thank you for posting this! going through a difficult time in my marriage and this puts things in perspective. i deserve better! thanks for posting
I truly wish you the best of luck. Yours is a difficult position to be in, a lot of us have been there.
Even good marriages take hard work, and then there are some marriages or relationships that are not meant to be - irregardless of the collateral damage a divorce will bring. Toxic relationships that demean or de-value who you are at your core, are disposable.
Only you know the intricacies of what you are going through. I can only offer the ONE thing that made me stand my ground and get out of a destructive marriage.
Inevitably, after a month of separation I would begin to get nostalgic and forget or dismiss all of the negative parts of the marriage. There was some sort of coping mechanism that would thwart my resolve after about a month! The last time, during his departure, I wrote down every single negative action or experience I could remember. I saved voicemails, emails, recordings that I had in which he was belligerent. When I began to lose my resolve and think about being soft hearted, I would read what I wrote, listened to recordings, looked at pictures of my bruises. This would infuriate me to the point that I no longer felt nostalgic for the man that I wanted, but saw the man that I had. Anger took the place of my pity, strength overcame my momentary weakness.
If you need a sounding board or emotional support, send me a message. I don't want to be pushy.
I also STRONGLY recommend any avenue you have for anxiety suppression (exercises or medication - up to you). Although I consider myself a very strong woman, anxiety was something I could NOT overcome on my own, and the biggest hindrance to my success.
Good luck to you, you DO deserve the best. It's up to you to determine what that is!
