Scathing Obituary For 80-year-old Woman

[DakotaMayi]

I’m far estranged from my mentally, physically and most of all emotionally abusive parents. You all pass judgement and say how dare they, but if you haven’t been urinated on or had to drive your daralict father home when you were 12 then IMO you should count your blessings that you have so many glowing obits to write. It doesn’t sound like the old mean *advertiser censored* lady cared much what anyone thought of her, in that case, RIP. They have the right to express their ill gotten opinion just as you have the right to print happy memories.

Too right. I'm a firm believer in Karma and she got what she gave. Too bad, but it's her own fault.

 

[scotdeerie]

I’m surprised it was printed to be honest.

They paid for it. They can write it however they want. Not everyone gains sainthood in death.

 

[scotdeerie]

They have had probably five or more decades to heal. Men do that all the time, leave for another woman and leave their family, but it seems that a woman who does it cannot be forgiven, even after 50 years. Such a double standard here.

Who said that's the only thing she did? I suspect it was just the FIRST thing she did. Still, not for us to guess at, is it?

 

[Bluefield]

I met my Dad when I was 11 and knew him until I was 15.
For my own well-being, I cut ties with him then.
When I was 34, I discovered his obituary online. He had died 7 yrs earlier.
He was described as a loving father, which wasn't true.
He loved alcohol.
Anyway, I wasn't upset about the lie in his obituary.
I cried for him. I cried for what could have been, who he might have been, had he not been an alcoholic.
I light a candle on his page, anonymously, every now and then. I'm not sure why, really.

 

[keeleydoll]

They have had probably five or more decades to heal. Men do that all the time, leave for another woman and leave their family, but it seems that a woman who does it cannot be forgiven, even after 50 years. Such a double standard here.

My granddad’s mother left his father in VA with very young 3 sons to chase dreams of being a movie star in CA. She ended up in MD with a new family and two or three more sons. She continued to send letters to my granddad until at least 1996-99 and he still, in his 60’s and 70’s wanted nothing to do with her.

 

[Meryl12]

It seems to me as though the maternal grandparents didn't really want to raise their grandchildren and so didn't really give them much love or nurturing. The one thing the maternal grandparents did do was to tell the children that they are raising them because their mother ran off etc. The children have not grown into mature wise adults, they are unable to see or understand beyond what happened.

 

[1&2&3]

Each child’s personality is different and their acceptance to a situation such as this will vary. From what I have seen in my long life, One child can be heartbroken as he/she was mommy/daddy’s favorite, but has the personality to go on with life. One child is never accepting or forgiving of the parent and so it puts a black mark through their personality forever.

Depending on the circumstances, events, family togetherness excluding them, the new family shoved in their face while they are not included or even addressed, is a bitter pill to swallow day after day, weeks into months, months into years as a youngster is developing. These youngsters have so much to adjust to growing up, then add what sounds like a miserable two sided home life, without the guidance that we know is needed today. Today, many families in this situation are aware of what children need who have been split by one parent walking off and leaving their children.

My brother and I were children caught up in a similar mess which sounds like during the same area. I, being the older, was broken hearted when my father left. I was a daddy’s girl. But, I was a strong willed girl with a Happy personality and moved forward. Oh, I never forgave or forgot what he did. In fact, didn’t see or hear from him for forty years! The wife he left us for died, then he called me.

On the other hand, my brother, at only four, never got over seeing daddy pack his things, walk out the door, get in the car and drive away. It messed his entire life up. He never could find his niche in life, it was like there was always a missing part. I tried my best to help him, mother put him in therapy, but to no avail.

Just one of many examples of many Split families I have seen over the years. Some kids have a resilience to accept and move on, while others are overcome by a parent walking out on them and can’t snap back.

It is one he%% of a life to be in. You grow up fast mentally and maturity wise.

I imagine these adult kids who wrote the obituary never came to the point of acceptance for the miserable life they had lived. They probably didn’t have people in their lives who could teach them love, kindness, do unto others, and share with them how to live with the misfortunes they had been dealt. There are people who live bitter, sad, angry lives. Sadly it sounds like theses siblings did. I won’t pass judgement, this may be what they needed to do to have a say-so.

 

[Gnatcatcher]

I don't care how much equality people want to place on genders, I feel there is something inherently wrong with a woman who abandons her children. Full stop.

 

[Bluefield]

Each child’s personality is different and their acceptance to a situation such as this will vary. From what I have seen in my long life, One child can be heartbroken as he/she was mommy/daddy’s favorite, but has the personality to go on with life. One child is never accepting or forgiving of the parent and so it puts a black mark through their personality forever.

Depending on the circumstances, events, family togetherness excluding them, the new family shoved in their face while they are not included or even addressed, is a bitter pill to swallow day after day, weeks into months, months into years as a youngster is developing. These youngsters have so much to adjust to growing up, then add what sounds like a miserable two sided home life, without the guidance that we know is needed today. Today, many families in this situation are aware of what children need who have been split by one parent walking off and leaving their children.

My brother and I were children caught up in a similar mess which sounds like during the same area. I, being the older, was broken hearted when my father left. I was a daddy’s girl. But, I was a strong willed girl with a Happy personality and moved forward. Oh, I never forgave or forgot what he did. In fact, didn’t see or hear from him for forty years! The wife he left us for died, then he called me.

On the other hand, my brother, at only four, never got over seeing daddy pack his things, walk out the door, get in the car and drive away. It messed his entire life up. He never could find his niche in life, it was like there was always a missing part. I tried my best to help him, mother put him in therapy, but to no avail.

Just one of many examples of many Split families I have seen over the years. Some kids have a resilience to accept and move on, while others are overcome by a parent walking out on them and can’t snap back.

It is one he%% of a life to be in. You grow up fast mentally and maturity wise.

I imagine these adult kids who wrote the obituary never came to the point of acceptance for the miserable life they had lived. They probably didn’t have people in their lives who could teach them love, kindness, do unto others, and share with them how to live with the misfortunes they had been dealt. There are people who live bitter, sad, angry lives. Sadly it sounds like theses siblings did. I won’t pass judgement, this may be what they needed to do to have a say-so.

Thank you for this thoughtful post and for sharing some of your personal experience.

 

[PinkPrincessPoop]

I don't care how much equality people want to place on genders, I feel there is something inherently wrong with a woman who abandons her children. Full stop.

I think there is something inherently wrong with any human who abandons their own children. If you didn't want these children, you shouldn't have had them in the first place! It's a commitment you made for life! Too late to go back! They aren't dolls you can just throw away!

 

[ilovematt]

It seems to me as though the maternal grandparents didn't really want to raise their grandchildren and so didn't really give them much love or nurturing. The one thing the maternal grandparents did do was to tell the children that they are raising them because their mother ran off etc. The children have not grown into mature wise adults, they are unable to see or understand beyond what happened.

They’re not mature or wise bc they speak their mind or is it bc they are seeking closure after decades of abuse? Immaturity or lack of wisdom is remaining silent and not standing up for yourself, IMO. She’s dead, so as it stands she isn’t even directly impacted in a negative way by the publication. Does it offend your sesabilities bc of the other living decedents then? If so, why are their feelings more important than the children she directly emotionally destroyed? Your logic fails me.