TN - Gail Nowacki Palmgren, 44, Signal Mountain, 30 April 2011 - #12

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I don't know if Gail chose to run to a shelter in the beginning, but after this amount of time, I truly doubt it. She had family and a network of very capable friends she could rely on. She had access to funds she could tap into to sustain her....no matter where she chose to go, IF she did. MOO, I don't think so. JMO, but I respectively, disagree that MP wanted a divorce. I really don't believe he did and have felt this from the beginning. He wanted his cake and the time and opportunity to eat it to. I know someone stated that MP had told her on the phone during the "conference" he was going to file for divorce the following week, but I so wish I could hear his voice when saying it....the context it was stated, the exact words he used, and the tone of his voice. It could have been stated in such a way as a threat...and Gail knew it. IF MP had anything to do with terrorizing her, ie, following her to make her frightened, unsure, and paranoid...maybe he was trying to push her to mental instability...or suicide. Gail was in a fragile state and re-evaluating her life after the loss of her brother, her job and trying to make the transition to a full time mother and wife (for her whole family)....then she discovers everything she was focusing on and sacrificing to make it happen... was in vain... she had been lied to and duped by the person she was making many of those changes for. He continued to drink (no sacrifice)...she attended meetings in how to cope....and THEN she discovers he had been caring on with an affair...for how long? He didn't waste any time to call her sister hundreds of miles away and make threats....twice-- after each time LE immediately left. What was he so urgently angry and/or afraid of-- to feel he had to make those calls? Adamant in getting what known to GP? He and Gail apparently had discussed him telling the children about the separation...it never took place. If he was so set to be with TH he could have called his attorney and started those divorce proceedings long ago....or at least separated from Gail...he didn't. Maybe he was trying to make her bonkos, just for control and submission...or to have her committed, but he wanted the fruits of what GP brought to marriage and didn't want to make any kind of sacrifices, imo. That failed big time when he discovered GP was one up on him....through her PI...and had the goods on him that not only could spoil his plans in keeping control over GP, the children and her assets...but his job and image as well. I believe GP made the huge and common mistake of telling him all she knew in that phone call. That conference was the catalyst...and last straw for Gail, she was all prepared to face him in court...and pop his manipulations in acquiring his "perfect way of life" lifestyle and future goals gained by it. I also think there are some heavy secrets tied up in this...hence, his mother and TH needing an attorney and other certain family members coming out in his dire defense. Time will tell....and if so, I have no doubt the FBI sniffed it out by now.

He had lost...and his only way to regain it was ultimate control* at that point in his mind, imo. *DV It took me awhile to write..and rewrite this...to be "nice"....it's not the emotion I'm feeling at the moment.... As someone else has mentioned....Gail was/is entitled to the many things she worked and made sacrifices for too...not for her liberties to be shaken or striped...and certainly not for her to disappear. .

JMO, MOO, etc.

BBM I agree. Also, I don't think it would be normal procedure for the staff at a shelter to encourage or endorse a mother leaving her children either permanently or for an extended period of time. In other words, if Gail showed up at a shelter during an acute situation, I think that they would assist her to formulate a plan to regain custody of her children and I don't think the plan would involve no contact with anyone for 5+ months. I have never worked in a DV shelter, but I would think the number one priority for them would be to not only ensure Gail's safety but reunite her with her children safely as soon as possible. The process would probably involve retaining an attorney immediately and going to court. Gail also has many resources available to her that most of the women in shelters may not have. This is why I don't believe she is in a shelter. JMO
 
I wished I still lived in TN because I would get a group of people together and walk the roads from the main house down using binoculars and checking ever crook and cranny along the road. It might take a few days to do it but then one can be rest assured that Gail didn't go off into the ditch.

I think this will happen after all the leaves fall. The problem is, she disappeared just after all the trees and shrubs got their full green growth for the year. We've had one frost warning for the mountains in the past week, but it hasn't been cold enough yet to kill plants like kudzu (any type of vehicle could be hidden under those types of vines).

It's really just a matter of time. By the end of the month, it will be much easier to see what is in the ravines on the side of the mountain roads. It usually happens almost overnight, although oak trees take a bit longer to lose their leaves.
 
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http://www.turningpointservices.org/Domestic%20Violence%20-%20Power%20and%20Control%20Wheel.htm

Thank you for posting this. I think it is very accurate. I was doing some DV research online and found many sites listing advice for women planning to leave an abusive relationship and I could not find a single one that suggested leaving the children behind. JMO
 
Thank you for this. What of this do we know Gail was experiencing at the hands of Matt? Other than hearsay, but I mean via the police and media reports?

We really only know that she was scared, from several sources, and that LE gave her the number of a safe place to stay. (Right? That's all I can think of.)

I don't think anyone said for sure the wheel applies to the P's case, only that agreeing to a divorce doesn't preclude the possibility of abusive dynamics in a relationship.
 
I agree-we can safely say she was scared, we know that she was stashing money and possessions around, and it is easy to assume she was battered in someway because there were previous reports of police heading to try and resolve conflict between Gail and Matt.

But we dont know what she was scared of, and if it was Matt, we dont know what caused her to turn the children over to him instead of bringing them with her.
 
Thank you for this. What of this do we know Gail was experiencing at the hands of Matt? Other than hearsay, but I mean via the police and media reports?

Agree believe, we don't have much to go on except what has been quoted by family and friends of both. Really nothing but a glimpse of GP from LE or MP since the beginning except their opposing views on her mental status...and the police reports. Nothing further from MP except his actions that we learned about. I agree it's been mostly from AD, and it's up to each person to believe what she has stated or believes to be the truth.

I think you will see my reasoning behind my prior post...which has to be monitored before it's allowed. ?? Basically all domestic violence issues, whether it be physical, emotional, verbal or financial abuse is about control/fear. It's also DV awareness month and another reason why I posted it. The website is plain and simple and to the point with the valuable info it gives. I've had it since I ask Amandarekinwith? for it in Rachael's case.
jmo

ETA: Nevermind about the monitored post...I now realize the post I was replying to was deleted in the interim.
 
Thank you for posting this. I think it is very accurate. I was doing some DV research online and found many sites listing advice for women planning to leave an abusive relationship and I could not find a single one that suggested leaving the children behind. JMO

Of course not. It's the decision of each individual woman.

Some of the underground DV shelters do prefer that the women leave their children behind if possible, if the children can be adequately cared for, and if the children are not being abused.

Also, if a woman shows up and doesn't identify herself or acknowledge she has children, there's no way for the shelter workers to know about them.

A shelter won't encourage a woman to keep her children with her, or to re-establish a relationship with them, or re-gain custody of them, unless that is something the woman wants to do. It's each woman's decision, and her decision will be supported.

It's important with women who come to the shelters that they not be judged, and that their decisions be supported. Abused women typically have problems with self confidence, self esteem, self reliance, etc.
 
Of course not. It's the decision of each individual woman.

Some of the underground DV shelters do prefer that the women leave their children behind if possible, if the children can be adequately cared for, and if the children are not being abused.

Also, if a woman shows up and doesn't identify herself or acknowledge she has children, there's no way for the shelter workers to know about them.

A shelter won't encourage a woman to keep her children with her, or to re-establish a relationship with them, or re-gain custody of them, unless that is something the woman wants to do. It's each woman's decision, and her decision will be supported.

It's important with women who come to the shelters that they not be judged, and that their decisions be supported. Abused women typically have problems with self confidence, self esteem, self reliance, etc.

BeanE thank you for more information on under ground shelters.

I do have some concerns regarding shelters that operate in this way.
One is if a woman can enter them with no name, no information, don’t have to give any details or even a real name and as you stated in a previous post they will set them and their children up with a new identity’s, find them accommodation, find them a job, help them set up a total new life without informing anyone, my questions is, how do they know these women aren’t criminals, someone who has killed their spouse, harmed their child, stolen millions from their employer/ family, someone who wants to run away from debt and start a new life etc? How do they know the woman is a psychotic woman who has stolen someone’s baby, or trying to hide her kids from her ex just because she doesn’t want him in their live?

Are these shelters legal in what they do? Are these shelters easily found? If we are looking at the scenario that this is what Gail has done, how would Gail have found such a shelter? Would this kind of shelter be the sort the LE give out numbers to?

I fully understand the need for shelters to protect and help woman who are abused and vulnerable but isn’t this taking it to a dangerous level of the service being abused by women who know the system and will use it to hide from almost anything other than abuse.

Although my personal experience is Australian based I have asked questions of a dear friend who lives in Indiana who works in a women’s shelter and councils abused women. I won’t post her answers to my questions here as I realise she is not verified or a member but it does bring me to question the chances of Gail ending up in such a shelter.

I think nobody would argue some women in desperate situations need desperate measures to keep them safe but if it is as easy as you describe to walk in and have your whole life previous life wiped out and replaced with a new identity, then it does seem to me a system that could be to easily abused by the wrong people.

These are just thoughts that come to mind on your information and I am not questioning your expertise in this field because it is seems you have or do work in the field and I am sure you are used to people being a little alarmed that the system could help the wrong sort of women disappeared.
 
BeanE thank you for more information on under ground shelters.

I do have some concerns regarding shelters that operate in this way.
One is if a woman can enter them with no name, no information, don’t have to give any details or even a real name and as you stated in a previous post they will set them and their children up with a new identity’s, find them accommodation, find them a job, help them set up a total new life without informing anyone, my questions is, how do they know these women aren’t criminals, someone who has killed their spouse, harmed their child, stolen millions from their employer/ family, someone who wants to run away from debt and start a new life etc? How do they know the woman is a psychotic woman who has stolen someone’s baby, or trying to hide her kids from her ex just because she doesn’t want him in their live?

Are these shelters legal in what they do? Are these shelters easily found? If we are looking at the scenario that this is what Gail has done, how would Gail have found such a shelter? Would this kind of shelter be the sort the LE give out numbers to?

I fully understand the need for shelters to protect and help woman who are abused and vulnerable but isn’t this taking it to a dangerous level of the service being abused by women who know the system and will use it to hide from almost anything other than abuse.

Although my personal experience is Australian based I have asked questions of a dear friend who lives in Indiana who works in a women’s shelter and councils abused women. I won’t post her answers to my questions here as I realise she is not verified or a member but it does bring me to question the chances of Gail ending up in such a shelter.

I think nobody would argue some women in desperate situations need desperate measures to keep them safe but if it is as easy as you describe to walk in and have your whole life previous life wiped out and replaced with a new identity, then it does seem to me a system that could be to easily abused by the wrong people.

These are just thoughts that come to mind on your information and I am not questioning your expertise in this field because it is seems you have or do work in the field and I am sure you are used to people being a little alarmed that the system could help the wrong sort of women disappeared.

Let me clarify, because I think you may have misunderstood. The only reference I made to underground shelters is in the second sentence of my post. All other references were to the regular shelters - not the underground shelters.

In regard to the underground shelters, I have some really serious concerns about some of them too. It's a big issue, and we could probably fill a whole sub-forum on here discussing them.

Personally, I just don't think - for a number of reasons - that Gail went to an underground shelter. If others want to explore that as a possibility, it's certainly fine with me, but I just don't see it as enough of a possibility for me, personally, to put effort into.

I do think there's a strong possibility that Gail went to a regular shelter, and is well worth exploring.

In the regular shelters, women can enter without giving a name, or with giving a false name. A woman doesn't need to give or to have information, papers, money, clothes, job, ID, etc.

Not identifying herself or giving a false name and still getting help is a right granted by law to abused women for their safety, so that they can save their life.

Not having anything with her or available to her and still getting help is a right granted to abused women by law so that they can save their life.

It's critically important to me that women know this, so that if they're abused, and happen to read this, they won't hesitate for a second to contact a shelter for help. Women and children are murdered in just a moment of hesitation. Let's make sure abused women don't hesitate to make that call and save their life.

Yes, the system can be abused by someone who doesn't qualify for services, but that's the price we pay to save the lives of those who do need help, and it's well worth it. You just can't put a price tag on a life.

The shelter organizations do have screening processes in place to minimize abuses of the system, so believe me, there are not droves of women going to shelters to take vacations.

I have to say - again for the sake of any abused woman who may be reading - that the screening process is not difficult - you're just asked some questions - and no abused woman, or woman with abused children, should be scared of it or worried about it. The shelter workers are trained to understand that it's hard to talk about abuse, and that it's common for abused women to have been subjected to the instillation of doubt by their abuser, and the workers are trained not to exacerbate that.

Shelters exist to help abused women and children. It's the whole reason for their existence. They're not there to keep safe women from getting help. They're there to ensure that abused women and children do get help. It's important to keep that goal and mindset of shelters in mind.

Shelter workers are trained to err on the side of caution so that they don't turn away women only for that woman to leave and be murdered by her abuser.

The entire reason for the existence of shelters is to save the lives of abused women and children. They have little money, and what little they have, they definitely want to put into women and children who really need their help. They don't lose sight though - unless they're perhaps burned out or poorly trained - that their reason for existence is to save lives.

It is possible, precisely because of the goal and mindset of shelters, as well as the training the workers undergo about the nature of abuse and how to deal with the women who seek services, for a woman who is not abused to get shelter services, change her identity, and start a new life.

Nobody familiar with shelters likes it - we all want every penny to go to helping the desperate women and children who really need help. But the few who exploit the system is, when it comes down to it, a small price to pay for the lives that shelters save, and I think we'd all be more than willing to pay a lot more if we could just save more lives of women and children.

There's a fear among shelter workers - and I share that fear - of women exploiting the system and taking money and services away from women and children who really need them, especially because the shelters have so little money to begin with. For myself, most of the time, I don't even talk about that one little loophole, because of my own fear.

It's appropriate to talk about though in this case IMO because I feel that that loophole - the woman's legal right not to self-identify at shelters - is key to a very viable theory of what happened to Gail after she left her home that day. It's not common knowledge, but Gail is a very smart woman - holds a doctorate - seems to have been exploring leaving - uses the internet - had friends and acquaintances who could have told her about it - and I think she would have easily come across it and easily recognized what she could do with that information.

One more thing - regarding criminals etc - Any woman thinking about using a shelter as a means to circumvent the law - for example a fugitive or someone with a warrant out for their arrest - should know that the laws above do not apply in that sort of circumstance. Shelters are there, and the laws are there, to save the lives of abused women and children - not to help criminals circumvent the law. No free passes on that one.
 
Was it expected that Gail was to return to the lake house after dropping off the kids?
If so, why would she go to a shelter? At the lake house, she was miles and miles away from MP. Also, did she and MP have a plan for her to pick up the kids? In other words, when did he expect her to return?
 
Does anyone know how Blue Cross found out about him not attending the conference and using that time with a female colleague at a hotel out of state?
 
Was it expected that Gail was to return to the lake house after dropping off the kids?
If so, why would she go to a shelter? At the lake house, she was miles and miles away from MP. Also, did she and MP have a plan for her to pick up the kids? In other words, when did he expect her to return?

Good question..

Hasn't MP denied ever seeing or speaking to Gail on the 30th? Reason I’m asking I recall seeing something about him being the last person to speak with her, but I can no longer remember where I saw that tidbit of information..

One thing, I find puzzling is IF he has denied ever seeing her or speaking to her on the 30th WHY did he think she went to the lake house in Alabama or WHY did he wait so long to report her as being missing.? After all wasn’t her drivers license, credit cards left behind at the residence?

IMO something is way hinky concerning Matt P...I’m thinking he planned the whole ruse to get Gail to somehow leave her children at the residence

Also, do we know IF GP made a telephone call to SMPD or did she text a message to someone at SMPD telling them she was leaving the children at the residence? JMHO..
 
Does anyone know how Blue Cross found out about him not attending the conference and using that time with a female colleague at a hotel out of state?

I'm not only interested in how they found out but when did they find out he didn't attend the conference but was spending their time and their dime with TH at another location....JMHO..
 
Was it expected that Gail was to return to the lake house after dropping off the kids?
If so, why would she go to a shelter? At the lake house, she was miles and miles away from MP. Also, did she and MP have a plan for her to pick up the kids? In other words, when did he expect her to return?

I've never seen anything indicating where Gail's intent was to go after dropping off the kids.
 
Good question..

Hasn't MP denied ever seeing or speaking to Gail on the 30th? Reason I’m asking I recall seeing something about him being the last person to speak with her, but I can no longer remember where I saw that tidbit of information..

One thing, I find puzzling is IF he has denied ever seeing her or speaking to her on the 30th WHY did he think she went to the lake house in Alabama or WHY did he wait so long to report her as being missing.? After all wasn’t her drivers license, credit cards left behind at the residence?

IMO something is way hinky concerning Matt P...I’m thinking he planned the whole ruse to get Gail to somehow leave her children at the residence

Also, do we know IF GP made a telephone call to SMPD or did she text a message to someone at SMPD telling them she was leaving the children at the residence? JMHO..

I've never seen anything where Matt denied having spoken to Gail on the 30th.

I've never seen anything confirming who the last person was to speak with Gail on the 30th. I've seen speculation and opinion, but no confirmation.

IIRC Gail's communications with SMPD on the 30th have all been characterized as calls, her speaking with them on the phone, rather than texts, as well as her having called and asked Diane to contact SMPD for her, which my recollection is was characterized as a call rather than a text.
 
I've never seen anything where Matt denied having spoken to Gail on the 30th.

I've never seen anything confirming who the last person was to speak with Gail on the 30th. I've seen speculation and opinion, but no confirmation.

IIRC Gail's communications with SMPD on the 30th have all been characterized as calls, her speaking with them on the phone, rather than texts, as well as her having called and asked Diane to contact SMPD for her, which my recollection is was characterized as a call rather than a text.

And I've never seen anything where Matt P has claimed he had spoken to Gail on the 30th.

IIRC...Matt P. said he was at his mothers and he had proposed to meet Gail at the residence on April 30, but when he arrived she was gone, having left the two children "by themselves without any supervision."


Guess I'm taking that to mean he did not speak with her or see her on the 30th..

I do recall seeing it revealed somewhere that he was the last person to speak with her though eventhough I cannot find it now or remember where I saw that tidbit of information posted... In reference to myself I did not view that information eventhough it may have been removed as being speculative or just someone's opinion..But thats JMHOOTS
 
Of course not. It's the decision of each individual woman.

Some of the underground DV shelters do prefer that the women leave their children behind if possible, if the children can be adequately cared for, and if the children are not being abused.

Also, if a woman shows up and doesn't identify herself or acknowledge she has children, there's no way for the shelter workers to know about them.

A shelter won't encourage a woman to keep her children with her, or to re-establish a relationship with them, or re-gain custody of them, unless that is something the woman wants to do. It's each woman's decision, and her decision will be supported.

It's important with women who come to the shelters that they not be judged, and that their decisions be supported. Abused women typically have problems with self confidence, self esteem, self reliance, etc.

I have worked with abused women and children for more than 30 years. I am a resource and contact for shelter placement. I have never seen a case where a woman has left her children with her abuser. I am not saying that there are none...I have never dealt with one. I also have never encouraged a woman to leave her children behind unless there was a safety concern for them to remain in her custody. Said issue would have to be with the woman in question for me to advise the children being placed elsewhere. I have heard of cases where the threat of danger from the abuser is so great that the children were left with family members out of town until the abuser was arrested and the threat was gone. In this case, I cannot see GP leaving her children with her husband and seeking shelter from the same. It is incongruent.
 
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