.

Two things I would like to share:

1.) I totally, totally changed my life when in my 40's, after the breakup of a long-term marriage, I chose to stop working and go back to school full time. I had to go into poverty to do it, but it did end up to be worth it. So I say it's never too late.

2.) After my second husband became ill and then died from a fast-acting cancer, I knew I needed to get grief counseling. But I was isolating so badly that I could not even bring myself to go out for counseling.

I was able to find an extremely good self-help online group with a moderator credentialed as a grief counselor. This was quite effective for me and it helped me get through that first 6 months or so. After that I moved on, but I know there were people on there who originally came for help and then stayed around to help others - and probably stayed for friendship/support reasons also.

So, for those who cannot get out or cannot afford therapy, I don't know what is available in self help groups online, but it may be something worth looking into. Just be careful and look into the background of who is sponsoring the group.

Best wishes to all.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Does anyone have any issues with picking at their skin when they experience the onset of triggers? It's something I've only developed in the last year. I have scabs all over my body now. I used to have blemishless skin. Used to even skin model/makeup.

I feel like once I conquer one symptom of PTSD, Another creeps up. I fear if I stop picking I might start drinking again. If I stop drinking, I might start isolating again. If I stop isolating, I might get into a codependent abusive relationship and be unable to leave. Etc etc etc

I feel like every single thing is a control element.

Gecko Referenced the idea that maybe we shake as PTSD survivors bc we are in a constant state of fight or flight and our adrenaline is constantly pumping. - causing us to shAke in controllable because of the central nervous system being on level 5 alert 24-7.


I feel like that same fight or flight survival mechanism follows us through everything.... We are struggling for control. I have to remind myself that life is 10% what happens and 90% how I react , but sometimes my reaction is hyper vigilant to the point of being like a nervous lap dog that pees itself everytime it hears someone at the front door.

I've heard also that memory loss in relation to past trauma is a fight or flight mechanism. In some extreme cases, people have gone blind upon seeing trauma and through therapy they slowly regain sight with time. I worry about this happening with my lost memories - that through therapy I will begin to "see" or experience those memories again.

Idk

I chewed on the inside of my cheeks until they bled. Before that, I chewed the skin around my fingernails ( never bit my nails) until that bled. I only stopped doing that because I had my teeth veneered and somehow it wasn't comforting afterwards.


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[Linda7NJ]

Sorry to hear your story, but glad you have no more symptoms. Yes I know about EMDR, but I am not sure of it's possible effectiveness in long term abuse situations particularly if the abuse occurred in the pre-verbal stage of childhood, because we have no words to describe it, only feelings.
That's why art therapy for me was a stroke of genius. I can 'paint' a feeling, it doesn't have to mean anything, but when it is interpreted by a skilfull art therapist you can't miss the symbolism.
I think C-PTSD is quite a different animal to PTSD, the triggers are often not clear since they emanate from childhood.
I wish I could be in your position, but the symptoms you describe are ongoing for life. Management and self-care is the only solution, that and giving to the community works for me, but I could slip back in a heartbeat given a set of circumstances. I am just emerging from a protracted flashback lasting for 5 looong months, with all it's delightful companions of depression, bed wetting,
nightmares and panic attacks. I am very clear about what caused it, but getting back to what passes for 'normal' has been struggle with no end in sight. The horses taught me some great lessons though! So I am still chugging along toot toot:seeya:

I did a little surfing to see what I could find. There seems to have been modifications made for treatment in adults for Pre-verbal stage abuse. Once that newer technique process is complete traditional EMDR is being used.

Im not sure how widespread this new approach is being utilized but there seems to be many classes and seminars around the country offered to clinicians.
This new technique is also showing much success with children diagnosed with suffering from attachment issues from mild to full blown reactive attachment disorder.


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[2Hip2BSquare]

I totally agree with the hyper-arousal fight or flight scenario. I instinctively knew I was running on pure adrenalin. I think adrenal depletion is a huge problem for sufferers of PTSD.

My son was 4 and some of his symptoms of PTSD mimicked ADHD. I knew it wasn't, before the incident, he had the attention span that could rival any normal adults. it was his way of avoidance. I allowed him to do the EMDR after starting & experiencing success. He did also see an art therapist, which he really enjoyed and allowed him to tell his story. It was great preparation for the EMDR. It was like a miracle for him, iirc he finally was able to sleep through the night after 3 visits. Sleep is such a wonderful, restorative healing thing. It's hard to appreciate until its impossible to get any meaningful rest.


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Funny I was initially diagnosed with attention deficit disorder at 14 years old. Thank you for that important information!

 

[Gecko100]

I chewed on the inside of my cheeks until they bled. Before that, I chewed the skin around my fingernails ( never bit my nails) until that bled. I only stopped doing that because I had my teeth veneered and somehow it wasn't comforting afterwards.


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Ha I bite my cheeks too, I have ground my teeth down, and have to notice to stop myself. I sometimes come out in massive crops of blisters like shingles just appearing from nowhere.
I jiggle my feet all the time if things get too intense.
With all this movement, I see no justifiable reason to exercise lol...