Oscar Pistorius: Entitled. Narcissist. Sociopath?
While meaning well, I think OP’s parents inadvertently went overboard by instilling in him that he was not only “normal” but EXTRAORDINARY, even if they never used that word.
Prodded by his parents, he came to believe he could have and do and control not only anything he wanted, but EVERYTHING. He was not taught any limits or boundaries whatsoever. He was firmly indoctrinated to be a “winner” at all costs, even if his parents never directly stated it. I think poor Oscar got the idea if he didn’t always win, he was a failure on some level. His ego became over-inflated by his parents’ “I’m Superman!” guidance. I believe his parents not only taught him to compete but the unspoken message was WIN - somehow this became conflated with being normal.
OP grew up feeling ENTITLED to anything and everything simply because he was special amputee OP. While from babyhood he grew up knowing nothing but his prosthetics ("trauma", indeed lol), he also grew up knowing he was very different - SPECIAL.
He apparently had no problems defending himself, was reportedly very popular and I believe, grew to take inordinate pride in his profound uniqueness, his specialness. This sense of profound differentness, together with his competitive, aggressive, daredevil, adrenaline-junkie personality, evolved into an entrenched sense of superiority - I can never lose, I will never lose. Losing and failure were never options. His parents never allowed him to simply be ordinary. His sense of self, his ego is inextricably tied up with winning and dominating at all costs. Relentless and driven, he not only became “normal”, somewhere deep in his psyche, he became a demi-god. On some level, boosted by his parents’ mantras, this sense of rarified uniqueness fed his ego.
Ego demands control.
Ego demands entitlement.
Ego DEMANDS.
Unfortunately, his parents did not balance OP’s limitless ego and supreme self-confidence with a sense of humility, empathy or responsibility toward others. (In his mind, how could anyone else ever be equal to him, never mind be special or entitled, if they never had to overcome HIS physical challenges?) He was essentially taught - pushed - to TAKE everything he could. His parents were so busy pushing him they never stopped him. They never taught him that life and other people don’t always cooperate and submit; they never taught him that life is a game of negotiation, give and take, that it’s OK to sometimes lose. He was subconsciously taught to overcompensate in the bid to be “normal”. He was taught to be Superman but not Everyman (we’re all equal, we all have different challenges).
This is why I think OP suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, if not outright sociopathy. OP is the golden boy! OP always wins! No one limits OP! No one says no to OP! OP never backs down! OP never loses! (How exhausting it must be to continually have to prove oneself?)
During an intense argument with Reeva (one in which he very possibly was on the verge of her leaving him) he killed her in a blind, controlling, narcissistic rage. How dare she challenge him, how dare she try to leave HIM?!! Driven by his parents to CONTROL every aspect of his world to compensate for his disability - a world in which the word “no” was never an option - he was faced that night with utter loss of control, face to face with a woman who would not be controlled or dominated, i.e. abject humiliation. Possibly for the first time in his life. The blow to his unfettered ego was too much. What better way to stop her, to regain total control, total dominance than to kill her - silence her forever? In his eyes, Reeva’s autonomy, defiance and personal rejection were greater crimes than murder. In OP’s self-made universe, equilibrium was regained after the shooting; OP was once again in total control. He, alone, controlled his “version” of that night. Except this time, he wasn’t in control. The secret, the truth of that lethal fight will go to the grave with him. From that night forward, he has basically lost EVERYTHING. An extraordinary, tragic price to pay to maintain supreme ego.
While admirably trying hard to raise a self-confident child with a physical disability, his parents utterly failed to instill in him any sense of real-life limits or personal boundaries.
That failure became OP’s downfall - his most profound disability of all.
