Stop Being The Controller.
Aimed at JR.
Agree with your interpretation of associating JR with being a Controller. Using your theory, would that mean whoever wrote the note must have known JR very, very well?
I'm going to make some statements about Controllers that are backed up strictly from my own experience - having been raised by one, eventually married (now detached) from one, and as a result having professional spiritual and medical therapy which helped to enable me to recognize that personality phenomenon in others and deal with it accordingly:
*A Controller is often at least somewhat recognizable OCD to nearly everyone in their lives, even though they can keep their traits very well managed and disguised from casual acquaintances - they just appear so "organized" and "polished".
*A Controller will keep his/her agenda to the forefront and be able to manipulate you into compromising your own agenda, feel like you completely agree and support theirs, though you "wish they might have agreed with you just this once".
*A Controller will usually appear pleasant, calm, and comfortable in most social circles and activities - giving the appearance they are having a nice time, and if attending with a spouse or close family member will commence to make simple remarks about how they might have "done it this way or that" the minute everyone gets in the car for the return trip home. Usually the remarks are said with a snide or demeaning tone.
*A Controller will have his/her own idea formulated from beginning to end when asked to participate in any group "think tank" either as an equal or as a leader. No one else's input will challenge them to consider a compromise. Compromise is of no value to them, and when absolutely necessary due to group dynamics, the Controller will usually bow out at that point from any further group participation, or will hold a silent grudge waiting for the first opportunity to sabotage or at least say "I told you so", gently and with superiority, if the group's method goes awry. Usually, though, the Controller hangs tough or uses their position to win everyone over their way - no thanks offered for the concession of many - just confidence everyone will benefit from the Controllers idea, plan, and decisions along the way.
*A Controller might have a very explosive outburst, which can be triggered by any short-circuit word or activity that keeps them from having their immediate need or want met. You will usually not know what did or can set them off. And
you will always be the reason they blew up.
OK, I have to quit now, or I'll need to sign up for more therapy. Anyway, unless you are in close contact repeatedly and frequently with a Controller, it is easy to be "snake-charmed" by them into seeing them as a regular Joe just doing the best they can to keep their world a good place.
Whoever wrote the RN, by saying, "It's up to you now John", very well may have used that as a volley to him and his arrogance of thinking he could mastermind anything,
OR it was a very cool, calm, statement allowing for John's ability to take the situation into hand and completely bear the ability to manage everything without needing help from any other sources.
All :moo:, coupled with just my :twocents: