Anyone ever read M. Scott Peck's, People of the Lie? In this Dr. Peck explains at the heart of evil is always a LIE, deception of some sort or other. Creepy... but true in my experience. He is a psychiatrist who's counseled thousands of patients and over the years began to distinguish between the majority of his patients, who were either mentally healthy people lacking wisdom ie skills for living eg; and patients who were diagnosed with mental illness eg--vs the rare cases he encountered in whom he suspected true evil. (It was in at least one of the more memorable instances the parent of his young patient.) He admitted it was an extremely challenging differential diagnosis in the case of these exceptions. But long before he could really evaluate or articulate precisely why, it was a quality of deception on which he couldn't quite put his finger but was able to discern something wasn't right or didn't add up. It seems these individuals weren't so much lying about what they did, but almost essentially about who they were. I too have a history of having to battle for the truth. My brother and I were literally conceived in lies, each born into deception. And it seems like I have struggled and fought my whole life ever since to tear down the lies. Even now it is painful to admit, but despite growing up in an admittedly wild, permissive era, a drug culture etc, there was in addition always something especially wrong about our childhood, our home, in particular. I will leave it at that except to say spiritual warfare is one term for it. (I'm certainly not trying to take credit for coining this any more than the word "crazymaking," just thought it fit). It's clear KC learned deception and that her mother and the truth are also strangers. CA, as far as I've observed and read, seems to have a narcissistic ie parent-, vs child-centered parenting style and to be more concerned about not airing family "laundry" or having this skeleton exposed. I don't think KC from a baby was predestined or predisposed to lie or deceive. If we call our children only on the lies that cause us inconvenience and embarassment but turn a blind eye to lies that make things less stressful or "normalize" what's going on in the home eg we are headed for trouble. Parents who either model, or excuse "little white lies" from early on, instead of instilling in their child very early on the value of honesty, are planting seeds that will bear fruit for years to come; and will be in for a real ride when it's time to hold their teen accountable who has deception ingrained only now the child can outwit them--and the ante has soared. It seems to me what CA may feel the need to deny isn't only so much the death of her granddaughter but the horror that if she were to admit Caylee is in fact gone, then she must also admit it was their daughter who's responsible. I believe it is this shame which prevents her from grieving, the same shame which has prevented KC from coming clean. Shame is generational--and is the cloak which is hiding the truth. JMHO
