Hi Everyone!
Wow, great to see all kinds of familiar names on here. What a crazy, sad, intense time we all walked through together. Deep breath...
I was lucky last night to spend some time with two of Travis' friends (one a very very close friend) and Katie Wick and PASA and someone else who was a trial watcher who has never posted here. It was great to catch up with everyone after so much time.
I had decided some time back to not attend the sentencing phase of the trial for personal reasons.
Every single person in my life told me I'd gotten lost during that time and they were right. I don't have many regrets about what I did but it did take a toll on my health on every level. I look back and think "what was I thinking?". Many days I worked all morning, rushed to court for the afternoon, waited out the break before visiting hours at the hospital then went to visit my brother who was hospitalized twice during the trial, went to his house to take care of his cats then back home to post my notes at midnight. This was my routine many days during the trial! Crazy!
I'm a very competent person who has a big light that shines but I burnt that down to almost nothing. It took some events that were seriously toxic after the trial were over to wake me up and cause me to unplug. I thank them for that now. I've seen on message boards and now in real life this phenomenon that happens after big trials are over...especially ones with no clean resolution. There is this momentum of everyone fighting -- for justice, for their opinions, for the victim, etc. And then when it's all over, that energy has nowhere to go so people start fighting with each other.
That happened after this trial and Katie Wick and I were subjected to some behaviors that let's say I have never experienced before and never want to again. BUT it pushed us to let go and we did. Katie is VERY busy in law school and I've been rebuilding my health and life with an emphasis on taking care of ME and my family. (let me be clear, I do not hold any of the Alexanders in any way involved in what happened with us--it was more of a frenemy type situation but it all happened for a reason and we are still standing! Thriving!).
I'm writing a lot in my blog and wrote just about these thoughts recently here:
http://twoinnocents.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/be-the-change/
I've had to confront that I will be disappointing people by not going and have had to reconcile that. I will always be supporting the Alexanders in the ways I can that also comport with my own well being. I've said it before and will say it again, where they will need the MOST support is when this is all over and I know they will be losing a lot of what's held them up. I've let them know this too and that I'm there for them always.
PASA however may be attending and I hope she does. She's a big supporter of Juan and her notes are amazing. She's very wise, more than most of you know. I hope she, in her own way that makes sense for her, brings people in to the trial experience and I trust her observations 100%. She's actually more objective than me who obviously had a dog in the fight.
With that being said, please know ANYTHING local reporter Michael Kiefer reports is to be held suspect and is based on his personal bias (in my opinion). I trust Beth Karas above anyone and hope she does attend and report somewhere (I'll see if I can find out). I'd love to see her if/when she's in town as we've become friendly.
About the Jodi representing herself business I think it's based on one thing alone: stalling. I think she's also been advised to take this route for that reason. And my friends, if she gets the DP, the stalling hasn't even begun. There will be millions of dollars invested in helping her stall. Trust me I know this very well (the latest on my sister's killer's execution is the same thing--more stalling and delaying on taxpayer's dime--over two decades later). If there is ANYTHING I'd put myself out there for it would be the ridiculous lack of execution of this sentence and the toll on families and economic toll on society--over our worst of the worst. I don't think people have really a true idea of what goes on. I'd definitely have gone with LWOP if I could have predicted the future. Yet I've always supported the Alexanders in whatever they want to go for. It's their life and their decision. I have my personal opinions about what I hope for the outcome but it's not appropriate that I share them.
I will end on the note that it was just wonderful to talk to Travis TRUE REAL LIFE good friend last night and hear her talk about how she's come to terms with things, how she's felt he has visited her and helped her come to closure and how she believes he is at peace now with everything. It was like a soothing balm to all the insanity going on with the Jodi Show. This trial has become all about her now and that will only get worse in time, trust me. And, for me, I want to focus on LIFE and LIFE GIVING activities so that's what I'm doing.
In my own aha moment this summer I realized that if my mother and sister are looking down at me from Heaven, they would want me to be in environments where my light is shining bright, where I'm displaying love and not hatred, where I'm sharing this amazing life with my dear brother and where I am most loved. So that's what I'm doing for the duration.
Thanks for reading...and please keep in touch wherever you can.
Katie