Found Deceased TX - Sherin Mathews, 3, Richardson, 7 Oct 2017 #7 *Arrests*

[edimmu]

TY! I think insight is important to understanding tragedy (if this applies here). I'm the type person that can't help but ask "why" or "how" something so tragic could happen. Not sure what you meant by "bio" though. Apologies if I confused.

Sorry! I meant adopted - not bio

 

[edimmu]

[video=youtube;i9GYExnh1yU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9GYExnh1yU[/video]

The above is a documentary about an adopted child with RAD. The documentary is heartbreaking but has a happy ending. Please note the documentary contains extreme child abuse so this might not be for everyone.

 

[JazzTune]

Adaptation challenges have got to be enormous, but in my own opinion this family has had enormous support of the church community and with Sini's nursing work I'm sure sources could have been tapped for direction on that side. I find that no excuse is a good excuse for failure of these parents to raise this beautiful girl.

Thanks for your post. I agree.

Not only is adoption not an excuse, I don't think it holds much water as an explanation either.

I know I'm sounding like a broken record here, but the attitude of chalking all this up to poor coping skills leaves me baffled and saddened..

I respect all opinions. I admit though, I'm having a real hard time making that particular leap, considering the evidence.

In my opinion, there is no way clueless and overwhelmed parents went out to eat and left a 3 y/o at home, all alone by herself for an hour and a half!

There's no way clueless and overwhelmed parents put their small dead child inside a culvert.

In my opinion, the reasons were more sinister.

All I can think about is that precious child. She didn't deserve this.

She's the victim.

That's not an emotional statement either. In fact, far from it.

It's the most important fact.




JMO

 

[BlinkOfAnI]

Sorry! I meant adopted - not bio

LOL, I thought so. TY

 

[CookieM]

Thanks for your post. I agree.

Not only is adoption not an excuse, I don't think it holds much water as an explanation either.

I know I'm sounding like a broken record here, but the attitude of chalking all this up to poor coping skills leaves me baffled and saddened..

I respect all opinions. I admit though, I'm having a real hard time making that particular leap, considering the evidence.

In my opinion, there is no way clueless and overwhelmed parents went out to eat and left a 3 y/o at home, all alone by herself for an hour and a half!

There's no way clueless and overwhelmed parents put their small dead child inside a culvert.

In my opinion, the reasons were more sinister.

All I can think about is that precious child. She didn't deserve this.

She's the victim.

That's not an emotional statement either. In fact, far from it.

It's the most important fact.




JMO

I agree with everything you have said here. Maybe I'm heartless, but I really don't care how overwhelmed two adults are, all I can think of is how this poor baby was dumped in a culvert and given no respect. It's like what someone might do if they find a drowned rat in their swimming pool -- toss it over the fence and let the city dispose of it.

 

[georgiajean]

I agree!!! GM, thank you for the insight on RAD! Being a foster parent, I was introduced to RAD! It was no easy task! I wish I had this insight back then! CPS, attempted to give info on RAD, it was minamal, at best. They were just looking for placements for my fosters (I use the term "fosters" lightly....I loved them as they were my own bio children). CPS didn't care where these children were placed! As long as "you didn't call them on a regular basis, all was well". When in truth, many of my "fosters" were lost by the system. CPS, had the mindset, "they are in a home, that's all that matters". When my two babies, brothers, 11 months apart in age, were removed from my home, I said "NO MORE"!!!! My bios are adults. Those two precious babies...I would have given my life for them, as I would my bio children.


I apologize, I have to stop now..... they were MY babies!!!!! They were taken away because the youngest of the two "ran away" on Halloween day.

The eldest of the two, had been in our home for 2 years. We fought the system..... we wanted the brothers to be together. the youngest one was only with us for a brief time..... he's the one that "ran away". The eldest is now up for adoption, the youngest is in an institute.

Our goal was to adopt both. Due to the fact that I didn't appeal the CPS decision to take them out of our home (they honestly had no cause to do so) we were no longer "allowed" to "foster".


I had had runaways, many times, none were ever removed from my home.

This instance seriously broke my family apart. Now divorced, the father to our children... all adults.... all because I didn't appeal the process. These boys were literally 11 months apart, in age. When they were stripped out of my families arms, they were 7 and 6 years old. They had never had a stable home life, both molested by their bio father, mom watched.

The tears that are flowing right now, I can't hold back!!!

What happened to Sherin, whatever it was, it scares the hell out of me!!!! Where has the humanity been lost????

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

It breaks my heart how broken our system is to take care of kids who need it. And how it breaks those who could help so much. So sorry for your multiple losses. I do so appreciate you sharing your story.

 

[georgiajean]

I don't "chalk up" Shern's death to clueless and overwhelmed parents. IMO, Sherin's death was a selfish, self-centered act carried out by clueless, overwhelmed parents with over-the-top needs for control and to look perfect, and with high dysfunction within the family, including jealousy, rage, and need to have the last word..Not only did they not have the skill set to successfully parent Sherin, they had the exact opposite of what Sherin needed.They have no pass from me, because they were both well educated and had the money and resources to get help for Sherin. But they did not, and they allowed themselves to lose control of their emotions and they killed their daughter.I don't know which of them did it, or if they both did it, but I believe they both know exactly what happened.
I will be very surprised if this ends up being something more sinister, but it wouldn't be the first time I have been wrong! And it certainly won't be the last. All my opinion, expressed with great respect for all the other opinions out there.

 

[Grouchymom]

Thanks for your post. I agree.

Not only is adoption not an excuse, I don't think it holds much water as an explanation either.

I know I'm sounding like a broken record here, but the attitude of chalking all this up to poor coping skills leaves me baffled and saddened..

I respect all opinions. I admit though, I'm having a real hard time making that particular leap, considering the evidence.

In my opinion, there is no way clueless and overwhelmed parents went out to eat and left a 3 y/o at home, all alone by herself for an hour and a half!

There's no way clueless and overwhelmed parents put their small dead child inside a culvert.

In my opinion, the reasons were more sinister.

All I can think about is that precious child. She didn't deserve this.

She's the victim.

That's not an emotional statement either. In fact, far from it.

It's the most important fact.




JMO

Yes, Sherin was the innocent victim but if we don’t identify the stressors that trigger the behavior of people such as the Mathews then we do nothing to prevent otherwise intelligent, law abiding, church going people from following the same path.

Yes, they are responsible for the actions that resulted in the death of this precious child. Sherin paid the ultimate price for their flaws. The older daughter will pay for their flaws the rest of her life. If they had a better toolbox to deal with the added challenges (often hidden) that came with the adoption of a child who required more patience, understanding and stress management skills, and when they reached the limit of their abilities to cope they made 1 phone call to ask for help, SHERIN could have been alive today. 1 phone call could have made the difference. If more people around them knew the challenges they were facing and the warnings signs of a problem occurring, she could be alive today.

I know that not 1 person here wants to give them a pass for what happened. I also know that everyone here wants to see that it not happen again. I can assure you that if you have never dealt with a child with RAD or a child of abuse or neglect on an up close personal level day after day. It is beyond comprehension. The cumulative heartbreak, constantly second guessing yourself, the physical and emotional exhaustion, the periods of feeling hopeless, then it is difficult to imagine the toll it can take. For the sake of all the Sherin’s out there and all the Sherin’s yet to come. We need to give as many people as possible the toolbox to see it before it happens, to reach out and lend a hand or make that call.

It is no different than trying to see when a serial killer went from an innocent child to a creature devoid of humanity. We know that certain, long term abuses can destroy the potential of a human. Never bonding or attaching to others leaves one unable to feel sympathy or regret. Makes it impossible to access the parts of us that make us human.

It is too late for the Mathews family and it is too late for Sherin. Only by using the microscope to see what failed can we prevent it for the next Sherin.
Only when we can truly understand the things that were missed can we move forward. If it was more sinister then there were even more signs and opportunities missed. I believe that if Sherin was alive and uninjured when they went to dinner that night that was the point of no return. If that was the seminal moment that everything imploded within the family then one call to the pastor or a family member to say help we are at wits end and Sherin could very well have never been known to any of us. The only good thing that can come from her death is if we learn from their mistakes, their failures.

Once they crossed that line. Once they lost perspective and self-control and left that child alone there was no going back for them because everything snow balled from there. They could never let anyone know they lost control and left her, they could never let anyone know they hurt her, they could never let anyone know they killed her. Their lives fell apart at the moment they could not admit they were in over their heads. Pride, arrogance, ignorance it doesn’t matter what you call it it ends the same. Failure.....

JMHO

 

[rosesfromangels]

I’m so glad Texas is tough on crime, because these two deserve punishment to the extent the law permits for the circumstances.

Let’s stay focused on the fact the child was dumped in a culvert, left for vermin.
The extent of what she was subjected to prior to death will determine whether the DP will be inacted.

Left for the vermin.

Let that sink in.

 

[dianaelaine59]

Yes, Sherin was the innocent victim but if we don’t identify the stressors that trigger the behavior of people such as the Mathews then we do nothing to prevent otherwise intelligent, law abiding, church going people from following the same path.

Yes, they are responsible for the actions that resulted in the death of this precious child. Sherin paid the ultimate price for their flaws. The older daughter will pay for their flaws the rest of her life. If they had a better toolbox to deal with the added challenges (often hidden) that came with the adoption of a child who required more patience, understanding and stress management skills, and when they reached the limit of their abilities to cope they made 1 phone call to ask for help, SHERIN could have been alive today. 1 phone call could have made the difference. If more people around them knew the challenges they were facing and the warnings signs of a problem occurring, she could be alive today.

I know that not 1 person here wants to give them a pass for what happened. I also know that everyone here wants to see that it not happen again. I can assure you that if you have never dealt with a child with RAD or a child of abuse or neglect on an up close personal level day after day. It is beyond comprehension. The cumulative heartbreak, constantly second guessing yourself, the physical and emotional exhaustion, the periods of feeling hopeless, then it is difficult to imagine the toll it can take. For the sake of all the Sherin’s out there and all the Sherin’s yet to come. We need to give as many people as possible the toolbox to see it before it happens, to reach out and lend a hand or make that call.

It is no different than trying to see when a serial killer went from an innocent child to a creature devoid of humanity. We know that certain, long term abuses can destroy the potential of a human. Never bonding or attaching to others leaves one unable to feel sympathy or regret. Makes it impossible to access the parts of us that make us human.

It is too late for the Mathews family and it is too late for Sherin. Only by using the microscope to see what failed can we prevent it for the next Sherin.
Only when we can truly understand the things that were missed can we move forward. If it was more sinister then there were even more signs and opportunities missed. I believe that if Sherin was alive and uninjured when they went to dinner that night that was the point of no return. If that was the seminal moment that everything imploded within the family then one call to the pastor or a family member to say help we are at wits end and Sherin could very well have never been known to any of us. The only good thing that can come from her death is if we learn from their mistakes, their failures.

Once they crossed that line. Once they lost perspective and self-control and left that child alone there was no going back for them because everything snow balled from there. They could never let anyone know they lost control and left her, they could never let anyone know they hurt her, they could never let anyone know they killed her. Their lives fell apart at the moment they could not admit they were in over their heads. Pride, arrogance, ignorance it doesn’t matter what you call it it ends the same. Failure.....

JMHO

I don't buy it, you're either someone who can kill or you're someone who cannot.


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[dianaelaine59]

I’m so glad Texas is tough on crime, because these two deserve punishment to the extent the law permits for the circumstances.

Let’s stay focused on the fact the child was dumped in a culvert, left for vermin.
The extent of what she was subjected to prior to death will determine whether the DP will be inacted.

Left for the vermin.

Let that sink in.

AMEN!!!!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Scarlett12]

I just wanted to thank those that have shared their personal and painful foster-adoption experiences. Your perspectives and insights are truly educational to me.


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[JazzTune]

Yes, Sherin was the innocent victim but if we don’t identify the stressors that trigger the behavior of people such as the Mathews then we do nothing to prevent otherwise intelligent, law abiding, church going people from following the same path.

Yes, they are responsible for the actions that resulted in the death of this precious child. Sherin paid the ultimate price for their flaws. The older daughter will pay for their flaws the rest of her life. If they had a better toolbox to deal with the added challenges (often hidden) that came with the adoption of a child who required more patience, understanding and stress management skills, and when they reached the limit of their abilities to cope they made 1 phone call to ask for help, SHERIN could have been alive today. 1 phone call could have made the difference. If more people around them knew the challenges they were facing and the warnings signs of a problem occurring, she could be alive today.

I know that not 1 person here wants to give them a pass for what happened. I also know that everyone here wants to see that it not happen again. I can assure you that if you have never dealt with a child with RAD or a child of abuse or neglect on an up close personal level day after day. It is beyond comprehension. The cumulative heartbreak, constantly second guessing yourself, the physical and emotional exhaustion, the periods of feeling hopeless, then it is difficult to imagine the toll it can take. For the sake of all the Sherin’s out there and all the Sherin’s yet to come. We need to give as many people as possible the toolbox to see it before it happens, to reach out and lend a hand or make that call.

It is no different than trying to see when a serial killer went from an innocent child to a creature devoid of humanity. We know that certain, long term abuses can destroy the potential of a human. Never bonding or attaching to others leaves one unable to feel sympathy or regret. Makes it impossible to access the parts of us that make us human.

It is too late for the Mathews family and it is too late for Sherin. Only by using the microscope to see what failed can we prevent it for the next Sherin.
Only when we can truly understand the things that were missed can we move forward. If it was more sinister then there were even more signs and opportunities missed. I believe that if Sherin was alive and uninjured when they went to dinner that night that was the point of no return. If that was the seminal moment that everything imploded within the family then one call to the pastor or a family member to say help we are at wits end and Sherin could very well have never been known to any of us. The only good thing that can come from her death is if we learn from their mistakes, their failures.

Once they crossed that line. Once they lost perspective and self-control and left that child alone there was no going back for them because everything snow balled from there. They could never let anyone know they lost control and left her, they could never let anyone know they hurt her, they could never let anyone know they killed her. Their lives fell apart at the moment they could not admit they were in over their heads. Pride, arrogance, ignorance it doesn’t matter what you call it it ends the same. Failure.....

JMHO

GM, you have earned my immeasurable respect and admiration! Your posts reflect genuine kindness and caring for all children, as well as the intelligence to put it all together.

My heart is so thankful to you for all you do and teach. You are amazing!

I appreciate your patience and time to explain to us how the system works, and to point out its flaws.

I agree. It can only be helpful to identify any stressors which will help all parents and children to navigate the minefields.

RAD children must be very difficult to cope with. Especially the older ones prone to violence. How terrifying for parents to fear physical harm to themselves, their other children, and pets.

Not to mention the property damage and even the risk of having their homes set on fire.

But Sherin was only 3, and a tiny 3 at that. Not saying any 3 y/o is easy to care for but if love is present, that has to make it easier to get through.

That is the crux of this.

I don't believe the battle was between love and frustration.

Because I don't believe love was in the picture.

I don't see a single shred of evidence of it for that child.

That's my contention. Frazzled, overwhelmed, but otherwise loving parents do not do what they did.

And all the toolboxes in the world would not have made a hill of beans difference.

Love comes from within. Same as hatred. All behavior proceeds from that point.

I see no love for this child.

That's all I'm saying...



JMO

 

[MissMalowe]

I don't buy it, you're either someone who can kill or you're someone who cannot.

I'm not sure it's simply black and white; I think there are a lot of grey areas in regards to that. It's highly likely I'm in the minority (or possibly even alone) with my thoughts on this but I believe every person is capable of terrible things, even murder; it's just a matter of vast differences in personal limits being reached, individual levels or abilities of restraint, and personal beliefs in regards to when something is permissable in their own mind regardless of the law.

I realize some will think this is like comparing apples to oranges, but the core of it is really the same: taking someone else's life or being someone who can kill or someone who cannot;

If I were to find myself under attack on the front lines of a war and it's me or them...you bet your *advertiser censored* I'm going to shoot until I no longer have ammo.

Find myself the victim of a home invasion...they chose the wrong house to invade.

Find myself the victim of an assault/abduction/attempted murder....I've got too much to live for to go down without a massive fight.

So for myself, personally, if I am in a me or them/my life or theirs type of situation, I would definitely, without question be capable of killing someone. That is my (known) personal limit or times when I can knowingly justify it.

Each person is different. Some never think it is okay and would never harm another person. Others have much lower limits (road rage, gang retaliation, money, jealousy etc).
I suppose we all don't know our limits until we are face to face with them. Until that point, it's easy for the rest of us to point fingers or judge because "we would never...."

ETA: The Mathews obviously had a personal limit they had reached, if even in a fleeting moment. They don't get a pass from me either way; even if I too can admit to having my own personal limits.

 

[JazzTune]

I'm not sure it's simply black and white; I think there are a lot of grey areas in regards to that. It's highly likely I'm in the minority (or possibly even alone) with my thoughts on this but I believe every person is capable of terrible things, even murder; it's just a matter of vast differences in personal limits being reached, individual levels or abilities of restraint, and personal beliefs in regards to when something is permissable in their own mind regardless of the law.

I realize some will think this is like comparing apples to oranges, but the core of it is really the same: taking someone else's life or being someone who can kill or someone who cannot;

If I were to find myself under attack on the front lines of a war and it's me or them...you bet your *advertiser censored* I'm going to shoot until I no longer have ammo.

Find myself the victim of a home invasion...they chose the wrong house to invade.

Find myself the victim of an assault/abduction/attempted murder....I've got too much to live for to go down without a massive fight.

So for myself, personally, if I am in a me or them/my life or theirs type of situation, I would definitely, without question be capable of killing someone. That is my (known) personal limit or times when I can knowingly justify it.

Each person is different. Some never think it is okay and would never harm another person. Others have much lower limits (road rage, gang retaliation, money, jealousy etc).
I suppose we all don't know our limits until we are face to face with them. Until that point, it's easy for the rest of us to point fingers or judge because "we would never...."

ETA: The Mathews obviously had a personal limit they had reached, if even in a fleeting moment. They don't get a pass from me either way; even if I too can admit to having my own personal limits.

War, home invasion, threats to my loved ones, yeah, I'm right there with you! No ifs, ands, or buts.

Leaving a helpless 3 y/o alone all by herself at home? Nope. Not in a million years.

Leaving her dead body in a culvert? Add another million years! Not within the capacity of my worst behavior.

No offense to you and I mean that sincerely. You've made good points with this post.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the last part of your post because I'm astounded that this could be seen as a logical progression of killing.

That it would be necessary to say that "...it's easy for the rest of us to point fingers or judge because we would never..."

Well, I I know beyond a doubt I would never! And if that makes me judgmental and finger pointy, then so be it.

Everyone's rage is not comparable and is not on a continuum.

Those who react with really short fuses are called criminals.

That's just my take. Again, I intend no snark or condescension with that statement.

Just genuine surprise.



JMO

 

[Yellow Rose]

[video=youtube;i9GYExnh1yU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9GYExnh1yU[/video]

The above is a documentary about an adopted child with RAD. The documentary is heartbreaking but has a happy ending. Please note the documentary contains extreme child abuse so this might not be for everyone.

Oh sweet Jesus

 

[MissMalowe]

War, home invasion, threats to my loved ones, yeah, I'm right there with you! No ifs, ands, or buts.

Leaving a helpless 3 y/o alone all by herself at home? Nope. Not in a million years.

Leaving her dead body in a culvert? Add another million years! Not within the capacity of my worst behavior.

No offense to you and I mean that sincerely. You've made good points with this post.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the last part of your post but I'm astounded that this could be seen as a logical progression of killing..

Everyone's rage is not comparable and is not on a continuum.

Those who react with really short fuses are called criminals.

That's just my take. Again, I intend no snark or condescension with that statement.

Just genuine surprise.



JMO

I never stated that this killing was logical or excusable. In fact, I thought the last part of my post highlighted that I found it inexcusable, despite my own admissions about being capable of killing (in me or them situations)

Correct, no one's rage is comparable or exactly the same, that's why I began my post saying that,

.....vast differences in personal limits being reached, individual levels or abilities of restraint, and personal beliefs in regards to when something is permissable in their own mind regardless of the law.

Then later pointed out that some people never, under any circumstances admit to being able to kill someone, while others kill over very minor things (road rage, gang retaliation, money, jealousy etc)

Not sure what your "surprise" comment was in reference to, so I cannot comment on that specifically.
If you are thinking my admission of being willing to kill someone in a me or them situation in turn inferred to you that I felt that leaving their 3 year old child alone that evening while they went to dinner was anything less than completely irresponsible and cruel, or that throwing her away in a culvert like she was literally trash, (something I wouldn't even think was okay to do to a family pet) was something you also felt I thought was excusable, then my apologies, because I was DEFINITELY not inferring those things, which is why I have been posting here, searching for answers, throwing around theories, and keeping my eyes on Texas news sites like a hawk since October 7th, like many others here.

My point, was that people aren't simply able to kill or not and that all those people cant easily be clumped together. There are many more shades of grey, vs. just being black and white.

 

[JazzTune]

I never stated that this killing was logical or excusable. In fact, I thought the last part of my post highlighted that I found it inexcusable, despite my own admissions about being capable of killing (in me or them situations)

Correct, no one's rage is comparable or exactly the same, that's why I began my post saying that,

Then later pointed out that some people never, under any circumstances admit to being able to kill someone, while others kill over very minor things (road rage, gang retaliation, money, jealousy etc)

Not sure what your "surprise" comment was in reference to, so I cannot comment on that specifically.
If you are thinking my admission of being willing to kill someone in a me or them situation in turn inferred to you that I felt that leaving their 3 year old child alone that evening while they went to dinner was anything less than completely irresponsible and cruel, or that throwing her away in a culvert like she was literally trash, (something I wouldn't even think was okay to do to a family pet) was something you also felt I thought was excusable, then my apologies, because I was DEFINITELY not inferring those things, which is why I have been posting here, searching for answers, throwing around theories, and keeping my eyes on Texas news sites like a hawk since October 7th, like many others here.

My point, was that people aren't simply able to kill or not and that all those people cant easily be clumped together. There are many more shades of grey, vs. just being black and white.

Hey, thank you! I'm sorry because I think I did misunderstand your post. I appreciate your clarification, and I get your meaning now.

You're correct. There ARE many shades of grey. So sorry if I inferred something you didn't intend at all...

 

[Wyle_E_Coyote]

I'm not sure it's simply black and white; I think there are a lot of grey areas in regards to that. It's highly likely I'm in the minority (or possibly even alone) with my thoughts on this but I believe every person is capable of terrible things, even murder; it's just a matter of vast differences in personal limits being reached, individual levels or abilities of restraint, and personal beliefs in regards to when something is permissable in their own mind regardless of the law.

I realize some will think this is like comparing apples to oranges, but the core of it is really the same: taking someone else's life or being someone who can kill or someone who cannot;

If I were to find myself under attack on the front lines of a war and it's me or them...you bet your *advertiser censored* I'm going to shoot until I no longer have ammo.

Find myself the victim of a home invasion...they chose the wrong house to invade.

Find myself the victim of an assault/abduction/attempted murder....I've got too much to live for to go down without a massive fight.

So for myself, personally, if I am in a me or them/my life or theirs type of situation, I would definitely, without question be capable of killing someone. That is my (known) personal limit or times when I can knowingly justify it.

Each person is different. Some never think it is okay and would never harm another person. Others have much lower limits (road rage, gang retaliation, money, jealousy etc).
I suppose we all don't know our limits until we are face to face with them. Until that point, it's easy for the rest of us to point fingers or judge because "we would never...."

ETA: The Mathews obviously had a personal limit they had reached, if even in a fleeting moment. They don't get a pass from me either way; even if I too can admit to having my own personal limits.

She was three years old.

You're drawing a parallel between justifiable homicide and the murder of a small child.

There is no "limit" here. The adult's job is to care for, protect, and nurture the child.


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[MissMalowe]

[video=youtube;i9GYExnh1yU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9GYExnh1yU[/video]

The above is a documentary about an adopted child with RAD. The documentary is heartbreaking but has a happy ending. Please note the documentary contains extreme child abuse so this might not be for everyone.

I believe this was also made into a made for tv movie (perhaps a lifetime movie?) Not sure how accurate it was in comparison to the documentary as it's been a long time since I have seen either, but I remember just the made for TV movie being disturbing/very sad.